


Those Neon Voices

by WriterfortheTylwythTeg



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Gangbang, Gentle Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Lapdance, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mood Disorder, Omorashi, Omorashi is in chapter 9 and 11, Physical Abuse, Psychiatrist in training Eren, Psychological Horror, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Schizoaffective Disorder, Smut, Stripper Levi, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-09-26 16:13:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 136,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17144966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterfortheTylwythTeg/pseuds/WriterfortheTylwythTeg
Summary: Levi is the only male stripper dancing at The Dollhouse, the richest gentlemen's club in town. Though he's worked there for years and is even considered its most lucrative dancer, often called its "pearl", his debilitating, untreated mental illness is finally progressing to the point that it's threatening to end his career for good.Eren, who is studying to be a psychiatrist, is dragged to The Dollhouse one fateful night that ends up throwing him into the path of the beautiful "Jouet." Desire he has never felt before takes hold of him, desire to both bed and protect the fragile dancer. Try as he might to keep his mask of normalcy around the younger man, Levi finds that it's harder than he thought possible, for Eren shines brighter than the darkness within him can handle, and manages to speak louder than the voices taunting him in his head.





	1. Bang Bang There Goes Your Heart

Why were the rich the absolute scummiest, pompous, most vile creatures to ever exist? He couldn't stand them.

Which was ironic for Eren Jaeger to think so, considering he technically was one of them.

Okay not technically, he most definitely was. His parents lived in an affluent gated neighborhood with a giant house, their own swimming pool and pool house, had a shower made entirely of granite, regularly played recreational golf and went to hunting ranges, and worried about things like whether or not they had a set of diamonds to go with every outfit or if they were going to outlive all of their money. Eren had received things such as a boat or the latest model RV for his past birthdays, one to go with both of the ones his parents owned. He had never wanted for anything, and of course he wouldn't with two doctors for parents. They had been kind of enough to pay his way through the best private schools and colleges for him, both for his undergrad and his master's. And it was lucky that they had helped him land a job so soon after he had completed his master's.

However, this wasn't enough for Eren, because even though he was spoiled, and he knew himself to be spoiled though he loathed it, he wasn't spoiled rotten. In fact, he was quite the opposite. Once he had gone out into the world when he started his undergrad, he realized there were so many people that had it so much harder than he and his family and friends did, and he knew then and there that he wanted to use his good fortune to help them. But he didn't hold an interest in healing the body as Carla and Grisha Jeager did. Rather, he found the way the mind worked to be most fascinating; how sensitive it was, and yet how durable it could be. How complex it was, and how one neuron out of place could alter a person's behavior drastically. How the human brain received all the neurons it would need for its entire life at birth, and how the body could repair every kind of cell except for brain cells.

But most of all what fascinated him was the myriad of mental disorders that humans were capable of having. The more complex and frightening the disorder, the more Eren seemed to be attracted to it. He already had an undergrad degree in Psychology, and a master's in counselling, he knew he wanted to go all the way and get his doctorate so that he could become a psychiatrist. And he also knew that he wanted to focus particularly on schizoid disorders, such as schizophrenia and schizoaffective. These mental health issues fascinated him the most because to him, they were the scariest; an illness that preyed on every single sense and altered a person's perception of the world. Not even their thoughts were safe, scrambled and disjointed as they were. Their personality was destroyed by their own paranoid or grandiose thoughts, never allowing people to get to know the real them and just acquainting them with their illness instead.

Eren had been surprised to learn that even though schizophrenia had the worse reputation, it was in fact schizoaffective disorder that seemed to be the more devastating one. This was because it was schizophrenia that often accompanied a mood disorder. It meant that a person with this disease heard soft voices when things were quiet and calm, and then heard those same voices at a fever pitch when they were upset or scared. An illness that waxed and waned with one's emotions, that was so unpredictable, with hallucinations, whether auditory or visual, were never pleasant and ranged from mildly disturbing to horrific, sent shiver's up Eren's spine, and that was why he knew he had to know everything about it.

The boy was a hard worker too, very dedicated to his studies. Stayed up hours into the night poring over books and articles, trying to be as well read and prepared as he could be for all of his classes. The amount of time it would take to obtain his degree, four years getting his M.D and another four with residency at a therapist's office with a particular focus on psychiatry, didn't faze him. His friends often said he was too dedicated, didn't get a night to relax. Funny they said that, because Eren thought they relaxed far too much. They came from wealthy families as well, and acted like they didn't have a care in the world, so quick to gallivant around and spend their money, even in their late twenties as they all were, because they knew all they'd have to do is ask their parents for more, or make it up by putting an extra hour or two into the law firms or real estate offices where they worked. The young man loved all them deep down, but he also thought they were ridiculously foolish and selfish, sometimes. Often times they were just concerned about the money they would obtain from a transaction and not whether or not they were actually helping their clients.

His friend Jean said for years that ever since Eren had declared what he wanted to do for his career and threw himself into school that he had become far too uptight, and perhaps that was true; Eren couldn't remember the last time he had taken his nose out of a computer screen or book and instead looked at the sky, or the ocean, or the woods. He had forgotten what it was like to relax, or be free. Yes, he loved what he was studying, but it had also been years since he had had a decent night's sleep or loosened up and gone out for reasons that didn't relate to making connections at several different therapists' offices. Maybe that was why Jean had finally hit his breaking point over Eren this particular year. His friend was twenty six years old, in his second year of obtaining his M.D, a bright, educated, ambitious, and handsome young man.

An almost doctor yes, but Eren was shockingly naïve and uneducated about other aspects of the world. Namely, the more adult side to life. While Jean had had many flings and bedded many people, Eren had none, having little interest in dating outside of a few casual ones that he abandoned after his dates had bored him or he didn't see them going anywhere. He was innocent to the point that Jean wondered if Eren even jerked off, though his friend vehemently insisted he wasn't that much of a prude, and if Jean wasn't careful he'd replace his morning cup of mouthwash with jizz to prove it.

That seemed to scare him off, at least, for the time being. It was clear that Jean was still planning on breaking Eren's innocence another way, and his friend's birthday seemed to be a great opportunity to do so.

"Would you please just fucking tell me where we're going?" Eren asked from the passenger's side of Jean's car, voice flat with irritation.

Jean shook his head, the street lamps passing by over their heads the only thing that illuminated the motion of his head in the black of the night. "Can't being saying, that would ruin the birthday boy's surprise."

"Is my surprise you taking me into a back alley tossing me into the pathway of the hitman you've hired to kill me, because that's the only kind of place I could imagine us going at ten at night in the pitch dark," Eren grumbled.

The other man sighed. "Eren you fucking nerd, ten o' clock is not late."

"It is when you want to get up at six in the morning to watch your professor's lecture on the theory of"- Eren started, but Jean cut him off.

"No, no talking about school, I swear to God, or I'll toss you out the window and you can land on the windshield of that eighteen wheeler behind us," he growled. "It's your birthday, I'm going to get you to loosen the fuck up and do all the rest of us a favor. You can put off homework for this one night, okay? Just trust me when I say you need this, you'll have a good time, and since it's your birthday I'll pay for everything so you're not put out at all."

Eren sighed heavily and crossed his arms. He figured he didn't have anything to lose, he supposed. Besides, no matter where they were going, Jean was at least being nice enough to pay for him, and since this was technically a birthday gift, he at least owed it to him to at least see where he was taking him.

"Fine," the boy gave in, "Do your worst."

Jean laughed, "Oho, trust me, for once when it comes to you, I'm doing my very best. Pulling out all the stops on this one. You'll be thanking me for years after this, trust me."

Eren doubted it, but didn't voice his thoughts. Jean's idea of a good time often took the boy lightyears out of his comfort zone, and he usually needed a few days to recover before he felt normal again. Sometimes he never recovered; bungie jumping with Jean, despite nothing having gone wrong from the experience, still had left him scared of high places to this day.

However, even when they eventually pulled into a parking lot, Eren still couldn't tell exactly where they were; they had pulled around back so he couldn't see the sign at the entrance that gave away the building's identity. Though, it certainly didn't look like a place for bungie jumping, since they were in the middle of downtown. What he could see of the building though was massive, towering over their heads, and even from the back it was smooth, sleek, and there was evident craftsmanship on every corner. It almost looked like it was trying to be vintage but modern at the same time, and the combination was intriguing. He could only imagine what it looked like inside.

Speaking of…

"Why is there music blasting?" Eren said, having to raise his voice a bit even outside, "I could hear it before we even pulled up."

Jean got out of the car and just told him, "You'll see, be patient."

But patience was the last thing on the boy's mind. The music was pounding through his entire body, and noises that were too loud set him on edge, especially when he was already stressed. If Jean made him deaf tonight, there'd be hell to pay. He slid out of his seat and once he was standing by the car, he shut the door. Eren followed Jean, craning his neck to try and catch a glimpse of some kind of clue that might let him in on where exactly they were. However, so far there was nothing.

At least, until Jean lead them around to the front of the building, his shit eating grin and cocky walk in place, looking as if he was leading Eren up to the gates of heaven.

Perhaps he thought he was.

When they circled to the front of the building, Eren was confronted by several new stimuli. First of all, the lights on the back of the building were nothing compared to how bright these lights were here. They were so bright in fact that it was difficult to miss them within a mile in any direction, screaming to the public without noise, commanding their attention. It was the same case with the music, not quieting down in the slightest when they walked towards the front doors. There was also quite the line out front, every single person dressed nice, but not professionally so. Thank goodness, Eren thought, because the button down he was wearing was definitely not the fanciest thing he owned.

But lastly, the thing that caught Eren's attention the most was the huge sign, easily almost half the size of his father's six car garage, which read in sparkling gold, blinding letters: The Dollhouse.

Eren bristled and swelled with rage, for he recognized the name of this place, having heard it dropped several times among his peers during his graduate years.

"You brought me to a fucking strip club!?" he exclaimed, rounding on Jean.

"Shh!" Jean raised his hands in a placating fashion. "No, you dumbass, do you really think I would bring you to some cheap piece of shit strip club? This is a _gentlemen's_ club, okay?"

Eren rolled his eyes straight into the heavens. "Oh yes, because that's so much different."

"You'd know the difference if you ever put your books down and bothered to take an interest."

"Well, are there girls taking their clothes off?"

"Yes."

"Then it's a strip club, dumbass. I'm not watching that immoral, nasty crap. Thanks but no thanks, I'm out of here."

" _Eren."_ Jean hastily ran around to stand in front of him, placing his hands on his shoulders to stop his angry retreat back towards the car. He pushed against him for a minute, but when he saw that Jean's strength matched his own, he stopped. Besides, the look his friend was giving him was genuine, and he even if what he said next wouldn't change anything, he supposed he should at least hear him out.

"I mean it," Jean explained, "This place is different. I've gone to some of the cheaper clubs, and this place is nothing like those. This place is made for our crowd, by our crowd. You have to be making at least six figures to be able to afford to get in, and you have to know certain people. It's not easy, and I had to pull a lot of strings to get them to consider letting me in at first, and then even more when I asked to bring a friend. They give their customers the best, and the um…entertainment, it's honestly more like watching a show play out on stage. They spare no expense and turn this kind of thing into an all-encompassing experience. It's a once in a lifetime deal, and you won't regret it."

Eren still hesitated, muscles quivering with the urge to go back to the car. But Jean finished with, "Come on, Eren. I've been your friend for, what, ten years now? You know me, and I know you. Do you really think I'd take you someplace I know you'd get absolutely zero enjoyment out of? We're already here, anyway. Besides, so few people get to see the inside of this place…why not check it out and see what the fuss is about? Just one time, and then you never have to go back here again if you don't want to."

With those words, the boy had to admit, his curiosity was piqued, just the tiniest bit. He looked over his shoulder back at the big, shining building with its music still pulsing through him. The song had even switch from something that grated on his nerves to something slightly more appealing. And besides, he supposed he owed it to Jean since he had jumped through all of those hoops to get Eren in there. He sighed deeply, and leaned away from his friend's hands, finally giving in. "Okay. Just one time."

Jean's face split into a blinding grin. "That's my man! I mean it Eren, I think once you get into the groove of the place, you're going to enjoy it more than you'll let on. Maybe you'll finally be able to figure out your deal too."

As his friend began walking back towards the line to stand in it, Eren followed him, asking, "My deal?"

"Yeah, your deal." He slung an arm around Eren's shoulders, whispering conspiratorially, "You know, guys, girls? You've dated both, haven't you? Which is it?"

Eren pushed him off. "Does it matter?" Those relationships hadn't lasted long anyway, barely a month in most cases as his infatuation with the other person fizzled out quickly. He had kissed all of them, made out with most of them, but in his mind any desire was superficial. He hadn't hopped in bed with any of them, for example, and he wondered if something was wrong with him since he never felt the desire to. Was he broken, maybe? Every other man he knew his age seemed to have an insatiable sex drive, while his never seemed to rise above lukewarm, toasty if he was lucky. But no, he didn't find the idea of sex repulsive; there were just things he found more important lately. After copious research, using his school's databases and even consulting one or two of his most trusted colleagues, Eren had concluded he just hadn't found the person he wanted to have sex with yet.

"Yes it does!" Jean emphasized. "Come on Eren, you have so much going for you, you need to get hitched! Or at least laid. If you can figure out what you like, I think it'll reduce a lot of the stress in your life. I mean, they do say jerking off is a great way to relieve stress, now imagine if you had someone to do that for you"-

"Okay, okay," Eren hissed, looking around to make sure no one had heard them. They hadn't, and much to his surprise when he listened, he heard some men having similar conversations. Well, what else did he expect in a place like this. But there it was, the real reason Jean had brought him here. "Listen, even if I was a sex maniac like you, I'm still not going to find anyone in there that I'm going to want to sleep with. Ever."

Jean laughed to himself. "You say that now, but wait until you get a look at the girls. I'm telling you, the manager has very high standards when it comes to the looks of his dancers, and they all have to fit a certain ideal in order to work here. He doesn't just pick random cheap garbage from the street. There's a reason it's called The Dollhouse, trust me."

Eren decided not to push the issue any further. Instead, he remained quiet for their remaining time line, right up until they were admitted into the club after security recognized Jean. But when they passed through those grand, carved wooden doors, the only sound that came out of Eren was a gasp of awe.

Now he had been to many fancy places where the money clearly oozed from every pore of the building. But this? The money wasn't oozing, it was typhooning from every direction, bowling him over with no expense spared on every inch of wall, floor, ceiling and everywhere in between. Eren felt as if he had stepped from the night and straight inside the sun itself. While most clubs were cramped and dark, this one was wide open and full of light. The overwhelming color scheme of the club was gold with white accents. And these colors helped to decorate the Victorian styled interior, everything looking like it was taken straight from the late 1800s, but with modern finishes. There were tables scattered about the floor in front of a grand stage that jut right in the middle of all of the tables, forming a kind of catwalk. The accents about the state were of cherubs and plump cheeked children playing, as well as flowers and bows. It surprisingly in some areas looked like it belonged in a little girl's room, and Eren supposed that was the point. Many walls shone like that of a porcelain doll, and above all else, there were pictures of dolls all over the building. The curtains on the stage were layered, from what Eren could see, much like an old petticoat, with white lace as well as deep red.

"Come on, I see some tables open by the stage," Jean prompted, pulling him out of his stupor. He let his friend guide him through the low light spilling down from the floral accented light fixtures above them. The light even shone on the mahogany tables, and Eren let himself be led to one that sat right near the end of the catwalk.

"This is a really good spot," Jean assured him as they sat down. "The stage isn't too far away, and when the girls come down off the catwalk, they usually hop off the end there and go to the first few tables near it. So they'll come to us first."

Eren tilted his head. "Wait, they come off the stage and walk around the tables?"

"Well yeah. It's a way for them to get extra tips. With so many of the tables so far away, not everyone can throw their money on the stage, you know. And there's not a lot people here tonight anyway."

Eren scanned the tables, and indeed, there were no more than thirty people there at the moment, most of them men of course that were around their age, though there were quite a few white heads in the audience as well. There was also even a small group of ladies off to one side, laughing amongst themselves. "I wonder why?" he said aloud after a bit.

Jean explained, "Well, it is a Thursday night. Normally on the weekends it's way busier than this. And the only reason it's lit so well right now is because they're between dances at the moment, like an intermission. The rest of the girls will be up soon, and if we're lucky, Jouet still hasn't gone on."

Eren raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Jouet," Jean repeated. "He's essentially the manager's pearl, and the longest working dancer at the Dollhouse. I'm almost certain that's not his real name, but I haven't heard another name used for him, so maybe it is. But he never seems to have a set schedule, he just kinda performs when he feels like it. But he performs way fewer days than he used when I first started coming here. I guess the manager likes him that much that he lets him set his own hours."

The boy looked flabbergasted as he replied, "Wait, Jouet is a g _uy?"_

"Yes, Eren, pay attention," Jean sighed. "Besides, even if you don't swing that way, most of the men in here don't either, and they still find him entertaining. _I_ certainly do. He's just as pretty as the girls, in my opinion. And while the girls here are gorgeous, there's something about him that pulls even straight men under his spell and makes them throw their money at him…I can't explain it, just know that there's no use holding onto your wallet if he decides to come to your table."

His friend looked dubious. Honestly, Eren didn't feel that strongly for guys or girls, and he doubted a few flirtatious harlots, no matter what the gender or how beautiful they were, were going to make Eren take out his wallet and stuff money down their skirts. But still, he'd be happy to be proven wrong. With how much this place had impressed him so far, he'd certainly like to enjoy the other aspects of it.

With Jean's ominous warning still hanging in the air, suddenly the lights dimmed, electrifying the air around them. Eren sat up a little straighter while Jean scooted to the edge of his seat in anticipation. Eren looked as if he was waiting for a bomb to go off, his body tense and his hand clenched into a fist on the table while his leg jiggled where they sat.

"Ladies and gentlemen," a voice spoken into a microphone said from somewhere off stage, "Welcome back after that brief intermission. I hope you're all settled in because you won't want to miss what's coming. First, you know her, you love her, and from what she tells me, you love her pretty eyes and strawberry red lips even more. Longtime comers and new patrons alike, please welcome Lola!"

With that, a spotlight appeared on the stage, and from behind the curtain stepped a tiny young lady with the prettiest colored hair Eren had ever seen. It was strawberry blond, perfect for her pretty brown eyes. The dress she was wearing was in Lolita styled fashion, pastel pink with lace and bows accenting it. Her hair was styled into ringlets, and when she twirled, Eren could see that the back was open all the way down to her waist. What shocked him the most was that this petite young lady, with her tight ringlets and generous blush and bright red lips, looked just like a doll come to life.

And when she moved, all soft and slow with the soft, sensuous music, the illusion was only heightened. No wonder this club had the name it did. This was the kind of crowd this place was aiming to attract, men who like their men to look like pretty little dolls they could either take care of and pamper, or judging by the glint in some of the men's eyes, as well as their predatory smiles, break and destroy. Lola moved about the stage innocently, looking through her eyelashes, dancing in a way that was clearly choreographed and practiced for hours, as if she once had been a professional gymnast or a ballet dancer. If that was the case, he wondered what happened in her life to land her here.

The way she twisted and twirled on stage was so much different than Eren expected. Many years ago, he had gone to a cheaper club near campus during his freshman year with a group of friends, and he girls he had watched dance had seemed to all apply the same dance moves that involved just spreading their legs, grabbing at their breasts and crotches, and shaking their asses at the crowd. Which granted, that seemed to turn some men on, but this style of dancing was much more intriguing to Eren, much more teasing. Offering the men a glimpse by lifting her skirt or pulling down the shoulder of her dress for an instant with a coy smile, before lifting it right back up again. It made the men pant and whistle around him, some that were close to the stage reaching for her as she passed by. Even Jean was catcalling her, asking her to lift her dress again, or "shake things up" a bit more. Eren gripped the arm of his chair. Far from being turned on by the display, there was something in him that wanted to protect the girl on stage instead; she seemed so small and innocent, her smile flirty yes, but also kind.

When she hopped off the stage, she dropped the outer layer of the skirt of her dress to reveal a much shorter skirt, one where if she bent over, it'd all too easy to see the lacey underwear she was wearing underneath. But evidently this drove the other men wild, especially when she began weaving through the tables, stopping at some to lift one leg onto the arm of one man's chair, showing off her thin but rosy thigh. The man stuffed a few dollar bills into her garter belt, petting her thigh with color high in his cheeks as he left.

She came over to their table next, running her fingers through Jean's hair and smiling sweetly at him. She then turned around so he could run his fingers down her bare back, and he did so with pleasure, a soft, "Damn Lola," escaping his lips. When he placed his dollar bills in the low back of her dress and tried to dip his fingers down further, Eren sat up abruptly, hissing, "Jean! Don't make her uncomfortable!"

Jean just rolled his eyes. "Don't be such a prude, Eren."

Before he could retort something scathing, Lola left Jean and went over to Eren, stroking his face. Eren froze, unsure what to do, or what she was going to do. Her perfume was settling around them like a cloud, but it wasn't overpowering; soft and subtle, like she was. But all she said with the utmost kindness in her gaze was, "You're sweet. It's okay though. Thank you for worrying about me, hon."

She trailed a finger down his arm and began to pull away, but before she could, Eren called out, "Wait!" When she paused and turned around, she hastily pulled a fifty out of his wallet and handed it to her, figuring he at least owed her that much for her sincerity. When she left, Jean was still exasperated, but at least seemed pleased Eren had at least paid her something. He was willing to play the game in the club, at least.

After Lola hopped back on stage, she finished the remainder of her routine, and when the music cut out, she bowed, and then collected the remainder of the money and even a bouquet of roses that had been tossed onto the stage. She blew a few kisses to the crowd, before disappearing behind the curtain in a flutter of lace and bows.

The crowd began to chatter among themselves, obviously still reeling after Lola's performance. Jean turned to Eren and griped, "You know Eren, you need to learn to be a little less of a bleeding heart. Don't feel bad for these girls, alright? They don't mind the attention we give them. If they did, they wouldn't be here."

Eren sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair. "I know, but still. It's hard to be turned on though when you just feel bad for these girls. I know they want to be here, but still."

"You're too soft for your own good, man," Jean told him, his expression not as hard now, "And that's awesome for your career choice, but you have to learn how to switch it off."

He knew it would be a waste of time to try and explain to him that unless you were a sociopath, it was impossible to simply turn off one's ability to feel bad for someone else.

After a few minutes to allow the stagehands to adjust the props behind the curtain, the voice from before spoke into the microphone once more. "Ladies and gentlemen, though I emphasize the ladies, in this case. You are in for a treat, because our pearl is finally coming out of his oyster to entertain all of you tonight."

The air changed in the club abruptly, going from playful and rosy after Lola's performance, to something darker and more intense. The lights dimmed considerably until it was almost pitch black, and the sudden silence had Eren on edge. He gripped the arms of his chair a little tighter, and he heard Jean say from beside him, "Aw hell yeah here we go."

The speaker continued, "Put your hands together in a huge round of applause for our very own precious porcelain doll, Jouet!"

Rather than sashaying out from behind the curtain like how Lola had, the curtain this time lifted to reveal yet another tiny, slim figure silhouetted against the faint glow of purple light behind it. From what Eren could see, it was wearing a hat, but other than that, everything else was obscured. The figure was completely still, however, not moving a muscle.

That is, until the spotlight was shone on him, throwing the figure in harsh, bright lighting, the moment the music began blaring.

Jouet had his face turned to the side and bowed, the brim of his hat obscuring the top half of his face, but what Eren could see of the bottom half was pale and sharp. Everything he wore was black, which helped obscure his features even more when the lights had been off. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, his black shirt contrasting with his milky skin. The moment the music began blasting, he began tapping his heel to the beat.

_Sure she got a body like an hourglass_

_But I can give it to you all the time_

The beat kicked in again, and he whipped his head to the other side, gripping the brim of his hand, still not letting the audience see his face.

_Sure she got a booty like a Cadillac_

_But I can send you into overdrive_

When the song shifted into the next verse, the figure spun around, turning his back to the audience, and began moving his shoulders to the beat instead. He moved in fits and starts, though those moves matched the beat and were very coordinated. His body seemed to be as taut as Eren's, a livewire waiting to go off as the dancer set the suspense higher and higher the longer he went without revealing his face.

_Bang bang into the room_

_Bang bang all over you_

He finally whipped around, lifting the rim of his hat to the cheers of the crowd, a smile very similar to Lola's on his face, though his was less flirty and more like he knew exactly what kind of power he held over his captive audience, and that thought turned him on. And as soon as the light illuminated his face and he began his confident strut down the catwalk, Eren became aware of several things.

Firstly, Jouet was indeed just as pretty as Lola had been. His features were certainly quite delicate in some places, his dark eyes were large, his lips small and glistening with what looked like gloss. However his jawline was sharp and angled harshly, and his chin was pointed. Jet black hair framed his face, some of it hanging in front of his eyes under his hat. Looking further down, even under his clothes too Eren could see that he was fit. His thighs were thick and his calves pushed against his pants, and yet he still managed to look slender and small. Vulnerable and strong at the same time, night and day, but still mingling together perfectly to create this splendid, savage little delicate creature with a face as harsh and beautiful as winter itself.

Second, watching the way he moved affected Eren in a way that Lola's performance hadn't. When she had gone on stage, Eren had wanted to protect her, almost like a brother might protect his sister, or a friend might protect his female friends when she has garnered unwanted male attention. But looking at Jouet, at the way his hips rolled and rocked, at the way he teasingly turned around and slapped himself on the rear to make the tight muscles shiver in the artificial light, at the way he embraced the music, let it consume him make his feet light yet powerful, stomping in time with the punchy beats, the way he tossed his head and let it roll back to expose his creamy throat…it had Eren on the edge of his seat, as if Jouet was physically pulling him forward.

Third and finally, when he dropped to the floor of the stage and splayed out on it, thrusting his hips coyly into the air and stroking the inside of his own thighs, tilting his head back to look at the audience while biting his lip, Eren knew that something in him had shifted, changed, and more surprisingly, he didn't have any desire to change it back. His muscles loosened deliciously, and he felt a foreign spark settle deep into his belly and make its home there. The longer he stared at the pretty little dancer, the more it burned, curling at the base of his spine and sizzling slowly all the way up, making its way to the base of his skull like a wick burning its way to a stick of dynamite. When the explosion hit him, it traveled first into his face, creating a humid veil of heat around his forehead and cheeks, and then downwards, stroking between his thighs and filling his cock, making it throb so suddenly so harshly that he gasped in surprise and crossed his legs, shocked by his own reaction. He felt he should look over at Jean to see if he noticed, but more than half of his brain had forgotten Jean even existed, or that there was anyone else in the performance hall at all. At that moment, it was just him and Jouet, the siren singing a song with his body that only the boy pretended he could hear and appreciate.

When the rapping part of the song began, Jouet slid off of the stage and wandered over to the table with the women sitting at it, and Eren watched as they began chortling and clapping with delight as he got closer and closer. They all pointed to one of their friends and without hesitation, the dancer laughed and began giving her an impromptu lap dance, rolling his hips in time with the beat. He finished off by flipping around and shaking his ass over the girl's knees, which prompted her to stick a few bills into his belt. He then went over to another table, zeroing in on the man that sat there that seemed to hold the most interest in him, and played with his suspenders while seductively running his tongue over his upper lip. He was given several more dollar bills, many of which were stuffed into his pockets, and when he left the table, one man reached over and gave him a parting slap to the ass that left Jouet laughing at his boldness.

The lyrics to the song vaguely began to filter back into Eren's consciousness as he desperately looked for something to focus on rather than Jouet, feeling rather rude as he stared at him with the same intensity of a cat watching a bird outside of a window. And it was at the same moment that the singer belted out, _See anybody could be good to you, you need a bad girl to blow your mind_ and faded for a brief second that seemed to last forever that Jouet turned the tables as he began scanning the room, and his own predatory gaze happened to land right square on Eren. He took half a second to size up the young man, and seeing the flush in his cheeks and the tenseness in his shoulders, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had captured his eye completely. He was practically craning his whole body to try and get a better look at him.

Well, Jouet decided, he was rather cute. Really cute, actually. Yes, this would be interesting. It was rare that a customer came into the club that he found somewhat attractive, and he planned to take full advantage while he had the chance.

Eren froze as, when the music blasted again, Jouet began a slow, purposeful strut over to his and Jean's table, eyes glinting wickedly. To the boy's delight, he completely ignored Jean and instead stopped in front him. He dropped to his knees, grinning with delight when he caught the shocked look on Eren's face. He placed his hands on Eren's knees, before running just the tips of his fingers up between his thighs, moving closer and closer to that heat pooling at the center; he could practically feel the warmth radiating in waves, could almost smell the boy's arousal as surely as he could see it. Looking over, he saw that Eren was clutching the edges of his chair in a white knuckled grip, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in awe. He looked like he was torn between pushing further into his touch and leaping out of the chair. Jouet chuckled, low and dark, before he rose to his feet slowly. He leaned over Eren, who leaned back, swallowing visibly. At this angle though he could see that Jouet's face was just as beautiful up close as it was far away, and though his body was slender, it was still firm and strong, muscles flexing underneath his thin shirt. And oh, he smelled so good, fresh and crisp, like pine tree after rain. He filled all of Eren's senses in that moment, became his every thought and made his body as taut as a bowstring.

He kept leaning forward, and Eren wondered for a brief moment if he was going to kiss him, but no, he bypassed his lips, and nosed towards the boy's ear. Eren felt the rush of cool air as Jouet blew softly on the shell of his ear, sending goosebumps exploding on every inch of Eren's skin while his palms sweated and heat licked up and down his spine. The boy gasped at the sensation.

But then Jouet was backing away, grinning flirtatiously, but expectantly. However, Eren's mind had completely blue screened, and there was no way he was going to be able to get it to function again for several minutes. So, Jean, who had been wolf whistling in encouragement the whole time, did the work for Eren, reaching over and taking all of the remaining bills out of Eren's wallet, before handing them to his friend. Robotically, the boy handed them to the dancer, vaguely noticing that he was giving him around six hundred dollars but paying it no mind. He deserved it and so much more, Eren thought.

"Thanks sweetheart," Jouet said with a wink, purposefully dragging his pointer finger against Eren's wrist as he pulled his hand away. The touch sent a metaphorical spark that zipped all the way up the boy's arm. With a wicked smirk, he took his hat off his head and set it on Eren's, laughing at the flabbergasted look on the boy's face. His eyes were wide and his mouth was agape, and the dancer couldn't resist closing his jaw with his pointer finger. "Careful, you'll inhale a fly if you do that."

Too stunned to reply, the boy watched as he sashayed away, before leaping back up onto the stage just as the music reached its crescendo and became more intense. Jouet twisted his body in ways that were so smooth and yet so intense, owning the song and telling it who was boss, as well as the audience. He was so gorgeous in how much he was enjoying himself, feminine and teasing rather than treating the performance like a power trip like so many other male dancers Eren had seen, and that was one of the major factors that had him so enraptured.

When the lines _Bang bang there goes your heart_ blasted over the speakers, Jouet made a gun with his fingers and pretended to shoot at Eren's chest, narrowing his eyes playfully as he did so. The boy reflexively clutched at his chest in return, grinning up at the dancer nervously. Jouet smiled back in approval, before turning slightly and doing the same thing to another patron at another table, the one who had spanked him before.

When the song finally finished, Jouet froze in his final pose, until the audience began to clap and cheer, throwing several dollar bills of sizable value on the stage. He bowed, before collecting them all and disappearing with a final wave behind the curtain.

Eren was still panting, unable to believe what had just happened. Jouet had gone just as quickly as he had come, as if he had never been there at all, Eren's red face and straining pants the only proof he had seen him. On the edges of his hearing, he heard Jean laughing like a madman, slapping his knee in his mirth.

"You should see your fucking face, you are so gone right now," he was wheezing, "Oh my God you looked like you were going to shit your pants when he blew in your ear!"

Eren couldn't even find it in him to retort. He was right after all. He just huffed and crossed his arms, his red face answer enough.

Jean wiped away a tear, finally getting over himself long enough to ask, "So, worth it right? Best birthday you ever had, you think?"

He so badly wanted to say no, to keep his pride, and tell Jean where he could shove his offer. But…Jouet's face flashed through his mind, and his laugh rang through his ears, and him calling him "sweetheart" in that deep, lovely voice of his had his stomach doing all sorts of somersaults. Jean was right, he was so gone, lightyears away at the moment, mind instead fixed on a pretty dancer with the nicest smile and most gorgeous pair of thighs and the cutest ass Eren had ever laid eyes on. He finally took the hat off his head and held it tightly in his hands, contemplating it, and trying to resist holding it to his nose.

"Yeah, fine, whatever I guess," he finally answered, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing to his friend's experienced ear. He ignored Jean's guffawing in favor of staring back up at the stage and the curtain where Jouet had disappeared.

Bang bang there goes your heart indeed.

000

The dancer all but sprinted back to his dressing room after his performance was over, anxiety immediately climbing up his throat so fast that it almost choked him. The moment the music had stopped, _they_ had started speaking to him again.

But why, why now? The anxiety and silence always made it worse. The instant that music stopped and he was alone again, the whispering began in his ears. He shut the door behind him, trying to busy himself with getting his clothes and makeup off. If he stayed calm, if he ignored the whispers, sometimes it helped.

But not this time.

 _Worthless, worthless,_ one taunted.

 _Don't bother trying to ignore us, you know what you did,_ said another.

 _Look at him, undressing. Pathetic, a waste of space,_ another growled, _Just lay down and die, whore._

"I'm not," he muttered, "I hear you. I hear you, I hear you, but I don't want to anymore. I liked it better when you weren't here."

He heard cackling on the edge of his hearing that made him whip his head around. He hated that laugh, always heard it right as he was drifting off at night, and it always pulled him harshly out of his relaxed state and had him laying awake for hours in his pitch black room, anticipating the next round of laughter. He heard it again, that taunting giggle, and he shivered with unease, forcing his shirt over his head and trying to ignore the goosebumps on his arms.

 _I liked it better when you weren't here, I liked it better when you weren't here,_ the voices all said, overlaying and overlapping. He scrubbed at his ears, as if he could silence them that way. Of course, they continued. _Good for you. Well go on, you disgusting slut, let's see it. Everyone else in the world has seen it already."_

"They haven't. I'm not a slut," he insisted, pulling down his pants and pointedly refusing to look down at his crotch. "I'm not, I'm _not."_ But the insult kept ringing in his head, causing his heart to pound, harder and harder with each passing minute.

 _That's rich,_ one voice said, _What about those girls you grinded on at the table? What about that boy with the green meadow eyes?_

S _urprised you didn't fuck him in front of everyone,_ taunted another, _Wouldn't have put it past you. Aren't demons supposed to be whores anyway? You're just living up to your nature._

The dancer growled, "Shut up. Shut up shut _up._ He's different. You're scared of him, I can tell. He wasn't like the others."

_It won't make a difference. You'll still destroy him. Infect him. Destroy that innocence, and give what's left of his corpse to the devil, won't you?_

"No," he insisted, though his resistance was weakening, "N-No, no. I'll leave his light alone. His light…it was so pretty. He was all lit up, like a star. That's why you hate him. He's different."

_We're not scared, but you should be._

He turned on the water for the shower, and for a brief moment, the sound of the water hitting the tile drowned out the noise, leaving that final threat hanging in the air. But the dancer was right; the voices had more reason to be afraid at the moment than he did. For when he approached that green-eyed boy, a soft light seemed to be emitting from him, a light that repelled the darkness that perpetually seeped out of his pores and infected those he touched, and those he even stood near. Normally he didn't care about the vile people in the club getting infected, but this boy…he couldn't. There was something about him, something too pure, too sweet and light and warm for him to comprehend. The devil wouldn't have him, though it was already too late for Jouet.

He was a vessel for darkness and horrendous sin. That's what the voices had been telling him for years now. And yet, that boy out there had taken that away for the brief moment he had spent in his presence, wiping away his worry and replacing it with peace. And it would be all too easy to become addicted to that peace.

Oh well, the dancer figured as he rinsed off the sweat and remainder of his makeup. The boy wouldn't come back, he was sure of it. Then Jouet would be hopeless once more and scared of every shadow, not knowing if it was real or imagined. The natural order of things would be back in place.

That boy would be able to thrive in the light, and The Dollhouse would be able to keep its miserable little toy, but for how much longer? His manager's angry face and threatening voice entered his mind, telling him if he didn't get his shit together and stop acting so crazy all the time, he'd be back out on the streets where he found him in the first place.

Jouet laughed darkly, and began humming the song he had just danced to, swallowing the darkness down once more, feeling it drip down his throat as something sickly sweet that barely masked the terribly bitter.

What a fitting metaphor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Yup I'm back on this Christmas Eve with yet another adventure for you all! The song used in this chapter, if you haven't guessed already, is that Jessie J song, Bang Bang. And I must confess, that song is the entire reason this fic exists. I listened to it and imagined stripper Levi, and a whole story was born as a result. I don't plan on this fic being as long as my other ones, but we'll see.
> 
> I give kudos to Eveningstargazer for coming up with Levi's stripper name. I was in a panic and couldn't think of anything good and then she popped out that brilliance, so thank you again darling! Hope you guys enjoy this dark little adventure, and thanks for joining me for yet another ride!


	2. U Got That Somethin'

A few days later saw Eren trying to go back to his regular day to day life of studying, going to class, going to work, eating and sleeping when he could and repeating, though he wasn't having much success. Right now, for example, he was sitting at his desk, trying his hardest to start his latest academic paper, but all he'd been doing so far for the past fifteen minutes was staring at a blank document, trying to form words and failing miserably. The only thing his mind could seem to do was control his arm to absently pet the cat in his lap, and think about Jouet.

Eren sighed heavily. What was wrong with him? Why was his mind analyzing every single facet of their interaction? Why was stomach still doing obnoxious flips when he thought about his voice, or his eyes, or the way the lights and shadows in The Dollhouse had played on his skin, or how he had smelled…and oh God never mind how good Eren thought he had looked on the floor in front of him between his knees. If he thought too hard about that, he might explode. Well, technically it was too late. As soon as he had bid Jean goodnight that night, he had practically rushed into the bathroom and taken himself in hand, coming not once, not twice, but a total of three times that night, all to the thought of that pretty dancer. Of his warm palms trailing up the insides of Eren's thighs, the fabric tickling him irresistibly, the way his lips has glistened, the smirk he wore as he plopped that hat on Eren's head….the boy looked over at the hat, still sitting on his desk where he had placed it the night he had gotten home. He had been trying so hard to be good and not lift that hat to his nose in hopes that Jouet's scent might still be lingering on it, and so far he had succeeded. Every time he thought about doing it, he'd think of how creepy he might seem, like he was violating Jouet in some way.

But now….now, his resolve was crumbling into tatters, until he couldn't take it anymore. He reached over and grabbed the hat, very lightly holding the inside of it up to his face, and bit back a groan as the smell of that pine scented shampoo flooded his nose. Eren felt like such a lecher, his cheeks heating up the longer kept inhaling that wonderful smell. What would it be like to cuddle the dancer after a long night of lovemaking? Would Jouet let him put his nose in his hair as he spooned him from behind? His hair would be so soft, so silky against his skin. His breaths on Eren's chest would be warm and even, indicating how relaxed he would feel in the boy's presence. Being all pleasantly sleepy and worn out in bed with Jouet, with the dancer happy to be in his arms, drawing comfort from his presence…Eren sighed happily at the thought, his heart beating just a little bit faster.

What if he went back to The Dollhouse? Maybe Jouet would want to see him again? The way he had smiled at him, flirted with him, it certainly made it sound like he wanted Eren to come back. The boy shook his head. No of course Jouet didn't want to see him again. At least, not Eren himself. Probably his money more like it. After all, Eren wasn't the only one he'd grinded on that night.

But he _was_ the one he had given his hat to…

He groaned to himself, disturbing his black cat, who lifted his head and shook it, ringing the bell on his collar. Eren pet the top of his head in apology.

"Just kill me, Alastair, put me out of my misery," he whined. "I need to cut this out. No use wasting my time when the infatuation is going to be gone in a week or two. I can keep myself from going back to that club. No problem. I have impulse control. No I don't. Fuck, I need to go back. I have to see him again or I'm literally going to die."

"You're dying? Fucking finally."

Eren shrieked in a way that reminded him way too much of how he used to sound just as he was hitting puberty, frightening Alastair off his lap so badly that the cat scratched his thighs through his sweats as he took off, hiding under the bed. Eren threw the hat off his lap like it was hot iron, and when he turned around, he saw that it was just Jean, standing in the doorway of his room, smirking in a way that said he had indeed seen Eren holding Jouet's hat.

"Sorry, do you want me to give you another minute to finish?" he offered.

"Eat shit," Eren retorted, though it was ruined by the fact that his face was still blazing red. "You need to learn how to fucking knock."

"Learn to lock your fucking door. You've lived alone how long in this complex? Who's going to protect you if someone busts in trying to rob you? Clearly not your cat."

Eren looked down to see that the only part of Alastair visible at the moment was his tail sticking out from underneath the bed and that it was lashing angrily. He sighed, "What do you want, Jean? I am in fact busy."

"Yeah, busy getting off."

" _Jean."_

"Well, I was coming by to try and drag you out again tonight to go to the bar or something, but I can see there's only one place you'd want to go, huh?"

He played with the front of his shirt, refusing to look him in the eye as he mumbled, "Well, I mean, I wasn't- wasn't going to ask if, uh"-

Jean snorted in amusement. "Well, you want to go back and see your boyfriend, don't you?"

Eren folded his arms, insisting, "He's not my boyfriend," even though the idea sounded perfectly wonderful to him. Oh for God's sake, he had only met him once and exchanged precisely zero words with him, what was his problem. "Besides, he probably wouldn't want to see me again anyway."

The other man strode over to him cockily until he came to a stop right beside his seated friend, who was forced to look up at him. "Eren, my friend, my comrade, my bosom idiot buddy, why do you think Jouet gave you his hat in the first place the other night?"

After mulling it over, Eren just shrugged and answered, "Well, I assumed he wouldn't miss it. He probably has lots more. Maybe he thought I looked cold?"

Jean groaned, scrubbing at his own face briefly, before saying, "You know, for someone who doesn't know how to keep themselves out of books or the computer, you can be really stupid sometimes. Do you remember taking that medieval literature class during our junior year? And how we learned about women who would drop handkerchiefs at the feet of knights they found attractive? That's pretty much what happened here."

Eren twisted around, staring at the hat for a moment, the wheels in his head turning, before turned back to Jean and said slowly, "So…he gave me that hat, so I'd bring it back to him?"

"Exactly. Because he's looking for an excuse to see you again."

The boy blinked several times, processing these words, and when comprehension finally dawned, his face flamed even hotter as he said in a very small voice, "Oh."

"Uh huh. So that should make you feel not as bad about maybe going with me again tonight perhaps?"

At those words, fireworks went off in Eren's brain, but he tried to keep all of his excitement on the inside. However, he failed miserably, sounding like a child being offered candy when he replied, "Yes! I'm, uh, yes I mean I'd love to go. I'll grab my coat."

He practically leapt up from his chair, bypassing him to go look for his shoes and coat at the same time, only to be stopped when Jean said his name.

"What?" Eren replied indignantly.

Jean rolled his eyes. "Club doesn't open until nine. It's seven right now."

The boy didn't even try holding back his groan of disappointment, but that only made Jean laugh at him and declared, "Never thought I'd see the day when Eren Jaeger was chomping at the bit to go to a strip club. The world really is going mad."

"Shut up, Jean."

000

It was disgusting how excited Eren was when he caught sight of that shining building again later that night. Only this time, he went in, not with a more open mind, but with a goal in mind, Jouet's hat clutched tightly between his hands. As much as he was loathe to part with it, as it served as a physical reminder of his amazing birthday, he knew the right thing to do was to return it. As he stood there in line to get in, he was dancing from foot to foot, babbling nonsense that was beginning to drive his friend nuts.

"How do I even approach him?" Eren was wondering aloud, "Do I chase him down after the show? They wouldn't let me backstage though, would they?"

"No, probably not," Jean said flatly, wishing the conversation would end. He couldn't believe he was thinking this, but he was beginning to already miss the old Eren, the one that didn't care about romance or trying to impress a potential love interest. Though uptight as that Eren was, at least he didn't chatter a mile a minute.

"Then maybe if he comes over to our table again, I can give him his hat back then," the boy mused to himself. "But what if he doesn't come to our table? What if he skips over us and goes backstage without me getting a chance to flag him down?" He gasped in horror. "What if he doesn't want to see me again? What if we're interpreting this all wrong, Jean? Shit, I knew it, we have to get out of here, before we go in there and look like idiots"-

"Eren!" Jean finally exclaimed in frustration, "Oh my God, shut up for two seconds!"

The boy snapped his jaw shut, flinching. His friend sighed. "Eren, listen. If it goes badly and we misinterpreted what he meant, we make our excuses and leave. I won't force you to stay for my benefit, okay?"

"Really?" Eren was doubtful.

"Yes, really."

He regarded Jean steadily for a minute, before sighing and replying with a shrug of his shoulders. Jean patted him on one, reassuring him, "But trust me, you're not going to want to leave. Everything is going to go great and Jouet is going to want to hop on your dick before the night is through."

"Jean!"

Soon after, they were walking through the large wooden doors of The Dollhouse, and once more Eren's breath was taken away as he was plunged into daylight. Although tonight, the interior seemed to be even brighter. Perhaps it was because it wasn't as unfamiliar to Eren anymore, and he was coming in with a goal in mind. The prospect of seeing the object of one's attraction tended to anything preceding the event wonderful, from the sparkling chandeliers on the ceiling to the cobwebs in the dark corners of the rafters backstage, everything put an extra step in Eren's step as they made their way in and sat down at their table again, the very same one they had sat in during their previous trip. He had a feeling about this table; if its location had gotten Jouet to visit them before, he didn't want to leave things to chance tonight. Jean followed him with a fond eye roll, but sat down beside his friend.

They had arrived during the end of a show, the girl onstage already pulling the tear-away top of her corset from her chest to reveal her breasts to her whistling and cheering audience. The girl performing wasn't Lola, but an even smaller blond girl with the biggest, blue eyes Eren had ever seen. And in typical fashion of this club, she also looked like a porcelain doll come to life. Even the underwear she was left in was in Lolita fashion, with lace trimming around the edges and pink bows holding it together.

Eren felt himself wincing as he watched her palpitate her breasts and pull at her nipples, actions her audience seemed to wholeheartedly approve of. But what she was doing contrasted so much with the innocent, childish expression on her face that it made Eren very uneasy. If he had less impulse control, he might have taken his jacket off and thrown it on the stage for the poor girl to cover herself up with.

She finished her show with a dramatic flourish, biting the tip of her thumb in an infantile gesture that made Eren's stomach lurch with discomfort, before freezing once the music stopped. The men clapped and cheered, throwing their money and bouquets on the stage, one even reaching up and handing the girl his glass of champagne. She took it with a giggle, breasts still bare, showing them off without shame as she collected her tips.

"Everyone give it up for Rose!" the speakers shouted as she curtsied and disappeared behind the curtain, such an oddly polite, dainty gesture considering the lewd situation, Eren thought.

But soon, his mind was forced to switch gears as, after a few minutes of silence, he could hear the sound of things being moved around backstage, and oh, he prayed that Jouet still hadn't gone on and they hadn't missed him. He'd wait the whole night if he had to, but he was determined. He was holding Jouet's hat on the table, clutching the brim to make sure he didn't lose it, just so that if the dancer happened to look down at him, he'd see it. He began to hope fervently, oh please let Jouet be next, please. _I just want to look at his face again. I want to see the light and shadow play over that fierce little body and hear him speak again. I want to touch him back this time, softly, to show him I mean no harm, that he can trust me. I want him to want to be around me as much as I want to be around him._

"Gentlemen," the man on the speakers, "Newcomers and regulars alike, I can guarantee you've never seen anything like our next dancer. For those that know him, you already know what I'm talking about. For those that don't, well, prepare to be seduced by The Dollhouse's own Petit Jouet!"

Eren's back went ramrod straight in his chair, his heart suddenly lodging itself in his throat in his excitement. "Jean, Jean," he chanted, and his friend snorted in amusement. Eren sounded like a small child who was trying to get the attention of their parents during their favorite part in a movie.

"I know, I know," he replied, grinning.

The boy kept his eyes fixed on the stage, trying to keep his muscles from quivering in anticipation and failing, every nerve twitching. This was insane. Eren couldn't remember the last time he had ever been this excited over anything. Jean was right, school had changed him, all the constant hard work, though he enjoyed it, had sucked some of the color out of his world, made it less exciting than it used to be. But when that curtain lifted and he could see the faint outline of that lithe figure standing as still as a statue against a series of metal poles set up along the stage, he could feel that color returning in full force.

The music faded in, the note long and deeply ominous, making Eren's hair stand on end, prickling up along the back of his neck. A deep, heavily synthesized voice pounded out of the speaker, speaking in time with the bass that pounded so hard out of the speakers that Eren could swear that the marrow in his bones was rattling in time with it.

_I like you cause you got that something_

_that I need in my life so give it to me_

Suddenly, the strobe lights turned on, bringing Jouet to life in stunning sharp highlights and contrasting shadows, the light and dark fighting for control over him in front of Eren's eyes. And as soon as his audience could see him, he went right for their throats, sliding down one of the poles, head tilted back, spreading his legs and thrusting his hips forward and back and side to side in time with the beat. The expression on his face was breathtaking, his eyes shut softly, lips parted, skin already shining at the base of his throat and right between his deliciously prominent collarbones Eren's mouth suddenly watered with the desire to bite them.

Almost immediately, Eren heard cheers erupting around him, but just like last time, perhaps even more quickly, he blocked them out, and they sounded blessedly far away. Not even Jean existed anymore, for right now, the moment he had waited for arrived, the moment when it was just him and Jouet. Tonight, he pretended foolishly that the dancer was performing for him and only him, that Eren was only one he wanted to impress.

_I like you cause you got that something_

_that I need in my life so give it to me_

Oh darling, he wanted to say, It's so true. There was a special something that Jouet seemed to be giving to him that transcended simple lust. Indeed, the lust he inspired in men wasn't simple, but many faceted, if Eren was any example. The boy watched as the object of his interest rolled his hips, his entire body flowing like a wave upon the shore, before breaking out of that soft motion violently by breaking out into harsh, powerful steps, heavy footfalls that pounded almost as heavily as the bass, a fierce snarl curling that delicate upper lip. Jouet tossed his head like a wild stallion, sweat leaping off his forehead from the motion, sparkling in the light for a brief moment like starlight before it disappeared.

Eren was squeezing his knees so tightly that his knuckles hurt, but he didn't notice. Jouet was tracing over the inside of his thighs, as if trying to make the audience imagine that those were their hands bringing that lovely, erotic expression to his face. He backed up to another pole and grabbed it with one hand, spinning around it while simultaneously winding his body around it like a cat, turning his face into his shoulder, biting at the fabric of his shirt. Eren watched with shock as Jouet pulled part of his shirt aside, revealing smooth, alabaster skin and the top of one nipple.

The boy almost combusted where he sat, thankful that his "meep" of embarrassed delight was masked by the loud music. Then he really did metaphorically explode when Jouet slid his fingers down the front of his shirt in such a way that it looked like a delicate caress to his own skin while also popping open the front of it. Eren's mouth dried right up when he drank in the sight of the dancer's toned stomach, muscles working and rippling under that pretty skin as he moved. From here, Eren could even swear he saw his chest heaving with his exertions, and the boy felt a flush of arousal strong and hot shoot straight down between his thighs.

This was insane. Jouet was the same, and yet completely different than the last time Eren was here. Jouet had been bouncy, fun and flirty, which had matched the music he had danced to. Tonight he, as well as the music, was dangerous, alluring yet untouchable, promising pain to anyone who looked at him and yet begging people to do so. Last time, he had been a precocious school boy, tonight he was pure fire. He was all dark, shark-like eyes, snarling mouth and clawing fingers. The way he glared at everyone, sweaty hair a tousled mess against his forehead, yet baring his chest and stomach for the audience's pleasure, he was a perilous delight that his consumers could sample at their own risk. Far from frightening the boy off, it just drew him in closer, made Eren want to taste his skin, even if he risked getting his tongue burnt in the process.

The dancer let his jacket fall teasingly off one shoulder, before he shucked it back on, much to the disappointment of the men in the surrounding tables. Some however were throwing dollar bills at the stage, perhaps incentive for him to remove that shirt altogether. One even cried the request over the pounding music, though Eren couldn't see him through the strobe lights, or the fog that had just been turned on, pooling around Jouet's feet before flaring up to embrace him. It was only when it covered him completely that he made a dramatic leap from the stage, like a wraith crossing into the world of the living, and landed on the floor.

Eren watch with lurid fascination as he stalked his way around the tables, as if daring someone to catcall him. When he did hear his name being called, he approached the people at the table in several long strides, shoving the first man he saw against the edge of it. His upper lip was curled back in a sneer, which only grew when the man laughed and groped at the dancer's ass with both hands, kneading the taut flesh with gusto. Jouet leaned forward and whispered something in his ear that made the man shiver with delight, before his laughing friends pressed several wads of cash in Jouet's belt and pockets.

The boy kept his eyes on him as he left and approached two more tables, furious performance turning the guests on like nothing else. Someone buried his face in his chest, biting at one of his nipples, Jouet pulling the man's hair in response and letting his own head fall back. At another table, a patron nibbled at his neck, holding him close while Jouet dug his clawed fingers into his upper arms before wrenching himself away, glaring down at the man like he was worth absolutely nothing beyond the money he offered to him. At this point, Eren couldn't tell if this was all an act, or real. If it was real, he wouldn't be surprised, but more likely it was an act. As far he knew, there were men that got off to being dominated and humiliated like this, that preferred pain to pleasure, or like the thrill of breaking or dominating someone they thought was dangerous. It made them feel powerful. Either way, the money was flowing as much as it ever had, Jouet putting the crowd under his spell.

So, that night, when he finally did turn his eyes onto Eren, the boy once more felt the breath being knocked out of him. His lungs refused to inflate again the longer he stared into those black eyes, eyes that promised him pain so tangled and mangled with pleasure that he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them. For a moment, the eyes widened in surprise, a tiny break in character, and the corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile, and the boy dared to hope that maybe he was a little bit pleased to see him again? Or at least pleased to see his hat being brought back to him. Either way, he slipped back into character again and strode over to Eren's table, but right before he reached him, he dropped to his hands and knees on the floor. At first, the boy thought something was wrong, but that worry was quickly displaced when he saw that Jouet was in fact choosing to crawl the rest of the way over to him. His shoulder blades moved like a cat's, and he indeed looked like a panther in that moment, coming to devour Eren. Part of him hoped he would be. Jouet could take his flesh, blood, his very soul if he wanted it, and Eren would offer no resistance.

He started back down between Eren's knees, as he had last time, and stroked up his thighs again. But this time when he rose, he looked like a cobra, poised to strike, eyes just as cold. When his hand flashed out towards Eren, the boy flinched, but he wasn't struck. Instead, he felt Jouet grab his hand and pull it gently towards his own body. Eren barely had time to recover and absorb the fact that the dancer was _holding his hand_ and how it felt, how warm his fingers and his palm was, how it made sparks skitter all the way up to his shoulder and down his side, how he was ready to explode just from that.

And then Jouet was holding Eren's hand against his bare chest.

This time, the boy really did squeak, and he knew Jouet heard him because he saw those muscles tremble in a way that indicated he was laughing, and he looked up to see a smile on his face. Eren gazed at him unblinkingly, very much looking like a deer in the headlights. He didn't move a muscle, until Jouet prompted him, breaking character again, "Go on love. Wouldn't have put your hand there if I didn't want you to touch me."

God his voice was so silky, so lovely. It should have been outlawed, that voice. Jouet himself should have been outlawed, the devil. But if he was, then Eren wouldn't have been able to follow his instructions, trembling fingers tickling his skin until he saw goosebumps rise under his touch. His nipples stood straighter, pebbling as a result of the goosebumps. Eren felt the urge to touch them, but didn't want to make Jouet uncomfortable, despite him saying it was okay. So he stroked those pretty collarbones, figuring that might be safer. The dips and bumps were fascinating, as was the light, downy hair against his skin that flashed white in the strobe lights. He trailed his hand downwards, watching as Jouet's stomach jumped in response. Was he ticklish? How charming, how very human of this little fairy-like minx. Jouet was still smiling, amused by Eren's hesitance, his innocence. It was so sweet that his heart actually ached.

For a moment, Eren grew even brighter to his eyes, while Jouet grew darker. He trembled before the beauty of it for a second, before backing up, running a thumb over the boy's bottom lip, saying, "I'm glad you came back."

Eren's mouth opened and close a few times as he tried to form a reply, but before he could, Jouet was stepping away, fixing him with a coy stare over his shoulder, before he hopped back on stage, having already slipped back into character by the time Eren saw his face again. And once he did, he pulled off his shirt the rest of the way, throwing it aside, as if it were the last thing he wanted to do in the world. The boy was entranced, all of that pale flesh on display at once was a bit much for him to handle, and yet he couldn't look away. The dancer's nipples were such a pretty shade of pink, the same shade as Lola's dress had been the other night. He really was fit, muscles tight along his stomach and cording their way around his arms, and yet he still managed to look small and breakable if someone handled him without care.

Next, surprisingly quickly, came his pants, the special breakaway kind that released within a moment, and Eren felt himself sag in his chair, swearing that he blacked out for a moment. Jouet had thighs that looked thick and strong, that in a moment Eren knew he wanted to feel gripping him around his waist as he drove into his warm and willing body, or to caress them and kiss them. He was so smooth, so strong, so savage. He let his head fall back again as he let a hand slide down his stomach, slowly, tantalizingly, before Eren watched as he stroked his crotch with his palm, cupping himself briefly, thighs spread so that his raving audience could see everything. When he raised his head again, there was color in his cheeks and he was panting, out of breath, either from the dancing or the pleasure of his own touch, the boy wasn't sure, but he knew he could have died right there and then and been happy about it. Even more so when the music cut out abruptly as the song ended, and Jouet froze, biting his thumb in a dainty, submissive gesture, just as Rose had done. But the contrast was profound for Eren, because rather than wanting to stop him from doing it, all that gesture did was make him want to squeeze the dancer close to him and grind mindlessly against him.

By the time Jouet had picked up his money and disappeared behind the stage again, Eren could catch his breath. He looked up to see two things. First of all, Jean was moping beside him, whining something, "How come he always comes over to you and never to me?" Second of all, he realized he had completely forgotten to tip Jouet, and he felt like a right idiot and a lecherous asshole that had completely taken advantage of the generous dancer.

And thirdly, and most importantly, he had forgotten to give Jouet his hat.

000

Luckily, Jean had a brilliant idea. "We still have an opportunity to see him again," he had said when the show ended, "There's usually an after-party of sorts after the shows are over, there's drinking and dancing, all that good stuff. Most of the time the dancers come out and join the patrons, and I've seen Jouet out there more than once. Maybe he'll be there tonight waiting for you, eh?"

Eren had thought the notion was ridiculous of course, that Jouet would be caught dead waiting for anyone, especially a naïve little nobody like him, as he had clearly demonstrated himself to be. Still, he had told Eren he was pretty, hadn't he? And that he was glad to see him again? But maybe a third time was pushing it. However, if he showed up with his hat, and the money he had forgotten to give him as a tip, maybe it would convince him to hang around for a bit longer, to not turn away after he saw Eren's pathetic self.

To make things easier for himself, Eren wore Jouet's hat so that his hands were freed, and followed Jean onto the dance floor like a lost puppy. It was already full of young rich men with clearly nothing better to do with their lives than dance to blaring music at nearing one in the morning. Eren felt his heart pounding with trepidation. There were far too many people around, too many people dancing too lewdly either with other men or women to music that was so loud it hurt his ears. He felt his skin trying to crawl away, but he resolutely decided he'd stay. He had to see Jouet again, he just had to.

Of course, Jean melded seamlessly into the throng of dancers on the polished dancefloor. The lights were low to the point that the only way Eren could see anything was from the flashes of neon lights that pulsed in time with the beat. It was maddeningly disorientating. But still he followed Jean, standing completely still, looking like a complete idiot because he had no idea what he should be doing. Jean nudged with his elbow.

"Come on Eren, loosen up!" he encouraged him.

At that moment, Eren looked up and saw a pair of dancers enter the room, but neither of them were Jouet. One was Rose, the tiny blond girl who had danced earlier, and another blond girl who was taller than her and far colder looking, but still clearly fit the aesthetic mold of the dancers at The Dollhouse. Each one of them slipped onto the dancefloor like they owned it, choosing partners very quickly and easily. Rose, for some reason unknown to Eren, latched onto Jean, coming up to dance beside him. Jean let out a pleased exclamation, and leaned into her, laughing his fool head off.

"See Eren, isn't this place the greatest?" he shouted. Eren rolled his eyes in response, already feeling hot and terribly embarrassed and wishing he could vanish through the floor as Jean grabbed Rose around the waist and began to grind against her. The only respite he seemed to get was the brief beat of silence that existed as the song ended, where he was able to collect his thoughts enough for him not to hyperventilate where he stood, before the next song picked up immediately after. It began with a guitar screeching, followed up by a hard guitar riff that had Jean crowing, "Oh hell yeah! This is a fucking bop!"

Eren supposed the song was better than the annoying rap they had been playing up until now where all the songs seemed so similar that he couldn't tell one from the other. He sighed, deciding to at least attempt to dance, figuring maybe if he did, Jouet might notice him easier than if he was just standing still.

Unknown to him, Jouet had noticed him, and had indeed been watching him from the moment he stepped onto the dance floor.

He had seen Eren with his hat and, peering through a crack in a door marked "staff only" that led onto the dance floor, kept his eye on the young man. He knew he must have looked terribly shady, but in truth he was terribly unsure. He had given Eren his hat on a whim, in some way hoping it would prompt the young man to return, but still unsure if he wanted to see him again. Even on that dark, dingy dancefloor, he dancer could see the boy's light shining brighter than the neon ones, a white aura that cradled him, a soft, smiling star. Jouet remembered how it had felt when he had touched him during his performance, how desperately safe he had felt. The boy had been so shy, so unsure and lovely, and Jouet had never wanted him to stop. In that moment, as if someone had turned off the broken aux cord in his brain, he heard nothing, blissful nothingness. Normally only the pounding of the music in the club could drown them out even a little, and that's why he stayed so close to it for as long as possible. But that boy…oh, he was already becoming addicted to the peace and light that bled from him. But that's what demons did, wasn't it? Feed on the light of pure living creatures? No, he didn't want to do that.

And yet…

He'd be careful. Just one more touch. One more touch wouldn't be able to harm him, would it? It wasn't like they would do anything more intimate than that. Oh, he was so selfish, but he couldn't help it. So, he stepped out from behind the door, screwed his features into something that was much more confident and wouldn't reveal how anxious he was, and began striding over to the boy.

When Eren realized that the dark shape weaving its way over towards him was Jouet, he suddenly forgot how to move. He froze in place, mouth agape, not even noticing when the people surrounding him began to bump into him. As he passed, he got several pats on the shoulder (and much, much lower) from other people on the floor. But none of them were looking at him like Eren was; they always looked at him like he was a wounded deer and they a pack of starving wolves, while the boy was standing there and staring at him like he was an angel that had just dropped out of the sky and was choosing to acknowledge him, a mere mortal.

How ironic.

Once he was beside him, he boldly pulled the boy's head down by his neck so he could say in his ear, "Dance with me?"

Eren only just heard him over the blasting of the music, but even when the words registered, it took a little coaxing for him to start moving again. Jouet started to dance, moving his body in perfect tandem with the beat, mouthing the words to the song and working in the perfect amount of aggression to the point that he looked like a vicious, gyrating work of art. His white teeth flashed, his dark brows knitted together, and the neon lights played against his bare arms and across his doll-like face.

He grinned coyly, before he began to nudge his hip against Eren's. The boy thought that it was a mistake at first, until he did it again, and then several more times. Once he had his attention, Jouet moved around to the front of him until they were dancing chest to chest. Well, chest to shoulder; the dancer was shorter than he realized. Perhaps because before they had always interacted when Eren was sitting down. But either way, Jouet moved as close as he could, before he grabbed the boy's twitching hands and placed them at his waist, only letting go when he was sure he had a firm grip. Eren seemed blown away that the dancer was indeed encouraging this kind of contact, in fact smiling with encouragement when he looked him in the eye to make sure it was okay. This was okay, oh yes, it was more than okay. Jouet's waist was trim, and it was fascinating to feel those warm muscles contracting and rippling against his palms, and Jouet in turn thought that Eren's warm palms were heavenly.

They had only just settled into that position, when Jouet decided, as the chorus roared to life in the song for the second time, that he would push the envelope.

_She wraps those hands around that pole_

_She licks those lips and off we go_

_She takes it off nice and slow_

_Because that's pornstar dancin'_

That's certainly what he was about to turn this into. Jouet loved the innocence in this boy so much, and perhaps it was due to the little demons that constantly whispering in his ears, but he felt that taking away some of that innocence might be wildly fun. Besides, he seemed to be enjoying himself. What was wrong with a little porn star type dancing to stoke the flames he knew were flaring in that kid's stomach?

He turned around abruptly so that his back was to Eren's front, slowly bending forward further and further until his ass was quite prominently pressed against the boy's crotch. He kept his hands wrapped around Eren's, feeling them begin to slip off as he bent forward. With long, swinging, aggressive beat of the song, Jouet dragged his rear against Eren, hips swaying and grinding back into him.

Eren completely froze once more, unable to breathe around the arousal that had struck him so hard it felt like a punch in the gut. His mind short circuited, unable to think around the fact that the most beautiful man he had ever seen was currently _pressing his firm, round ass into Eren's dick this was insane._

_She don't play nice, she makes me beg_

_She drops that dress around her legs_

_And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this_

_Pornstar dancin'_

Jouet wasn't playing nice at all, the delicious little demon. He raised an eyebrow, wondering why Eren was so unresponsive. But a quick glance out of the corner of his eye had him laughing; the poor kid had gone catatonic in his shock, what a babe. Well, he would just have to loosen him up some more, wouldn't he? He pulled Eren down further until he was bent over Jouet's back, and he moved his hands until they slid down onto a strategic place right onto his hips. All on his own, Eren gripped him securely against his body, with made Jouet laugh breathlessly. Finally, he was getting it.

_Your body's lightin' up the room_

_I want a naughty girl like you_

_There's nothing hotter_

Jouet dragged Eren's head down by the fine hairs on the back of his neck, craning his own neck back until he could touch his tongue to the boy's earlobe. And that simple touch made both of them shudder simultaneously. Their blood sang, beating as hard as the pulse of the club, and Eren finally began to lose himself. He began to grind back against the dancer, Jouet's pert little rear perfectly fitting against him, the pressure so divine that for a moment it was all Eren could think about. He was filled the desire to return the favor Jouet had gifted him with, and leaned over a little more pull aside the neck of his shirt far enough so that he could plant an open mouthed kiss against one shoulder, dragging his teeth gently along the flesh. Jouet's heart stuttered, and he tugged at those hairs a little harder, gripping Eren's hand against his hips with his other hand.

At that moment, for Jouet, for the first time in several years, everything was blessedly perfect. Everything was loud outside of his head for once, and his heart was pounding because he was in rapture, not because he was terrified. And it was all because of the beautiful boy behind him, whose touch didn't repulse him, but electrified him.

Most profound of all, he made him feel safe.

He made him feel _alive._

000

It didn't take much convincing on Jouet's part to drag Eren off of the dance floor after that song ended, both of them panting with exhilaration. He took him somewhere where it was quieter, where they could both talk and not have to shout over the music. Right now that place was by the stage, which was dim and deserted since the show as over. Both of them were laughing like a couple of fools, high after their dance together. But luckily, after a moment to gather his thoughts and actually remember why he had come to The Dollhouse in the first place that night, he quickly took his hat off his head and held it out for the dancer.

"Here," he mumbled, cheeks tinted red and having a hard time looking him in the eye. "You probably want this back, don't you?"

Jouet took it back with a smile, placing it back on his own head. Eren then quickly reached in his pocket and pulled out a few bills, handing them to him, explaining, "For your show. I forgot to give you a tip before. I was a little, um…distracted."

The shorter man laughed. "I'd say sorry, but it is my job, and not many people seem to complain." He took the money, eyes widening when he saw the amount. Normally, he wouldn't care, the more he could suck out of the sleazebags that he entertained the better, but for some reason, taking money from this sweet, angel faced kid who unknowingly provided him a far greater service than Jouet performed for others seemed dirty and wrong. "This is too much, I can't"-

"Take, it, it's okay," Eren insisted. "You more than earned it, and I'm not exactly hurting for money."

Jouet huffed, hesitating for a moment more, before putting it in his pocket.

There was an awkward silence before the dancer finally said quietly, "You know, I just realized, I don't even know your name. If you're going to keep giving me money, I should at least know who I should be thanking. If you want to tell me."

"Oh!" Eren gasped, feeling completely foolish. "Yes, I can't believe I forgot!"

Jouet smirked. "It's okay. You were distracted I take it?"

The boy's face heated right up, and he began fiddling with the bottom of his shirt, playing with the buttons.

"It's Eren, by the way," he eventually supplied, "Eren Jaeger."

The dancer replied, "I like it. Very pretty. Matches the rest of you."

Eren playfully shoved at Jouet while groaning in mortification. What rubbish he was spouting. Eren, pretty? Oh no, Jouet was the pretty one. The dancer was laughing suddenly, and _oh shit_ he had said all of that out loud hadn't he?

"Oh God why do I always just blurt whatever is on my mind?" Eren groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"Don't worry, I'm laughing with you, not at you," Jouet assured him, "You're just too damn precious."

They stood there in silence for another moment more while Eren came down from his embarrassment. The atmosphere of the club when it was quiet and dark was much different than when the lights were blaring and the crowds were cheering. The music was muted in the background while the other men continued to dance, and Eren very much felt like a high schooler that had escaped prom and followed his crush outside. Perhaps it was this atmosphere that curated this sudden, strange boldness that had him asking, "So, I'm guessing Jouet isn't your real name?"

The dancer shook his head. "None of us use our real names here."

"Mind if I ask what it is? Or, you don't have to tell me if you don't want, Jean told me how important fake names are to dancers, for security reasons and all. Don't want some psycho hunting you down. N-Not that I'm a psycho! No, shit, I'd never hurt you, or anyone, I-fuck, why do I just blurt stupid shit like this, forget I sa"-

"It's Levi."

"Huh?"

He smiled softly. "My real name. It's Levi." Why was he telling the kid this? He was right, a dancer's stage name existed for a reason. Yet Eren had him blurting it out. It was as if that peace and light was making him as relaxed and warm as a few shots of alcohol, loosening his tongue and making him forget about his inhibitions. Maybe that was why he added, "If you want, you can call me that from now on. I prefer it, actually."

 _He'll kill you, he'll kill you,_ something growled in his ears. Levi jumped, but tried to cover it up by scratching an imaginary itch on his arm. _Bad, bad, wrong and_ _ **bad**_ _you're going to die, he'll kill you now that he knows._

_You deserve it, demons deserve death. He'll kill you and rip out your heart. Wonder how it tastes?_

_Worthless, worthless._

It was too quiet, that was why they were talking now. His heart began to pound, and he absently scrubbed at his ears. Luckily, Eren didn't seem to notice. Instead, he looked like a love struck teenager, eyes all soft and starry-eyed as he gazed at the other man. The significance of the fact that he had chosen to tell him his real name despite the risks was not lost on him. His chest warmed and his heart skipped a beat, stomach fluttering with nerves.

"You know," he said, toeing the ground and keeping his eyes on his shoes, "Jean said something crazy to me tonight. He said that you gave me your hat because you wanted to see me again? Like, I'd have excuse to come back so I could return it to you?"

 _Kill, kill, blood and death, look at him, don't trust an angel._ "Not crazy. What would you say if I said he was right?" Christ, Eren really was like alcohol, warm and seducing and making him feel light, lifting him up while lowering his inhibitions, a siren song with flesh and bone and pretty green eyes.

Eren squeaked. Actually squeaked, covering his mouth with his hands. Levi couldn't help but laugh, and if he did so a little louder than what was probably acceptable in order to hear himself over the whispering in his ears, the boy didn't comment on it. He sputtered out several half sentences, unable to finish one. Levi snickered, and placed his hands on Eren's shoulders, rubbing them comfortingly.

"It shouldn't be a surprise," the dancer told him. "I mean, I don't know. There's something about you, Eren. I can't put my finger on it, but I'm glad you came into the club the other night. There's something very…safe about you that I find appealing. I, um…" he felt an uncharacteristic flush of heat rising up his neck to pool in his cheeks, eyes lowering so that his eyelashes caught the moonlight flooding through the window. "I'd like to get to know that part of you better, if that's alright. And the rest of you too, I think."

He took one of the boy's hands, lifting it up between them, before he encased Eren's hand in his own smaller ones. Eren watched in astonishment, unable to believe that someone as beautiful of Levi had not only admitted that yes, he had wanted to see him again, and that he was actually interested in him? How and why, the boy wanted to know? His mind was going a million miles an hour, before he forced it into silence. Did it really matter? He had Levi's trust, and all he knew was that he had to treat that trust like it was a fragile baby bird that could break at any moment. He had to nurture it, keep it safe, and do anything he could to make sure he didn't do anything to betray it.

But that innocent touch in the silent shadow of the stage, ironically more than that heated groping in the humid atmosphere of the dancefloor, seemed to break something in Levi. As his pulse began to drop, the voices screamed all at once in a deafening, roaring, horrendous chorus that sounded to him like nails being scratched across glass. They screeched and clawed at his ears, the light from Eren's palms too bright, too painful for them to bear, and the anxiety that they gifted Levi with in turn nearly put him on the floor, his chest feeling so tight that he could barely breathe. He had to get out of here, had to leave before Eren saw something, if he hadn't already. He couldn't know, no one knew. If someone found out, it would be the end for him. Then what the voices said would be true.

_Weak and worthless, just die, die already! You poisoned him! How could you?_

_Have you no self-control? You selfish, evil creature!_

_Now he'll be like you, you made him sick._

_Evil, worthless, kill yourself. Leave him and do it! Now!_

He couldn't take it. The black vapor that lived under his skin was flaring to life, coming towards that light and trying to snuff it out, choke it, as it would eventually choke the poor innocent boy. Before he knew what he was doing, he was fleeing, dropping Eren's hand without a word like it was hot iron, and sprinting off into the depths of the club. Eren called out to him, wanting to know what was wrong, but he barely heard him. All he could hear was the voices, always the voices, controlling his life, demanding he stay alone.

After all, he was easier to prey on when he was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First song used for this chapter was U Got That by Halogen, and second song was Porn Star Dancing by My Darkest Days. Eveningstargazer is responsible for getting me into the second one. She's a demon that knows exactly what she did, because I became obsessed with that song can't stop listening to it, it's too good lol.


	3. Torturing Saints

For the rest of the night, after searching and searching and failing to find Levi in the club again, Eren dejectedly went home and ruminated on what he could have possibly done to frighten him off. He analyzed every action, every word, every nuance of their interaction. However, at surface value, he was coming up empty.

He had been so careful to let Levi take the lead, because he knew he wanted to get closer to him, but had been too afraid to initiate anything. He hadn't dared to make any mention or indication that he was interested in the dancer just in case he spooked him or came across as just another brainless, lusting client of The Dollhouse. When Levi had taken his hand, he hadn't moved, had barely breathed, had just sat back and watched it happen with his mouth agape and his heart in his throat. And yet something had made those dark, doe-like eyes of his widen, his face to go pale, and his legs carry him away as far from Eren as fast as he could.

The boy flopped onto his bed, still in his clothes, his mind too restless for him to think about sleep, though it was nearing two in the morning. Once he heard the poof of his body against the mattress, Alastair wasted no time and once he decided that Eren was going to be still for more than a minute, he left the end of the bed and crawled up onto the boy's chest, settling down and tucking his paws underneath him. Eren began petting him distractedly, trying to soothe his nerves.

"I don't get it," he said to his cat. "I know I didn't do anything, not on purpose. I tried to be so careful. All I'd said was I thought that maybe he had given me his hat so I could see him again, he said yes, that was true and that he did, and then he just took off." He screwed up his face, trying to think, and after a moment, pointed out, "Right before he ran away, he wasn't even looking at me. Yes, I'm sure of it. He was looking at my chest, almost looking through me. So it wasn't something that he saw that scared him. Maybe it was something he felt, or thought. But the events don't match up with his extreme reaction. There was literally no reason for that. One minute he says he wants to see me more, the next he's running away."

Alastair glared at Eren's hand when he ceased petting him, but otherwise offered no response. The boy sighed and resumed his petting. "Don't ever get crushes," he told him, "It's not worth it. This is why I stick to books. And cats. At least when you don't want to be near me I know why."

Then again, sometimes his cat did freak out for no reason at all, or at least, for no reason Eren could see. Then, upon further investigation, it would turn out that Alastair had heard something outside, like a car door slamming down the street, or a couple of squirrels fighting in the tree that overlooked the apartment complex. Noises he had heard but Eren hadn't. Perhaps that's what scared Levi? Had he been like Alastair, hearing something that the boy hadn't?

Eren groaned. No, that couldn't be it. He hadn't heard any strange noises that could have indicated a threat. He was overanalyzing and running on too little sleep. He wasn't going to be able to do anything about Levi tonight. He would return to The Dollhouse tomorrow and ask what had happened and how he could fix it. He didn't want to lose the dancer's trust when he had just gotten it.

The boy gasped to himself suddenly. Hadn't Jean said the first night they had gone to the club that Jouet only performed sparingly now? What if he couldn't get a hold of him tomorrow? Eren threw his arm over his eyes. Oh no, what if it was many days or weeks before he could see him again? Or what if he avoided him forever?

No, he couldn't afford to think like that. That wouldn't happen. Either way, all he could do was return the next day and hope.

However, when he did return the next evening, Levi didn't perform on stage. Other girls Eren had seen before were there, but the dancer he wanted to see was nowhere to be found. Despite Jean's assurances that this was normal for Jouet, Eren didn't want to hear it. He stayed late that night, even forcing himself onto the dancefloor, fighting the anxiety that welled up in him when surrounded by so many strange people in the foreign heady atmosphere. Without Levi, he didn't feel like there was a place for him there, and the wrongness of it all twisted his stomach into knots and made his skin itch. But nevertheless, he pushed his way past gyrating bodies and judgmental looks until he found three of the dancers, Rose, Lola and the other cold blond girl he had seen before, as well as on stage that night, whom it turned out her name was Angel. However, as soon as she saw Eren, Lola bolted in the other direction, looking as if she had just seen a ghost, and she vanished behind a door marked "staff only." Eren sighed in frustration. Well, he supposed he would just have to talk to Rose and Angel instead. But when he asked, they said hadn't seen him that night either.

"What was up with Lola just now?" he asked instead. "She seemed scared of me."

"Not sure," Angel said flatly, shrugging one shoulder. "She's an odd one, that one. Maybe that's why she and Jouet are so close. They're both strange."

"What do you mean?" Eren inquired.

Rose explained, "She usually comes in late on nights Jouet goes missing," Rose informed him when Eren pointed this out. She had to shout over the blaring music to be heard. "None of us know why. For all we know they could be having an affair we don't know about."

Those words settled like ice water in Eren's stomach. An affair? Well, it could be true for all he knew. As much as he liked to pretend inside his head, he didn't know Levi that well. Perhaps he did have a thing going on with another dancer. But Angel had already steered Rose away from him, mumbling something in the other dancer's ear and casting a suspicious look at the boy. But Eren was too distracted to notice.

Why would he tell him that he was interested in him? Why would he tell him he thought he was pretty and wanted to see more of him? Something wasn't adding up. And Eren wasn't going to stop until he got to the bottom of it. Even if he had to come back to this club and dance on this vile dancefloor every night, he would. He wouldn't judge Levi, wouldn't assume, not until he explained to him what was going on.

As Eren left that that night, he laughed at himself and shook his head. If someone had told him a week ago that he would be balls deep in drama with a stripper at a club, he would have called them crazy. Even crazier was the fact that he was already so desperate to know whether or not Levi was okay, despite having known him for such a short amount of time.

Jean was right. His heart was too soft. And yet, he couldn't stop himself from caring about people to the detriment of his own well-being. It was like asking his cat not to stalk his toys or pounce on moving objects; he would be fighting his very nature. And Eren didn't have the strength or the desire to do that.

000

This was the worst the voices had been in a long time.

Granted, Levi had in a way, built a tolerance to them. That is, he had become used to their presence. Like one adjusts to background noise in a room, he had accepted the voices as background noise in the best case scenario. They were there, they constantly chipped away at his sense of self-worth, and they weren't going away. It was to the point where he could barely remember what life had been like without them. But occasionally, they became a deafening chorus of screams, laughter, and horrible words in equally as horrible voices.

And Levi knew it was tied directly to how he was feeling at the time.

With Eren, he had felt like he was on top of the world. So excited had he been at the prospect of this pretty new client, of all the money he was giving Levi in tips, and how bright and calming the light that bled from him was, and how it was unlike anything he had ever seen before in any other person, that he had entered into a state he found he sometimes experienced. It was so wonderful; he had tons of energy, and felt like he could do anything. It was like being on a caffeinated high, but much more intense. His desire to sleep was often one of the first things to go, and he could stay away for days at a time with no problem, his mind racing and his hands trembling, his body feeling like a livewire. He often went on cleaning binges inside his little apartment, or found himself applying for dozens of new jobs, working out excessively, and even sleeping with multiple partners over the course of a few days. Twice he had engaged in some kind of orgy with partners of both sexes, uncaring how he was used, as long as he got to fuck and get fucked. He had come home with bruises and even welts once from those experiences, as well as had been covered with so many fluids both inside and outside of his body, but hadn't even stopped to take care of them, too invested in engaging in his next venture. However, he hadn't noticed the pain, both physical and mental, until it was far too late.

Very much like now.

When he had met Eren, it had triggered one of those episodes. For three days he had gone without sleep, instead obsessing over what he could do to draw Eren in closer to him. He had come up with new dance routines in one night, practicing them for hours and hours until the sun came up, and then practicing throughout the day until it had been time to go to work. He hadn't eaten much beyond a granola bar here or there, and hadn't washed beyond that one shower he had taken the very first night Eren came to the club. He was determined to reel the boy in, and when the two of them had danced the other night, Levi had felt like he was on top of the world. It wouldn't have taken much to convince him that he could fly if he tried hard enough, or that he and Eren would be together from then on. The voices had also become strangely muted, probably by Eren's presence, and probably just from the rush of his own adrenaline and serotonin blasting through his system, drowning every other negative thought and feeling away.

Then, the voices had returned, and when they did, it was like someone had turned up the volume all the way. After taking a back seat for so many days, they were back with a vengeance, determined to scream, taunt, and torment Levi every single detail of everything he had ever done wrong in his life. More specifically, everything he had messed up in his venture of trying to woo the pretty boy with the even prettier eyes.

When the serotonin ran out, it always ran out hard.

It was the third day since the depression had hit him, and the third day since he had set foot inside The Dollhouse. He had tried, he really had, showing up as he always had…however, he had arrived to work three hours late and still managed to forget to shower, eat, and had really only remembered to get dressed. The club's manager had greeted him in the doorway of his dressing room, arms crossed and eyes narrowed into little slits. And Levi knew he was in for it, already instinctively drawing his shoulders up towards his ears and dragging his feet. He stopped once he was in front of him, too scared to meet his eyes, but beginning tentatively, "I can expla"-

"Save it," his manager growled, holding up a hand.

Levi's jaw clamped shut, his teeth clicking audibly.

The other man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I think I've heard every excuse in the book with you. There's nothing more you can really offer me. There's only so many times someone can miss their alarm, or feel sick, or be out of town for emergencies. If you don't get your shit together Jouet, I'm going to have to let you go."

Levi had shaken his head frantically, feeling his knees go weak with terror. "Please don't, don't do this. I can't go back on the streets, I just can't. I can't live that life again."

"Not my problem," he said coldly. "My dancers need to be perfect, and the only reason that you're still here is because when you're on your game, you rake in more money than all of the other dancers combined. But the way you are now, you barely make enough to break even with even the lowest paid dancer. If I toss you back out in the garbage filled alley I pulled you out of right now, no skin off my nose. You can just go back to whoring yourself off for whoever will have you."

The fear that filled Levi was indescribable, images of dark, lusting hands, horrid pain, and hunger pangs so debilitating that he was too weak to resist whatever happened to him flitting through his mind at rapid fire. At that, he really did fall to his knees, body going practically catatonic on the spot. He only panicked more when his mind failed to supply him with a proper response, something clever he could say so that his manager would give him another chance, but he was coming up empty. But the other man wasn't going to give him the chance to reply anyway.

"But given the fact that it would be a stupid financial decision to toss you out just like that, against my better judgment, I'm going to give you one more chance," he said, "Just one, Jouet. You fuck this up, you don't get your ass in gear and stop coming to me stories of how voices in your head kept you in bed all day, and you're out. Got it?"

Levi didn't respond verbally, still in shock and barely hearing him. Instead, tears slowly welled up in his eyes, before rolling down his cheeks without him reaching up to wipe them away.

And now here he was, still in bed at nearing four in the afternoon, unable to even lift his head from the pillow. Part of it was his how bone deep exhaustion catching up to him, as he had slept for an entire day straight and yet it still didn't feel like enough, but more of it was his own mind weighing him down more than any lack of rest or food ever could.

He didn't even care when he heard his front door opening, barely even noticed the sounds of feet padding down his hallway to his room, or even bothered to lift his head from the pillow when someone appeared in his doorway.

"Oh Levi, again?" said a woman's voice. He then felt cool fingers touching his forehead, brushing back his hair, and this prompted him to peel open his eyelids. She gasped. "God, your eyes are so glassy. Ugh, and your hair is greasy- when did you shower last? Yeah, you must feel like shit, the house is a fucking mess, there's pizza crust in the corner of your kitchen, and there's dirty dishes for miles on your counter. Oh hon…"

It was Lola. But that wasn't her real name, of course. She didn't have to use her stage name around him, like he didn't use his around her. She was the only person he trusted at the club, and the only one who seemed to give enough of a damn about him to check on him when he didn't show up for work without giving any notice. He sighed as she stroked his hair, being kind enough to do so even though it had to feel so disgusting.

"Glad you're here, Petra," he whispered hoarsely, sounding as if he hadn't spoken in days. It was quite possible; he couldn't remember the last time he had said anything to anyone since he had had that conversation with his manager. "Here for the end."

She tilted her head. "The end? The end of what?"

"I wish it was the end. I can't- what's the point? Just let me die, please. I appreciate you coming over, but I'd like to wither away in bed. Die with the- well, go down with me."

"Levi, what are you talking about? I'm not letting you wither away, that's silly."

"Thank you for coming, Petra. I'm sorry." He tapped at his head with his fist, "Song... er.. Song of hunger is difficult to… er... It's difficult to take care of the baby. I want to set. The sun, bright, sets when the moon... Wither...I'm gonna wither into the static... I came from the hole with the other demons. So I'll set into it and leave."

Petra sighed. Sadly, she was used to these strange sentences from her friend. He often talked like this when he was in this deep, dark depression, but sometimes they came out when he was at the other end, when he was so wild and crazy with almost a rabid excitement. One time he was claiming he was going to have sex with every person in town while in the next breath saying the sky was going to swallow them because the moths were all dead. It was enough to give her a headache and make her feel like she was living in an alternate reality, but she forced herself to keep her wits about her. She placed her free hand on her hip and leaned close down to her friend's ear, saying, "Alright, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to help you get up, you're going to take a shower, and then you're going to eat something. Then we're going to clean the garbage up off the floor and the sink because I know when you snap out of this you're going to be horrified at the mess you've left. So come on baby, up you get."

He didn't resist her as she pulled the blankets back from his bed, but he also didn't help her as she lifted him up into a sitting position. It was then that she realized with a pang of disgust that his sheets smelled strongly of urine, and she wondered if he had even bothered to get up and use the bathroom since he had laid down in it. Probably not, considering. He was limp as she tried to heft him onto his feet, his muscles only barely reacting to the stimuli around them. She was lucky that when she slung an arm of his over her shoulders, his legs held him up, and when she prompted him to walk, his feet moved automatically. He was staring at nothing, still muttering things that made absolutely zero sense to her, and no matter how much what he was saying made a chill go up her spine, she resolutely ignored it and led him into his bathroom, one step at a time.

She eventually got him undressed and into a shower, but knew she wouldn't be able to close the curtain because Levi would just stand there in the spray looking around like he had no idea what to do. Today he was trying to step out of the shower, shaking the water off his face like a dog and growling, "Tainted, dead I know I'm dead. Shut up…um- we have a flight to catch. Enough, enough, enough already!"

He was scrubbing, no, clawing at his ears, as he was trying to wash them away, like they would disappear as easily as soap lather down the drain. Petra pulled his hands away from his ears, soothing the redness he left behind with his nails with her own fingers. "Levi, hold still. Let the water wet your hair."

He didn't listen to her, of course, pressing a palm over one ear and intermittently pounding at his forehead with his other one. She sighed again, choosing instead to wash around his hands.

Petra hadn't known that this was going to be what her friendship with Levi entailed. At first, it had started out normally; he was experienced as a dancer and she wanted him to help her get better. From there on they had started going out for drinks or going to the movies. From then on, she had developed a bit of a crush on him, knowing it was a bad idea. Dancers weren't supposed to become friends with their coworkers, much less date them, because many of them were into illicit activities. Who knows who could turn around and stab you in the back because you had told them too much about yourself?

However, the first time he had taken time off from work and no one knew where he was because he gave no reason for his absence, that crush shifted into something else, something far more benign. That first time she had ever entered his apartment thanks to the spare set of keys he had entrusted to her and seen the uncharacteristic squalid state of it, followed by his unwashed self holing up in his room and muttering nonsense to himself, needless to say, her crush vanished. In its place came a desire to protect her fragile friend. It was a weakness of hers, she supposed; she couldn't resist wounded things that needed someone, especially when it was clear that they had no one. And Levi had been doing this more and more over the past year.

"Sweetie, we really need to get you to a psychiatrist," she said, soaping down his body. "I know I say this every time this happens and you never listen, but you need to see someone to get this under control. Never mind the fact that you could lose your job, I'm afraid you're going to hurt yourself. And more than that, I don't know how much more of this worrying over you I can take."

When she shut off the water and wrapped a towel around him, she realized she did love him on some level. She just wasn't equipped, practically or mentally, to help someone like Levi. She herself had already come close to being fired by The Dollhouse's manager for being late to work on account of helping Levi through his states of depression, and she was certain she wouldn't be given as many chances as her friend had to improve, as she was much more replaceable.

Once she got him dressed, a difficult feat as Levi had frozen stiff and refused to cooperate, fighting her as every bit of clothing was slid over his skin, she coaxed him into the kitchen, deciding she could make him something for supper. She sat him at the table, before putting a pot of water on the stove for boiling.

Levi had pointedly forbidden her from telling anyone about his illness; Petra herself didn't know the extent of it, just that he had days where he couldn't function and said some really crazy shit. She had no idea what could possibly be wrong with him, but she also knew that any time she brought it up during his lucid moments, he refused point blank to see a doctor or anyone that could give him meds.

"I've tried anti-depressants before," he remarked to her on one occasion, "I hated how they made me feel. I was angry or sad all the time, and I felt like I was living in a fish bowl, everything was so warped and alien. Getting off of them was even worse. I simultaneously wanted to murder everything that breathed in my direction and was too scared to turn the lights off for the three days it took for my brain to regulate itself again. I couldn't tolerate the dark, because I couldn't be sure when something was going to manifest from the dark corners of my room and attack me. It's happened before, you know. So I had to stop the meds."

To Petra, it seemed like he scared of taking anything that could cloud his brain or control it in some way. Combined with all of his other fears, and the darkness that seemed to be constantly trying to fight its way out from his insides to his outsides, leaking like a perpetual vapor, as he put it, she was honestly amazed he was still alive, and hadn't taken his own life from the sheer fear or madness induced by some of the things he told her he saw.

She talked to him the entire time she cooked, figuring even if he wasn't listening, some part of him might be soothed by the sound of another human voice. She knew she had to be careful of what she said though; sometimes the wrong thing could set off a tirade of his incoherent, disjointed thoughts, and more than once she had accidentally said something that ended with him plastered into the corner of his room, crying, hiding from "the void" as he had explained to her. She definitely didn't want to go through that again, as the night had almost ended with her calling an ambulance in her panic.

So, she stayed on safe topics that night, droning on about her night at work he previous evening, how small the crowd had been since it had only been a Thursday night and how tonight was sure to be much larger since it was Friday. To her pleasant surprise, Levi had sat, completely docile, at the table, minus the fact that he had gotten his socks on his feet and his shirt was hanging off one shoulder before he had given up trying to wrestle it off. However, he was remaining quiet, his eyes flickering to her once in a while, but mostly staying fixed on no point in particular. The phrase "thousand yard stare" came to Petra's mind. She had never truly seen one until she had met Levi.

Luckily, soon after, the supper she had made was finished, and she brought it over for him at the table, bringing him a fork and some water as well. However, he made no move to take it, still staring unblinkingly at nothing.

"Come on sweetheart, you have to eat something," she prompted, trying to get his attention by tapping at the plate. When it had no effect, she said, "Come on, I know you're hungry, I hear your stomach growling from over here. It sounds like it's trying to eat itself. Even if you don't feel hungry, I'll bet if you have a bite that'll change."

Petra heard him sighed, watched his shoulders rise and fall as he did so. He blinked a few times, as if he had just awoken from a nap he hadn't meant to take, and he shook his head. Levi's eyes never focused on the plate, instead flitting around the kitchen, as if vaguely wondering how he had gotten there. His mouth opened, and Petra hoped that finally have something to say that indicated that this black depression was clearing from his head, but instead he began singing, " _You torture saints with a single glance, make them think they ever stood a chance…"_

"Levi please, could you listen to me for a minute? You have to eat something, and soon. I don't have much time before I have to start my shift, and I don't want to leave you here like this."

" _Devil devil."_

"Oh God, I don't have time for this."

Her hands shaking with frustration, she just barely managed to put some of the food on a fork and place her friend's hand around it, before tremblingly guiding it to his lips. He took the bite into his mouth, chewing it for a moment, and the taste did indeed seem to clear the tiniest bit of fog from his eyes. His pupils still had a hard time focusing, but something in his brain clicked, like two wires finding each other for a brief instant, sending a spark between them, and told him he needed to eat, that it had been far too long since he had. So, he ate a bit more quickly, Petra letting her shoulders drop the tiniest bit in relief.

He made if halfway through his food before her lost interest, putting the fork down and turning his head away, like a child trying to tell his parents that he was full. Maybe he was, and maybe he wasn't. Petra figured he could probably fit more in his belly and definitely should, but at the moment she simply didn't have the time to push him. So, she wrapped up the rest and put it in the fridge, doing her best to scramble around and clean up while she could while she was up.

Before long, she saw with horror that she was supposed to have left for the club twelve minutes ago. Petra began to make more noise in the kitchen as she moved faster, Tupperware clanging and things banging in the kitchen. "Ah shit," she hissed, "Oh Levi, I'm so sorry, I have to leave. My God, our manager is going to kill me."

Out of the corner of her vision, she saw Levi give a full body shudder, and he began to shake his head, his breathing picking up. He then began to mumble in a rapid whisper, "Static- static eating crows…he doesn't- can't know about the pit. Crash and die, crash and die, I can't see the end…. take back the vapor. Take him out of the static. Stop touching me."

"No one is touching you, Levi," she explained, hurrying even more with her cleaning up.

"It's bright. Bright, sight, first star I see tonight."

She ignored him, patience wearing thin, and then immediately feeling guilty for the fact that she was running out of patience. Petra was ready to say damn it all and call a therapist for Levi and then carry him kicking and screaming to his appointment if need be. The only thing that stopped her was the fact that, not only might the appointment end in failure with no results being achieved, but Levi might be so angry over something he would see as a betrayal that he might never speak to her again. And not only would she be saddened by that, but seeing as Levi didn't have anyone else that cared about him enough to check on him and see if he was still alive, but she felt that it was a risk she couldn't take.

So she kept her mouth shut.

"He's bright," Levi said when she approached him again, helping him up out of his chair. She held him by the waist and slowly but surely began to steer him back to his room, trying to move them along as fast as she could.

"Who is?" she wondered, though she wondered why she bothered to ask, knowing she wouldn't get a clear answer.

"The dark is scared. Scared, flared…get off the stage, er, it's him. He's bright."

She shook her head. Of course.

Once in his room, Petra helped him back in bed, putting the covers back over him again, basically leaving him how she found him. He was still mumbling various odd sentences, thankfully not fighting her, eyes unfocused on his surroundings. She brushed his hair back as she promised, "I'll be back first thing in the morning to check on you. If you need me before then, call me, okay?"

Levi wiped at his eyes and yawned, "He's bright."

"I know he is," she said, insides twisting with the need to get away from this craziness and get to work. "Now please stay here and out of trouble while I'm gone."

Her hands shook as she retracted them and she took a deep breath to steady herself. Levi blinked owlishly, tilting his head at her as if wondering who she was and what she was doing there. Petra didn't dwell on it, knowing she had to leave right then and there as she had five minutes to make a twenty minute drive. But when she turned away from the bed and began to walk towards the door, she heard Levi utter something that sent a chill up her spine and halt in her tracks.

"Eren's an angel...we demons, they kill. I should be shot. I don't want to hurt him."

It was convoluted but the clearest thing he had said all evening, and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. But before she could turn around and ask him what he meant by that, he fell silent, and Petra didn't have time anyway. She quickly jogged out of the room, out of the apartment, and into the night, her heart lodged in her throat.

But this was how it always was. She always entered Levi's home with the best intentions, and always left feeling with the feeling of darkness clinging to her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics are from Devil Devil by Milck. I hope you guys enjoyed! I have to give credit once more of Eveningstargazer piloting most of Levi's disjointed dialogue, she's the reason it's so stellar and creepy haha. I should also make mention that she recently wrote a oneshot based off this fic called "Puppet" and it's fantastic, I can't stop reading it. So please go check it out, it's in my bookmarks! Also made a moodboard for this fic, you can find it here! http://writerforthetylwythteg.tumblr.com/post/181594327365/moodboard-for-my-new-fic-those-neon-voices-you


	4. Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Devil

It was only a couple days later when Levi was finally able to get back on his feet. But by the time his episode was over, he was left feeling like he usually did; empty yet exhausted beyond belief. He vaguely remembered sleeping for the better part of two days, but it felt like it still hadn't been enough. His dreams had been full of monsters, his brain offering no respite even when he slept, reflecting the nightmares he often witnessed with his eyes open.

So, here he sat in front of his armoire in his dressing room, trying not to look at himself in the mirror, because not only was he sure the face that would look back would horrify him, but he couldn't be sure that an extra face wouldn't appear over his shoulder in the reflection as a result of his tired brain. He knew the face wouldn't be real, but then again, his mind's entire goal anymore seemed to be trying to blur the boundaries and convince him that everything he thought he knew was a dangerous illusion that he couldn't trust.

Instead, Levi kept his gaze fixed on the white, old wood in front of him. Normally, just sitting here in front of his armoire helped soothe him. He might put on music on his little stereo, often did so, in fact. The whole place was styled like something out of the twenties with modern amenities at his request. The lighting could either be kept low and smoky or bright and loud, and he altered it depending on his mood. And the music was always going.

Above all, Levi feared the silence.

When it was quiet, the voices often took full advantage to fill the void, and the more he could avoid that the better. So, the music was played in an effort to keep his mind balanced, and he could hear the muffled booming of music coming from the main stage, but the mixed songs didn't bother him. The more noise the better.

He was just about ready for his routine, but couldn't find it in himself to hype himself up. Instead, he sat there wringing his hands with anxiety. Petra, who had performed already that night, came back after her show was done to tell him that yes, Eren was in the audience. In fact, he had come back to the club every day since Levi had disappeared and if she had to guess, looking for him. The dancer groaned and wanted so badly to scrub at his face, but didn't so he wouldn't disturb the fine layer of powder he had applied to make himself appear even paler than usual. Instead, he gripped his knees, worrying the edges of the shorts he wore.

The boy was probably going to be furious with him for being gone for so long. Well, maybe not furious at first, but he certainly would be when Levi refused to explain the reason why. He could almost see it playing out in his mind's eye. Eren acting concerned, innocently wondering where he'd been. Levi unable to explain, keeping his jaw clenched shut. Eren looking dismayed, and then storming out in frustration before the night was over, leaving Levi alone. Then again, what was so bad about that? Was Levi not used to being alone?

Used to it, yes. He hugged himself around the middle, chest feeling hollow as the absence of warmth was suddenly and keenly felt. Used to it, but that didn't mean he liked it. In fact, he despised it. Almost as much as his illness that struck him down and turned him into a shadow of a person he no longer recognized, he hated that it had driven everyone he once cared about away from him, or prevented anyone from becoming too close to him. They soon grew frustrated or worse, frightened of his unexplained antics, abandoning him at the first sign of trouble. And no matter how much he pleaded, or cried, or promised he'd change, he'd do better, they never listened.

The problem with Levi was, when he loved, he couldn't help himself from loving hard. Every new relationship, even if he knew what the outcome was going to be, he just couldn't stop that tiny speck of hope that would pop up every single time. That hope that this time, this relationship was going to be different. This was the one that was going to change things, make it so that he didn't struggle on his own anymore, that he wouldn't have to wake up in bed alone and panicking so badly he couldn't hardly breathe because his mind kept producing horrible hallucinations there in the dark. That he would not have someone to take care of him, but someone he could take care of in turn, to dote on as much as they would dote on him.

But with each day, which each cycle of mania and depression and the voices in between, it seemed like the odds of that happening were growing even more remote.

Levi heard the music stop and the crowd roar their approval in the showroom, and he knew the performance had just ended. That meant there would be one more performance, and then he would be the final one of the night. Was he ready? For the first time since he had started working at this place, he wasn't sure. Just knowing that Eren was out there, had been coming looking for him night after night while Levi had, though not on purpose, hidden away from him in bed, was setting his nerves on edge.

He got up from his armoire, unable to stand the suspense any longer, put a final layer of powder on his face, adjusted his clothes, and left his dressing room. He stopped once he was backstage, hiding behind one of the many layers of curtains, pacing like a caged animal. What expression was Eren wearing out there in the audience? Did he look impatient? Hopeful, perhaps? Or was he disgusted, angered by the very thought of being forced to wait for someone he probably thought was never going to show? The stagehands were flitting back and forth, moving aside props and dragging out other in preparation for his show, but Levi ignored them. He pulled aside the curtain the tiniest bit, hoping the audience was keeping their eyes fixed firmly on the current dancer and not the curtain behind her.

The spotlight blared down into his eyes, but he managed to look around it, ignoring it in favor of searching for the slightly darkened audience. At first, he couldn't see much of anything, until the girl jumped down off the stage and the spotlight moved to follow her, illuminating her as well as the crowd. He watched as she weaved through the men in the audience, giving some lap dances or the opportunity to stick their faces in her by now unclothed breasts, but Levi didn't start really paying attention until he recognized Eren, picking his face out in the sea just beyond the end of the stage. The girl walked over to him next, placing her foot on the arm of Eren's chair while she rotated her hips over the top of his. Levi noted that while others surrounding him whistled and cheering their encouragement, eyes shining with delight, his boy looked more than a little uncomfortable. He was turning his face away, looking as if he'd much rather sink through his chair and right into the floor. He was the only one in the entire place at the moment that showed absolutely zero interest in the dancer's show at the moment, cheeks red and staring hard into the opposite wall, covering his mouth with one hand. Levi hated that he looked so uncomfortable, but in that same instant, also couldn't help the tiny bit of pride that welled up in his chest. By contrast, whenever Levi interacted with Eren, that blush had a very different connotation, and his eyes always became dark with lust while his hands wandered just where Levi wanted them. It was clear to him that he didn't have eyes for anyone but Levi.

The dancer let the curtain fall closed and laughed quietly to himself, giddiness bubbling up in his chest. Eren was clearly a man of exquisite taste; it was clear that no two dollar harlot would do when it came to sparking his interests. It was like being faced with the choice of a dollar store doll and a porcelain china doll. In Levi's opinion, that was essentially how most of the girls looked anyway. Many of them were caked with makeup that made their faces look completely different from how they were without it, and quite a few of the dancers had had their bodies artificially augmented somehow. But Levi's body was completely natural, and save from occasional powder or lip gloss, he never needed makeup to look as beautiful as he did.

Perhaps that was why so many of the dancers detested him so much.

Speaking of, just as the previous dancer's show was ending and the music cut out, he saw Angel enter his field of vision, her eyes their perpetual cold blue and a frown in place. Levi had never known her to wear anything other than that frown, as a matter of fact. She put a hand on her hip once she stopped beside him and said, "You know, Eren was here just the other night looking for you. He was talking to Rose and I, wondering if we knew where you were."

"So?" he answered, "Many patrons ask after me."

Her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit. "Yes, I'm aware of that. 'I'm looking for the pearl, do you know where he is?' 'Oh pardon me miss, no, you're not the one I'm searching for.' 'Could you point me in the direction of The Dollhouse's Petit Jouet?' Apparently the rest of us aren't good enough for them."

Levi smirked. "Is that resentment I hear?"

"You wish. Just thought I should let you know. Rose and I told him Lola was with you and that he didn't have to worry. We said you two spend a lot of time together, as a matter of fact."

The stagehands were now flitting about the place, getting Levi's props together for his show, and he knew he should be getting ready himself, putting himself in position, but he felt something awful crawl its way into his stomach and a dark itch began in his ears, a cacophony of whispers threatening to erupt. As his anxiety spiked, he heard laughter in his left ear, the one facing away from the stage, and he had to try hard to resist turning in its direction.

"What do you mean?" he asked, working to keep his voice level and not give himself away.

She shrugged one shoulder and pursed her lips nonchalantly, saying, "Just that he shouldn't bother."

Levi visibly swelled with irritation that quickly morphed into rage, and that simmering cacophony all at once exploded into a chorus of laughter, screams that reflected his anger, and taunts.

_Worthless whore!_

_He hates you, he'll leave you._

_Why do you bother, why can't you die, waste of oxygen, why can't you-_

_Eren will be better off, you'll kill him. Kill him, kill him._

He hissed. "That's a lie and you know it!"

Angel just pushed her hair back behind her ear, before saying, "Yes, but _he_ doesn't know that. Just looking out for you. You need to stick with the patrons that are going to give you the really good money. Based on that kid's clothes, he looks like he couldn't afford half a third class plane seat, and that type of man isn't worth wasting your time on. Plus, he's a nervous prude who's afraid to even look at a woman's breasts. I'd look elsewhere if I were you."

Levi bared his teeth at her, spitting, "I'd shut my fucking mouth right now if I were"-

"Jouet, you're on in one minute!" one of the stagehands called, "Get into position!"

"Yeah, _Jouet,"_ she drawled, "Get into position. The audience is waiting to play with you."

With that, she took her leave, hips swaying as she walked, eventually disappearing behind a backstage door. Levi's blood was boiling as he backed against the pole, and as he kneeled down to sit on his knees, he could feel his thighs and ankles practically shaking with the tension. Who was she to say things like that? Besides, Eren would never believe that crap that she told him about him and Lola having an affair, especially not after the way they had danced that one night. Clearly he cared about Levi enough to keep checking in on him. He didn't have anything to worry about.

Right?

He shivered, that awful thought taking up residence in the base of his skull. Eren wouldn't just up and leave him, would he? Some part of him whispered, _Oh, but he might_. In reality, he and the boy knew almost nothing about each other, and therefore didn't have, much to go on. He might actually believe it. But Eren had come again that night, so that meant he must have thought it was all ridiculous. But perhaps he had come back to just confirm what he already suspected? Levi's head was beginning to spin, both from his own thoughts and the thoughts of his monsters, hissing and spitting his poisonous insecurities at him. That Eren hated him, would leave him just as they had begun to grow close. That he was already tainting the angel enough to possibly hurt him, or kill him.

But as the curtain rose, Levi squashed down the voices as best he could. He set his expression into something powerful and sultry, and knew that this was it. No matter what Eren had heard, he had to prove Angel wrong. He had to make it so that the boy didn't want anyone else in the club but him. He would have to show him that there was no affair going on, and that Levi was just as disinterested in the other patrons as Eren was in the other dancers.

Well, here went nothing.

The lights were blinding him at first, the spotlight fixed upon him as it was. The beat was light, swinging and sassy, and a sense of calm prickled along his limbs as he went into his Jouet headspace. Levi was gripping the pole with his arms raised over his head, clothes restricting him just the smallest bit. For once, he was dressed in a similar fashion to the other dancers, wearing a Lolita styled outfit, just a more masculine version of one. He looked almost like an English schoolboy, with the high socks and garters and sliver buttons on his vest. However, the buttons were already open near the top, once again exposing his collarbones.

Eren had quite liked those the last time he had seen them, he noticed.

_I pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy_

_Just like all of my thoughts they always get a bit naughty_

As soon as that first stanza was through and the music kicked on, Levi began swaying his hips, much to the delight of the crowd if their whistles were anything to go by. Most of the men really liked this schoolboy persona he sometimes pulled out. He supposed it made him look more childish and doll-like than he already did. They did like people and things where it looked like they could control them, it seemed.

_When I'm out with my girls I always play a bit bitchy_

_Can't change the way I am sexy naughty bitchy me_

He played up his expression so that he looked innocent but precocious all the same, not an easy thing to pull off. He kept his face tilted to the side, his neck bared for his audience's hungry eyes. He rolled his body up and down the pole, turning around many times so that he could stick his ass out towards the audience, as if in invitation for them to spank it. He saw some of the men reaching out to do so, looking frustrated when he moved out of the way at the last minute. Instead, Levi spanked himself, his pert rear shivering in the light in reaction. He offered the disappointed patrons an apologetic grin that wasn't sincere in the slightest, as if to say, _I know you wish it was you touching this ass but it won't be until I say so._

_I may seem unapproachable but that's only to the boys who don't have the_

_right approach or ride that makes a girl like me want to hop in and roll_

He lay down on the stage, arching his back and playing with his shorts, rolling the legs even further up his thighs, revealing the milky flesh, before running his fingers down the inside of his own thighs while tilting his head back, fixing the nearest patron with an innocent, curious look, as if he had no idea why the man was gazing at him with such dark, hungry eyes. Levi moved his hands down and around to cup at his own rear, giving it a squeeze, before reaching up to squeeze at a nipple through his thin vest. He let his eyes flutter shut and his lips part, as if the pleasure was too much for him to bear.

He didn't resist grinning when he heard the raucous cheers rise up from them.

_My mouth never takes a holiday_

_I always shock with the things I say_

_I was always the kid in school who turned up to each class bout an hour late and_

_When it comes to the guys I'd lay, I'd always pick the ones who won't figure out that_

_I was clearly rebel to the idea of monogamy_

With that, Levi rose from the stage and sashayed over to his pole once again, making a show of bending over as he picked up his basket that had been placed there, shaking his ass enticingly. When he had his basket, his hopped nimbly down, looking very much like a cat and making about as little noise as he did so. He strutted over to the first patron's table, pulling a yellow flower out of his basket and handing it to him, which the man took gladly, but not until Levi let him grope his ass a few times and pull down his shorts partway to stick his money in them. He swore he felt him try his fingers in between his ass cheeks as well before he straightened up, wagging a finger in the man's face in a gesture of playful chiding. He ran a finger under the man's chin, before he moved onto the next table, leaving the man panting after him, dazed with lust. He then draped himself dramatically atop the next table, laying on his back while holding the next flower but a single petal delicately between his teeth. The patron at the table crawled up his body before taking the flower in his own teeth, slowly, looking Levi in the eye the entire time he did so. The dancer felt the man grind himself between his legs for a moment, and Levi laughed, though on the inside he wanted to crawl away and wash himself as thoroughly as he could. As if in answer to his discomfort, he could see the vapor from under his skin rising up to encircle the man, seeping into his skin, turning it gray with disease.

That's right. That was the price for finding pleasure in his body. Everything that touched him would wither and die a sickening, painful death.

That was the only hint of satisfaction he was given as he went from table to table, giving the patrons their yellow flowers, hips still swinging to the beat. He was forced to keep a large, sweet smile on his face despite the fact that he felt sick and his anxiety spiked every time he felt a hand on his skin. He hated that they did it, and hated that while he disliked it, he was also used to it. Feeling their touch was almost as natural to him as the breath in his lungs.

However, there was one of course whose touch he found that he actually craved, which was a feeling as foreign as it was wonderful.

Once Levi left the previous patron's table, neck wet and tingling uncomfortably with the remnants of saliva from the man kissing his neck sloppily, he looked around until he saw a comforting pair of green eyes practically glowing in the dark, eyes catching the light of Levi's spotlight. This time, when he headed toward them, he felt as if he was being pulled in their direction, drawn in like a magnet. He was helpless to stop himself, caught up in his own selfishness as he was. That was the problem, wasn't it? He always told himself he had to stay away from that lovely angel, that he'd destroy him if he touched him, but when he saw his face, all of those thoughts melted away in the brilliance of the light he emitted. They were like snowflakes being faced with the warmth of the springtime sun; they didn't stand a chance.

Levi confirmed to this surprise that Eren was here alone today, and even more surprising, as soon as he saw that Levi was coming towards him, he positively beamed, teeth all pearly white and eyes bright with his joy. He knew he should keep up with the song, and he tried to keep his hips swaying to the beat. But instead of playing his part like he knew he should, Eren reached up in his seat when Levi got close enough, and looked like he wanted to pull him into an embrace, but hesitated, pulling his hand back and cradling it to his chest. His eyes were averted, as if he was afraid of what Levi might do if he touched him without invitation, and the sight of his smile disappearing so abruptly broke Levi's heart. So, the dancer leaned down, holding his basket out of the way, and pulled the boy into a one armed embrace. Eren stiffened in surprise, before reaching up and squeezing him more tightly, wrapping his arms around his upper back. Something within Levi thrummed, a humming in his head that for once wasn't unpleasant, and was noticeable even over the music, and ever nerve of his felt alive, every fiber picking its head up in unison, alerted to a new sensation that had never felt before. Something soft, something cozy, and yet something also far too complex and big for him to understand at that moment, so he let it be and just inhaled the smell of Eren's cologne, feeling dizzy as he did so.

He wished he could stay in that embrace for hours, once voice remarking that it felt like being inside the sun, but alas, he had to continue his performance. He was in enough trouble as it was, he could only imagine his boss throwing a fit over embracing a patron for completely nonsexual reasons. So quickly, he turned on the charm again, but for the first time in a long time, it felt genuine to him.

"I hear you've been missing me?" he said coyly, plopping himself in Eren's lap and throwing his legs onto the arm of his chair.

The boy laughed lightly, though the worry clearly shone through in his eyes, making Levi's gut twist. "Only a little. I just…I know you don't owe me an explanation as to why you were gone, as much as I'd like to know. I'm just glad you're alright."

The dancer's heart stuttered in his chest. Oh, his boy truly was an angel. He wasn't going to demand an explanation though he was about what had happened, though he was clearly owed one? The guilt he had been harboring flared harshly to life, making him feel nauseous. For a moment, the music faded and the cheers of the patrons became muted as Levi stared into his eyes, wanting nothing more than to tell him the truth as to why he had been gone, the painful honesty and sweetness in Eren's gaze compelling him to do so. But instead, he slipped back into character, though it was getting harder to do so when he didn't want to, and reached into his basket, and pulled out a single white flower that sat right on top. Carefully, so as not to bruise the petals, he took one of Eren's hands and placed it in his open palm.

"It's a gardenia," he explained. "The others all got yellow carnations. Just so as you know."

He winked at the boy, who looked down at the flower in confusion, before glancing back up at Levi's face. The dancer laughed softly, before leaning forward so that his lips were right next to his ear, and said, "Meet me on the dancefloor later. I have another gift for you."

He then ran his tongue over the outer shell of Eren's ear, laughing at the yip the boy made in response. As he got up off of his lap and walked away, he watched his face for a while, delighting in the fact that Eren was holding a hand over the ear Levi had licked, and his face was clearly blazing with color. But he also very carefully holding the flower Levi had given him, keeping it against his chest so that he didn't risk dropping it.

The dancer smiled sweetly at him, and he certainly hoped he liked his present. He had worked on it for days just for Eren, after all.

000

As promised, Eren found Levi after the show was over with, although thankfully he wasn't directly on the dancefloor, but instead slightly off to the side, arms folded and leaning off to the side like a boy waiting for his prom date to meet him right before they raced off to some illicit late night tryst. Eren certainly liked the gleam in the other's eye, and when he stood in front of him and Levi took his hand and began to lead him away, his heart pounded in anticipation.

"Where are we going?" he asked, trying not to let his excitement leak into his voice, but obviously failing based on Levi's answer.

"So eager. I like that. We're going into one of the back rooms reserved for the more…private dances." He looked over his shoulder, a teasing smile on his face, and instantly Eren felt himself enter the headspace of a husband dazed by lust letting his flirtatious wife lead him up the stairs for a night of frisky thrills, and he couldn't say that he didn't like it.

When they entered the room, Eren was amazed at how dim the lighting was, and the fact that it was all in soft, neon red. There were a couple of couches and chairs, all plush and soft looking, as well as a stereo system that looked shiny and expensive. The door clicked shut behind them after Levi flipped a small "in use" sign over on the outside of the door, before he gently led the boy over to one of the chairs. He pulled out said chair away from the wall so that it sat more in the center of the room, before carefully pushing Eren down into the seat. He smiled down at him, simply gazing on him for a moment loving how excited but unsure he looked, simply waiting to be led around by the dancer.

"What?" Eren wanted to know.

Levi shook his head. "Nothing. I just like what you did with the flower."

The boy glanced down at where he had placed the gardenia, right in the chest pocket of his shirt. He smiled sheepishly and shrugged, saying, "Well, it seemed like the safest place to put it. And I wanted everyone to see it."

"You did, did you?"

"Well, I mean…so, um, I couldn't figure out what you meant. About the flowers."

Levi sidled up a little closer, smiling a little bigger at the blush that had sprung up on Eren's face. It only flamed brighter when Levi said, "Well, the yellow carnations mean 'disdain."

The boy blinked, letting the words process for a moment, before he started snickering. "And you gave one to everyone in the club, oh my God Levi you little monster."

The dancer's smile grew slightly sad at those words, but he knew Eren didn't know the implication of them. Besides, he didn't seem to notice in the low light in the room, so Levi just replied, "They all deserve it. No one looks up flower meanings anyway."

When Eren finally stopped laughing, he asked haltingly, "And the gardenia? I'm almost afraid to ask at this point."

"Don't be," Levi assured him, placing both hands on his shoulders and massaging them lightly. Eren looked down at his hands, before looking up into their owner's face, his lips parted slightly in surprise. "Gardenia means 'I like you.'"

Eren's heart skipped five beats right then, he was sure of it, and the blood momentarily stopped circulating in his body to drain from his head and make him so ridiculously dizzy that he swore he was going to fall right out of this plush chair. He knew Levi had told him he was interesting before, but to be told that he actually liked him? Even if he didn't mean that romantically at all, earning the dancer's interest and affection in some way…he wanted to die. It was too much for him to comprehend. He squeaked a few times, forming half sentences, but otherwise nothing coherent, and his utter surprise had Levi laughing all over again.

"I'm sorry, did I break you a little?" he said in the midst of his laughter, soothingly stroking Eren's shoulders in apology.

"Try a lot," the boy replied, grinning up at him. "Whatever am I going to do with you?"

Levi finally stopped his laughing, and his smile turned from teasing to something dangerous. He backed away from him and slowly made his way over to the stereo system, shoes clicking against the hardwood flower ominously. "Nothing," he eventually replied, hooking up the IPod laying next to the stereo and selecting a song. "Nothing except sit back and enjoy the show."

Once more, Eren began to feel dizzy in anticipation, unsure if he was elated or extremely nervous. Possibly a combination of both. As Levi began to stalk back over to the rhythm of the song's beat, he found himself stuttering, "I've, um, I'm sorry, I've never had a lap dance before."

"Ah, a lap dance virgin, eh?" he replied. He stopped once he was in front of Eren, once again placing his hands on his shoulders and massaging them softly. "Don't worry. I'm not expecting you to do anything except keep your hands to yourself. Aw no, don't look so nervous, silly, you're supposed to enjoy yourself. Relax, baby. It's alright."

At those words, some of the tension flowed right out of Eren's body. Levi's voice was so soft and deep, wrapping itself around him and commanding him in a way that didn't feel overly dominating, but sweet and supportive, to just be easy and take the experience as it was given. There was no pressure, no expectations. Everything was okay. So Eren took a deep breath and let it out, trying to fully immerse himself in this little fantasy Levi was going to make for them.

The beat soon started to kick in, a heady, deep, sultry beat that had Levi hips swaying in a way that should be illegal. He straddled Eren's lap, placing a leg on each side of Eren's thighs, spreading his own in a way that had the boy biting back a whimper. He swallowed it down, and Levi did not miss the movement of his throat, or how still he had become, hands gripping the armrests of his chair, making the leather creak imperceptibly.

_Devil, devil_

_Bones of metal metal_

_You torture saints with a single glance_

_Make them think they ever stood a chance_

Levi was moving his hips in small, circular motions, and Eren was trying so hard to be good, to be a gentleman and keep his eyes locked on the other's face, but his eyes kept flicking down to his hips, how smoothly they moved, how none of Levi except for his hands was touching Eren. Levi noticed how he was trying to keep his eyes on his face and yet wanted to look downwards, how it looked physically painful not to, and he couldn't help but laugh softly. The boy was far too innocent for his own good.

"It's okay, Eren, you can watch," he reassured him. But this didn't seem to alleviate any of the boy's anxiety.

Levi was very surprised when he boy asked him next, "Do you want me to watch? I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I um, I don't want to be like those patrons you hate."

Good God, what was this kid? Levi couldn't handle being told this things, had absolutely no idea how to react. This kid…what was he going to do with him?

"You're not," he told him emphatically. "I told you, I like you, and the reason for that is because you're nothing like them. I've never had to tell a patron they could watch or ask for my permission to watch me. What I have had to tell people was to stop trying to put their fingers in my ass, or their dicks, or whatever." He shuddered at the memories, and he saw Eren's eyes widen, horrified that anyone would try and violate him like that. "But you're okay. I want you to watch me, alright Eren? It's- I have to be honest, the thought of _you_ watching me is kind of turning me on, you know?"

Eren swallowed again, very hard. "I have an idea."

Levi kept moving his hips, still refusing to touch the boy with his lower half. "This private dance is also a way for me to apologize for being gone for so long, and for making you worry. No, now don't say that, I know I don't owe you an explanation, but- while I can't give you a full explanation, and I'm sorry for that, just know I was sick and that's why I couldn't come in. But I'm much better now."

Eren sighed in relief, and the older man felt his shoulders rise and fall under his hands, before he said, "I'm so glad. And while you didn't have to do this to apologize to me…I appreciate it."

"I'm glad. Now," he placed his thumb on Eren's lips, effectively silencing him and making the boy's eyes pop out of their sockets, "Hush up."

As he pulled his thumb away, Eren grinned, looking very much like the eager schoolboy Levi had been playing earlier. He sat up eagerly, would have moved to the edge of his seat if the other man hadn't been in the way. The dancer chuckled deep in his chest, before removing the cravat he still had tied around his neck, left over from his performance, and looping it around Eren's. The boy's eyes widened again.

"Forget about everything but me," Levi said lowly. "Right now, you're mine to do with as I want. Do you like the idea of that?"

Eren nodded dazedly, saying lamely, "Uh huh." Honestly Levi could have told him he was going to throw him to the crows at that moment and the boy would have let him. That voice was too commanding, far too sultry for Eren's poor inexperienced, helplessly excited self. That, combined with the voice of the singer and the smoky, humid atmosphere of this dimly lit, red room, Eren was finally beginning to lose himself.

_You take the shape of_

_Everything that I'm drawn to_

_You take the shape of_

_Everything that I'm drawn to_

_But your eyes_

_Are dead and red_

_Red as rust_

That was the problem, wasn't it? Eren had no idea what he had wanted before he walked through the doors of The Dollhouse. But as Levi sat above him gyrating his hips, sliding that cravat across his neck and making the fine hairs on the back of it stand up, he thought he was beginning to get an idea. He was sure Levi was ruining him for anyone else, man or woman. A small, niggling thought that he tried not to take too much to heart was telling him if he couldn't have Levi, he wasn't sure he wanted anyone else. It was such dangerous thinking, knowing the kind of life this man had to leave as a dancer…no, a stripper, but in that moment, Eren was so hopelessly lost in Levi, in this small room, in the thick, sweet smells and slow, delicious movements of the body above him, that he didn't care.

"Good boy," Levi whispered huskily, raising a leg and placing his foot on Eren's armrest. He sighed dreamily and let his head fall back, exposing his lovely, vulnerable throat. Levi's crotch grew exponentially closer to his face, hips thrusting sinuously, and Eren exhaled a gentle moan. Blood was rushing harshly between his legs, and he could practically feel his pulse throbbing in his groin. Even from here, he could feel the heat from Levi's body radiating onto his face and could smell his musky, masculine scent. Also, it appeared he wasn't the only one aroused, because he could swear he saw a hint of bulge forming in Levi's own pants.

Well, he had said that Eren watching him dance like this did turn him on, didn't he?

"Such a good boy," Levi breathed, "I know you must want to touch me so badly, don't you? You want to massage my dick and make me moan for you? I am very sensitive, and I've been told that I make lots of pretty noises."

"Yeah," the boy whispered, and holy fuck had his voice grown hoarse, he had never heard himself sound like that before.

"But you won't, will you, because you want to be good for me?"

"I'll be a good boy, Levi. I won't touch you like those other men do. I'm not like them. I want to protect you, take my time with you, go nice and slow because you deserve it. You're so _beautiful,_ so sweet and special and you have such a good heart. I'm so lucky to have met you. I want to be a good boy for you so you'll let me touch you when you're ready."

Levi couldn't have been more shocked if he tried. Honestly, he was more or less expecting Eren to tell him he wanted to fuck him on the couch behind them. But he didn't know what to do with these sweet words the boy was pouring over him. They made Levi's face flush and his heart swell with foreign affection. It ran deeper than anything he had felt before for anyone, and to be honest, it frightened him a great deal. But he covered it up, swallowing down his emotions, and instead finally rewarding Eren for his pretty words by softly sitting on his lap and delicately rubbing the very tips of their respective bulges together.

The touch was electrifying, and Eren's head fell back while his eyes fluttered shut, lips parting with a gasp. His expression was so gentle and innocent, full of naïve lust never fully realized with another partner before that it almost broke Levi's heart. How were people not throwing themselves at this sweet, perfect boy? The dancer ground their arousals together more firmly, making the downy hairs on both of their bodies stand up straight and goosebumps to form on their arms. Eren's groin was so wonderful hot and even a bit damp, from sweat or something else he didn't know, but he was enjoying it far more than he should.

_Do not try me devil devil_

_Cannot buy me devil devil_

_You won't make a fool of me oh no_

_What makes you so special special_

_to think i would ever settle_

_For that devious dance between you and me devil devil_

"Oh baby, you're so hard right now," Levi whispered, "so turned on. You have such a pretty 'o' face, you know."

"I do?" Eren squeaked. His knuckles were white from gripping the chair and he was sure his entire body had gone numb other than his groin, but somehow he was able to form words. The other man nodded in response, his eyes lidded heavily and his expression beyond sinful.

"You do. Mmm, you feel good against me. So warm, and you smell so nice." He hissed, an unexpected spike of pleasure from a particularly hard grind in just the right place taking him off guard. "God Eren, you're so sweet and perfect. Nobody has made me feel this good in a long time. What a special, good boy you are."

Eren whined at those words of praise, a long, high sound he had never heard himself make before, and he was very surprised at the reaction they elicited from him. His arousal grew almost painful, hearing Levi praise him over and over again, hearing things he had only wished for in his fantasies of the other man. It was an experience unlike any other.

"Levi," he wheezed, and then pleaded, "Levi, Levi…"

"I know, I know, shh," he cooed, rubbing his thumbs along Eren's cheeks. "Shh baby, I know. I know you want to touch me. I know you're so hard right now that it hurts because I'm the same way. You can feel every beat of your heart in your dick and it feels so good but it burns at the same time, doesn't it? I know." He let his hips circle around Eren's again a few times, before thrusting hard again and moaning low in his throat, feeling the boy's humid breaths fanning against his cheeks.

"Can I hug you?" Eren begged. "Please Levi? I just- I need something to hold. I feel like I'm spinning away, I can barely feel the chair under me anymore and it's kind of scaring me. I won't go any further down, I promise, just please."

Levi found himself nodding along, hearing the distress in the boy's voice, and unable to deny him, he said, "Okay, go ahead."

His arms snaked up and held him in a close, firm embrace, nose burying itself in his neck. It felt so mind numbingly good to hold Levi against him, his solid, bony little body so warm against Eren's. The boy couldn't believe that he could feel every expansion of his ribs against his chest, and he wondered if they were wearing nothing if he'd be able to feel their hearts beating together. Levi smelled terribly good, making the boy feel even dizzier than he already was, and he couldn't resist thrusting up against the other man. Levi embraced him back, feeling wonderfully warm and safe in Eren's arms instead of constricted like he feared he might. And true to his word, the other boy kept his arms tightly against his upper back, digging his fingers into the waistcoat he wore.

"Levi!" Eren gasped warningly, "I'm- oh shit, Levi!"

The other man had no idea when this became more about getting off rather than the lap dance, but he was pretty sure if he didn't come right then and if Eren didn't come as well, he would die. He had never wanted to get someone off so badly in his life, and he couldn't believe that thought was crossing his mind.

"Go ahead," Levi gasped, eyes shutting, breathing embarrassingly hard. "I think I'm close too."

It only took a few more thrusts, before the boy was done, coming with a cry and shaking violently against the other man. For Levi, feeling the shudders of Eren's body, feeling his groin become exponentially warmer and wetter against his own, did him in, and he followed soon after. The boy was left holding him upright in his lap, the two of them panting and holding each other close. And when Levi finally pulled back, seeing Eren's hair mussed and sweaty, strands of it sticking to his forehead, with Levi's cravat hanging around his neck, he felt that he hadn't seen something so wonderful in a long time.

"That was really cool," he said, "I haven't gotten off to just frot in a long time. You're something special-"

"Go out with me."

The dancer blinked, unsure if he had heard that right. "Come again?"

Eren snickered at his choice of words, and Levi rolled his eyes, flicking his nose. "You know what I meant, brat," he reiterated.

The boy rubbed at his nose, still smiling. "And I know you heard what I said. But I'll say it again anyway since it's clear you have orgasm brain"-

"There's no such thing as"-

"Shush, you. I want you to go on a date with me. Well, if you'll have me."

A date, huh? God this kid was too cute. Levi could swear he felt his teeth rotting from how adorable and full of sugar he was. He couldn't help replying, "Well, after an orgasm like that, I can't just let you go, can I?"

Eren rolled his eyes to the ceiling, but could see that the other man was joking, and said, "You're going to be the death of me you cheeky little devil."

Levi's heart fell slightly, though he kept his smile on his face. He knew the boy didn't mean it, but he had no idea how closely those words hit home.

And if he had his way, he never would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First song used is the Tata Young song Sexy Naughty Bitchy, the second is Devil Devil by Milck.


	5. Silence

Levi rolled his eyes to the high heavens as he thought about what a cliché he was, standing in front of a mirror right before his date. This was ridiculous; Eren was going to be here in twenty minutes to pick him up. If he didn't look fine now, he wasn't going to look fine at all. And why was he worrying over whether or not he looked fine? This was never something cropped up whenever he went out with other guys before.

Then again, whenever he usually went out with men, his clothes never stayed on his body long enough for the other party to notice what he was wearing. They always insisted they looked much better on the floor anyway. In fact…when the hell was the last time he had even gone on a date?

He froze in smoothing down his shirt. Christ, it had to have been since he was a teenager. When he wracked his brain, he couldn't think of any real dates that he had been on recently. The last one he remembered was back in high school over a decade ago, flashes returning to him swinging in a park and sneaking into his boyfriend's house at an ungodly hour in the morning, the two of them shushing each other as they snuck into his room. But other than that, he couldn't remember a single instance of a real date with intimacy and sweetness and all that cute stuff since then.

Had he really never had a date for the entirety of his adult life?

Levi shuddered at the thought. He supposed he had never really noticed, so caught up in the rush of trying to survive on his own after his mom's passing and wondering where his next meal was coming from, and then soon after that, starting to hear the voices in his head like he did. At that point, romance had been the last thing on his mind. Honestly, for the most part, it still was. But Eren had been so sweet and earnest, and Levi found the light that seemed to shine from him so compelling that he just couldn't find in it him to say no.

He would just have to be very careful, he supposed. Part of the reason he always avoided dates with people was that it was more time for them to figure out that there was something amiss with him. It was easier to put up the charade of normalcy if he only spent a day or two with them, as well as ensure his own safety. However, he was very certain nothing bad wouldn't happen to him while he was with Eren. Levi felt that by now he was good at reading people, and the boy was far too sincere and honest for him to come across as shifty. The tradeoff though was that he'd have to work harder to pretend that he couldn't hear the voices that he knew would be whispering to him the entire time, trying to sabotage his date the moment he began to enjoy it.

Of course, they were already wasting no time.

 _You look disgusting, why do you bother?_ one said.

 _Don't even try and pretend you're good,_ another taunted. _You'll always be a demon no matter what you wear._

"I know," Levi sighed, pulling on a dark grey, long sweater. "But for right now I'm going to pretend, alright? I'm going to pretend I'm not a demon. And I've got to thinking, Eren is so bright and has so much light surrounding him, maybe he's immune to my touch? I haven't seen him wither up or turn gray like the others. I'll bet the light protects him."

 _For now,_ one sneered. _If you touch him too much I bet it'll break down. No one is safe from you._

 _The world is an awful place full of awful people,_ someone added. _You're one of them. You deserve it if this boy decides he's sick of you and never talks to you again after this._

"You're wrong," Levi insisted, though he didn't know why he bothered. He didn't believe his own words anymore. "The world is…"

_You're not going to say that it's beautiful, are you?_

"No. But _he_ is. I won't let you ruin him for me, I won't. I'm not yours to play with."

A chorus of laughter erupted in his mind, and Levi began scrubbing at his ears again, trying to make them stop. But they didn't, of course. They were always so much more vicious when he was nervous about something.

_You know he just tolerates you because he likes how you look. When he gets tired of you and your shenanigans, he'll leave you._

_He just wants you for sex. That's all you're good for, isn't it? No one cares about you beyond the fact you've got warm, wet holes for them to use._

_It'd be better if you just died._

_You're not worth the shit that comes out of your ass or the air you pull into your gross lungs._

"Eren thinks I'm worth it," Levi argued weakly, sitting down on his bed and holding his head between his hands. He massaged at his temples, feeling tears sting his eyes.

 _No he doesn't,_ they hissed. _He feels bad for you._

 _Oh don't start crying you disgusting cunt, no one feels bad for you,_ a woman's voice growled.

But he couldn't help it. The tears welled up and began rolling down his cheeks, yet he didn't bother wiping them away. What was the point? The voices were always right, hadn't been proven wrong yet. When they first started years ago, he had already felt worthless and disgusting, already told himself those things; they were just amplifying those things he already knew about himself, so why would they be wrong now? Eren would leave him like the rest, would see how wretched and nasty he was, and would leave him. Then Levi would have no one.

_You deserve to be alone._

_You don't deserve happiness. Happiness exists for good people and you're not a good person._

_How about you save Eren the annoyance of dealing with you and just kill yourself before he comes?_

Levi shook his head feebly. "No…I couldn't."

 _You can,_ something whispered enticingly into his right ear, almost as if it was sitting on the bed right next to him. _You have knives in your drawer, or that bottle of antidepressants sitting in your cabinet. You live on the fourth floor of your complex, you could jump if you wanted. It'd be so easy. You wouldn't have to go to The Dollhouse ever again, or hurt anyone ever again. Eren would go on with his life. He'd forget about in a month and find someone else much better for him. Petra wouldn't have to suffer through taking care of you anymore. She hates you so much. Everything would be so much better for everyone if you didn't exist. And do you want to know the best part?_

He shivered, lifting his head slightly from its hunched over position. "What?"

_You would never have to hear us talking to you ever again._

That, above all else, was the most tempting thing he had ever heard. He could still vaguely remember what it was like for his head to be completely silent beyond the thoughts he filled he filled it with himself, and while those thoughts weren't always pleasant, it was still more pleasant than hearing things that scared him so badly he'd spring awake at night from a dead sleep, or seeing things that made him bolt from his apartment entirely and hide in the parking garage until someone found him the next morning and asked if he needed an ambulance.

And Eren…

Well, like the voice said, he'd move on with his life and forget about Levi. Everyone would, and they'd be better off for it. He'd be like a stain on their lives that they'd wash out with no problem, and he himself could find peace at last. He looked towards his bathroom, knowing the solution to his problem lay in that bottle in his cabinet. He just wanted it quiet so badly, just wanted the pain to stop, but wanted the pain others received from dealing with him to stop too. He didn't deserve to live, not really. He sighed heavily, pushing himself off the bed and walked out of his room.

But before he could go any further, he heard a knock at his door, and he froze.

"Eren," he whispered to himself. Was it already eleven? His heart started to pound in panic. What should he do? He was already halfway to the bathroom.

 _Keep going,_ the same raspy voice from before prompted. _Do it quickly. He can't get in to stop you. Do it before you taint him further._

Levi hesitated. He heard another knock at the door, and then Eren calling his name. A pan went through his heart at the sound of his voice. It was as if, even without seeing him, he could feel the light emanating from him as his voice entered his ears. It instantly soothed his pounding heart, making him feel less like a shriveled, horrid demon and more like a human being. He still heard the voice chanting in his head, but found it easier to ignore as he walked to the door, almost in a trance-like state. Almost as if someone else was controlling his body, he found himself opening the door to see Eren's innocent, pristine, smiling face on the other side. However, his smile disappeared the instant he processed Levi's appearance, face morphing into a look of concern.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked. He bent over slightly to scrutinize the other man's face closer. Levi averted his eyes, though he knew there was nothing he could do to hide himself from his gaze. "You look like you've been crying."

Levi shrugged. He supposed it was rather obvious. His eyes were red and still glassy, and his cheeks were red and stained with tear tracks. He sniffed and wiped at his face in a useless effort to cover up the evidence.

"I'm fine," he insisted, but Eren didn't look like he was fooled, fixing him with a critical look.

"You're not. How about we reschedule? I can leave you alone, if that's what you'd prefer. You won't enjoy our date if you're upset about something. Or we can talk about it if you want?"

Levi's eyes widened; being left alone was the last thing in the world he wanted right now. He wasn't sure he'd be able to stop himself from going in that bathroom if Eren left. And if he did leave, it would just confirm what the voices had been telling him.

_You deserve it, worthless. You deserve him leaving you. You're pathetic, disgusting, he doesn't want to be around you because he hates you so much, he just won't admit-_

Taking Levi's silence and glazed look as confirmation that yes, he wanted Eren to leave, the boy smiled politely and began to step back out of the way. The older man gasped in shock and his hands darted out to grab Eren's retreating ones, exclaiming, "No! No, wait, don't leave! I want to go."

Eren stared down at their hands for a moment, before trailing his gaze up Levi's arm to the man's face, wondering dubiously, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he insisted, nodding for emphasis. "I'm feeling better now, I promise! I want to go. Please can we go?"

He stared him down for a moment, putting on his psychologist hat for a brief moment to try and decipher for himself whether or not Levi really was okay and telling the truth. He was smiling, but the smile wasn't convincing, wasn't reaching his eyes. Instead, there almost seemed to be fear hiding in their gray depths, though fear of what, Eren had no idea. If it was fear from something in the apartment though, he supposed he should definitely get Levi out of here, as he'd be much safer with him.

"Alright," he eventually agreed.

Levi perked right up at hearing that, hastily scooting out the door while locking it behind him as Eren followed, still not convinced. The other man could tell that he wasn't convinced either, and tried to distract him by saying, "Thanks for driving us today."

"No problem," he replied. "I figured it was the only fair, since I was the one that asked you."

"And since you're the one being a jerk and not telling me where we're going," Levi quipped, looking over his shoulder behind him and sticking out his tongue. Eren rolled his eyes, but was happy to note that the minute they walked out of the door to the complex, Levi seemed more at ease, most of the fear having left his face, though some traces of it remained in the tenseness of his shoulders.

Part of that was also holding back the real reason why he was happy Eren was the one driving. Anymore, Levi was scared to because sometimes he heard things that weren't really there, such a horn honking, or one of his voices saying something at just the right time to startle him. More than once he saw things on the road that weren't there either, like a non-existent pothole or a creature leaping from the shadows, and all of these things had made him swerve in order to avoid what was there. He had already gotten into a couple of minor accidents that had nonetheless frightened the life out of him and made it so that he was far too scared to drive on his own anymore. For the most part anymore, he just walked to work, ignoring the distance, fear keeping him from trying to drive again. At least if he heard something odd in the car, he wasn't the one behind the wheel.

"I am so sorry your highness," Eren replied, though by the grin he flashed him he wasn't sorry at all. "But if I told you it would ruin the surprise. Just know that this is one of my favorite places in the world, and I go here when I want to escape reality for a while. It really helps me destress, and I figure we could both always use that, yeah? Besides, I, um, I actually haven't really shown this place to anyone. Ever. So you'll be the first."

"Really?" Levi said with awe. "Wow. I'm honored. And much more excited than I was before."

The boy heard the sincerity in his voice, and it made him feel warm inside to hear it. "I hope you'll like it. And I'm glad you dressed warm. You'll need it."

Levi had to admit, when they left town and began to drive more into the countryside, when the houses began to melt away and farms began to dot the landscape instead, he grew even more excited. Eren couldn't help but grin as he watched him excitedly point out cows and horses grazing in pastures that had only just begun to grow grass again, early in spring as it still was. He was almost acting like a child, and it was painfully apparent to the boy that he didn't go out to places like this much. Well, he figured he would just have to make a mental note to bring Levi to the country more often. It did the mind good to get away from the constant noise and stress of the city once in a while.

When they pulled into a gravel parking lot filled with only a couple of other cars, Levi perked right up, craning his neck to see if he could figure out where they were. The sign they passed on the way in indicated that they were at some kind of park, but which park that was he couldn't be certain.

"Are we going hiking?" he asked hopefully, unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Yeah," Eren told him, doing the same. "I hope that's okay?"

Levi heard a hissing in his ear and an eerie growl, but resisted turning in its direction. He felt a chill from the fear they sounds instilled in him and barely prevented himself from jumping a foot in the air. Instead, he rubbed his forearm, trying to banish the goosebumps he now had and warm himself back up. "Yes! I haven't been hiking in ages," he said eagerly. "Eren, you genius, how did you know this was what I needed?"

The boy snorted, opening his door and swinging his legs around, feet crunching in the gravel once they settled in it. "Sometimes I have good ideas. Jean would tell you those are my off days, but he's a dick so what does he know?"

The older man laughed and followed suit, rushing around to close Eren's door for him once he had finished getting out of the car.

"Such a gentleman," Eren said, and Levi beamed up him as a result, the fear the voices filled him with already gone for the moment, which astounded him. Usually the fear lingered for several minutes, but here in Eren's presence there was no foothold for it to stand on, so it slipped away.

At least for the moment.

Levi then held his elbow out, and Eren snickered, taking it, looping his arm through his while saying in a posh accent, "Thank you sir. Lead on."

"I have no idea where we're going, Eren."

"Oh, yes, that's right. Alright, _I'll_ lead on."

The two of them snickered, and Levi allowed himself to be led towards the beginning of the trail, though he let his arm drop and instead took Eren's hand. The boy blushed heavily, butterflies fluttering all over the place in his chest, and he let their hands swing between them, mumbling, "I know this is stupid, but I've always wanted to do that. Hold my partner's hand and let our hands swing between us. Never got to do that with any of the people I've dated."

Levi frowned slightly, lowering his gaze as his mind filled with images of dark, dirty bedrooms, rough hands, callous words about how he had good holes to fuck, and the sensation of being taken from behind while at the same time having a cock shoved in his mouth, others rubbing their lengths on him and around him all at the same time. He shook himself out of it and replied,

"Neither have I."

Eren did not miss the distant look that had settled over Levi's face for that brief moment, and he pursed his lips, wanting to say something but deciding now was not the time. It was only their first date, and he wanted this to be a lovely, relaxing day. Whatever inner demons Levi might hold, perhaps he'd tell him about them at a later date.

For now, they were reaching the end of the dirt path that led straight in the dark maw of the woods that lay beyond. It was overcast at the moment, the air looking and feeling muted, but it made the green of the leaves and the brown of the earth pop that much more, and overall made everything seem cozier to Levi. He squeezed Eren's hand a bit tighter, the smile growing on his face.

Once they stepped over the threshold, he felt as if he had been transported to another world, a world made entirely of springtime birdsong, pine, and water trickling somewhere in the distance. Sounds echoed and rang with perfect clarity, and the air was heavy and clean. Their shoes made dense, thudding sounds as they walked on the packed ground, and for once, the older man didn't feel like he was in a hurry to go anywhere. In fact, as far as he was concerned, the city and all the hustle and bustle he lived day to day didn't exist anymore. There was nothing beyond him, Eren, and this storybook scenery that embraced them. He took a deep breath and felt wonderfully dizzy from the sheer amount of oxygen that filled his head.

"Eren this place is gorgeous," he breathed out.

The younger man was looking down at him with sparkling eyes, face filled with awe as he witnessed the joy blooming on Levi's face, the color that began to fill his cheeks. He wanted so badly to blurt out that it wasn't the only thing gorgeous around here, but refrained.

"Yeah?" he asked instead. "I'm glad you're enjoying it."

"It's just so- so, just so- wow. Lots of wow."

"Lots of wow?" Eren asked, a smile splitting his face. This was simply delightful, seeing the usually charming and articulate dancer struggle for words over something, and to know that he was the reason for this just made the boy happy beyond belief. For once, he was the reason that Levi was speechless, not the other way around.

"Yes, very much wow," the smaller man joked, leaning more into Eren as they walked. He startled, unable to believe that he was pressing himself so intimately to the boy already, but Eren certainly was not complaining. He let go of Levi's hand to wrap his arm around his waist, insides jumping with delight when he felt the other mirror his action.

Perhaps this closeness, the cozy warmth filling his chest was what had Eren feeling brave enough to ask, "So, if you don't mind me asking Levi, how old are you?"

"I don't mind," he said, gaze wandering over to the little stream running along their right.

"Thirty."

Eren blinked in surprise. "Really? Damn, you sure don't look it. You could pass for a college kid."

"Oh shut your ass, no I couldn't."

"Yes you could!" Eren insisted, shoving him playfully.

Levi shoved him back, grumbling, "Well how old you? Twelve?"

"Twenty-six and going for my doctorate thank you very much."

That took Levi aback for a minute. Going for his doctorate, huh? Shit, he was going to be harder than most to fool regarding his illness. But then again, he had slept with a couple doctors in the past and neither of them had noticed anything. Perhaps he could pull this off. So he said, "Look at you, fancy pants. What do you want to practice?"

However, his heart fell straight to his feet when Eren answered, "Psychiatry. Mental illnesses fascinate me so much, you know? Already working as a psychologist in an office not too far from where you work. I'm hoping maybe they'll let me practice there once I finish my degree."

The older man's heart had begun to pound, a sudden spike of anxiety driving itself through his heart. Psychiatry? That was not good. He would be far more attuned to the nuances of his condition, more trained to look for them, rather than just a regular doctor would. As a result, fueled by his sudden terror, the voices returned, taking him out of the peaceful moment and transporting him back to his dark apartment, and for an instant Levi didn't see where was he anymore, nor did he feel the warmth of Eren's body against his any longer.

_Dangerous, he's dangerous._

_He'll pull you into the static and you'll never get out. You'll drown in it forever._

_He'll send you away to an asylum and you'll never see the light of day again._

_You'll kill him._

_He'll kill you._

_Kill yourself before he can. You deserve it. Worthless wretch, you don't deserve him or the happiness he gives you. He hates you._

The carpet beneath Levi's bare feet began to feel wetter and wetter, as well as grow more and more red. Blood. Blood seeping up from between the fibers, blood flowing upwards from the center of Earth, trying to drag him back to where he belonged, with the devil and his followers. Demons didn't belong among humans, and it was time for him to go home. The blood filled his pores, climbing up his body and clogging his throat, bloating his body and making it so he couldn't take a breath-

"Levi, hey, are you alright? Look at me."

The older man felt his chin being lifted, and the minute he met a concerned pair of green eyes looking into his own, the blood disappeared from his body, and his dark apartment melted away. He was once more back in the woods, back with Eren, his body tingling but the warmth from the other's body registering with him once more. He found himself nodding along, immediately schooling his expression into one of bright reassurance.

"Yeah, fine, fine," he insisted.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Just tired, all those late hours at The Dollhouse, gets to you sometimes, you know? Sorry, I didn't mean to space out."

Eren was still looking at him dubiously. Levi had done more than just space out; his eyes had glazed over and he had looked so frightened for no discernable reason, like his mind had gone somewhere and taken Levi along for the ride and he couldn't stop it. It was definitely worrisome, but Levi seemed okay now, attentive and excited once more.

"It's okay," the boy told him slowly. "Here, just stay close to me. I'll keep you from falling asleep. If you're okay to keep going, that is?"

"Oh yes." Levi pressed himself closer to him. "I'm fine, I promise."

He said that, but Eren didn't miss the way he put both hands in his pockets, or the way they shook slightly by his sides before they disappeared into his sweater.

Mercifully, after that, the voices quieted right down, fading the more Levi settled down again. He focused once more on the beautiful boy that was walking beside him, whistling back at the birds when they chirped their mating calls, or pointing out animal tracks alongside the stream they passed. He even turned over a few logs, looking for critters that had burrowed underneath them. And Levi's heart fluttered at the way his eyes lit up when he found a salamander hiding in the soil beneath one. He picked it up so gently, and then likewise Eren's heart fluttered when he offered it to Levi to hold and the other man agreed. Levi giggled at the way the little creature's feet tickled his palms as it moved around on his hand.

"This is wonderful," he said after they had put the salamander back under his log and moved on, "I hardly ever get to leave the city and hang out in the woods like this. It's amazing. I think we'll have to come back here again."

The boy said, "Yeah? Is that your way of saying you wouldn't mind going on another date here sometime? I'm sorry, I know it's kind of boring"-

"Shush, no it's not," Levi reprimanded with a light smack to his arm. "I wouldn't have said that if I thought it was. And I suppose it is my way of asking to go on another date with you. Maybe."

He averted his eyes with a blush, and Eren had to bite his bottom lip to stop a flood of giggles that wanted to escape his overly excited, idiotic self. Another date with Levi? This was insane. He was clearly dreaming, wasn't he? If he was, he'd be fine sleeping for the rest of his life then. Being in this lovely place with these equally lovely dancer, who next to all of the pines and amidst the trickling of the creek looked like one of the fae, a pale, unearthly, pretty little creature who had shown up to spirit Eren away into his woodland grove. And unknown to Eren, Levi was having similar, unspoken thoughts. The image only grew more vivid when they finally reached the waterfall at the end of the trail and the boy gazed at it as if it were one of the most wonderful things he had ever seen, though clearly he must have seen it many times before.

"It's like being inside of a fairytale, isn't it?" he said breathlessly, looking very much like a bright eyed child instead of a man going after his doctorate.

Levi gazed up at him, thinking Eren looked very much like a woodland creature himself, a dryad perhaps who had taken a fancy to Levi's pathetic mortal self, someone who promised to take him back to live in his hollow tree where he would heal his shattered mind. Someone who would stay with him and take care of him and would never abandon him. Someone who wouldn't leave him alone and frightened when the worst of his visions took hold.

Maybe someday, Eren could be that person for him?

The warmth of the thought, of not being alone anymore, of having someone that cared about him, as well as the sweet atmosphere of the woods wrapped Levi up in a warm embrace, and he laid his head on Eren's shoulder, nuzzling his shirt. He took his hand with both of his own, sighing softly.

"It is," he agreed. "Does that make you my prince? I do feel very safe with you. Safer than I have in a long time, actually."

The boy's head jerked down in shock as he felt Levi's nose against his shoulder, his warm hands holding his, and heard those words being whispered so close to him. The intimacy of it had his heart aching with the beauty of them, and seeing Levi's face looking so peaceful, taking comfort in Eren's presence…and then seeing his eyes open and meet Eren's with an adoring, liquid, silver gaze, oh the boy couldn't handle it. He felt his breath leave him as if someone had punched him in the stomach, and all he could focus on was those petal pink lips, slightly chapped from the cold but still so pretty, practically begging to be-

"Eren?" Levi said curiously. "Are you okay?"

The boy cleared his throat, before he quickly looked up at the waterfall, saying, "Sorry, I um…well, it's just- fuck, what's wrong with me?"

"It's okay," the older man squeezed his hand a bit tighter.

With that reassurance, and blushing like mad, Eren finally said hastily, "I kinda really want to kiss you. But we don't have to if you don't want to, you know, I was just thinking out loud, don't mind me. You're just so pretty, and I like you, and the woods are so pretty and they make you look even prettier and I just"-

"Eren you're rambling, hush," Levi cut him off with a grin.

The boy's jaws snapped shut with an audible click, and he continued to stare hard at the scenery around them, his skin feeling uncomfortably hot and he suddenly felt quite nauseous. Now he had done it, Levi was never going to talk to him, no no, he was never going to even _look_ at him again now that he knew what a lecherous pervert the boy was, why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? Shit, he wanted to jump into the stream head first and drown himself, it would be preferable to standing here and enduring the embarrassment. He felt tears sting his eyes, and he was sure he was going to start crying and Levi was going to see it, oh God his life was over, wasn't it?

"Shh, sweetheart it's okay," Levi reassured him, letting go with one hand and sliding it up and down the boy's back in a soothing gesture. "I'm not upset that you asked at all. In fact, I was going to be rather surprised if we didn't kiss on this date."

Eren blinked several times, the nausea disappearing in the blink of an eye as he processed his words. His mouth opened and closed several times, but his brain had completed short circuited, forgetting how words worked and how to form them. Levi said softly, "It's alright. I want to kiss you."

At those words, the boy got over his initial shock, and sheer joy took its place. It made him feel giddy, and lighter than he could remember being in many years, which was why he couldn't help but say, "Alright then. A kiss for the fair prince."

The smile that Levi gave him when he said those words could have melted the rest of the early spring snow that remained around them, and certainly did wonders for nearly stopping Eren's heart and resulting in them having to call an ambulance for how gorgeous it was. He breathed a laugh, suddenly feeling like he was back in high school again and had no idea how a kiss worked. Well, rather, he was suddenly so concerned about delivering the perfect kiss that he was too bashful to kiss him. So, with a patient, quiet laugh, Levi stood up on his tip toes, slid his hand up to the back of Eren's neck, and brought his head down until their lips met.

For a moment, the warmth and sweetness of it was overwhelming, and Eren was certain he was going to start crying again for a whole different reason. He turned his body more towards Levi's, lowering his face a little more so that he could slot their lips together in a deeper kiss. Levi hummed into it, wrapping both arms around the back of his neck while Eren held him around his waist. The space around them felt too big and too small all at once, their world expanding into a lovely dream while compressed into a finite, sweet moment that felt like it would never end. Eren's world reduced to perfect sensations; the warmth of spring, and the swooping feeling of being kissed for the first time all over again.

And Levi's world grew blessedly, finally, and deeply quiet. The voices had faded, as if the volume had been turned down abruptly, beaten back by the rapture of his own first kiss. For indeed, this was the first kiss in a long time he could remember receiving where it was desired, where his partner made him feel protected in his arms rather than trapped, and where the kiss was soft and sweet and lifted his spirit rather than trampling it down by reminding him of what he was. The light surrounding his boy flared and wrapped itself around Levi in a second embrace, warming him in every possible way.

The fact that Eren had made him forget every horrendous thing that had ever happened to him in that one moment, had made him feel like how he used to before he had gotten sick, before he had started travelling down this dark path, was reason enough for him to realize that he could never let this boy go.

That he never w _anted_ to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their date was inspired mostly by the cover version of the song Scarborough Fair done by the Hound and the Fox. I do so adore their covers of songs. But anywho, from here unfortunately updates will begin to slow down as school is starting for me again. But it's my last semester before I finally finish getting my masters! Let's do this!


	6. Twist Me, Turn Me On

Almost a month later and Eren was still unable to stop smiling. He must have looked like a loon, and in fact Levi, who was sitting in the passenger's side of his car as they drove on the highway, was giving him a look of utter confusion, but he seemed amused as well.

"You look like a psycho," he pointed out.

"And you look as beautiful as ever," Eren said cheerfully.

Levi rolled his eyes. "Nothing I say is going to dampen your mood, is it."

"Nope! I've officially been dating the most wonderful man in the country for the past month and if we died in a fiery wreck right now I'd burn to a crisp with this smile on my face."

He snorted in response, but found himself smiling as well; Eren's optimistic mood had been contagious, lately. And how could it not be? Already he was going above and beyond anything the dancer had expected of him, offering to drive him to work, taking them to fantastic restaurants for their next couple of dates, and overall being completely sweet and warm and loving. Eren was unlike anything he had ever experienced before, a kind, naïve creature who sincerely seemed to have Levi's best interests at heart and tried as often as he could to make him smile. And it was getting ridiculous how happy being with the other boy made him. He didn't even mind how touchy and snuggly Eren seemed to be, because he always asked Levi if it was alright to touch him before he did so, either verbally or with a meaningful look, and this level of respect for his body was completely foreign to him. But boy did he enjoy it.

Eren was indeed happy about the arrangement as well, deliriously so. He didn't even care about Jean's words of warning, telling him that dating a dancer could only end in drama and heartbreak. Maybe that was true, but the boy didn't think it was possible with Levi. He certainly didn't seem like the type to enjoy drama, though he did have a few funny mannerisms that Eren was still getting used to. Like suddenly freezing up, or looking around a room a few times when there didn't seem to be a need. He also rubbed at his ears a lot, or talked louder than he needed to but then apologized afterward. Sometimes he even spoke haltingly, words tripping over each other, and the whole time his face would be pinched with pain that he was clearly trying to conceal.

But of course, this early on in their relationship, he didn't dare ask what was wrong, if anything was. What they had was very delicate, even if Eren didn't completely understand why. It was something he just sensed from Levi's occasional uneasy movements, body poised more often than not as if he were prepared to run from something that neither of them could see but only the dancer could sense. Whatever was going on, for now, Eren decided he would simply observe, and only if he was absolutely certain he could help, he would. Otherwise, he would leave well enough alone for now.

It wasn't long after that that they were pulling into the parking lot of The Dollhouse just as the sun was going down. Once the car was stopped, they both took a minute to see that many of the patrons were already waiting out front at the door, probably to take advantage of the bar and other refreshments while they waited for the show to begin, while some of the dancers were entering through the back door, laughing with each other, many of them already showing a lot of skin with their casual outfits. Levi rolled his eyes at them.

"Just because we're all whores doesn't mean you have to dress like them outside of work," he scoffed.

Eren blinked at him curiously, leaning slightly forward in his seat as he asked Levi, "You're all whores?"

The dancer's eyes widened at his implication, even though there was no malice in his voice. He suddenly felt a rush of panic, thinking Eren would put two and two together and find out that part of his past. Quickly, he said, "Never mind. I'm just talking out of my ass."

"O…kay," the boy said slowly. There was an awkward pause between them where Levi fidgeted and dearly looked like he wanted to leave the car, but before he could, Eren told him cheerily, "Hey, almost forgot, I have something for you."

Levi had been told those words many times by previous patrons or short term partners that were somehow trying to convince him to stay with their shifty selves long after he had decided he didn't really fancy them and was only staying with them so that they'd take care of some of his financial burdens. Hell, there were still a few men at the club that did so for him, paying a month or two of his rent or buying him fancy things to try and gain his favor. Normally, he wouldn't mind such a thing at all, would even expect it at this point. And though he knew Eren wasn't hurting for money, for some reason, hearing those words from this sweet kid whose light was shining even brighter now in his excitement, knowing what a pure soul both Levi and the voices in his head perceived him to be…for the first time since he remember, he felt guilt over someone spending their money on scum like him.

"No, Eren, you didn't"- he began to protest, but Eren cut him off.

"I know, I know I didn't." He reached into his pants pocket, before pulling a small box out of it and holding it towards him. "But I saw this and thought of you. And no, I didn't spend a ton of money on it, but it's still lovely, I think."

" _I saw this and thought of you," huh?_ Levi thought. No one had ever said something like that to him before. It was usually, "I saw this and thought it would look nice on you," or "You'd look so hot in this." The fact that Eren said he saw something and just thought of Levi, even when he wasn't with him, bought it for him for the simple fact of making him happy, for some reason made something small and innocent flutter in the dancer's chest.

That flutter only grew wilder when he took the box from Eren's hand and opened it.

Levi had expected some kind of jewelry when he saw the box; it was around the same shape and size as other jewelry boxes he had received from other men before. Those were always filled with something huge and sparkly, like a diamond watch or diamond chain, or something gold or silver. Something where the money practically shone from the piece and blinded him, and all of them, despite their value, had been quite gaudy. Though he worked at a high end club, Levi did not have high end taste, as designer products were quite hideous to him, and he was often mocked for it. And yes, when he opened the box, it was jewelry. However, it was not was he was expecting.

It was far, _far_ better than anything he had been expecting.

His mouth dropped open as he stared at the small bracelet. It didn't blind him with its shiny value, but rather the clear sentimental value that practically oozed from its little wooden beads and dangling pewter charm. "Eren," he breathed, unable to come up with anything coherent to reply with.

"I saw it at the market the other day," the boy explained, wringing his hands. "I remember you mentioning you liked foxes, and you seemed to love our trip to the woods, so I thought you might enjoy something like this." He looked up and saw that the other man was still frozen in place, and growing worried, he added, "If you don't like it, you don't have to"-

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Levi told him firmly. "This is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me. I'm putting this on and never taking it off again, do you hear me?"

Eren shut his mouth, taken slightly aback at his tone. But he watched with delight as, true to his word, Levi took the bracelet out of the box and slid it on his slender wrist, admiring the little fox charm underneath. Relieved, Eren let out a breath, and rolled back his sleeve, exposing a similar bracelet on his own wrist. "I picked up one for myself too, except mine has an otter. It wasn't so that we'd match or anything, I'm not trying to be a creep, I promise, I just- Levi, are you crying?"

The dancer furiously wiped at his face before lowering it so that he wasn't looking at him in the eye. "N-No. Sorry, got an eyelash in my eye."

However, his thick voice betrayed him, though Eren pretended not to notice of course, and simply said, "Of course."

Once Levi had taken a deep breath and composed himself, he felt a bubble of utter ridiculous giddiness well up from deep within his belly. He began giggling like a child, so overwhelmed by this strange euphoria that he had no idea what do with himself except he knew that he wanted to be closer to Eren so he could thank him properly for giving him these feelings. With a wide grin and laughing like a schoolboy, he began maneuvering himself out of his own seat and into Eren's, squeezing himself into the boy's lap, moving so that he had one knee planted on either side of the other's thighs. The steering wheel dug into his back, and he grunted in discomfort, but soon ignored it in favor of cupping Eren's face and pulling him in for an enthusiastic kiss. The boy's eyes widened a bit in surprise, before he was kissing Levi back, running his hands up and down his back.

When they pulled apart, Eren had a ridiculous cheeky grin on his face, and he couldn't help but ask, "So, every time I get you something, am I going to get a kiss like that?"

Levi pushed at his chest playfully. "Oh stop it, save your money for school."

"Yeah, unfortunately you don't have control over my bank account, and I do like getting kisses, so…"

"Whatever, you damn loon." Levi kissed him again, still unable to believe that there was someone on the planet who could give him butterflies when he kissed them. Or snuggled into their chest. Or held their hand, or just stood in the same room as him. But here he was, thirty years old and getting butterflies like a stupid teenager over a naïve brat who bought him bracelets from flea markets just because he remembered something Levi had said in passing. Something he enjoyed, and he just wanted to make him smile. This stupid, stupid kid.

The fact that he was far too good for Levi was barely scratching the surface, and he wondered if deep down, Eren knew that. Most likely. He would hang around for a bit of fun until he found someone more stable and less willing to take his clothes off for strangers. That was how it always went. This wouldn't last.

No matter how much Levi wished it would.

So instead, he soaked in the kisses, the warmth of Eren's arms around him, the dancer fantasizing about still being able to do this ten years from now, twenty even, Eren protecting him, his light shining over the both of them, keeping his head quiet and the bitter taste of fear from his mouth. Making things _normal._ After almost ten years of the taunts from the shadows, the horrific visions and sounds, the drastic mood swings, normal was a euphoria beyond imagining and he never wanted to leave this wonderful world again.

"You're staying for my show tonight?" Levi wondered, speaking with his lips still pressed lightly against Eren's.

"Yes," the boy reassured him, leaned forward a little more to give him a peck. "I'm excited. I'm sorry I haven't been to one in a while."

"You're a student, Eren. That comes first. I understand."

"Okay _dad."_

Levi snorted, before giving him another couple of quick pecks, still deliriously happy about how nice and quiet his head was being at the moment. As long as Eren was with him, he could do anything, he felt. It was the first time in a long time he had hope that things might get better someday. He wouldn't think about the future, he decided. Right now, things were good, and that was a small miracle unto itself.

They sat like that for a moment, before Levi figured it was time to head inside the club. However, in his enthusiasm, he had wedged himself quite firmly between Eren and his steering wheel, and when he tried to move himself backward, all he managed to do was set the car horn off. He sighed in frustration, "Alright, so I might need your help getting out of the car," and of course, like the precocious little shit he was, Eren laughed right at him.

And neither of them noticed the pair of eyes watching them from the shadowy doorway of The Dollhouse, disdain in their depths and the slow burning jealousy lit in the heart of their owner growing and growing until it began to fuel itself towards a single goal.

Revenge.

000

This time when Levi waited behind the curtain, he did so with the knowledge that his _boyfriend_ was in the audience watching him. Yes, he would be performing for all of the customers in the club, but didn't think of it that way. Tonight, he was going to perform for Eren and Eren alone.

It certainly made dancing easier.

Yes, there was a part of Levi that enjoyed the attention he got from all the men and women in the audience. He liked how they ogled him in some aspects, liked how powerful he felt on stage knowing that though they wanted him they would never have him without his permission. But that had been at the beginning. Now all these years later, it was beginning to get old; the luster was wearing off. He no longer felt powerful, but exposed. He no longer liked the attention as much, for it made him feel dirty and cheap. All the wealth in The Dollhouse, all the shining gold walls and white leather couches, all the men in their tailored suits and diamond studded wrist watches and all the champagne they ordered could do nothing to cover up the feeling.

He never thought he'd still be doing this at thirty. Hell, he had no idea what he'd be doing, but not this. Yet, where else could he go? In fact, now that he was technically getting up there in years, at least for a dancer, he was beginning to get nervous. If the club manager didn't throw him out for his illness, he might decide to let him go because Levi was getting too old. He had the fortune of looking younger than his age, but that would only take him so far. When his skin finally lost its firmness and his hair began to turn grey…what would he do then? This question had kept him up at night for years, and he still had no answer to it.

And then Eren came along. Not that Levi thought he could provide the answer to that, but he did make it easier to tolerate The Dollhouse and its rowdy patrons lately. As long as he had the music pounding through his body and drowning out the sounds of the voices in his head as well as the patrons cheers, he could focus on Eren and his smiling face, his sparkling eyes, and that precious blush that adorned his face whenever Levi did something he found endearing or attractive. Either way, for now, Eren was making all of this worth it.

Levi was just about ready to get into position, when he received a pleasant surprise. Lola was approaching him, a gentle smile on her face that he returned, feeling at ease. Her performance had ended an hour ago and she had changed out of the outfit she had worn on stage to something she usually wore when she mingled on the dancefloor with their patrons. Each of them tended to have different outfits for such occasions. Once she stopped in front of him, she asked, "Sooo, the reason you have such a ridiculous smile on your face wouldn't happen to be because Eren is sitting out there in the audience, would it?"

"Oh definitely," he readily admitted. "I have something super special planned for him since it's his first time in a long time getting to watch my show, so I went a little crazy. I'm really nervous about him liking it though, I tried really hard…"

"Aw, Levi," she cooed, coming up to him and wrapping her arms around him, "That's adorable! You're so adorable, I can't handle you."

His breath left him in a rush and he swore he felt his spine crack a little, but ignored it. He enjoyed Petra's affection, as she was the only person other than Eren that made him feel safe and cared for. He returned the embrace, relishing her warmth as she said, "I'm happy he makes you so happy. It's good to see you smiling so much and worrying less about…well, you know. But you have to bring him back here sometime so I can meet him properly, I insist! All I know about him is what you've told me and the fact that he stood up for me that one time when his friend groped me, and I mean while that says a lot, I want to get to know him."

"Don't worry, Petra," he reassured her, "the first chance I get, I'll bring him backstage and you can grill him all you want. I promise he'll pass your inspection though. Kid doesn't have an ill-intentioned bone in his body."

"Jouet, curtain lifts in two minutes," one of the stagehands called out, and the dancer nodded. Petra leaned up and pecked him on the cheek chastely, wishing him good luck, before backing out of the embrace with one last thumbs up and disappearing off the stage.

Now alone, Levi took a deep breath and centered himself. This was a rigorous he had prepared for himself, dancing to two songs instead of one. He had mixed together a medley for himself and then chosen his outfit based off something he knew Eren would like. He seemed to have a thing for thigh highs and garter belts on both men and women, said he liked how they showed off a person's thighs and overall looked wonderfully naughty. When Levi had asked Eren if he would like to see the dancer in a pair of those at some point, he swore the boy nearly spontaneously combusted on the start. The thought brought a smile to his face that stayed as the curtain lifted and heard his stage name being introduced followed by the cheering and applause of his thirsty audience. However, he wasn't going to let Eren know he was wearing the thigh highs just yet, of course. He wanted to tease the poor boy to within an inch of his life, choosing instead to start off with a chaste pair of slacks and an oversized white shirt where the sleeves all but covered his hands, making him look like an English page boy. He couldn't wait to see Eren's face when he revealed the surprise underneath.

The music kicked up, and Levi remained still until the piano part finished playing before he moved, using the time instead to open his eyes into tiny slits so he could pick out where Eren was in the audience. And there he was, right in front, right where Levi had recommended he sit, close enough to the stage where he'd be able to reach up and touch the dancer if he wished, but far enough away that when Levi jumped down off the stage, he'd have enough room to work to give Eren some extra special treatment.

Levi let his knees buckle until he hit the stage, let his front half sway with his head tilted back, moving in stilted motions, as if being controlled by invisible strings, fitting considering the song he had chosen for the beginning of his medley.

_I wanna be in your control_

_So unmerciful_

_You can twist me and turn just don't let me go_

He ran his hands down his chest, teasingly pulling down the neck of his shirt to reveal more of his collarbones, before letting it go. He hated how true that stanza rang, how he was secretly willing to let Eren twist and turn him any way he wish as long as he didn't toss Levi aside, as long as he kept him close. He'd do anything Eren asked as long as he kept him, be anyone Eren wished just so that he'd keep his light shining on him and keeping the voices in his head quiet. Not that he thought the boy would take advantage of him or treat him anything less than wonderfully, like a precious jewel that deserved everything he could possibly provide him with. He was falling far harder and faster for this young man than he'd ever thought possible, and part of him would be frightened by this fact if it didn't thrill him so much.

 _I wanna be your puppet_ _on a string_

_Baby, I'm not holding back_

_We can do anything_

Levi fell onto his back, rolling his head back and forth on the stage, keeping his knees pointed towards the ceiling and running his hands down his stomach and towards his thighs. He angled his head back slightly to look the audience in the eye, grinning when he caught the eye of a couple patrons and they howled their approval.

_And even if I'm crazy is 'cause you make me this way_

_We're as close to love as we'll ever get_

_I wanna be your marionette, marionette, marionette_

With every repetition of the word in the chorus, Levi softly thrusted his hips, letting them roll like a wave upon a shore. He let his knees open slightly, just the tiniest bit, a small tease, a preview of what was to come.

_Marionette, marionette, marionette…_

He sighed softly, letting his eyes fall shut, listening to the cheers of the patrons. He undid the topmost button of his shirt, exposing his collarbones to the shining spotlight. The music pulsed through him, making him deaf to everything but his own desires.

_Laying head to head and toe to toe_

_And we're body to body_

_I feel you beside me_

_We're in this masquerade_

_A beautiful game or play_

_It's so powerful with you controlling me_

When the final note rang out on the song and it went silent for the briefest of moments, Levi sat up off the stage as if strings had pulled him upright. In the quiet, everyone heard the low, erotic sighing moan he let out just as the next song followed right on the tail of the next one, and right as it kicked on, he tore open his shirt the rest of the way, to which the audience stood up and screamed. He arched his back as the strobe lights turned on, gliding over his milky skin and highlighting every tensed muscle.

_Docta docta, need you bad_

_Call me babe_

_Docta Docta, where you at?_

_Give me something_

_I need your love_

He sprang up from the stage and let his feet land heavily on the floor, shirt opening up fully to reveal his chest and rippling abdomen. The audience watched in fascination as his muscles tensed and moved under his skin. He moved back against the pole, sliding up and down the smooth metal while he fixed the audience with a long practiced look of desperation. He panted in a way that moistened his lips and made them glisten, the color high in his cheeks, watching as his patrons all but began to drool over themselves. Levi's gaze slid over them until they landed on Eren, and very purposefully, he reached down with one hand and began to pinch at his nipple, screwing up his face in a look of intense pleasure, biting his lower lip enticingly. Eren's eyes widened in surprise at first, but then a moment later he was biting his lower lip as well, mirroring Levi's action. The dancer smirked. Oh yes he had him now, not that there was any doubt. Now it was time to really let him have it.

Quick as a flash, he reach down and pulled off the tear away slacks, revealing at last the latex thigh highs and garter belt, and _oh_ the look of utter _shock_ on his boy's face was priceless, truly a treasure for the ages. He swore he saw all the blood in his face drain from his face to move southward, and Eren's hands all but slammed onto the stage, as he were desperate to touch Levi but was trying to stop himself from looking like a lecherous pervert. The dancer couldn't help it; he laughed, his mirth full and unrestrained. Eren was too precious, and his obvious lust just brought Levi joy that he couldn't possibly contain.

_My body needs a hero_

_Come and save me_

_Something tells me you know how to save me_

_I've been feeling real low_

_Oh, I need you to come and rescue me_

He strutted across the stage, letting his shoes clack against the polished surface in time with the beat, raising his arms over his head to further pull his shirt away from his chest as he stared at Eren with the same focus a predator fixes to its prey. One of the strobe lights followed him, and he could have sworn the music pounded in time with his heart, his broken mind creating wave patterns in the air and warped pictures the same color as the white lights. They tugged on his clothes, ushering him towards the boy practically vibrating in his seat, and the dancer did not miss how he was subtly rubbing his thighs together in anticipation. How lovely, he thought with delight. Levi plopped down near the edge of the stage, not quite close enough so that Eren could touch him. He grinned wickedly for a moment, and with a giddy euphoria, saw that Eren mirrored his grin as well, fully prepared for whatever dirty tricks the dancer was going to lay on him.

_Make me come alive_

_Come on and turn me on_

_Touch me, save my life_

_Come on and turn me on_

_I'm too young to die_

_Come on and turn me on_

The lyrics itself were adding to the dare, and oh was he going to do his damndest to turn this poor boy on so hard he wouldn't be able to walk properly out of this club tonight. And true to his observation when he had given Eren his lap dance, Levi was very much on his way to being just as aroused as his boy.

Fascinating. He had never been aroused during a performance before.

When the chorus exploded forth, Levi let his knees fall apart, exposing the tight black underwear he had chosen that matched the latex thigh highs. He thrust his hips softly for a moment, before closing his thighs again, rubbing them together and throwing his head back with a moan he was sure only Eren heard. And the moan wasn't entirely fake; rubbing his thighs together did truthfully send a spike of pleasure through him that he hadn't been expecting. When he let his legs fall open again, Eren's eyes were practically glued to the slight bulge that he was now sporting, and Levi bit his lip again, as if he were embarrassed that the boy had seen it. Eren swallowed hard; it was all he could do not to leap onto the stage and pin Levi to the stage and grind mindlessly against him. He was far too good at his job. He only made it worse when he lifted his hips from the stage and cupped his bulge with one hand, squeezing with his fingers and kneading it with his palm, body undulating in soft waves, legs still spread so that nothing was hidden from his boyfriend's hungry gaze. Levi began to pant again, chest visibly rising and falling in time with the beat, fixing Eren with a heavy lidded, vulnerable gaze.

When he finally did scoot within Eren's reach however, the boy didn't put his hands on him, perhaps still too nervous to do so in full view of everyone, but Levi made his decision for him, taking his hands and placing them on his thighs. He guiding them so that they glided from his knee all the way down the inside of his thigh, over that raised ridge of muscle that was dangerously close to Levi's groin. The dancer lifted his hips and began to roll them in Eren's face, placing his groin so close to him that the boy could feel the heat radiating off it and swore he saw almost every subtle and curve of his swollen length in the latex. He wanted so badly to lean forward and run his tongue over it, just to see Levi's reaction, to hear his pleased gasp, perhaps feel his grip in his hair, encouraging him, but he refrained.

_Boy, I'm achin', make it right_

_My temperature is super high_

_If I scream, if I cry_

_It's only 'cause I feel alive_

Instead, feeling bold, Eren leaned forward and sank his teeth delicately into the meat of his thigh, before running his tongue all the way down the length of it. He nipped and sucked as he went, until he eventually reached a garter belt and took it teasingly between his teeth. He felt Levi's hand in his hair, stroking it in approval and when he looked up, oh, the look on his face was perfect, face red and Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed the dust in his throat, mouth suddenly dry. He pulled the belt away from Levi's skin and let it snap back into place, and the resulting, delicious sting made Levi jump and tighten his hand in the boy's hair. Eren then straightened all the way up and gripped Levi under his thighs, lifting him from the stage. Levi shrieked a peal of laughter, wrapping his arms around Eren's shoulders as the audience voiced their raucous delight. Eren sat back down in his seat, setting Levi heavily down on his lap. Once Levi got his bearings, he hopped up from the boy's lap, and before Eren grew disappointed, he lowered his stance until he was rubbing his crotch against the boy's thigh, back and forth, back and forth in a hypnotic motion.

He leaned forward and loudly teased him, "Come on, Eren. You heard the song. Turn me on, I know you can."

Eren's eyes glinted as he fixed him with a hard mischievous stare. Challenge accepted. He thrust up his knee in such a way that Levi's own nearly buckled and he had to steady himself by placing his hands on Eren's shoulders. His back arched gracefully and the look of bliss that appeared on Levi's face as a result of the action had Eren nearly blowing his load right there and then. The boy rubbed his hands up Levi's back under his shirt, savoring his soft but sweaty skin, before letting them drift lower. Without warning, he gave Levi a hard smack on the ass that made the dancer jump in surprise, but he grinned in such a way that let the boy know that the motion, though unexpected, certainly wasn't unwelcome. He kept grinding against Eren's thigh to the encouragement of the audience for a moment, before he leaned up and fisted his hand in the boy's hair. He pulled his head back, exposing his throat, not too hard but hard enough that it stung pleasurably. Eren gasped in delight, and held perfectly still as Levi gave him a wet, sloppy, open mouthed kiss against his neck. His body jerked, he shivered and gasped again, a gasp that was soon muffled as Levi kissed him full on the mouth.

And oh, if that didn't make the crowd explode.

Levi was kissing him so hard he was sure his lips were going to be sore later, and his tongue was shoved practically down his throat, as if he could taste the source of that light if he tried hard enough. It was a hard, possessive kiss accompanied by undulating his body gently against Eren's in time with the beat and the intense working of his jaw. He was practically acting like a wild animal marking its territory. And when he pulled away, there was a thin string of saliva connecting their lips. He gave Eren a dazed look for a moment, eyes so heavily lidded that they were only opened into slits. The boy matched his gaze tenfold, giving Levi a drunken smile, not even noticing that the saliva was still connecting their lips, a silver strand that glowed in the strobe lights briefly, until it snapped and hit both of their chins. Once the sound of the cheering audience filtered back in, Levi's gaze snapped back up and he glared at the audience, a possessive growl rising in his throat. His meaning couldn't have been more clear if he had shouted it out loud at them.

_This boy is mine, and I am his. I belong to him, I perform for him and him alone. The rest of you are nothing to me._

_Make me come alive_

_Come on and turn me on_

_Touch me, save my life_

_Come on and turn me on_

_I'm too young to die_

_Come on and turn me on_

Nonetheless, as the end of the song neared, Levi forced himself to pull away from Eren, letting go of his hair and catching his lower lip between his teeth one last time, before he released it. Once he turned away to make his way to another table, he felt another slap on his behind, and he looked over his shoulder with a grin to see that it had been Eren again, the boy with a lovely flush on his face and pleased glint in his eye. That dance had clearly been a good one, and the knowledge of that gave him a high that was comparable only to the one he got when he entered one of his manic states.

However, this only lasted until he made his way to the next table and the patron there groped for him, pulling him down in a kiss just like the one he had given to Eren, obviously thinking that those kisses were for everyone. And as much as he was loath to, he had to let him do it, no matter how much it made his skin crawl to do so.

And he wasn't the only patron to demand a kiss like that. However, whenever he was forced to do so, when he could, he'd keep his eyes on Eren, letting the boy know without words that no, he didn't belong to any of these people, as much as they seemed to think so. There was only one pair of lips he desired, and though Eren looked sad as he regarded Levi, he kept his chin up, understanding his silent declaration and letting a swell of pride fim.

000

Levi swore that the high that he had gained from that dance would last him for weeks…perhaps it was just a sign that one of his manic states was coming back. It was far sooner than it usually did, but he hardly cared. He was still breathing hard after his show ended, and the moment he buttoned up his shirt and put on a more decent, comfortable pair of paints, he charged into the front parlor and practically threw himself into Eren's waiting, open arms, laughing as he spun them around.

"That was fantastic," the boy declared breathlessly once he set him down again. "You were just- I just- _Wow_. Holy shit Levi, you were… _gorgeous._ Amazing, I'm so proud of you."

Levi snorted, keeping his arms around the back of his neck, raising himself up on toes as he touched his forehead to Eren's. "Yeah? You liked it then?"

Eren laughed, "I don't think I've ever been that hard in my life and I loved it and hated it."

He tilted his head, still keeping their foreheads connected, and suggested, "Hmm, well perhaps if you wanted we could go back to my place and I could, um, do something about that?"

The other stiffened, his back going ramrod straight, and his eyes widened so much Levi swore they were going to pop right out of his skull. "You mean it?" he asked, wheezing as if he had just been punched in the gut.

"Of course," he nodded, "I wouldn't say it if"-

"Jouet."

The new voice came from their right, and Eren recognized it as the one that introduced the dancers before they performed. However, Levi recognized it as the voice of the man who had threatened to fire him not too long ago. When he and Eren turned their heads towards him, Levi's heart sank when he processed that his manager not only had Angel standing next to him, a small, pleased smile on her face, but that his arms were crossed he was frowning deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That line with Eren going "and you look as beautiful as ever" was inspired by Venom, as I was peer pressured to watch it and enjoyed it lol. The songs used for this chapter were first Marionette, the Nightcore version, and then Turn Me On by David Guetta –sigh- this fic is making me like songs and artists I normally can't stand lol never thought I'd see the day where I liked two songs Nicki Minaj sticks herself into, and yet here I am xD. Enjoy, everyone!


	7. No Light, No Light

"What the hell was that you did on stage tonight?"

Levi was stunned, both by his manager's sudden appearance and the bluntness of the question, so stunned in fact that it took him a second to process it.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

He didn't notice, but Eren had stepped closer to him, obviously processing the situation much faster than Levi. He didn't like the look of this man or how he was speaking to Levi, nor did he like how the smaller man had frozen up. He also did not like the look of the small blond girl beside him; her blue eyes were lovely and her face was delicate, but she looked as cold as porcelain and her gaze was as sharp as broken glass. He very gently let his arm brush up against Levi's side, just so that he'd know he was there and he wasn't facing these two alone.

"You heard me," his manager grated. "What kind of performance was that? You ignored half the audience in favor of one patron, who I'm guessing at this point is your boyfriend, am I wrong?"

Levi raised an eyebrow. "No, but how do you know"-

"If I were you right now, I'd only speak when spoken to, _Jouet,_ because if you say the wrong thing or piss me off you're going to get your ass kicked right out that front door."

The dancer's mouth clamped shut and he submissively lowered his gaze to the floor, looking very much like a kicked puppy, and the sight broke Eren's heart. He dearly wanted to say something to defend Levi, but he didn't dare at that moment, scared that he might make the situation worse. Instead, he glared at the pair for all he was worth, and this time, keeping his arm hidden behind both of them bodies, he began to stroke up and down Levi's back with his knuckles, a silent gesture of support. Very subtly, he felt the dancer shift his weight so that his back was pressed more firmly against his hand, obviously thankful for the touch.

His manager sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Come on Levi, you've worked here longer than any of my other dancers. You know the drill. Showing favoritism and letting your personal life affect your work is something we can't tolerate. It pisses off other customers who paid a lot of money to see the pearl perform."

"Eren is a paying customer too," Levi dared to argue. "And he paid just as much as everyone else to get in here."

"Well, since he paid the same amount as the others, then he doesn't deserve any special treatment. Especially not _that_ kind of treatment. You practically fucked him in the lobby."

The dancer bristled and his hands tightened into fists at his side. Ignoring his manager's previous words of warning about watching his mouth, he couldn't help but burst out, "Oh so when Elijah and his group of perverts all pin me down on a table and start humping me in the middle of my performance, that's perfectly fine!? Because it means more money for this place later, right? And that's all that matters, isn't it?"

"Levi!" his manager hissed, and he looked threatening enough that the dancer flinched, backing into Eren. The boy placed his hands on his shoulders, squeezing them tightly while Levi lowered his eyes back down to the floor.

"Now, I was going to let you go tonight," the other man told him. "I _should_ be letting you go. You're beginning to become more trouble than you're worth."

A high pitched ringing began in Levi's ears and he felt quite faint. Unbidden images with horrendous clarity from his days before he started working at The Dollhouse began slamming into his brain accompanied by disgusting commentary from the voices.

_Remember this? Remember the cold streets, what frostbite feels like? Or pissing on your own feet to keep your toes from falling off from it?_

_And the men the men, oh all the men. The parade of men-_

_-shoving a cock into every hole you have-_

_-tearing, crying, blood, fear-_

_Fear, fear, dying, hurts, kill me…_

_Just so that you'd survive. You had no choice. You whore._

_The streets miss you, and you deserve them. Worthless, worthless…_

He began to shake minutely, and it took everything within Eren not to start panicking. Levi's face had gone as pale as alabaster and he looked as if he was going to be sick. What should he do? Would saying something make things worse? He didn't have time to think as he began to murmur words next to Levi's ear, something low and soothing he hoped would ground him. That if he did collapse, Eren was going to be there to catch him.

"Calm down, calm down," the boy was saying. "Breathe, Levi. Take a deep breath for me."

As he tried to follow Eren's orders, sucking in a shaky breath that only seemed to make him dizzier, he heard his manager explain, "I should let you go, but tonight I can't."

Levi lifted his head and stared at him for a moment, uncomprehending. "W-What?"

"Yeah," he continued begrudgingly. He jerked his thumb towards the woman beside him. "Thank Angel. She sweet talked Elijah for you. He was raging mad that you had ignored him and his table tonight and was prepared to walk out that door and never come back."

"And that's a bad thing?" Eren dared to interject, eyes narrowed with fury. "He doesn't exactly sound like someone you want hanging around here."

"He's one of the highest paying customers at the club," Levi explained softly before his manager could retort. "He pours a lot of money into this place because he's been such a big fan of it for years. He's also been a regular of mine for a while now. Really seems to enjoy my performances more than any of the other dancers. So I can understand why he'd be mad I snubbed him."

"Which is why we can't afford to lose his business," his manager told them sternly. "So in order to keep him from bailing, Angel offered him one of our porcelain packages with you, and he accepted. So if you want to be let in tomorrow Levi, you better get yourself ready and go with him. He's waiting for you out back."

For several moments, he had no reaction as the words "porcelain package" rang around in his head. Then, once they processed, he could feel every voice that he heard in his head begin yet another deafening crescendo, screeching, clawing at the inside of his skull. It felt like an asylum in his head as everything rose up and howled at once, trying to escape perhaps by shattering their prison that was his body, but to no avail. Everything was speaking all at once, but he could discern none of it. Levi trembled with resisting the urge to reach up and place his hands over his ears, and he was suddenly so scared that he very dearly wanted to turned around, dive into Eren's arms, and hide his face in his chest like a small child.

But he did none of those things.

Eren saw the dancer's jaw tighten and a glazed yet terrified look come over his eyes. "Levi?" he prompted, the panic threatening to return.

Levi blinked, snapping himself out of his daze, and to the boy's shock, turned his head towards him and smiled. But seeing that smile didn't calm Eren down in the slightest; it looked eerie and wrong, considering how he had just been a moment ago.

"I guess I should go then," Levi told him.

"Wait, hold on," Eren said, placing his hands on the other man's shoulders and turning his body towards him. "What's a porcelain package?"

The dancer shook his head, keeping his smile in place. "Don't worry about it, Eren. It's no big deal, okay? I've done it before, for several other clients. "

 _No big deal,_ a voice mocked him, _No big deal he says._

_Liar, you're such a liar._

_So disgusting, lying to that poor angel._

"I'm sorry," he said, reaching up to stroke the side of Eren's face. He brushed some of his hair away from his eyes, and continued, "about leaving. We'll have to do a raincheck, yeah? Spoil each other some other night?"

This was wrong, Eren's gut was saying. Something was very, very wrong. The smile wasn't reaching Levi's eyes, his face had drained of all color and his hands were clammy on his cheek. His eyes were reddening with what looked like the beginnings of tears, and if that weren't enough, his throat was working to hold them back as well. Without thinking, Eren pulled him close, holding him protectively against his chest. He cradled the back of his head with one hand, and felt Levi return the embrace, a shuddering breath leaving the small, fragile dancer as he placed both hands on Eren's shoulder blades and settled his cheek against his chest. He could hear Eren's heart beating next to his ear and feel his breath in his hair.

"Levi, I don't think you should go with them," Eren was murmuring, and holy shit he sounded almost as scared as Levi felt. "Here, why don't you come home with me instead? I'll pay the difference in the money they lost tonight, I don't care how much it is. I can borrow from my parents if I have to, they'll have it. Come home with me, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. We can watch a movie, curl up on the couch. You can meet Alastair…he loves laps, and he likes to be petted. Please Levi?"

He was so safe, _so safe_ in that moment. Such a contrast for what was coming…God, Levi wanted to cry. He wanted so dearly to break down and start sobbing into his boy's chest. To beg Eren to whisk him out of the club and hide him away. He would do it too, Levi knew he would. All he had to do was say the words, _"Everything's not okay, I need help. I need to get out of here."_ And oh, going home and cuddling with Eren on the couch while his kitty purred in his lap sounded so heavenly, he wanted that so badly that it hurt. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't force them out. If he did, he'd lose his job, and then…

Then…

Eren didn't miss the way Levi's grip tightened briefly but strongly around his middle, and his heart panged. What the dancer masked with his placid expression and tight lips his body revealed. He did not want Eren to let go of him, wanted to accept his proposal, wanted to with every fiber in his being. Only the threat of unemployment made him pull his head away from the boy's warm chest and his comforting heartbeat, look him in the eye, and say regretfully, "I can't. I'm so sorry Eren, I really want to." Oh, he slipped there, the boy could hear it. The longing leaked through his voice, and he tightened his grip minutely on Levi's body. "But another time, alright?"

"Jouet, let's go," his manager growled, "While the night is still young."

Levi closed his eyes, allowing himself to absorb Eren's warmth, feel his strong arms around him, before he said hoarsely, "I have to go now."

He began to pull away, and he felt his arms loosen from around his waist, only for Eren to cup his cheeks with his hands, holding his face like it might break. He gaze beseechingly into his eyes, his own green ones so big and watery, but also so serious. Levi's lips parted and he softly gripped his wrists as Eren told him, "You have my number. If you need anything, _anything_ , if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe or just- I don't know, just call me. I don't care what time it is, you won't be imposing. I'll drop everything and come get you. Or if somehow I can't, I'll get Jean to come get you. Call me when you get home? Or text me, if you want. So that I know you're okay."

He let go of his face, and Levi bowed his head slightly, shutting his eyes again. "I will Eren. Thank you. You're too kind to me."

The boy leaned forward and left a lingering kiss on his forehead, whispering, "Please be safe. You…you mean a lot to me, Levi," against his hair, and Levi's heart stuttered in his chest.

Everything felt horrible and wrong when he eventually backed out of his embrace. Chills broke out along his skin, and he allowed one last lingering glance into Eren's eyes. They were so desperate, begging, and he was clasping his hands to his chest, as if to prevent himself from physically reaching for the dancer and pulling him back into his arms. It took everything inside of Levi to turn away from him and leave him standing there in the lobby, but he told himself the sooner he left, the sooner he could get this over with and go home.

His manager flanked him on one side, Angel on the other, both of them escorting him to the parking lot out in the back. She kept glancing at him every once in a while and then averting her eyes before he could catch her gaze. And she was smirking, he just knew it. Levi was no fool; she didn't organize this meeting with Elijah so that he could remain employed. He had done several "porcelain packages" before, and so had she. No one wanted to be the next victim, and more than likely she had seen an opportunity for revenge for the fact that he always got more attention than she did. Maybe she was hoping they'd damage him beyond repair this time and they'd take out her competition for good.

"Listen _Annie_ ," he hissed in a voice too low for their manager to hear, "Even if they tear me limb from limb tonight and break me beyond recognition, you'll still never be able to replace me as the pearl."

She exhaled in a way that he assumed was meant to be a laugh, and replied, "Then I guess we just keep doing this as many times as it takes until no man wants to put his hands on or lay eyes on you ever again."

He felt a chill run all the way down his spine at those words and pressed his lips together at that, not quite knowing how to reply. Soon, it didn't matter, because they were opening the door for him that led out into the back parking lot, and with a heavy heart, he walked through them. His heart thudded hard in his chest when he saw Elijah standing next to the open rear door of his car, an anticipatory grin on his face. Peering into the car, Levi could see there were already two men sitting in the back seat, leaving the middle seat vacant. He paused, fear making him freeze once more. He felt very much like a deer looking down the barrel of a hunter's rifle and being asked to walk towards it, every instinct making one last attempt to keep him out of danger.

"Come on Levi," Elijah prompted, "Everyone's already waiting back home for the party to start, and it can't start without its guest of honor."

He balked for a moment longer, before taking a deep breath and crawling in. However, as he did so, he swore he caught a flash of something out of the corner of his vision, a flash of something familiar. So when he got into the car and the doors slammed shut, he twisted around in his seat, ignoring the grunts of protest from the men on each side of him, and to his utter shock he saw that Eren had followed them into the parking lot. He was standing several feet away from the car, not close enough to be noticed. He was writing something down, and just seeing his face again made Levi want to cry out after him. It made him want to break the back window and leap out onto the pavement. However, they pulled away and pealed out of the parking lot before any noise could escape him, and Levi felt hope well and truly leave him the moment he couldn't see Eren's face anymore.

He turned back around in his seat, curling in on himself and trying to make himself look as small as possible, as if he could hide from these men in some way. Seeing this, Elijah laughed from the driver's seat, "No need to look so upset, Jouet. We promised a party, remember?"

"I know what your parties entail," Levi said lowly, but didn't elaborate further.

"I think you'll find I'm full of surprises," the other man insisted, prompting his friends to smirk all around him, and it made the dancer shiver with disgust. "Speaking of," Elijah continued, "I think it's best we have you drink before we arrive. Just to be sure you're nice and docile by the time you walk through the door. Can't have you fighting us, you know?"

The way he said it, like he was talking about the goddamn weather, suddenly made Levi swell and anger rise in him so swiftly that he couldn't control it. He burst out, "How dare you! Talking like I'm some sex toy that you purchased. I'm human, I have feelings, and a mind, and you don't care if you completely ruin me for life from tonight, do you?"

The dancer fought to control himself, though his rage at not just Elijah, but the unfairness of his situation still burned hotly in his gut. He had no idea what had produced the words he had just spoken, but he was sure it had something to do with the pretty green eyes flashing across his mind, making him feel like a person instead of a commodity for the first time in ages.

Elijah just looked up at him in the rearview mirror with a laugh and said, "Well, that's the plan."

Levi spat, "I hate you. I hate all of you so much."

The man sighed, as if dealing with a petulant child that was making him increasingly irritated. "David, just give him the drink, will you? Give my ears a rest."

The man to Levi's right did so, grabbing an empty glass and a vial from the cup holder next to him. He filled the glass with the vial, and then held it out to Levi. The dancer of course balked, looking at it as if it were a rattlesnake poised to strike him. David simply told him, "Just remember, you take this and dump it, we have more. And the next glass I'll hold you down and shove it down your throat myself. It's up to you how you decide to take it."

The dancer bared his teeth at him for a brief moment before he snatched glass out of his hand. The sickly sweet smell filled his nose, and in an instant all of his anger was replaced by debilitating fear once more. This smell haunted his dreams and waking moments, sometimes sending him into fits of panic if he smelled something similar while out in public. He shivered and his stomach rolled with nausea as he looked down at it. It was clear, clear as water, but moved more like syrup. When he finally found the courage to knock it back, his body tried to reject it, terror making him gag and force it up back into the cup. Some of it came out through his nose, burning the delicate lining. He coughed, trying to catch his breath, and while he did so the men laughed at him.

"Come on, you little shit," David told him, "We're going to be there in ten minutes, we don't have all day."

With no further warning, he reached over and took hold of the glass while holding the back of Levi's head, tipping the contents in between his parted lips. The moment it was all gone, he slapped a hand over his mouth quickly while the other man pinched his nose shut. They both worked to hold him down while he struggled, trying to wrench his head away so he could get spit out the liquid. However, the more he thrashed fruitlessly, the more it became apparent that they weren't going to release him until he swallowed what was in his mouth. So, with a disgusted shiver, he obliged, and the men watched as his throat bobbed and heard him gulp loudly, before they took their hands away.

It didn't take more than a minute before Levi began to feel the effects, and he began to whimper. His muscles grew lax and heavy, like cinderblocks, and his head began to feel like a cannonball while his neck felt too thin and frail to hold it up. He began to beg softly, "Please no, please make it stop, please please…"

Before he could get any weaker, he reached up, intended to put his fingers down his throat so that he could make himself vomit, though at this point it was probably too late anyway. However, rationality had abandoned him, desire to save himself taking over even if it was impossible. Before he could though, the men's hands darted out and grabbed his own, wrenching it back down to his side and holding both of his arms, their grips as strong as steel. He had no choice but to hold still after that, allowing the medicine to take complete effect. His mind and all of its voices was screaming the entire time, though his lips remained pressed tightly together, and his eyes began to sting with tears. His body grew weaker and heavier, swaying until it sank back into the seat behind him, his head lolling, though his mind remained clear, clearer than he wanted it to be.

That was the Porcelain medicine, given to every client that requested the Porcelain package from The Dollhouse. For a hefty price, it was theirs to give to their chosen dancer to incapacitate them, make them pliant and docile; a living doll. Theirs to do with what they would for the night. It didn't always lead to sex, but that seemed to be the norm when patrons requested this. Either way, the dancers were conscious and aware of everything done to them, but helpless to stop any of it. And Levi had done it enough times, had been requested especially by Elijah enough times, to know what was in store for him that night.

He shivered with fright when the car stopped, ears ringing and roaring with the sound of blood rushing through him. His head lolled as he was picked up from the back seat, limbs twitching in a feeble attempt to gain control over them and attempt to fight his way out. However, the drug had well and truly taken hold of him, their grasp tight like a blanket swaddling him in place. . All he could do was allow himself to be taken across the lawn of the luxurious mansion and through the doorway, squeezing his eyes shut, as if that would somehow prevent what was going to happen to him. It was the only way he could hide.

Before he knew it, he was being thrown onto a bed without care, as if he were nothing but the day's work clothes to be discarded desperately for something more comfortable. His arm bent at an odd angle, the tendons and muscles straining. Tiny drops of tears had by now collected in the corner of his eyes, tiny pieces of dappled starlight as they clung to his lashes, catching the moonlight that streamed through the only window in the room. He was stripped of his ability to readjust to make himself more comfortable, leaving him twitching lazily at the pain in his shoulder. He knew he should forget about comfort completely; it was far away, an unattainable, ridiculous fantasy in his current state. Still, that didn't stop him from wishing for it. If only Eren were here. Or better yet, if only he was with Eren. If only he had taken him up on his offer to go back with him to his place. What would they be doing right now, he wondered? Would he be enveloped in his arms, the boy's lips travelling across his body, worshipping every inch of skin as if he had never seen anything so precious before? Most likely; and Levi would be holding him tight, head tilted back, whispering soft encouragement to his boy, coaxing him to go further, desiring him as much as Eren desired him.

But alas, that was not to be, was it? He was now at the mercy of these men, his fate in their hands as much as his body was, the Porcelain Package stripping him of the only piece of attire he still wore on stage: his free will. He cracked his eyes open, looking at the foot of the bed, and it was as if the nightmares his broken brain provided for him manifested in front of him. Fifteen dark demons with glowing, hideous eyes glowering down at him, practically salivating, loins aching and cocks swelling with desire. Some of them were naked, some were in the process of becoming so. All of them were ready to take turns defiling him and there was no way he could fight back. The tears slipped over his cheeks and he clenched his eyes shut again.

"All right you pretty little thing, "one of the men said, voice dripping with frustration but tinged with lust. "You think you can act like that, dance like that, talk like that and get away with it? You think you can get straight, law abiding, God fearing men to lust after you and not pay the consequences?"

Levi blinked sluggishly, a little noise sounding from his throat, the most he could make while so incapacitated.

"Aww," another said, his blurry face invading Levi's field of vision and crowding against him. "The little doll cries tears like a real boy."

"Oh, we'll make him cry all right," Elijah hummed, hand lazily stroking his cock as he stared at the scene before him, leaning against the door frame and already stripped down completely. "All night. Hope he has lots of tears stored up. It's best when they cry, very arousing."

Levi tried to squirm, to back away from the men crowding into his space but could not move. Elijah stayed back, eyes darting between Levi's tear-stained cheeks, parted lips, and flushed, heaving chest, the dancer's heart pattering like a frightened rabbit's. The men waited anxiously for his instruction, acting like feral dogs when presented with the possibility of a kill. When they spoke, it was like Levi's voices were outside of his head, and that was surreal and terrifying.

"I want to fuck his face. Shove my cock down his throat until he chokes."

"Worthless pile of shit, deserves to has his ass torn up so bad he shits blood for a month.

"How dare he, we did nothing wrong, but then he had to dance like that…"

"…dress like that…"

"His fault, it's all his fault."

"Worthless, evil"-

"-evil…"

"Now, hold on," Elijah told them, stopping their words. "Let's play a little, first."

His lips curled up on one side in a sinister smirk that matched those of the men Levi used to sell himself to on the street, and even further back, for as long as he could remember, in return for the necessities of life; food, a warm place to sleep, a shower, clean water. Two dozen hands descended on Levi at once, rough fingers ripping at the buttons on his shirt, gripping at his shoes, tearing at his slacks. In moments he was naked, bare save for the bracelet wrapped delicately around his wrist, miraculously ignored. The wooden beads were a firm pressure against his skin, reminding him of the woods, soft nights out on the town, security, all things he had to get back to.

The boy's eyes swam in his vision, soft hands running through his hair in stark contrast to the rough hand on his cock. He wanted to wriggle away and escape the hands that now ran along his ivory skin, marring it pink with nail marks, some almost drawing blood. One of the men, David, climbed above him, hovering on all fours, his long cock brushing against Levi's abdomen and making bile rise in his throat. It was even moist already, making him shudder with disgust. The man's feral grin froze Levi in place even more than the drugs could. The man reached up and wrapped a hand around Levi's throat, fingers digging into the arteries and cutting off blood flow. Levi's mind was screaming again, telling him to fight, to shove him off, to struggle and kick and not stop until he could breathe. To _live._

But of course, he could do nothing. His whimpering picked up in volume and his lips parted slightly, but his tired lungs could not gasp the way he needed them to, his muscles could not fight for him. And his ears could not block out the ugly words that accompanied his terror, what he was sure would be the last he'd ever hear.

"Little bitch," David hissed, "I'll send you straight to Hell myself. Then the devil can fuck you all he wants. It'd be what you'd deserve, wouldn't it? To have your body split over and over again down there. You think this is pain? You have no idea what's waiting for you down there."

A deep chuckle sounded next to Levi's ear, his eyes flicking to the side, still unable to control his muscles enough to turn his head. Levi felt the hand around his neck loosen, Elijah entering his field of vision and coaxing the man off of Levi, leaving the dancer to cough weakly, his throat feeling bruised and his insides trembling wildly with leftover terror.

"Come now," Elijah said, "can't have our little doll pass out on us. Need him to understand what he's done. Can't have him unconscious for his punishment."

Elijah grasped Levi around his middle, lifting him easily and shuffling him to the top of the bed. Left felt his arms being repositioned, pillows tucked here and there until he was propped in a position more lewd that he had ever been on stage. His legs were spread wide, feet meeting at the soles and knees flung out to the sides. His hips strained and he was momentarily thankful for his flexibility or his joints may have dislocated. His arms were crossed daintily in his lap, palms pressed to his abdomen. Even his head has been positioned exactly as Elijah wanted, tilted just to the side and lips slightly parted, a pink ribbon was tied around his throat with a dainty bow. Levi looked every bit like the doll his purchasers wanted him to be, presented to them for the taking with barely enough motor function to breathe and keep his head from lolling forward.

Levi could hear the harsh breaths of the men around the room, the heavy scent of sex already invading his nostrils as the members newer to this sort of experience quickly met their release. Elijah chuckled again, leaning down into Levi's field of vision, the thick scent of whiskey curling up from his mouth, "See what you do to them, doll? Even when you are at our whim you still can't control it, possessing us with your demon soul and turning us upstanding citizens into animals." Elijah leaned back up, a hand grasped around Levi's cock once more, stroking with practiced ease up and down the shaft.

"Now, I'm gonna get you nice and hard, cause I know you want this too," Elijah continued. Levi desperately tried to shake his head, to tell the man that no, he did not want this. The one he wanted was far away, desperately worried about his safety, waiting for him, but still, he could not move. A soft sound escaped his lips and Elijah leaned closer to hear the whispers, only to reel back when he heard the other man's name.

"I don't want to hear that name again tonight, you whore," Elijah screamed, hand traveling to Levi's balls and squeezing painfully. "You say that again and I will not hold back. That little son of a bitch stole you from us tonight. Me and the boys just wanted to have a good night out, enjoy the show, have a few laughs. Everything was going great until you showed up. At first I was all excited, because hey, it was the pearl, The Dollhouse's favorite. _My_ favorite. That leather looks good on you baby, made the boys think you were just another little lady. They were whooping and hollering but when they got a good look at you and realized you were a boy! Oh man, the looks on their faces!"

Elijah released his painful grip to clutch at his belly, doubling over in laughter as he recalled the shocked faces of his friends before schooling himself and resuming his rough treatment once more, his face darkening considerably. "Oh, but when you got in that brat's lap and kissed him? Well, even I was a little jealous at that. You were supposed to be MINE!"

Levi's widened eyes locked with Elijah's as the man surged forward, pressing a kiss into Levi's mouth and biting roughly at his delicate lips. Levi wanted to sob, to mourn the loss of the intimacy he had felt with Eren only hours before as it was plundered from his mouth by Elijah's rough lips. When he had taken his fill he resumed his stroking, calloused fingers running up and down Levi's shaft, his other hand traveling across peaked nipples and down the taut plane of Levi's abdomen. A satisfied smile crept across Elijah's face and Levi realized to his dismay that he was hard, cock straining against Elijah's grip. His body had betrayed him, had reacted to hands that were not his boy's, had responded even in such a disgusting situation. His muscles tensed weakly as three dry fingers were shoved inside of his body to the knuckle, his cock twitching in Elijah's grasp.

 _Dirty... nasty... whore... broken... daemon... tainted.._. his mind reeled as darkness engulfed him. Pinpricks of pain, searing hot floated through his vision. He felt as though he were staring at the surface from underwater, light rippling as the tension was disturbed.

When he surfaced he was on his stomach, hips propped up with strong hands, back sticky with countless releases, the men standing around him, some sated and watching, lazily stroking their flagging erections, others nearing completion. Levi felt his body jerk forward, only then realizing the sharp pain radiated from his backside. He felt so full, stretched and torn and only when he let his eyes follow the dip of his belly did he realize why. The man beneath him was panting, hips trembling has he staved off his orgasm, another was positioned on his knees behind Levi, cock moving in and out in harsh bursts. A third man was pressed to Levi's back, abdomen curved around his ass and his legs spread alongside Levi's slim hips, his cock nestled in the non-existent space that was left inside of Levi's narrow passage.

 _Three._ Levi repeated the number over and over in his mind as he was pushed and pulled. As he blinked he absently noticed another cock being shoved in his face, thick fingers shoved into the corners of his mouth and pried his jaw open, more fingers gripping his bangs before the cock was shoved down his throat. Levi gagged, muscles convulsing as he struggled for breath. He heard ragged moans from the group still thrusting into him, murmurs of _do that again_ making him tremble in fear. The cock was pulled from his mouth, threads of spit still connecting him to it and nearly making him retch. In seconds it was shoved back in, deeper this time so that his nose was pressed harshly into the skin of the man's abdomen, cutting off his breath completely.

One after the other they unloaded into him, moving him about to their pleasure, some preferring his mouth, some his ass. His belly distended, both from what had been fed to him and what had been expelled into him as deeply as he had ever felt. His thighs were sticky, wet with so many releases that Levi lost count. The first few rounds that had been released across his back had dried, pulling at his skin like a bandaid that was about to be ripped off.

"What would that brat say if he saw you like this," a voice hissed, one of his own or one of the men's he couldn't be sure, "Do you really think he wants trash like you, now? After what you've done?"

"Look at how much he's taken," one spoke up, voice laced with a feral quality Levi had not heard in many years. "But I'll bet he can take more. I think we should try."

"N-No," Levi rasped. His mind began to feel clearer, his muscles stronger. Adrenaline filled his body as new panic and determination began to set in. His voice was cracking, throat having been fucked raw, and he felt already as if he had had glass inserted into his body, but still, the desire to fight was there. "No, leave me alone. Get off me. Right now, before I kill each and every one of you."

"Ohhh," Elijah sneered. "Dolly things he can fight back just because the drugs are wearing off, huh?"

Levi scrambled, arm grabbing at the mussed sheets to drag himself across the bed. His cock dragged against the rough fibers and sent shots of pain up his spine. Elijah reached out, motioning to four of the other men to each grab a limb. Levi felt their hard, calloused hands wrap around his wrists and ankles, spreading him out as though he were to be drawn and quartered. He kicked for all he was worth, even trying to reach up and bite the arms of whoever was closest to his face. However, he couldn't quite move fast enough, and they dodged easily, laughing at his pitiful attempts, Elijah included.

"Henry, bring me the brush that's on the counter in the bathroom, the big one with the wooden handle," Elijah shouted, looking over his shoulder to see into the other room and nodding when the correct one was chosen. He then turned back to the dancer, stroking his spine gently, mockingly, a stark contrast to the other man's fear. Levi's eyes widened and he doubled his efforts to get away, kicking and writhing and hollering for all he was worth.

"Now, little doll, let's really see you cry," Elijah said loudly over the top of his shouts.

Levi turn his head and buried his face in the sheets, unwilling to gift these men with the scream that ripped through his throat as the thick wooden handle of the chosen brush was shoved into him in one swift motion. He tried to move away, to escape the searing pain that shot up his spine but could not, whether frozen from pain, fear, or the remnants of the drug, he couldn't tell.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," he sobbed as Elijah gave him a moment to calm, his rim twitching around the hard and unforgiving handle. It was in deeper than their cocks had been, narrower but no less painful as is spread parts that had not previously been assaulted.

"What's that?" Elijah asked, smoothing a hand up Levi's spine and across his rear in contradiction to the pain he had already caused. _Wrong…wrong...so wrong_.

"I'm sorry, Eren," Levi whispered into the sheets, realizing absently that no matter how much he wanted to cry, there were no tears left. Levi's eyes blew wide as Elijah dug his fingers into Levi's hair, nails scraping harshly at his scalp as his head was pulled back, lifting him from the sheets and leaving a thread of saliva connecting him to where he had drooled into them.

"I thought I told you to stop saying that brat's name!" Elijah roared, slamming Levi's head back into the bed.

"Flip him!" Levi heard him shout before too many hands were on him trying to turn him over, straining erections slapping against him as they all tried to get their hands on him at once to follow the order. Levi stared at the ceiling once he was turned, unable to muster the strength to lift his head to see what was coming.

"Make him watch," Elijah growled and a lankier man Levi thought he remembered was named Liam crawled up onto the bed with him, positioning himself above Levi's head and sitting there, cross-legged.

Levi was only confused for a moment until he was grasped under his arms and pulled back, his head propped up by Liam's lap. His eyes shifted up, taking in the strong jaw and light scruff of the man above him. Liam didn't make eye contact, clearly enthralled by the way Levi's lower half was being manhandled until he was nearly bent in half.

Two other men knelt on either side of Levi's hips, holding his legs up by the back of his knees, uncaring that they were pushed so hard the joints popped to get a better view. Levi screamed as the handle was pulled out roughly, his red, swollen rim clenching around air.

"Look how needy he still is for us boys," Elijah murmured, running a finger against the sensitive skin, smearing the come that was sluggishly dripping out of Levi around the edges.

"Gonna give you what you need, baby, don't worry," Elijah cooed, the men around him echoing the sentiment, their hands gravitating towards their cocks surging back to life as they watched Elijah twirl the brush in his hand. Levi's eyes widened, realization dawning on him, legs flailing as he tried to push away. The harsh sting of a slap against his cheek brought his attention above him.

"Do as Elijah says," Liam soothed, rough hand stroking the red mark adorning Levi's cheek, "Or next time it'll be with my fist."

Levi nodded, eyes closing as he braced himself for whatever the group had in store. He calmed his breathing, rubbing his wrists together where they were nestled in Liam's grasp just to feel the drag of the bracelet against his skin. His mind drifted, memories of soft lips on his own and gentle hands in his hair making him sigh. He recalled the way Eren felt under him, the hard press of Eren's cock against his leg as he had ground against him earlier that night. Levi flushed, heat climbing to his cheeks as he felt his erection surge back to life at the most inopportune time.

"The little doll's coming out to play again," Elijah grinned, "Let's see if you can keep it up. If you go down, we'll have you take another dose and start all over, so focus for me, baby."

Levi's eyes narrowed in confusion before his back was arching off the bed, a scream ripped from his throat as the bristled end of the brush was pressed into him. Levi thanked whatever spirits existed that he had been spread so wide and so many of them had released inside him, the slick glide of the come the only lubrication keeping him from tearing in two. His heels pressed into the arms of the men holding his legs, muscles contracting impossibly tight in response to the overwhelming pain. Levi felt every bristle, every plastic nub at the end as the pressed and dragged against his walls, scraping against the sensitive tissue but refusing to tear.

The men circled around Levi pressed closer, hands flying along their cocks as they milked their release, soaking in Levi's screams and groaning out their pleasure. Elijah tapped him, motioning to his waning erection before making a drinking motion. Levi nodded swiftly, pressing his eyes closed through the pain and imagining Eren's hands on him. Levi sucked in a sharp breath as the bristles scraped across his prostate, his back arching and legs twitching as his nerves caught fire. Tears he thought he had used up poured from his eyes as he willed himself to stay hard, to just finish, to give the men what they wanted so they would finally stop, just like they always did.

His mind swam between thoughts of Eren and overwhelming pain. Harsh breaths jolted past his parted lips as he let himself go numb, to sink into the pain he had experienced so many times before. This was nothing new, nothing he could not overcome, used and discarded like the trash he saw himself as. Unworthy, not just of the breath he took from his boy. Unworthy of the soft voice in his ear, the gentle hand on his hip, the warm press of the wooden beads on his wrist. Greedy. He was greedy, but that wasn't going to stop him, wouldn't prevent him from taking everything Eren had, from taking his love and his warmth and his intimacy.

Levi came with a shattered cry as he imagined that first moment when Eren would finally take him, the surge of fulfillment he would finally gain when they were connected, when they would be one body and share one feeling for the first time. To have such a thing…he wanted nothing more. If he could just have Eren take care of him like that, he'd desire nothing else in his pitiful life. What joy, what ecstasy. The thought made him smile, especially when he imagined Eren praising him.

" _That's my Levi,"_ he'd say, _"You were so good. So perfect for me. You made me feel so good. Shh, now baby, I'm here. I'll take care of you."_

Levi smiled deliriously, overwhelmingly giddy at the thought. He opened his eyes, ready for those meadow green eyes to be shining down on him, but only to be met with the lust blown eyes of fifteen strangers. All of his happiness was blown away harshly in a cold gale of reality, and his cowered, shrinking back. But there was no escape, a wall of flesh keeping him physically and mentally in the present.

There were men panting all around him, some having found their release, some still frustrated with not having found theirs. He looked down, seeing that Elijah was one of the latter, and that he was still grinning down at Levi in a way that made the fine hairs on the dancer's body stand on end.

Even more so when he uttered, "I never said you could come. I told you to keep it up, so what the hell was that?"

A cold panic washed over Levi's body like a wave, and he looked up to see one of the men grabbing a glass filled with clear fluid on the inside. He arched his back, crying out as the brush dug itself further up into his rear with his motions, but he didn't care. Still, he was helpless to get away, helpless to stop them from pouring more of the Porcelain medicine down his throat. Helpless to stop the numbness from taking over his body once again. Tears beaded up once more in his eyes, frustration burning hotly inside of him, and he tried to grasp towards his fantasy once more, but found that it was gone.

"Don't cry, love," Elijah told him, "The night is still young, and you're all properly stretched. Now the fun can _really_ start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million kudos and chocolates go out to Eveningstargazer for pretty much writing the entire rape scene. I was stuck on how to make it really messed up and creative and she swooped in Superman and offered to write it, so she's pretty much the entire reason this chapter got done so fast. A billion thank yous, my dear, you are amazing and twisted and I appreciate your help so much, you are the best lol. Song that inspired lots of this chapter was No Light No Light by Florence and the Machine.


	8. Pure White

The torture didn't stop until dawn was ready to break, the faint red light on the horizon being Levi's saving grace. It was shining in his face when the men finally got off of him, panting and sated, and he wept with gratitude when he heard Elijah finally say, "Alright, I'm going to get dressed and take him home. Damien will be pissed if we don't return his merchandise to him at some point."

It wasn't long after that that Levi was dressed, though he barely felt any of it, being only half conscious, feeling more dead than alive between the exhaustion and the pain that was beginning to assert itself in earnest, and loaded into the same car he had arrived in. Belatedly, he noticed how small he felt in the passenger's seat. The car was enormous with leg room for days, oozing with the wealth that its owner possessed. Not like Eren's car at all, which looked like any other car on the road, and was cozy and safe on the inside. The inside of this one was cold and sterile, and Levi did everything he could to avoid looking at the driver, staring dully out the window at the drab scenery passing by, everything colored blue by the early dawn light.

By the time they parked in front of his apartment complex, Levi was beginning to become aware of the fact that there were several more things wrong with him than he had initially thought. Every muscle in his body ached like he had a fever. Part of his face was throbbing, but most disturbing of all, he felt a deep ache in his lower stomach that pulsed with every beat of his heart. It made it difficult to sit, and that pain wasn't the only reason. There was something sticky pooling in his pants, and at that point he had no idea what it was, but knew it couldn't have been anything good. Though the car had stopped, Levi was still frozen, both with fear and exhaustion, and for a moment it didn't register that it was time for him to get out, not until Elijah's voice cut through his dazed reverie.

"Go on, get out," he hissed. And then he added suggestively, "Unless you'd rather I drive you back to the house for more."

With that, Levi seemed to snap away, and with trembling, desperate hands, unbuckled his seatbelt, wrenched open the car door and stumbled out of the car, not sparing the man a backwards glance. With every step he took, pain flared throughout his body, but still he didn't slow down; he forced himself to put as much distance between him and that hateful man as possible. Within no time at all, he had dragged himself into the main lobby of his building and then into the elevator. It was then that he remembered his promise that he'd text Eren when he got home safe, and when he pulled his phone out of his pocket, he saw that he had a dozen missed text messages, some of them worried, but most of them trying to be Eren's usual cheery self, as if he knew Levi was going to be having a tough time when he finished whatever it was he was finishing and he wanted to cheer him up.

_I hope you're doing okay. Just remember I'm here for you to talk to when you get back if you want. It'll all be alright._

_Hey sweet pea! The sun is supposed to be shining bright for the next few days! Want to plan on doing something together outside sometime soon?_

_I think I killed my cat._

He had attached a picture of Alastair laying flat on his back on Eren's bed with his spine bent at an impossible angle, limbs stretched as far forward and backward as they would go. He must have been quite relaxed indeed because Levi could make out his white teeth as his lips relaxed. What a little weirdo.

_I poked the beast and he woke up. He's none too thrilled._

The next picture was Alastair sitting up, fur mashed and sticking up on the back of his neck with his eyes open into tiny slits, practically glaring sleepy death right at Levi. The picture after that was slightly closer up, with a caption that read, _Please let me move in with you, I want a new daddy, this one sucks, he won't let me sleep._

_He forgave me and passed out again. But he and I think it feels pretty empty here without you with us._

That was sent with a selfie taken where this time Eren was laying on his back on the bed with his cat asleep on his chest, Eren leaning down and giving him a kiss on top of his head.

_I know I shouldn't be texting you so much, but I'm just worried, I'm sorry. I know you can handle yourself fine and you said there's nothing to worry about, but I can't help it._

_Are you still there? Levi, it's really late, are you sure everything is alright?_

_Yes, I'm still up, I'm sorry, I'm just too nervous thinking about you. Listen, if I don't hear back from you within twelve hours I'm calling the cops, okay? I'm probably just being paranoid, but I didn't like the look of that Elijah fucker at all. I swear if he does anything to hurt you I'll shove his own head up his own ass so he really gets an idea of what a total piece of shit he is._

_I'm still here Levi, still awake. Alastair is getting so mad at me because I won't hold still, lol._

_Please…I'm not religious, but I'm on the verge of praying that you're okay. I wish I had you in my arms so I knew you were safe._

All of those texts, the sheer number as well as the content, hit Levi like physical blows, one after the other until he had a hard time drawing in a breath. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to call Eren, to let his warm voice wash over him and ground him. To push away the cacophony that was trying to rise up and drown him, to scream "I told you so's" over and over again at him. However, at the moment, there was no way he could do that. If Eren talked to him, he would hear the raspy quality to his voice, hear how wrecked he sounded, and immediately freak out. He'd probably call the cops and then drive up himself, arriving before any of the police cars could get there. And then there would be questions, not just about happened the night before, but routine ones about Levi's mental state. While most of the time he could lie about it and say he was perfectly normal to strangers, with Eren, it was becoming harder and harder to lie as the boy got to know him better. Therefore, he would have to settle with a text, the guilt burning him like acid, but he knew if he waited any longer or worse, didn't say anything at all, things would only get worse. So he typed out his reply.

_I'm home now. I'll talk to you later after I've slept okay? I'm alright. Go to sleep, sweetheart, if you're not already. I appreciate your concern._

A lie, a complete lie, and it hurt to type, but it would hurt worse if Eren knew how bad of shape he was in and he hadn't been around to stop it. He almost sent the text, and then thought to add, _I thought of you the whole night. Your bracelet helped remind me of you. Thank you again for giving it to me._

He sent it, and then a moment later a thought occurred to him. So he added, _What were you writing down in the parking lot? I saw you just before I left._

Levi sighed tiredly and put his phone in his pocket. It was nearing five in the morning and he was ready to collapse, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep for more than a minute if he didn't clean himself or do something about the pain he was in. Plus there was that bleeding and it was really beginning to freak him out. So, when the elevator stopped, he kept his legs clenched together as best he could and made his way out, toddling his way towards his apartment with a grimace and unlocking the door with fumbling and sweaty hands. He hissed a curse; his hands would not stop trembling, no matter how much he willed them to be steady, and he kept missing the lock. Eventually the key made it, and he unlocked the door before making his way inside of his darkened apartment.

Only to find that it was not vacant.

It startled him at first upon turning on the lights and seeing Petra asleep on his couch, but then he remembered yes, of course she'd be here. They made a pact years ago that they would wait up for the other in each other's apartments after each of these Porcelain Package appointments, not only to make sure that the other came home safely, but to take care of any injuries the other person might have sustained. She started awake when the lights flicked on and she heard the sound of the door opening, but relaxed again when she saw who it was. She rubbed her eyes sleepily, stretching and trying to pull herself into wakefulness.

"You were out way later than usual," she yawned.

Levi shrugged, standing in the middle of his entryway, before he bent over and took off his shoes. "Yeah, Elijah and his friends were feeling extra sadistic tonight."

"How many of them were there?" Petra wondered.

He hesitated, pausing, before he stood up again. "Does it matter?"

"The fact that you don't want to just tell me suggests that there were a lot, more than you thought there were going to be. Right?"

Her words made the pain in his rear flare up as he was reminded of just how many men there had been, pounding into him, seeing how far he would stretch, and just what his body could take. He hissed, face pinching with pain, and Petra was on her feet in an instant, rushing over to his side as he finally replied through gritted teeth, "There were fifteen of them. And there was a hairbrush…and I think a mop handle at one point too. They thought my pain was funny. Or arousing. Or both. I don't know, they're all a bunch of sick fucks."

"Oh Levi," she breathed, looping one of his arms around her shoulder.

"There's something in my pants," he told her, "I don't know what it is, but it's leaking out pretty steadily. Everything hurts- ow, fuck. Oh thank God I have tomorrow off. I wouldn't be able to call in at this point, otherwise I'm sure I'd get fired. Damien is such a fucking piece of shit. Jesus it hurts…"

"I know, sweetie," Petra soothed. She began to lead him towards the bathroom. "Here, go shower. I'll get some pain killers. No wait- before we do any of that, go and check to see if you're bleeding and that's what the leaky feeling is."

"Yeah, gotcha," he said.

He hobbled into the bathroom once slid his arm from around her shoulders and helped to shut the door behind him. Levi decided it would be wiser to just get this over with, because if he sat still at all he was afraid he'd seize up and either fall asleep or be overcome with the pain he was in. So he kept pushing through, forcing himself to move his legs and bend over to take off his pants and underwear, though of course doing so was agony as the waist band pressed into his lower belly. He breathed shallowly through his nose, gritting his teeth so hard his jaw ached. But he told himself he could get through this; sure, this was some of the worst pain he had ever been in, but it wasn't the first time he had been in this kind of pain. This was nothing new. Nothing he couldn't muscle his way through. It would pass. It always did.

Eventually, his pants and underwear came down in one fell swoop to pool at his ankles before he carefully kicked them off. However, even at just a brief glance down, he was met with bright red stains that confirmed, yes, he was bleeding. Again, nothing new. He often bled during his sexual encounters, his partners never really having much care for his body outside of how fast they could stick their dick inside of him and use him to get off.

"I'm fine," he whispered to himself. "It's all good, we're going to get through this. We've done this before, we can take care of it."

 _You're fine, eh?_ one voice taunted. _What if you don't stop bleeding? Then you'll have to go to the hospital. Then what if it gets back to Eren? He'll find out, and he'll be disgusted._

 _He'll leave you forever,_ said another, _He won't want to play with a broken toy like you._

_Broken, worthless. Crazy, sick, fucked up-_

_-worthless whore-_

"Stop, stop!" he hissed, scrubbing at both ears. "It's fine, it's fine, it's fi"-

"Levi?" Petra's slightly muffled voice came from the other side of the door. "Is everything alright?"

He shook himself, ignoring the voices that were still cackling into his ears, and saying slightly louder than he needed to, "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just- yeah, it's blood. I'm bleeding. That's the leaky feeling. It's not too bad though, should stop in a day or so I think."

"Well…alright," she replied, though he could hear her hesitance. "But if it doesn't go away in the next couple of days we're taking you to the hospital, okay?"

His heart skipped a couple of beats at those words, but he didn't argue. "Okay."

"Alright. Hop in the shower and I'll bring you some pajamas to change into."

She often dug around in his drawers at his request to bring him clothes, so he didn't feel embarrassed about her doing it. "Thanks Petra."

He heard her feet padding away from the door, before he finally shed his shirt. He then turned on the water to heat it up before very carefully taking off his bracelet and setting it on the sink. He gave it a lingering glance, thankful for the fact that it saved his sanity for the evening, glancing at the pretty charm whenever he had the chance to remind himself who he had waiting for him when he finished his appointment. He also carefully took his phone out of his pants pocket and set it on the closed lid of the toilet, unsurprised to see that he had no messages from Eren. The poor thing was probably asleep, at least, Levi hoped he was.

When the water was finally warm enough, he stepped inside, and winced as the pounding water made contact with his bruised flesh. But at the same time, it felt good to his aching muscles, and he let it beat on the areas where it hurt the most, like his lower belly and hips, where they had forced his legs so far apart that if he wasn't so flexible they most likely would have been dislocated. It was definitely a chore to wash himself when all he wanted to do was collapse into bed and never move again. Beneath all the throbbing, fatigue was settling into the very marrow of his bones, the adrenaline at last wearing off. He knew when he woke up again he was going to feel like he had the flu, but at least he was expecting it. Again, nothing unusual. The sex was fun in some cases when he had it, but the aftermath in every case was always miserable, like he had been in a fight instead.

Levi cleaned every inch of himself that he could until he had no choice but to scrub out his insides. Oh, this was not going to end well, but it had to be done. He lathered up his hand, braced himself…and had to hold back a cry as the soap stung his abused flesh.

He grit so hard that for a minute he thought he was going to grab a towel to bite onto to muffle his cries and take the pressure off his jaw. But he just kept working through it, knowing the faster he worked the sooner he could finish cleaning. His insides felt so raw and yet numb, as if he was touching an open wound that had been subjected to so much abuse that it just couldn't process anymore, so the nerves had shut down. And underneath all the pain Levi had the slightly hysterical thought that shitting was going to be horrific for the next week or so.

Perhaps almost as bad as the agony of cleaning himself was just the sheer volume of seminal fluid he was finding inside of him, and it was so far up…it was probably going to be coming out for days after this. The thought made him shudder, hating the idea of being stuck with the evidence of what those men had done to him for that long.

He heard Petra come in after a bit and tell him she was leaving him a pair of pajamas along with one of her pads he could put in his underwear until the bleeding slowed down. Meanwhile, she told him she would work on treating the stains on his clothes.

"Just throw the pants away," he told her, "you'll never get the blood out."

He could practically hear the smirk in her voice as he rebuffed, "Au contraire, my friend. Every girl has her own trick for getting blood out clothes. Just you wait, I'll have this stuff looking like new the next time it comes out of the wash."

It felt like hours before he was done cleaning himself, so slow was he forced to go with the process. By the time he was finished, all of his limbs were shaking either with agony or exhaustion, and he felt sweat prickling along his back as a result. Drying himself was torture, so was dressing himself, and to add to it, the damn pad was annoying as hell, sticking to his skin and driving him up a wall. He quickly brushed his teeth, and he was about to leave the bathroom, before he looked down at the corner of the sink, a glint catching his eye. It was the pewter fox on his bracelet. He sighed, hesitating, and then decided yes, he wanted that piece of security back on his wrist for the night. He slipped it on, feeling a wave of warmth wash over him as the beads rolled against his skin.

He then left the bathroom and padded down to his room without a word. He threw himself into bed with a moan that was half relief and half his muscles screaming in protest. Levi lay there in the dark silence for a moment, his lower belly and rear throbbing in unison with his beating heart, and he knew in an instant sleep was not going to come any time soon for him. It wouldn't let him relax, his body insisting something was very wrong, that he was still in danger, and he had no way to convince it that no, he was safe. He was in his own home now.

His home, of which Elijah knew the address to.

A fresh spike of anxiety welled up in him for a moment, before it dissolved almost as quickly as it came when Petra appeared in his room with several items in hand. Elijah had had his fill of him for the night, so he wouldn't be coming back right away. And he wasn't alone at the moment, so if he did come back, someone else would be there to warn him.

"Here," she said, sitting down gently next to him and giving him a couple of Ibuprofen and a cup of water.

He nodded in thanks, and sat up just enough to take the pills and water from her and swallow them, before handing the water back and collapsing again.

"Hold on sweetie, don't fall asleep on me yet," she warned him.

"No promises," Levi mumbled, already closing his eyes. Though his insides throbbed, he felt dizzy from how intense his fatigue was becoming, even while laying down.

Quickly, she placed something very warm in his hands with instructions to hold it against his abdomen, and he realized belatedly that it was a heating pack and meant to soothe his aches. He followed her instructions blearily, the warmth against his stomach also amazing at mimicking the heat of another body next to him, and at the moment, for some inexplicable reason, he wanted nothing more than to have another body there comforting him with its presence. But not just anybody, of course. However, he knew Eren was fast asleep at the moment, and no matter how selfish Levi was, he wouldn't dare to wake him up right then.

Petra draped the blankets over the stop of him, pulling them up to his shoulders, and bidding him a good night and to call her if he needed anything, that she would pass the rest of the night on his couch and be there when he woke up. He thanked her, or at least, he thought he did; he was more asleep than awake at this point. His last conscious thought he remembered was misinterpreting the warmth of the heating pack into Eren's warmth, curled against him, shielding him from the outside world, and feeling the beads of his bracelet softly grip his wrist like the whisper of a comforting grasp, making Levi believe he was safe as he at last drifted off to sleep.

000

The week between that night and this current one, where Levi had to pretend around Eren that nothing was wrong and nothing of note had happened to him the night he had been carted off in Elijah's car was a strange combination where Levi would feel agony one moment and then the next feel completely numb. Numb, because he was so used to these Porcelain Packages to the point where he had become good at blocking out any kind of emotional pain that followed in the next few days, telling himself that there was no point to it since he was just going to have to experience it again soon. Agony, because of the pain on Eren's face when he lied and told him that nothing was wrong when the boy could clearly tell he was lying. The fact that he wasn't angry, and instead Levi's deception made him, was far worse, in his opinion. It cut the dancer to his core, and a few times over the week he almost broke down and told Eren the truth. But he couldn't. He had to protect the boy, couldn't let him know what those horrendous people did to Levi, otherwise it would only pain Eren more, or send him into such a righteous fury that he might do something to Levi's attackers that could land him in prison. Either way, it wasn't worth the risk.

Well, that was before the nightmares started.

Of course they would come, they always did. It was only natural, since not only were these Porcelain Packages traumatizing events, but one of Levi's greatest fears was losing control, either of his mind or his body. Ironic, considering his circumstances, but it was there. However, he was having a much harder time dealing with these ones than ones he had had in the past. Perhaps it was because this time the threat of death had been involved in this session.

And that was what had Levi shooting up in bed in a cold sweat that night, grabbing at his throat and sucking in air with sickening desperation. His gaze darted around his room, looking for the figures that had just been looming over him in his dream, their fingers wrapping around his throat and squeezing tighter and tighter, their sneering faces looming over his. And he couldn't fight back, couldn't breathe, couldn't fight, frozen, dying-

His mind was racing, and suddenly every shadow in his room and creak in the walls was a threat. Naturally his voices flaring up in his head didn't help the situation any, only adding to the threatening atmosphere. Everything was there to hurt him, and he barely recognized his own room anymore; it felt like he was in the room of a stranger, and suddenly everything was a poltergeist rising up to attack him. He heard the laughter of his attackers, saw their malevolent faces everywhere he looked, and still couldn't breathe, nails scraping at his neck.

It was too much.

He needed something, needed to escape. Needed- he had no idea, but he needed it before he leaped off his balcony just to get away from the awful _laughter._ He needed reassurance, needed to know he wasn't alone. His eyes fell to his phone charging on his nightstand, and Levi's first immediate impulse was to call someone, just to hear another voice he knew was real that might be able to talk him down, that sounded normal and real and was most definitely outside of his head. Someone to ground him. But who? Petra? No, she had helped him enough these past couple of days, he couldn't burden her more. Maybe…Eren then?

Levi squeezed his eyes shut. No, he couldn't do that to Eren. God only knew what time it was, and he had school and work to worry about. The dancer could get through this by himself, he had before. Except it was usually agonizing to go through this alone, and during all of those past times he would have given anything to have someone available to talk to any time of the day to reassure him that everything was going to be okay. But no, he couldn't let Eren find out how messed up inside he was, couldn't give anything away. He had to protect him. But perhaps it was more than that. Perhaps Levi was being more than a little selfish too. When Eren found out how damaged he really was, he'd surely drop him instantly and never speak to him again. Therefore he could never-

Wait when had he lifted his phone up to his ear? And oh _shit_ , it was ringing. Who had he called? Who was going to pick up? He had to hang up right now before-

"Mmm, hello? Levi? Whassa matter?"

Levi froze. Oh no, oh shit no this was not happening. How could he have done this? That was most definitely Eren's voice floating through the receiver, all thick and exhausted sounding. His eyes flicked over to his clock, and to his horror he saw that it was two in the morning. He was the worst piece of shit to ever walk the Earth. Here he was waking Eren up at an ungodly hour for no reason other than the fact he was a giant baby and needed someone to talk him through a bad dream. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Levi? You there? Are you okay?"

Eren was sounding more alert and worried with each word he spoke, and that reminded Levi that he hadn't said anything yet and he probably should really, really do that unless he wanted Eren to start freaking out. So, he tried his best to reassure him, saying, "I'm- well…uh, hi Eren."

Well that certainly wasn't what he had meant to say. Before he could take it back and say something more convincing, he heard Eren exclaim, "Oh my God Levi, what's the matter? Your voice sounds like someone shredded it, holy shit. Are you hurt? Do you need me to call someone? Do you need me to come over?"

The care in his voice, the concern was so sweet, so empathetic that his words wrapped around the dancer and squeezed his heart. Squeezed until his eyes began to water and tears began to fall from his eyes. He hadn't seen Eren since his ordeal; they had only talked over the phone and texted. It had worked out since Levi hadn't wanted the boy to see him anyway to give his bruises enough time to heal, and luckily he had been too busy with school and work to come to any of his shows or go on a date. But now…hearing his comforting voice, hearing his offer to come over, it was far too much for Levi, too tempting. Something inside of his was screaming that no, Eren should absolutely not come over and see Levi for the pathetic waste that he was. But he found it physically impossible to force the words out, and instead found himself replying with, "Yes. Please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's late and I'm pathetic and should let you sleep, I'm so so _so sorry_ "-

"Levi, Levi, shh, shh baby. Hush," Eren soothed, and Levi could hear the rustle of his sheets as well as the creak of his mattress on the other end of the phone, "Please don't apologize. I'm on my way now, okay? I'll be over in twenty minutes. Hang tight until I get there, okay? Go back to sleep if you can, or if you're too rattled, turn on the t.v or something."

Levi found himself asking, "Can you stay on the phone? Just keep talking to me until you get here?"

"I-yeah sure, let me grab my Bluetooth, hold on."

He was beyond grateful that Eren was taking all of this in stride, despite how horrendously guilty he felt. The boy was far too good for him, too pure for the darkness inside of Levi. He knew that, knew it with every fiber he possessed, and yet in that moment his fear was great that he couldn't bring himself to care. It was as if all the terror he had been suppressing over the week was bubbling to the surface at last and he was unable to stop the flood in the wake of an offer to see Eren's face, to be able to hide in his arms, his body a shield against the shadows. It was something no one had ever done for him before. Petra might if he asked, but she was just his friend, so he would feel even worse about asking her for help with something like this. With Eren, the guilt was lessened the tiniest bit by know he was his boyfriend, so in a way this sort of thing was kind of his job, wasn't it? Levi knew he'd do the same exact thing for Eren in a heartbeat if he asked, so maybe it wasn't so bad?

Either way, he had Eren keep talking to him through the entire journey out of his apartment and into his car, Levi hearing the doors slam shut. Eren kept talking to him about happy and mindless things while Levi listened to the roar of the street in the background. He got up and turned on the lights in his living room while he paced back and forth across the carpet, holding the phone to his ear with his eyes closed and focusing on Eren's voice, his sanity practically depending on it. As long as he talked to Eren, the voices from his head and his dream couldn't get loud enough to drown out his thoughts. As long as Eren was talking to him, he was safe.

By the time heard footsteps coming down the hallway and Eren's voice echoing in sync with the words he was speaking over the phone, Levi was practically desperate to see him. So when he said he was outside his door, the dancer wasted no time in throwing open the door and yanking Eren inside, before shutting the door behind them, putting his phone on the counter and throwing himself into his boy's arms, squeezing him for all he was worth. He heard Eren's breath leave him in a rush and swore he heard the boy's spine crack as well, but paid it no mind, so relieved was he that he was here at last and he wasn't alone anymore that he could barely think past that.

Eren placed his phone on the counter next to Levi's and encircled him in his arms, placing his cheek on top of his head, feeling the desperate fear his boyfriend had been plagued by all night in the trembling of his frame and the strength of his embrace. And for a minute or two, he just stood there, holding Levi tightly, comforting him with his presence, murmuring soft strings of words into his hair for the sole purpose of letting the older man hear his voice.

He might have heard Eren eventually tell him that it was late, almost three in the morning, and that they should really head back to bed. He might have felt the boy begin to guide him back to his room without letting go of him, practically shielding him with his body against the dark, but it felt like a blurry dream at that point. Not because he was so exhausted, but because he was focusing on Eren's voice so intensely that he almost felt himself leave his body somewhat. In that moment, he felt like an explorer that had discovered a rare gem but was only seeing its value for the first time. The boy's voice was so pure, so gentle. It was pulsing white amidst a sea of other garish, multicolored voices that lived in and outside of his head, tormenting and deafening him. They almost vibrated in front of his eyes, dancing around the in same neon colors as the lights in the club, but Eren's voice quieted them until he could barely see or hear them anymore. So hard he was straining to focus on his boy's voice that by the time they reached his bed, he felt dizzy, exhaustion lowering his inhibitions to dangerously low levels, Eren's terribly sweet concern only lowering them further. He laid Levi down in bed first, on the side where the bed was pressed against the wall of the room, and then pulled his blankets up and over his shoulders.

"Do you want me to get in bed with you?" Eren asked hesitantly, still keeping a hand on Levi's shoulder. "Or I can take the couch"-

"No!" Levi burst out with immediately. "No, please stay. I-I need you."

The way he said it was so pitiful, and his voice was wavering in a way that tugged hard at Eren's heartstrings. So, he did as he was asked and slipped into bed beside the dancer, arranging the blankets around him.

"There," he declared once he was settled. "I'm between the door and you, see? So if someone wants to hurt you, they'll have to go through me first."

Levi squeezed his eyes shut, the boy's statement cutting him with how devoted it sounded. The last person that had ever said things like that to him had been his mother, and that had been when he was a small child. Choked up with emotion, Levi scooted forward along the mattress and buried his face into Eren's chest, and the boy did not hesitate to wrap his arms around him nor entangle their legs together.

They laid there in silence for a few moments, Levi's pulse beginning to slow down and the brutal clench of his jaw loosening bit by bit, breath by breath, until Eren broke the quiet with, "In answer to your text before, when I came out into the parking lot after that man put you in his car, I was writing down his license plate number. I didn't know what was going on, but you seemed so scared, and I knew he couldn't be taking you for anything good. So just in case I didn't hear from you, I was going to call the cops and give them that number."

It took everything in Levi not to flinch. He was done, utterly done, and physically pained by Eren's care for him. It was agony, to know someone cared so much for him when he had done nothing to deserve it; all he had done was worry him, lie to him, and poison him. He was disgusting, the lowest form of shit. He didn't deserve this beautiful creature holding him like this, keeping him warm in his bed, holding him against his chest so he could hear his heartbeat and know that there was another person in the room with him to watch out for the monsters. It was too much. He wanted to burst into sobs, but instead of tears, one of his secrets slipped through, his tongue a treacherous traitor he had no control over, his self-control a mere drop against the overwhelming wave of Eren's care.

"Elijah raped me," he gritted out. "Over and over again. Him and fifteen of his friends…they took turns violating me in every possible way. They've done it before and they'll do it again and I can't do anything to stop them. That's what the Porcelain Package is, Eren. Clients pay for the right to drug a specific dancer for the night and turn them into an obedient doll to do whatever they want with. With me, it almost always leads to sex, and with Elijah, it's always violent sex. They beat me, they fucked me in every hole I have, most of the time at the same time. They raped me with a brush, a mop handle, and they choked me. I almost passed out a few times and I couldn't stop them, couldn't fight back, could only watch and cry and wish I could scream for help but"-

"I'll kill them."

Levi froze, and he pulled his face away from the boy's chest to look up into his face. The look of absolute fury and rage he wore made a chill run down his spine, even more so when he repeated, "I'll fucking kill that sack of shit, him and the rest of his friends. How _dare_ he do that to you, you and the rest of the girls at The Dollhouse? In the morning I'm calling the cops and then driving down and killing him with my bare fucking hands"-

"Eren, no, no please," Levi begged him, squeezing him as tightly as he could. He looked beseechingly into his eyes. "Don't do anything. Pretend I never told you anything. You have to, do you understand?"

The boy shook his head, fixing Levi with an utterly disbelieving look. "What the fuck do you mean? That fucker should be locked up _tonight_ , Levi!"

"I know." Levi squeezed his eyes shut again and placed a palm on Eren's chest, bowing his head. " _I know._ But then my manager will know I told someone, and we're not supposed to give out that information. Breach of confidentiality and all that. And he'll have me fired. Me, and maybe some of the other girls. And we'll have nowhere to go but the streets, probably."

"You can come and stay with me, I could take care of"-

"No, Eren. I can't put you out like that. It's not fair to you. You have bills, and I know you have more money than most, but it would kill me if you had to spend any of it taking care of me. I know you'd be willing to, but please Eren. Please don't do this, not to me or any of them. And you can't ask me or any of the other girls not to do the Porcelain Packages again because we don't have a choice. We have to, or we're as good as dead. You don't have to like it, you just have to trust me. Please trust me Eren. Please trust me…"

He repeated the phrase over and over again, murmuring it into Eren's chest, fingers practically clawing at Eren's back. The boy felt him shake all over again, felt hot tears seeping into his shirt and felt bile rise in his throat, born from anger, frustration, and nausea at the whole situation. He had never felt so much righteous fury and yet helplessness all at once, and he hated it more than words could say. All he could do was share in Levi's tears and hold him close, protect him while he had the chance. To pick up the shattered pieces those men at The Dollhouse broke him into every time they brought him home with them.

To beg for forgiveness even though he didn't completely understand what he needed forgiving for. His own inability to help Levi? Most likely. But at the moment it didn't matter. All he could do was keep Levi firmly against his body for the night and offer his protection, however much that was worth. And unknown to him, to quiet the threats in Levi's head, which to the dancer, after being tormented by them all week, was a gift greater and more valuable than all the money in the world.

Just like the boy who held him safe in his arms at last.


	9. Run Me Like A River

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning for everyone, this chapter involves a lot of omorashi and piss kink, so if that isn't your thing, feel free to skip to the next chapter when it's posted. Although I don't think I write anything too gross honestly, I realize this kink isn't for everyone. But if it is, enjoy, if not, next chapter will be coming soon!

Levi hadn't meant for his first trip into Eren's apartment to devolve into a make-out session. And yet, that's exactly what it turned into after he had been in every room, had said hello to Alastair with a few scratches behind the ears and some cooing over how cute he was. Now they were on the boy's sofa, which was not leather, much to the annoyance of his parents, because it collected every bit of cat hair that Alastair dropped, but it was much softer and more comfortable than a leather couch. They had just been sitting together, one of Levi's legs thrown over Eren's lap, before he had placed a hand on the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss, and that kiss had devolved into two, three, four more. And then Levi's lips had travelled down to Eren's neck and began nibbling on the thin, sensitive skin, and now, well…

Now he was in Eren's lap, the boy rubbing his back, hands slipping under his shirt and trailing his nails lightly across his skin. Eren was kissing him eagerly, but so much so that it was overwhelming Levi, and the dancer couldn't help but notice how careful he was being. Showing his enthusiasm in how taut his body was, how he happily accepted Levi's tongue in his mouth, feeling it rub against his own, yet the care was in how gentle his hands were as they caressed his skin, hesitating before they travelled someplace new, as if waiting for Levi to tell him if something was or wasn't okay. When Eren's hands moved across his waist and around to his firm belly, they glided upwards, slowly, tantalizingly, but also nervously, until they found what they were looking for. He rubbed both of Levi's nipples at once with his thumbs, tracing around them with circular motions, and the dancer rewarded the boy with a gentle hum, as well as a deeper kiss.

All the while, Levi was surprised to find that though it only been a few weeks since Eren had laid in bed with him to comfort him from his bad dreams, and even though he had gone through yet another manic and depressive episode (though this one had not nearly been as severe as his previous one and it was to the point he could hide it from others well enough), there was no panic as Eren's hands smoothed over his skin, tingling from pleasure now rather than pain, as if Eren was erasing the feeling of Elijah's hands on him. There were whispers in his ears as always, but with Eren's warmth against him, feeling his young, warm body between his legs and all around him, he felt content. Yes, there was some underlying residue where he felt he might be rejected, where he could see the black clouds of his own poisonous self trying to infect Eren, seeping under his skin, but he stubbornly ignored them. He was going to enjoy this, dammit. He had suffered too much not to allow himself some genuine pleasure once in a while.

Speaking of…

Without thinking, acting purely out of habit, Levi began to move his hips, back and forth, back and forth, grinding his crotch against Eren's, which had the boy gasping in surprise and then exhaling Levi's name. His grip tightened on his shoulders, and he broke their kiss, choosing instead to tilt his head back. Slowly, he began to meet his thrusts, tilting his hips at just the right moment so that when Levi moved forward, it would cause a delicious jolt in both of their bodies that they could feel all the way up their bellies and into their chests. Levi leaned forward until his lips were near his ear, leaning his head against Eren's slightly.

"Worked up already, Eren?" he said. "I can feel how hard you are."

His boy breathed a laugh. "Can you blame me? I have a gorgeous man in my lap grinding on me in a way that's going to drive me crazy."

Instead of answering verbally, he both felt and heard Levi run his tongue along the outer shell of his ear before nibbling on his earlobe. Eren's grip drifted lower until his hands were dangerously close to the waistband of Levi's pants, but stopped himself before they could go any further, instead stroking the warm skin of his lower back.

With a final, soft lick on his earlobe, Levi moved his lips to the shell of Eren's ear again and whispered, "Do you want me to make you come?"

"Yes," Eren said embarrassingly quickly, before he amended, "Well, only if you want. And I can make you come too, if you'd like."

Levi chuckled lowly, and the sound sent a delighted shiver down Eren's spine. "Don't worry about that right now. Just sit back and let me take care of you."

The boy nodded, breathing out a quiet, "Okay." He grinned when Levi scooted back on his lap and began to undo his belt, his insides jittery with anticipation.

"So Eren," Levi asked him, his smile mirroring his partner's, "have you ever had anyone touch you like this before?"

He shook his head and hummed the negative. "Not skin to skin. My partners and I never got that far. I never felt that connected with them to go all the way."

"So you're a virgin?" Levi asked. Eren's belt clinking as it was undone, followed by the sound of the zipper being pulled down on his pants, was getting his blood thrumming faster as well.

"Yeah." The boy froze, and suddenly looked very worried as he said, "Is that a bad thing?"

"Hell no." The older man finally pulled his pants down low enough to expose Eren's cock, which was indeed embarrassingly hard, of which Levi attributed to the virility and excitability of youth. He looked the other with an endeared expression and said, "I'm honored. Maybe I could even teach you a few things sometime? If you want?"

Eren sucked in a breath and his face flushed a bright red when Levi gently took his cock in hand. He forced himself to look Levi in the face, though his eyes kept being drawn to the erotic sight of Levi holding him. "That sounds great," he said hoarsely, still smiling.

"Yeah?' Levi breathed. He began moving his hand slowly in an up and down motion, loving how the loose skin on Eren's shaft dragged and glided around the hardened core, "You'd like that? Like me to help figure out what makes you tick?"

The blood was rapidly leaving Eren's brain to settle between his legs instead, which was why he most likely answered so stupidly. "Yeah, that sounds fun."

Levi began to undo his own belt, laughing softly at the glazed, dreamy look in the other's eye, and then asked, "Any ideas of what you like?"

In reality, Eren had a modest list of things he had figured out about his own body over the years. But the fact that Levi was jerking him off, was in fact _undoing his own belt and unzipping his pants this was insane,_ was making it nearly impossible to think coherently. He squeezed the dancer's waist, thighs twitching slightly, breath coming more heavily as he answered, "I don't, well- you see…"

Levi really had to resist laughing. This was adorable, Eren was too damn cute for his own good. He was shy, and far too taken with the fact that Levi was pulling his own length out of his pants and lining it up next to Eren's. However, he was only at half mast, not that the sight of Eren, all flushed and shy and yet rolling his eager hips up into Levi's hand wasn't pleasing in all the right ways. He just knew he better get his pants off fast, before Eren lost interest in him. Too many times he had wanted to savor an encounter and his partners had either pushed him away for being a prude or ripped off his pants themselves, complaining he was taking too long. So it didn't matter that he wasn't fully erect yet, as long as Eren could see he was interested in some way.

"Here, I'll tell you what I like, and you can let me know if any of that sounds interesting," Levi said, taking both of their cocks in one hand, laying them next to each other, before he began to jerk them both off softly.

"Okay," Eren replied dumbly. Levi couldn't help but lean forward and kiss his cheek; he was just too cute.

"My favorite position is doggy style because it lets me lift my ass higher in the air, and I like having my back kissed by my partner." That was also partially because he preferred not to see his partner's face, at least with all of his past experiences.

"I think- I think I'd like missionary, so I could see my partner's face and know I was making them feel good, and so I could feel their legs wrapped around me. Or so I could wrap my legs around them, or put them on their shoulders," Eren panted.

 _Shit_ , Levi thought. This damn kid, once again, killing him without even realizing it. He decided to move onto something else, and quickly, speeding up his hand while he did so. He shuddered, and he felt Eren begin to squirm delicately, either with impatience or increased pleasure, he wasn't sure.

"I like having my dick stepped on," he continued, "Not too hard, but enough for me to grind on my partner's foot. Feels amazing."

Eren nodded, his eyes only half open and his lips parted as Levi's hand worked its magic, thumb flicking over the heads of their cocks and spreading their pre-come over both of their tips, back and forth, back and forth. The boy told him, "I think I'd like a prostate massage. I've- ah! I've stim-stimulated it myself a few times, but it's hard to do yourself. Having someone else rub it for hours sounds so… _good."_

"Yeah?" Levi breathed, "Sounds amazing. I might not mind that either."

"I-I…" Eren paused, arching his back, tongue loosening and inhibitions lowering. Damn, Levi was far too good at hand jobs; he knew just how to twist his wrist, just the places to touch, just the right way to rub at that amazing place behind the head of his cock, practically massaging it. He squeezed the tips of both of their lengths together, the sensitive skin rubbing together and being pinched just enough for a pleasant zing, something that made them both gasp and moan in unison. The dancer was taking him apart piece by piece, barely moving a muscle as he did so.

"I think I have, I might have a piss kink," the boy moaned, bucking his hips into Levi's hand. And then he swore his entire body went cold the moment the words left his mouth. What the hell was his problem? Yes the words were true, but he had never told anyone such a thing before. Oh God Levi was going to get off of him and walk out that door now, never speaking to him again. He was so disgusting, who the hell said things like that, or had a kink like that?

But shockingly, Levi barely flinched. If anything, his eyes widened slightly, but not with disgust. Instead, they lit up with interest, and then darkened with what Eren could only assume was lust.

"Funny you should mention that, because I do too," Levi replied, stroking Eren even faster, delighted with the boy's admission.

"Mmh!" Eren grunted, feeling that telltale tingle starting deep within his lower belly, a warning that his orgasm was on the horizon. "You do? You don't think it's weird?"

"I've heard of weirder. Trust me." _Or much worse. Like getting turned on by hurting other people._

He believed him in an instant, considering Levi's line of work, and felt better. Well, in that aspect, because suddenly he could feel his orgasm asserting itself in earnest, right there, right on the brink, and he began begging Levi to finish him, he was _so close._ Evidently, not as close as Levi was, who came with a grunt just a few moments later, his release warming Eren's cock as it dribbled over the older man's hand. It was feeling that warmth that tipped him over the edge. He came with a cry of Levi's name, gripping the other man around his upper arms like a lifeline, his head tipped back and his eyes squeezed shut, hips only stilling when the spurts of his orgasm ceased. With his eyes closed as they were however, he didn't notice Levi flinching, nor how he quickly let go of his own dick in favor of just holding Eren's, strokes turning soft and comforting on the oversensitive flesh.

He would never tell the boy of course, but his own orgasm had been more painful that wonderful; he never achieved a complete erection, and as a result, his body simply wasn't ready for the intensity or his orgasm when it arrived, nor did it approve of the rough jerking motions that he was using. But it was simply something he had become used to over the years, quickly getting off his partner with no attention paid to himself. As long as he acted like it felt good, his partner would be satisfied, and the pain would fade soon. Besides, he was still riding somewhat of a high. However, this time around he found he got far more satisfaction from seeing how blissed out and satisfied Eren looked from his ministrations, his chest heaving as he fought to come down from his high. He eventually opened his eyes a crack though and, slowly, as if working through the thick fog in his thoroughly fucked out brain, he sat up, and pulled Levi in a deep, thankful kiss, stroking the side of his face tenderly with his thumb as he did so. The dancer soaked it all in, leaning into the kiss and sighing into it softly, letting go of Eren's length in the process. His stomach filled with tingles and his chest warmed with affection.

Yes, the pain was definitely worth it.

When Eren pulled back, the expression on his face was filled with such devotion, such care, that Levi's heart skipped a few beats from it. He had to look away because he felt he wasn't worthy of such a look, and instead covered it up by closing his eyes and leaning his cheek into Eren's warm palm, kissing it after a moment.

"I'm so glad you're just as weird as me," the boy said, relieved. Levi breathed a laugh.

"Maybe we should explore these kinks of yours sometime. Would you like that?"

"Fuck yes. And I want to explore yours too."

This time, Levi really did snort. Eren's enthusiasm was so cute.

"Alright, love," he told him. "We can finally make good on that raincheck then. And I'll make you feel so good I'll ruin you for anyone else in the best way possible. Sound good?"

The boy nodded eagerly, his eyes lighting right up, and Levi laughed as he pulled him in for yet another deep kiss. That was the best answer he could have ever hoped for.

000

It was only a week or so later that both of their schedules aligned where they could finally make good on their date. Eren may or may not have been anticipating it all day and had had to keep his legs crossed for most of his shift to conceal the boner that kept trying to pop up at the most inconvenient of times.

During the entire period before their date, he and Levi had worked to establish limits and rules for their encounter. He knew Levi didn't have as many reservations, but the dancer had thought his obvious concern for him was very endearing. Neither of them wanted to scare the other off, and Eren wanted Levi to make it very clear what he would and wouldn't be willing to do, just as Levi wanted his boyfriend to do the same.

It was quite nice, actually. No one else had really bothered to do this with Levi before. But Eren was, even though he had never had sex before, doing so to make sure that both of them had a good time and would want to do this again. It was definitely the most structured sex Levi had ever been a part of, but considering that both of them were trying out this piss kink thing for the first time with each other, Levi figured that would be wise.

They had actually texted each other a list of limits and desires, and Eren was relieved to find that he and Levi were mostly on the same page. For example, Levi had asked if Eren if he wanted to top or bottom for their first time, that it didn't matter either way for him. Eren had responded that he wanted to top, but he'd willing to bottom during future encounters.

Levi had specified that his piss kink was mostly that he enjoyed sex with a full bladder. He liked having it pressed on, liked being controlled as to when he could and couldn't urinate, and liked being fucked while he pissed at the same time. Eren agreed with him very much, saying he would probably enjoy the same things, and that he might even like it if Levi pissed on him at some point, though he said it couldn't be his face, or in his mouth, as he found that to be quite disgusting. Levi didn't like being pissed on at all, and they agreed that this was fine, and that he might be willing to try that for Eren sometime.

They even discussed why the idea of having sex with a full bladder turned them on, Eren saying he enjoyed the warm, heavy feeling near his groin and how it mimicked the feeling of a boner, Levi saying he liked the pleasant burn of needing to relieve himself and how the denying himself that urge was a pain that was quite pleasurable. Eren was also honored to find out that Levi didn't do it with many people, that few of his past partners knew about this kink.

"I only tell be people about it that I'm really close to," he had said, and Eren hadn't been able to resist hugging him and giving him a sweet kiss on his forehead.

Eren had mentioned that he might find the sight of his partner squirming around with the desperation of trying to hold it arousing, and Levi found the same thing appealing. Finally, whether it was that time or another time, Eren mentioned he had a voyeuristic side, that sometime he might enjoy watching Levi jerk off while he directed him what to do, and Levi said that was completely fine, and that he might enjoy Eren doing the same. Overall, the experience was a lot less awkward than Eren had expected, at least the deeper they got into expressing their limits, and by the time the evening of their date rolled around, he was practically dying with anticipation. He was sure he had showered far longer than he needed to, and like the sappy idiot he was, he went out and bought Levi yet another present because he just couldn't help himself and was just so thankful that he was gifting him with this amazing opportunity that he had to show his gratitude somehow.

So there he finally was, standing at Levi's door, fist still raised from knocking on it, and when the dancer opened the door, he grinned hugely and, trying to resist wriggling like an excited little kid, presented Levi with his presents, one of which was a bouquet of flowers, because of course it was, and the other a smaller box.

"You are the cutest sap," Levi said fondly, leaning up and pecking Eren on the lips. "You didn't have to get me flowers just because I agreed to have sex with you."

As he quickly got a vase for them, Eren shut the door behind him and replied, "I don't think you know just how much you deserve flowers and a whole lot more for agreeing to do something like that with me."

The dancer rolled his eyes, and placed the flowers in a vase before setting them on the table. He then picked his box up from off the counter and opened it, gasping with delight when he saw what was inside. It wasn't another bracelet, but rather more charms to put on the bracelet he already owned, a cat and a paw print to go next to the little fox.

"I figured you could put me on the bracelet too," Eren explained, scratching the back of his neck shyly. "Or Alastair. Either or."

Levi put the charms next to the flowers on the table, before walking over to stop in front of Eren. "I'll put them on later," he explained, before stretching up and pulling the boy's lips down to his, kissing him softly. "For now," he mumbled against his lips, "I have something else in mind."

"You do, do you?" Eren teased. "And what might that be?"

"Well," Levi kissed him again, before leaning back and saying, "I drank like three water bottles in the space of three hours and my bladder feels like a damn water balloon about to pop."

The boy shivered. "I think I'm the only one you could say that too and find it super fucking hot."

Levi laughed lowly, and then turned around, taking him by the hand. "Then come on. Let's get you into the bedroom so you can do something about it."

As he followed him, Eren had to suppress a giggle; he felt like every husband on every single t.v show in existence being led by his eager wife into their bedroom. What a cliché, yet he loved it, and he loved how natural it felt. The minute they cross the threshold of the bedroom however, Levi began kissing him, and kissing him quite hurriedly, before he started to undo his belt. Eren quickly pulled away, pushing gently on his shoulders.

"Hold on, hold on," he said firmly.

Levi, for his part, looked very confused. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Eren glanced down at the floor, feeling a bit subconscious. "It's just, well…don't you want to do some foreplay first?"

The dancer stared blankly at him, and just as flatly asked, "What?"

"Levi," he said slowly, "You know what foreplay is, yes?"

"I know what foreplay is," he said, though he didn't sound offended at the insinuation, thankfully. "It's just…I don't usually do it. Most of my partners just want to get down to business, they don't have time for kissing or petting or anything. They just want to put their dick in me as soon as possible. I just assumed- no, that was wrong of me. I'm sorry, Eren."

He shook his head. "Don't be. Here, come here."

Eren led Levi over to the bed, and they both crawled on top of it, sitting cross legged on top of it across from each other. He took the dancer's hands in his own, rubbing his thumbs over the knuckles of Levi's smaller hands.

"Look," the boy began, and then took a deep breath, before letting it out slowly. "From what I gather, and from what you've told me, correct me if I'm wrong…your partners haven't been very kind to you in the past, have they? That bit with those guys, that wasn't an isolated incident, was it?"

Levi shrugged one shoulder and kept his gaze on the space between their bodies. "So? I'm used to it. I'm used to quick and dirty fucks. I'm used to bleeding after sex. I'm used to hurting the morning after sex. I've been told that's not normal, but I don't know any different. So it's not bad, not really. Doesn't bother me anymore."

Each word felt like a physical blow to the boy. He was barely able to believe what he was hearing. His heart stuttered, and then squeezed with sympathy as he gently gripped both of his hands. He lowered his head, unable to look Levi in the eye for a moment. The dancer tilted his head.

"What?" he wondered. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

"You"- Eren paused, unsure of how he should reply. It wasn't that Levi said something wrong, it was just hearing those things said as if he was discussing the weather that felt so wrong to the boy. "I'm not upset with you. I'm just sad. You've been with multiple partners, but in a way you're just as much of a virgin as I am. You don't know what consensual sex is supposed to be like, how wonderful it's supposed to be. I am however upset with the people that weren't careful with you, that didn't treat you with the respect you deserved, and that used you like an object."

He finally lifted his head and looked Levi in the eye before saying seriously, "That's not what's going to happen tonight, Levi. We're going to take our time and do this right. It's going to be done because we want to do this and we care about each other, not because we feel like we owe each other something. Do you understand?"

Levi paused, knowing how easy it would be to blurt out yes, he did understand, but allowed himself a moment to process Eren's words. Maybe he understood the meaning, but not the true value behind the words, at least in that moment. But they promised good things, and he definitely wanted to find out the value behind his boy's statement. So, after a moment, he nodded.

"I want to do this with you," Levi explained in a low, soft voice, rubbing his thumbs over Eren's knuckles in turn, "And I understand that I can back out if I want. I remember our safe words, I promise."

"Repeat them back to me please? Just so I know?"

The dancer smiled; Eren's concern was evident in his tone, and it was rather sweet. "Green means everything is okay. Yellow means we stop what we're doing and talk about it afterwards. The action may or may continue after we're done discussing it. Red means we stop completely, no questions asked."

Eren nodded and the leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Good. And we really don't have to do it if you don't want, but foreplay is usually done to warm each other up. That's all I want to do. Get us both aroused so that the more intense stuff won't hurt later."

"No, I want to do it," Levi assured him. "Foreplay sounds nice. Though I'm afraid I'm just as inexperienced as you are in that area, for the most part."

The boy laughed nervously and shrugged. "Well, I actually may have gone and talked with one of my colleagues about this...because she's a sex therapist, and um, she may have given me pointers. On like, where erogenous zones were and stuff, what I can do to stop an orgasm to make this last longer, that kind of stuff."

Levi couldn't help it. He snorted, covering his hand with his mouth. "Eren"-

"Shut up!" he huffed, face turning red, "I wanted to cover all of my bases and make sure I wasn't going to fuck this up. Just because I am a virgin doesn't mean I want to fumble around like one."

Levi leaned up and kissed his cheek, which just made him turn redder, and he said, "You're too fucking cute for your own good, how do you stand yourself?"

The boy rolled his eyes, but the smile returned to his face a moment later. The older man then added, "So now that we have that serious stuff out of the way, you actually maybe want to start this foreplay of yours?"

That got his attention. Eren sat right up like an eager dog presented with an opportunity to earn a treat; if he had a tail, it would have been wagging behind him as he declared, "Oh definitely."

He straightened up a bit more and cupped the sides of Levi's face with his hand, studying him as if trying to figure out the best way to approach this. After a moment, the dancer couldn't help but laugh, "Eren, relax. I'm not going to bite."

"I know," he replied, frustrated, "I just"- he cut himself off. This was ridiculous. He knew what to do, or rather, what he wanted to do. He was just nervous to start.

"Don't overthink it, you'll drive yourself nuts," Levi advised him, not unkindly. "How about you start with my neck? That's sensitive."

"Yeah," Eren sighed, relieved. "That sounds good."

He hesitated for a moment more while Levi regarded him expectantly, the dancer trying very hard not to laugh again at the serious look on the other's face. However, when Eren did lean in, he didn't go for Levi's neck right away like he thought. Instead, he scooted up a little closer to him and, with his hands still of Levi's face, began stroking his cheeks with his thumbs, before reaching up and running them softly over his eyebrows.

"Um…what are you doing?" Levi asked.

"Don't overthink it," Eren parroted back with a cheeky grin. "Just close your eyes and relax. Empty your mind as much as you can, and just let yourself feel."

The dancer wanted to retort something witty back, but the sincere look in his boy's eyes was enough to rethink that and just do as he was told. So, he closed his eyes and sat still, trusting Eren with whatever it was that he wanted to do.

"Very good, Levi," Eren said softly after a moment. He let his thumbs move down his brows, before moving to his cheeks, and then back to rub over the outer edge of his ears, keeping his touch very light, but not light enough to tickle. "Just be easy. I…I noticed how the other day, that it hurt you to come. When you jerked us off and stuff. That should never be the case, you should never have to push yourself to perform for your partner. We're going to warm you up nice and easy tonight, and every night after. Sex is never going to hurt for you when you're with me."

The older man shivered at the words, and suddenly goosebumps exploded across his skin. Eren had leaned forward to run his lips over the shell of his ear, but didn't directly kiss it. He then heard the sheets rustle again as the boy moved away and began to delicately kiss, not his lips, but the area around his lips. It almost made him so frustrated that by the time Eren finally did kiss him on the lips again, Levi found himself shivering from it. Well shit, a he had never reacted that way to a kiss before; it was far more erotic than it should have been. Eren kept it up, delicately rubbing the skin of his neck with his fingertips, warming up the area before going in and kissing it, lightly, so lightly. So that by the time he did taste Levi's skin with his warm, wet tongue, it actually made Levi sigh and tilt his head away so that the boy had better access. Eren was making his skin extra sensitive with these light caresses, making him anticipate his next action more highly and much more excitedly. This was far, far better than someone just grabbing at his dick and jerking it as hard as they could.

"Can I take off your shirt?" Eren wondered.

Levi nodded slowly. "Only if I can take off yours."

Carefully, the boy slid his hands up the dancer's warm belly and pushed his shirt up, palms making his skin tingle as they passed over it, until the shirt was bunched under his armpits. Levi took care of it the rest of the way, pulling it off and then tossing on the floor behind Eren. He then started unbuttoning his partner's shirt, trying to imitate what Eren had been doing as he did so, stroking his fingers lightly down each patch of skin revealed as the shirt began to open and fall away. He saw Eren shiver at his touch too, and pride welled up within him. It was nice to know he could make the other react with just these soft touches as easily as he could while jerking him off or giving him a lap dance. He didn't have to be forceful to bring Eren pleasure.

Speaking of pleasure, his boy took that moment to place his hands on his lower back and run them all the way up Levi's spine, catching the fine, downy hairs on their way up and making the dancer's nerves sing. He mimicked the movement, getting closer to Eren and rubbing his back as well, trailing his lips over his shoulder as he did so. He stopped at the area where Eren's neck met his shoulder, and began nipping at the soft, thin skin.

"Levi," Eren breathed, closing his eyes and letting his lips part, "That's- yes. That's nice." His breath left him in a shuddering sigh.

The dancer smiled against his skin, both at his choice of words and the fact that he was making him happy. However, that smile transformed into a sudden gasp when Eren's hand moved down this stomach, deliberated between his hipbones, and then tentatively cupped his warm groin. It was so direct, so unexpected, that the pleasure was far higher than it should have been, but Levi loved it. Even more so when he began to move his hand, massaging, letting his palm and fingers undulate against him like a wave. Levi pushed into the pressure, but when he did so, his waistband cut into his bladder, which made him hiss with displeasure.

"Pants off," he demanded, "Pants off now."

"Yes your majesty," Eren quipped.

Within no time, their pants had been shed, leaving them only in their underwear. Levi began undulating his hips, eyes still shut, and he panted, moist breaths leaving his parted lips, all a silent plea for Eren to get back to doing what he had been doing. The boy obliged, resuming his hold, and oh, it was so much more intense now without his pants in the way. He hugged him close to him, placing his head on the boy's shoulder while he palmed his groin.

"Higher," Levi asked breathlessly, "Push higher."

It took Eren a second to realize that he wanted him to massage the area over were his bladder sat, but once he did, he obliged, pressing the area firmly but quickly, and the effect it had on Levi was fantastic. He whined and let his legs part further to give the boy better access, hugging him more tightly. Eren kept that up for a bit, moving up towards Levi's hips before letting his hand wander back down between his legs, massaging and groping until the area there was sufficiently warm and moist.

"Fuck me," Levi begged, mouthing at the boy's throat, "Fuck me now. Please. I want it hard, Eren, I want you to fuck me so hard I can't think about anything. Please, _please…"_

His partner chuckled lowly. "Not yet, baby. Neither of us are hard enough yet for that."

"Eren"- the dancer tried to beg, but he was shushed gently, and thumbs stroked his cheeks.

"I know, shh, sweetheart," Eren kissed his temple. "I'm still going to give you some relief. Lean back for me please?"

Levi didn't care how desperate he seemed; he immediately did as he was told, laying on his back, and Eren had never seen anything more beautiful. His head was turned to the side, neck exposed vulnerably, and he was looking at him out of the corner of his eye. His cheeks and neck were flushed, and his lithe, muscled body was completely open for whatever Eren wanted to do. And all Eren wanted to do was make every nerve ending of his sing, fulfill each of their desires, and make them both feel safe.

Without even being asked, Levi pulled off his underwear, which in turn made Eren do the same, and now here at last, they were both bare in front of each other. The dancer was mostly hard, Eren deduced, his erection laying on his belly. To give him that last little push, he asked, "Is it alright if I blow you?"

"You fucking better," the dancer huffed, though he was smiling.

"I've never done this before." Eren slid up between his knees, and Levi spread his legs deliciously to make room for him. "So um, sorry if I suck."

Levi shrugged. "Everyone's first blowjob is terrible. Won't make me care for you any less."

His face flushed at those words, before, he took a deep breath and leaned over him. It made things easier that Levi had kind of a pretty dick, as far as dicks went. And even better, which his underwear off like this, it became even more apparent how terribly full his bladder was. Between his hips was an angry, hard, piss filled bump, and dear lord, Eren's mouth watered and his skin prickled with the urge to touch him there.

All in good time, he assured himself. First thing was first. He bent down and took Levi in his mouth, wrapping his fingers around the base of his shaft. He decided right then and there from how heavy the length was against his tongue that he was not going to try deep throating him. Besides, all the sensitive spots were near the tip anyway. He sucked and let his tongue roam every inch of skin he could reach, very gently letting his teeth graze over the exposed tip. He heard Levi cry out above his head and felt his thighs jerk and tremble, the stimulation too much, and yet perfect.

"Oh God," Levi breathed, "Oh God, oh shit! Eren, you're so good, so perfect. More, please!"

Eren repeated the motion, encouraged. However, he got a little overzealous on a few downward motions, and had to pull up, gagging slightly and coughing.

"Careful," Levi lifted his head and told him. "You don't have to go all porn star on my dick, you know."

The boy smiled despite himself; here was his boyfriend, who a second ago had been blissed out and crying out for him to continue, and in an instant had flipped the switch and became concerned about him. He reassured him, "I'm okay."

Once he seemed certain that Eren was telling the truth, he laid his head back down, and the boy didn't waste a second getting back down to business. This time however, he started at the base of Levi's cock, kissing it gently and giving it teasing licks. He heard a frustrated groan above his head and couldn't help but grin. And it was when he looked up towards Levi's head to reply with something witty that he caught sight of that enticing mound that was Levi's full bladder. He hesitated, feeling his earlier desire to explore it itching at him, but would the other man find it to strange?

Only one way to find out.

He scooted up a little further and tenderly began stroking at Levi's hipbones, placing a kiss on each one, feeling him shiver at the sensation of his lips on his skin. Then, without further hesitation, he began stroking the area right over his destination. God it was so perfectly distended and swollen, and when Eren pressed down on it in a massaging motion, it practically quivered beneath his fingers. Levi's back arched and he moaned, the burning pain delicious. He felt Eren's lips and tongue begin to worship the small area, mouthing at the skin and pressing it with his tongue. A few times, he pushed down in a harsh, jerking motion with his palm, alternating between that and his lips, and when he crushed his bladder, Levi swore he felt his temperature rise a few degrees immediately, both from the pleasure and the effort it took to keep ahold of himself. Eren was already making a small space so much smaller, intensifying the pain so perfectly.

"Suck me off," Levi begged, "keep doing that and suck me off."

Eren obliged, not missing a beat, switching between sucking on the tip of his cock and rubbing that hard little mound. Levi was already practically in tears at the warning sensations, losing his mind over the sheer heat, the delicious, heaviness and _fullness_ he felt between his legs. He had never felt so hot before, so on the verge of losing it so soon. And then Eren made it even better when he dipped his tongue right inside of the slit of his cock, creating an ecstatic burn. Levi whined, high and desperately, ribs heaving, praising Eren over and over again for his genius. However, at the same time, the more he pushed at his swollen bladder and the more he tongued his slit, the more intensely he could feel something trying to tickle its way up his cock, and whether that was urine or come, he wasn't sure. He was so terribly aroused, and yet also needed so badly to relieve himself…he couldn't chance it.

"Yellow!" he gasped, "Yellow, please stop, Eren."

Part of Levi thought that their color system would accomplish nothing when Eren had suggested it to him. He'd had other partners that had given him safe words but never adhered to them, choosing to keep going because they were so "caught up in the moment" that they claimed they didn't hear him. But to his delight, the boy stopped immediately, sitting up and looking concerned.

"Are you okay?" he asked hurriedly. "Did I hurt you? Did I do something weird? Oh God I'm so sorry Levi, I didn't mean"-

"No, no." He sat up quickly and placed a hand on Eren's arm. "No, you're fine. You didn't hurt me. You almost made me piss myself, that's all."

"Oh," Eren breathed a laugh, relieved. "Okay, then I should stop doing that."

"Yes."

He fixed the older man with a more serious yet somehow still playful glare. "Because you're not allowed to pee until I say so."

Levi swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing with the motion, and Eren swore he could hear the sound in the silent room. "Is that right?"

"Oh yes."

Despite his command, he saw the dancer begin to shift around, squirming where he sat. His bladder was beginning to ache and twinge, and he crossed his legs in an effort to ease the feeling. At the same time, he welcomed it, because it was sending delightful flushes of heat up his cock. Eren found his gaze drawn to his squirming, and he felt a fresh rush of arousal in his gut.

"Here," he suggested, "follow me into the shower. We can get you some relief in there."

Levi perked right up at that, his eyes gleaming in the low light of the room. When Eren got off the bed, he crooked his finger in a come hither motion, and Levi didn't hesitate, following him as he walked into the bathroom. He barely let Eren turn on the water, rubbing his body against his while he fiddled with the knobs.

"You're insatiable tonight," Eren joked, and then grunted as Levi began to kiss his neck and jerk him off softly.

"Can you blame me?" Levi grinned against his moist skin. "You're so beautiful Eren, so good to me. I've never been this fucking turned on in my life, and I mean that. I swear to God I've never wanted to come more in my life than I do now, you're so perfect…"

He trailed off, the rush of emotion he felt so strong he could barely breathe. Arousal, affection, it was all there, fighting for dominance, pushing his illness far under the dark waters of his mind. Which was interesting because it was usually the reason he engaged in these types of acts when his manic episodes hit him. But tonight, all of his desire was his own, and though he had never been more vulnerable and open with a partner, he had also never felt safer with one either. Eren's aura was bright and all encompassing, sweet and pure. He wanted to disappear inside of it forever, and for the moment, he pretended he could.

Eventually, the water heated up to Eren's satisfaction, but before they could step inside, he asked, "You have lube, right?"

Levi nodded. "Oh yeah."

"Grab it for us please?"

Now the dancer was the one with the imaginary wagging tail as he practically vibrated with enthusiasm. He zipped over to his nightstand, grabbed the lube at the speed of light, and then practically ran back into the bathroom. They wasted no time then getting into the shower and placing the lube in one corner of the tub, before Levi stretched up and began kissing Eren deeply, desperately, throwing his arms around his neck. The boy responded by beginning to stroke his cock again, his hands everywhere all at once. He fondled his warm, heavy sack, and pressed at his straining bladder, all of the motions making Levi's back arch and his lips part around heady moans.

Eventually, the older man had to break the kiss, his bladder quivering hard with the threat of releasing its contents. He looked up at Eren with huge eyes and told him, "Please Eren, I have to go so badly. Please let me go?"

Eren thought for a minute, before asking, "Your color, Levi?"

"Green." Truth be told, he really did have to go, but the burn was turning him on as much as Eren's touch was, and putting himself in this submissive role voluntarily was also quite arousing.

And Eren's reply of, "Hmm…I'll let you go a little bit, how about that? But you have to stop when I tell you," made a fresh flush of arousal knock him in the gut, and for a moment, he couldn't breathe.

"Okay," he finally wheezed, and turned around, pressing his rear right against Eren's groin. He heard the boy hiss behind him, before he bent over slightly, pressing his chest against his back. Levi grinned up at him, grinding his pert behind against his partner's swollen length.

"You feel good," Eren said. He then reached around and grasped Levi's cock, and continued, "Jesus, you're so hard right now."

Levi supposed that was right. His cock was flushed a dark red, darker than he had ever seen it before, heavier and more full than he had ever felt. Eren gave him a few more strokes, and he moaned, "You too." He squirmed a bit more, the urge growing terribly strong, urine pressing desperately against his weakening sphincter muscles. He begged, "Please Eren, please please…"

"Shh, baby I've got you," Eren soothed, kissing his neck and shoulder. He placed his hand back on Levi's lower belly, the mound more swollen than ever. He could practically feel his bladder trembling beneath his hand, the area hot, a tempest under his palm. "Oh baby you have to go so bad, and you're so hard. I know you want to come too. But piss first, just a bit though. And when I say stop, you stop, understand?"

Levi moaned at the command, throat dry from desire. "Yes," he said hoarsely.

"Good. Then let go baby. Go ahead."

Keeping his body firmly pressed against Eren's, perhaps for comfort through the delirious amount of pleasure he was experiencing, Levi did as he was told, relaxing his poor, abused bladder letting the liquid flow in a rush out of his body. The sound of it hitting the tub was so loud, even over the rushing water, and he was moaning shamelessly loud with relief. He could feel Eren's hand pressing on his bladder, as if to help him push the liquid out of his body. Eren shuddered, feeling his bladder shrink under his hand, his cock pulsing at the sight of the dancer urinating so freely in front of him. But after just a few moments, he was telling him to stop.

"That's enough Levi."

The dancer struggled to do as he was told for a second; the relief was like a drug high, but somehow found the strength to grasp at his dick just below the head. He squeezed, halting the flow into pitiful dribbles, arching his back with a high pitched whine of agonized pleasure-pain. His bladder thrashed, spasming, still trying to collapse and expel the rest of its heated burden. Levi whimpered as his body punished him for denying it relief, but Eren was right there, comforting him, kissing his trembling lips, rubbing soothing hands up and down his sides.

"Good boy, good boy," Eren panted, pecking his lips several times, even nibbling on his bottom lip at one point, so overcome by lust that he could barely form coherent sentences. "Oh shh, darling, I know, I know it hurts. I know you want to finish pissing so fucking bad, you're still so _full_. Sweetheart, it's alright. I've got you, I'm right here."

Eren tenderly massaged his bladder and dick, as if trying to replace the burn with his own sweet touch, and miraculously it worked, Levi thrusting his hips into the boy's hand to increase the sensation. Eren stroked him firmly for a few moments while he ground his needy, swollen length against that perfect behind.

"Your ass is amazing, has anyone ever told you that?" he pointed out.

Levi snorted. "Yes, a few. But it means the most coming from you."

"Mmm," he hummed, and then requested, "Drink some more water for me. We have to fill your bladder back up."

The dancer nodded, not hesitating this time. He stood up and drank some of the water falling from the showerhead, and marveled how much he loved Eren telling him what to do. He loved letting him control his body; there was a certainly liberating vulnerability to it, especially since Eren had given him safe words to use in case he was uncomfortable with something. Since they had talked about it before, Eren already had an idea of what Levi liked and what to tell him to do that would make both of them feel good. He liked that he trusted him, and could only imagine that the longer they were together, the deeper that trust would become.

"Okay," Eren finally asked him after Levi had had enough, "Do you want me to fuck you now?"

"If you don't I think I might actually die," the other man replied, turning around to face him.

"Well, we can't have that." Eren leaned down and kissed him sweetly. "Here, turn around and I'll prep you."

He grabbed the lube from the corner from which it was sitting on, and asked Levi to turn around for him, a gentle smile on his face. Levi happily did as he was told, bending over and leaning his arms against the wall of the shower and presenting the boy with his rear. The apprehension bloomed up in both of them, Eren because he had never prepped another person before, and Levi because whenever people had prepped him in the past, it had usually been done sloppily, if it was done at all. Not that he thought Eren would hurt him, but at the same time, he had no good experiences to compare this to.

But his boy, bless him, spoke up timidly from behind him, saying, "Again, you know, if I hurt you, or I'm not doing something right, please speak up. Don't stay quiet for my benefit, alright?"

"Alright," Levi replied, and he meant it. All the same, he braced himself for the pain. What if Eren became too overeager and just rammed in three or four fingers at once? What if he was lying, and was going to thrust his dick inside of Levi without warning? He had to resist the urge to groan with frustration. Eren wouldn't hurt him, nothing he had done up to this point had hurt, and he had done everything with Levi's consent. It was going to be okay, all he had to do was relax. It wouldn't be as bad if he kept his muscles relaxed.

And, true to his word, Eren went very slow, adding one finger at a time. He was so careful, so sweet, kissing the skin of Levi's back in places he could reach, whispering comforts and praises to him, telling him how well he was doing, how he was all relaxed and what a good boy he was. So careful was he being in fact that Levi was beyond shocked that by the time he was properly stretched, he felt almost no pain, and at first didn't believe him. Surely he was meant to feel some discomfort, right? Otherwise there was no way Eren could be doing this right? But no, even when Eren eventually lubed up his own cock and slid it inside of Levi's body, there was no pain, only sweet pleasure at the feeling of being filled, of having Eren inside of him at last. He groaned softly, gently, and he heard Eren echo him behind him. The boy's palms were on his hips, not trapping or demanding, but guiding, supporting. His voice was whispering that he was going to move and Levi found himself nodding, heart pounding with anticipation, the feeling echoing in his cock because he was so painfully aroused.

When Eren finally began to thrust, Levi was not disappointed. True to his word, he eased both of them into it, rocking back and forth slowly at first, before he began to pick up speed, and once they were both into it, that was when Levi truly began to lose himself. It wasn't frightening, giving himself over to these intense sensations, and it wasn't to cover up any mental pain. For the first time since he could remember, he was doing this because he wanted to, because he cared deeply about his partner and wanted him to take pleasure in his body as much as he wanted to do the same to Eren's. He stood up on his toes as best he could, back arching, not holding back his moans, and the boy did the same. The sound of skin slapping against skin was intoxicating, Eren's hips cradling Levi's rear every time their bodies met. The boy for his part felt as if he was going to explode on the spot. Levi's insides were so incredibly warm and soft, and the feeling of them gliding against his dick had rendered him incoherent, only able to babble nonsense as he bent over Levi's back and mouthed at his shoulder.

Levi leaned back into Eren's chest, feeling so very safe, so cared for and protected. He tried to spread his legs as best as he could, wanting to hide nothing of himself from the boy. He reached back and placed a hand on one of Eren's, and felt the boy shift his hand so he could grip it more firmly.

Safe to say, Levi had never done this with any of his other partners before.

He whined, high and long, the entire area between his legs throbbing hard as his body was assaulted by too many sensations for him to bear. Every once in a while, Eren's cock would find his prostate and drag directly over the bundle of nerves. With his free hand, the younger man had also reached around to begin stroking Levi's cock swiftly and without relenting. And besides that, his bladder had sufficiently filled again and was pulsing, the steaming liquid inside of it sloshing heavily with every single one of Eren's thrusts, increasing the ecstatic fire that was racing through Levi's veins. With whatever holy being existed as his witness, Levi's toes honest to God curled. _Curled._ And that was also most definitely something that had never happened before. His thighs shook, the rest of his body shook, and he simply couldn't take it anymore.

"Eren!" he cried out, "God Eren! I can't, I cant-!"

"Go ahead, baby," Eren grunted. "Let it out. Let all of it go. Come on sweetheart, piss for me, I want to see you."

With that, Levi let go, relaxing all of his muscles. However, hard as he was, his ability to urinate was temporarily gone, and he groaned at the burn the inability created. Instead, he came, and quite hard to boot, feeling the tingle all the way up from his entrance, to his balls and then finally his lower belly, which had been satiated slightly, but once the tingle began to fade, it began to positively _ache_ with desperation. Levi's head became white noise that he couldn't hope to sort through, so blank, so mercifully blank. It was the quietest his mind had been in years, and he nearly cried from the relief.

And speaking of which, he did feel tears spring to his eyes when his erection flagged the tiniest bit, but it was enough, and he began to urinate. It was so loud, hissing as it left his body, a steaming, powerful stream that had been held inside of him for far too long. He began to sob, even more so when he felt Eren pick up one of his calves and hold it aside, spreading his legs even further so that even if he wanted to, he couldn't stop himself from pissing. It was glorious. He was so open, so willing, tears beading in his eyes at the sheer relief emptying his swollen bladder prompted, almost like a second orgasm, and in that moment that was why he realized he had this kink. If one orgasm was good, a second one was even better.

It was watching Levi in this euphorically helpless state that made Eren come with a loud groan, and he swore even after he finished coming, Levi was still pissing. The poor thing; he really had been so terribly full. He let the dancer's leg go after a minute, and instead pressed his hand to his flattening bladder, pressing and massaging over the area to get the last few dribbles out. He even kept rubbing it after Levi was done, marveling at how much it had shrunk, how intense the relief must have been now for his partner. And he knew in an instant that the next time they did this, he wanted to switch their roles.

Both of them shook and panted for several long minutes, simply standing there, frozen, not daring to move, until Levi's legs could hold him up no longer. His knees buckled and he began to sink to the bottom of the tub, Eren falling with him and holding him bracingly so that it slowed his fall. When they were both seated, both out of the pathway of the water, Levi was pulled against the boy's chest, his head lolling limply so that it lay under his chin. They held each other, still panting, aftershocks skittering throughout their bodies, making them tremble and feel as weak as newborns. Both of them had their eyes closed, whimpering quietly. Levi felt as if that orgasm had shaken him down to the very marrow of his bones, all the way from his fingers to his toes. He couldn't remember ever, _ever,_ feeling this satisfied, this satiated, this exhausted after sex. Most of the time he felt awkward, used, or sick, if he was lucky, in pain if he wasn't. But this…

This was heaven, in every sense of the word.

For a moment, Levi swore he fainted there in Eren's arms, and perhaps he really did. Either way, it took him a long time to regain the feeling in his limbs, for his ears to stop ringing and his head to stop spinning. For Eren, it was the same, though for some reason his poor boy couldn't stop shaking. The dancer tilted his head back after a moment, fixing him with a drunken smile and laughing breathily, relieved when Eren returned the laugh.

"That was…" Eren began, smoothing some of the wet hair out of Levi's face.

"Hell yeah," Levi replied. He leaned up and kissed his jaw, nuzzling the soft skin. "Honestly that was the best sex I've ever had. And I mean that, Eren. Thank you."

The boy was speechless, overcome with emotion. He opened and closed his mouth several times, unsure of what to say, before he gave up and buried his nose in Levi's hair, trying to hide the fact that he was tearing up. He held the dancer tighter, letting the weight of those words sink in, and wondering just how badly Levi had been used throughout his life if fumbling sex with a virgin who treated him with basic decency and respect was the best sex of his life. Considering what he had heard, he had an idea, and it made him sick to think about.

But instead of responding those feelings, he simply stated, "You're welcome," and kissed the side of his boyfriend's head, vowing to create more pleasant experiences like this one in hopes of erasing all of the bad ones Levi had endured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that inspired this chapter was River by Bishop! Go check it out!


	10. Baby Stand and Deliver

It was as if that evening together had triggered a honeymoon period in their relationship, because almost immediately after, Eren and Levi were extremely handsy with each other. Always groping, always kissing whenever they had the chance, and always having to remind the other to stop, that no, they could have sex right at that moment. No Levi, not in the back of the bus, I don't care how distracted everyone else, they could still hear us. Or no Eren, I'm not giving my neighbors a show in the hallway. No, not at the park, there's too many moms with kids around that could hear us. I know you don't care and, Oh Levi, yes the kids are going to learn what sex is eventually but please let them keep their innocence for a while longer, have you no shame?

Perhaps it was for the better that they didn't have sex outside, at least right at the moment. There was a heat wave breaking across the city as summer hit and hit hard, and no one wanted to be outdoors longer than they had to. But even so, the two horny love birds were chomping at the bit to get more alone time together, though of course it was ridiculously difficult. Summer semesters were always more intense for Eren as his professors crammed sixteen weeks of work into ten, and he was either always glued to his computer, at work, or passed out in bed. And Levi was always busy in the evenings, going to work just as Eren got home.

So one day, he bit the bullet, and finally proposed, "Alright, screw it, I don't care if I have to work. I can spend the day with you sometime. Maybe on the weekend."

Eren had looked very regretful, sighing, "You know I do homework on the weekends."

"Can't you take breaks?"

"Well yes, I suppose…but I can't entertain you too much while I'm not taking breaks."

"That's fine," Levi had waved him off, truly looking as if he didn't mind and was just desperate to spend some time with him. "Really Eren, I don't mind. Just sitting and watching you do fuck all in your apartment is way better and makes me so much happier than just sitting around going nuts from the quiet in mine."

His tone was joking, but he was telling the truth. He didn't have much to entertain himself at home, and inevitably his voices would begin acting up and force him to start pacing, or trying to convince him to hurt himself. One time he even snapped awake from a depressive episode and found that he had been staring at a static channel on his t.v for God knew how long, and that had frightened him quite a bit. That, and he didn't feel safe at home anymore. Elijah knew where he lived. Hell, pretty much all of his clients that requested him for the Porcelain Package did because most of them dropped him off at home once their appointments ended, since he was often too weak to drive himself back. However, they didn't know where Eren lived, and being in his home, surrounded by his things, made him feel so much safer.

Eren thought over his request for a moment, before deciding, "Well, alright. Yeah, having you over for a weekend sounds fun. Lots of fun."

"I'll have to go to work in the evenings," Levi reminded him regretfully. Damn Dollhouse, such a cock blocker. If it weren't for that, Eren might be more willing to have sex in the evenings at least when he finished all of his work.

His boy agreed, "That's fine, I understand. We can have breakfast together at least?"

"As long as I can have you for breakfast, then sure."

That had earned him a snort and a cheeky smack to the behind, which Levi had thoroughly enjoyed.

So, that Friday evening, after enjoying dinner in a restaurant so expensive Levi was sure if Eren had actually let him see the bill that evening he would have gone into cardiac arrest in his seat, the dancer was plopping his weekend bag onto Eren's bedroom floor, still sweating from the heat outside. He unceremoniously plopped on the bed, disturbing Alastair, who was laying on Eren's pillow. He "mrr"-ed and opened his eyes into slits to see who had woken him up, before closing them again, seeing that it was just his friend Eren and the other person who Eren kept coming home smelling like.

"It's so hot I have ball sweat," Levi huffed, unbuttoning the collar of his dress shirt.

Eren snickered, taking off his fancy dress jacket and wiping his brow. "Yeah well my ball sweat has ball sweat. Don't worry, I'll kick up the AC, okay?"

"Sure." Levi sighed heavily. "When it's hot like this in my apartment, to save money I just shut the curtains and walk around naked."

Once those words left his mouth, he heard a loud bang as Eren smacked his head against one of the lower doorways, followed by a halted, "Is...Is that right?"

"Oh yes." Levi pretended to examine his fingernails, smirking.

"You know um, Levi, you could- well, I don't want to be presumptuous, but I'm just saying, if you ever got too hot here, you could…do what you do at home. I certainly won't kick you out for it."

"Hmm…" his smirk grew wider and he finally sat up, beginning to unbutton his dress shirt. It was sticking uncomfortably to his back, he was ready to jump out of his skin if he didn't get the stupid thing off. "I could possibly do that. And well, Eren, it's supposed to be awfully hot _all_ weekend."

He swore he heard Eren wheeze before he replied, "All weekend?"

"All weekend," Levi repeated. "Might have to just stay naked all the way up until I go home. And you might have to be naked with me, if you'd like."

"You minx," the boy sighed, finally padded down the hallway and back into the room. He was grinning and also began undoing his dress shirt. "I suppose I can manage that. Though are you sure you'll be able to handle seeing all of this in the buff and be able to keep your hands off me for two whole days straight?"

"No," Levi said flatly, not even bothering with pretenses. He tossed his shirt purposefully where it landed near his duffle bag, not breaking eye contact with his boyfriend.

By that point, Eren had his shirt completely open, leaving his tanned chest and stomach bare for the older man's viewing pleasure. With a teasing smile, he walked smoothly over to the bed, saying, "Is that so?"

"Have you looked at yourself?" Levi asked when the boy stopped in front of him. He moved so that Eren could fit in between his legs, and grinned when he leaned down and took his face in his hands. But at those words, Eren blushed, and hard, looking down and away slightly. Levi frowned.

"Well I have," he told him, "And you're the prettiest person to ever walk through the doors of that club, believe me."

Eren shook his head. "Oh shut up no I'm not."

"To me you are."

The boy paused. "…Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. All the yeahs. Even though I've had others…yeah, I'd pick you every time, kid."

Eren shivered, unable to handle what he was saying, and dearly wanting to argue. But judging from the determined look on the other man's face, if he did, he'd get nowhere, so he just let it go for the moment. Instead, he said, "So I'm going to be naked with you all weekend?"

"You are." Levi leaned forward and kissed him. "If you know what's good for you." He kissed him again.

"You're a scary little beast." Eren gently began to push him back, their pecks turning into deeper kisses, until the other man was lying on his back on the bed and Eren had a hand on either side of his head. Alastair seemed to understand what was about to happen, or perhaps it was because the mattress was being jostled too much, because he took his leave and hopped off the bed, tail swishing unhappily in the air. The boy finished with, "But alright, twist my arm why don't you. It sounds fun."

Levi hummed and kissed him deeply, wrapping his arms around his boy's neck and his legs around his waist, already writhing his muscular little body against Eren's. Between kisses he said, "I promise I'll let you get work done, you know I will." He broke off when Eren began kissing down his neck, sighing and running his nails over the other's scalp in appreciation.

"Mmm, maybe I don't want you to," Eren breathed hotly against the moist skin of his neck. "Maybe I want you fuck me so hard I can't walk for a week."

"Christ Eren," the dancer gasped at those words, and then began to kiss him more frantically. His back arched when he felt the boy cup his groin and begin massaging it, trying to coax it to life. He tightened those thick, muscular thighs around the boy's waist, trying to pull himself closer, undulating his hips into that delicious touch.

Of course, it had to be ruined. Just then a shrill beeping came from Levi's bag, causing the two of them to pause and stare at it as if they had no idea what it was at first. Then, Levi happened to glance at Eren's clock on his nightstand and groaned in frustration.

"It's my alarm," he explained, pushing Eren gently off him and getting up to go and shut it off. "I have to leave for work in like twenty minutes."

"Noooo," Eren moaned, pathetically plopping onto his bed. He watched him turn off his alarm and with displeased sigh, begin digging through his bag for clothes.

"I suppose it's good that it went off when it did, otherwise I would have been going in with a boner," Levi pointed out, finding a shirt and slipping it over his head, much to his boyfriend's dismay. He felt like a child who was having their toy taken away and being told that reality got to play with him that night instead.

The boy watched him in silence, dread and jealously building up slowly in his chest. He knew Levi cared for him, and he didn't want to stop him from doing his job. He told himself his jealousy was irrational at first, but then stepped back for a moment and put his therapist's hat on. No, jealousy was completely normal. He cared deeply for Levi and didn't like the idea of others looking at him in a sexual manner, of touching him in ways that were only supposed to be for the two of them to enjoy in the privacy of their homes. But he calmed himself as best he could, telling himself that Levi openly disdained those people in The Dollhouse, that those intimate touches and glances he got from his customers didn't mean anything, and certainly didn't matter as long as Eren was the one he came home to, which he knew he was going to.

It only helped to calm the boy when he heard Levi grumbling, "Don't make me fucking go. I really fucking hate this place. I just want to stay home and make out with my boyfriend all night, is that too much to ask?"

Eren smiled to himself, finally sitting up and saying, "I'll be here when you get home. You can take the key off the counter to let yourself in later, okay?"

"Yeah." Levi pulled up his pants, and then told him seriously, "But you don't have to wait up for me since I'll be home late. Still, you better be butt ass naked when I come home young man."

Eren mock saluted him. "Yes sir."

The dancer picked up his bag, and regarded him from across the room, asking, "And you're sure you don't mind if I take your car?"

"If you crash it my parents have a dozen more I can use."

Levi rolled his eyes. "You damn rich people."

The boy laughed in response before eventually trailing off. He gazed lovingly at him and sighed like a love struck teenager; even when he was insulting him Levi was gorgeous. He even made his old t shirt and faded basketball shorts look attractive. The dancer grabbed his keys and crossed the room towards him.

"You're so weird," he said affectionately, and leaned down to peck Eren on the lips.

The younger man leaned up and drew out the kiss for a few extra seconds, finding himself unable to pull away just yet. Ever since he found out about those Porcelain Packages and what Levi went through when he did them, he was ten times more worried for his safety whenever he went to work, and had to restrain himself from following his boyfriend to The Dollhouse and acting as a personal bodyguard, decking everyone in the face who so much as batted an eyelash in a way that seemed threatening.

"Please be careful," Eren pleaded against the other man's lips. "And please call me if you need me, you know I don't care what time it is"-

"Shh, shh darling, I know." Levi pulled him into an embrace. "I'll be okay. And you know I'll call you if I need you. It'll all be okay. I'll text you before and after my show anyway because I'll be bored and you'll have to entertain me."

"And what a shame I'll just have to ignore my homework and answer you."

The dancer kissed him again with a smile, before standing up and bidding him goodbye one last time, the keys jingling from his hand as he left Eren sitting there on the bed pitifully, closing the door behind him.

His stomach was in knots the whole way there and the whole night, however, part of him wishing that he could have brought his boyfriend with him. Whenever Eren was in the audience, he felt at least a little bit protected. Like if someone really tried to hurt him or take advantage of him during a performance Eren would respond much faster than security would have and probably be far more satisfyingly violent towards the perpetrator. He had Petra at least as moral support, asking him how things were with his boyfriend, threatening to beat the shit out of him if he hurt Levi of course. The dancer assured her that wouldn't be necessary and showed her some of the sickly sweet text messages Eren had sent him on his way over, including pictures of him and his cat, and that had Petra cooing like an idiot over how cute they were. Then again Levi was an even bigger idiot because he often found himself cooing even worse than her when he was alone and got a message from Eren.

And when the night was finally over and his show was finished for the evening, Levi was just about to race home, bidding Petra a rushed goodbye as she watched him hurry and gather up his belongings with a knowing smile, when suddenly their manager approached him, arms crossed and brow dark.

"Meet me in the back lobby," he said simply. "You have another Package to fill tonight."

Levi's mouth fell open with shock, but he knew better than to protest. He looked to Petra helplessly, but of course all she could offer him was a look of sympathy, a warm hand on his shoulder, and an offer to escort him out back.

He knew his happiness couldn't last, and he silently mourned Eren's warm, safe arms around him in his bed, his precious company blotted out by the fear and the snarling voices that sprang to life to feed off it.

000

When Levi's appointment was finished, he asked to be dropped off at an apartment complex near Eren's, trying to fool the driver into thinking he lived there. He didn't want anyone to know where his boyfriend lived, and so steeled himself to make the fifteen minute walk there. Not only was he in pain from the way he had been used, but seeing how it was nearing three in the morning, it was pitch black out and he was constantly glancing over his shoulder, looking for anyone that might be following him. His own head didn't help matters any, especially when his paranoid brain began supplying phantom sounds of people laughing at him, of growling voices telling him what a horrible wretch he was and how Eren would be better off without him, and whispers just on the edge of his hearing that made him believe someone was right behind him for the entire trip.

He tried to walk fast, but of course his hips and rear were tender, and most likely would be all weekend. That figured; he had been looking forward to Eren taking away all of his troubles like he had last time and fucking him into oblivion. But he supposed at least this client hadn't hurt him nearly as badly as Elijah had. This man was just using him as an outlet to cheat on his unsuspecting wife and explore his as of yet hidden sexuality.

Still, he felt terribly dirty, both physically and metaphorically. He had been used, made to feel like a sex toy yet again, no better than a breathing flesh light. Not for the first time, he hated his situation and more than anything, he wished he had a way out. Well, technically Eren had offered him one, but there was no way he could take him up on it. His pride simply wouldn't let him. But at the same time, he felt as if he was being too stubborn about the whole thing. He was being offered a lifeline, and all he had to do was reach up and grab it.

He sighed; it was far too late at night to be thinking about this. He was still half out of it from the drugs, and he was sure if anyone saw him they'd think he was drunk. In fact, that was also part of the reason he was walking home instead of driving Eren's car, which was currently still sitting in the parking lot of The Dollhouse. He figured they could go back somehow the following day. Maybe they could borrow one of the cars in his parents' fleet.

Levi couldn't get home fast enough, and when he at last made it to Eren's door and let himself in using his key, he felt his whole body sag with relief, from the tips of his fingers all the way down to his toes. He wasted no time dropping his keys on the counter and ripping his clothes off on the way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of pants and a shirt that he was far too tired to clean up tonight.

After showering and scrubbing his skin practically raw, trying to get the grubby, filthy feeling of that other man's hands all over him off, even braving the pain of cleaning inside of his ass to get rid of any trace of him, he finally shut the water off. However, though he was more than clean, he still felt the phantom sensation of foreign hands, and was paranoid that he had missed some of the seminal fluid inside of his body, though he knew he had searched every nook and cranny his fingers could practically reach. He shivered with disgust and shame, hating that he had to let this happen to him.

He was Eren's, after all. He wanted to belong to no one but his boy.

He barely let himself dry before he was brushing his teeth, barely awake. It was when he felt his head nodding towards the sink that he finally decided his teeth were clean enough and he headed into Eren's bedroom, completely naked, as he had promised. Not that he hadn't spent most of the night naked, but with Eren, it was different. Safer. The boy had already proven to him that he wouldn't take advantage of him in such a vulnerable state. He trusted him implicitly, and when he caught sight of his sleeping form in bed, he felt his chest tighten.

Eren looked so innocent, asleep as he was in that bed, completely unaware of what Levi had had to do that night. And if the dancer had his way, he'd never know. It wouldn't do any good anyway. He prayed Eren wouldn't ask any questions and just accept him into his arms as he always did. When he took a closer look, the dancer's heart throbbed; Eren was not only naked as well, just like Levi had asked of him, but he had folded back his sheet, leaving one side of the bed all ready for his partner to crawl in with him. Levi felt tears sting at his eyes, but he was too exhausted to cry.

Instead, shakily, his limbs feeling heavier with every step he took towards the bed, as if he was wading through wet cement, he made his way towards the bed, before sliding in beside the boy on the side he offered him. He draped the sheet over himself and cuddled closer to his boyfriend, feeling weak in every sense of the word, his limbs and soul aching terribly. Levi was so wretched, so selfish, seeing the vapor beneath his skin vent up from his pores like smoke and infect his beloved, poisoning his flesh. Levi whimpered, watching in horror as his skin began to tinge gray. However, in his sleep, Eren must has misinterpreted the vulnerable, pained sound as one of fear, because before Levi could react, the younger man was sleepily wrapping his arms around him and draping his leg over his thighs, effectively trapping him against his large, warm body. He was pulled wonderfully close, soft mumbles above his head that sounded vaguely like his name and the word "okay" repeated a few times before the boy fell silent, his breaths evening out again.

Once again, Levi felt like crying. Yes, he desired to belong to this boy alone, but he in no way deserved him. Especially not when he was such a dirty rotten liar to someone so pure and who desired nothing more than to help him in any way he could.

It felt like sacrilege to accept the feeling of comfort that Eren's body gifted him with, but too exhausted to do anything else, he did so, draping an arm over his boyfriend's bare waist and nuzzling his nose under his chin, one final menacing voice whispering to him how when he died the devil was going to kill him by splitting him open with his cock as he raped him to punish him for being such a sinful, evil creature, before he fell into a deep, dark sleep.

000

The following afternoon found Eren on his computer, typing away diligently on a research paper that wasn't due until the end of the month, but he still felt that one could never start these things too early. His desk was located right next to his bed, and at first he was afraid that he would disturb Levi if he made noise. The dancer was still passed out in his bed from what Eren knew was a long, hard night of work, and he didn't dare to wake him. He figured he would get himself ready and set aside portions of food for Levi to eat when he woke up.

Unable to help himself, Eren found himself looking away from his screen for a moment to just drink in Levi's presence. He knew it was creepy as hell to stare like this, and he felt guilty, but at the same time, how could he possibly not stare? Seeing Levi _in his bed_ was the most beautiful sight Eren had been privileged to witness, other than Levi smiling. Or his face when he came. Okay, so he thought just about everything about Levi was beautiful and this was just another item to add to the list, though it was near the top. He was blessedly bare, as Eren was now, all twisted up in the sheets. The light that was trying to peek through the drawn curtains highlighted all of the dips and curves of the outline of his body, even the fine hairs on his arm were practically glowing. The sheets were tangled around his thighs, hiding their thick supple shape from the boy's greedy gaze, but Eren could still easily see that trim waist, his dark happy trail that wisped down his abdomen and fanned out around his pretty, flaccid cock. The sight of it made Eren's mouth water as he recalled how it tasted and how wonderful it would be to taste it again.

His eyes wandered further up, watching his boyfriend's ribs rise and fall minutely for a bit before his gaze rested on that delicate, savage little face, completely relaxed in sleep. His dark hair splayed where it made contact with the soft pillows, his dark eyelashes fanned against his porcelain skin, and his lips were parted, moist with his gentle breaths. Eren's heart swelled with affection and the desire to protect; Levi was sleeping like the dead, and the boy wondered how much sleep he had lost in the past for his body to be working so desperately hard to catch up on it in one evening. But he was safe in Eren's bed, in Eren's home. Eren would do anything to protect him, and perhaps Levi knew that, and that's why he was sleeping so soundly.

After another few minutes that were filled by Eren finally getting back to work, he heard Levi's breathing change. He then heard him moan quietly, a gentle "I'm waking up but don't want to" sound, and his sheets rustled as he stretched languidly. Eren smiled, a soft heat tingling in his belly. He looked over, watching as Levi's nose scrunched, as if he were about to sneeze, and the sight was so cute that Eren had to resist falling out of his chair and clutching his heart. Instead, he leaned over and placed his warm, large palm on Levi's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Levi leaned into his touch, finally cracking his eyes open and looking up at his boy blearily. The corners of his mouth turned upward when he saw who it was.

"There's my pretty baby," Eren murmured. Levi wriggled with delight, yawning and reaching up to hold his hand against his face.

"What time is it?" the dancer asked, sucking a deep breath through his nose to try and rouse himself further.

"A little past one."

"Christ, no wonder I'm so fucking tired. Got like, six more hours of sleep than I usually do."

Eren's heart clenched at those words. So he had been right. "Well, you're probably hungry then. I had lunch already, but I left some of it in the fridge for you to warm up if you want it."

Levi nodded, and finally sat up after a minute, stretching and groaning, his muscles shivering with the effort. Then he stood up and said, "Yeah, I'll eat in a bit, thanks for making some for me. I'm busting for a piss first though."

"Need help in there?" Eren teased.

Levi ruffled his hair as he passed his chair, before leaning over and whispering close to his ear, "Later, you pervert."

Oh boy, well that certainly got the boy's engine running, and he certainly could afford to get a boner now, not when there was no way to hide it. He simply groaned petulantly, his cock heating up but the rest of him feeling cold when Levi disappeared into the bathroom. He resigned himself to the fact that he would have to wait, and while he waited, he could be productive and get more work done.

After a bit, he calmed down, the only sounds filling the apartment being his tapping at his keyboard and Levi's moving around in his kitchen. He heard drawers being opened and closed, the microwave going, and even Alastair's loud, begging meows. Of course he was begging; lunch had been a turkey sandwich. Eren snorted to himself when he heard Levi say, "Alright you pig, I'll let you have some, just keep your nose away from my plate. Yes, yes I know, Eren is a terrible dad isn't he? I can tell he never feeds you."

The apartment quieted down again when Levi sat down to eat, except for the jingling of Alastair's bell as he no doubt continued to take tidbits that the dancer was offering him. He didn't even notice when he eventually finished and then wandered around, washing up and brushing his teeth, before laying right back down on Eren's bed as if it were his own. He had to admit, he very much enjoyed this whole being naked thing. It was freeing and very comfortable, and he liked the fact that Eren kept sneaking glances at him when he thought he wouldn't notice. He gathered up his pillow in his arms, laying on his front and watching Eren innocently as he worked.

His boy was so damn gorgeous, even while doing something inane like doing school work, and he was all Levi's. His light was so bright, like his own personal star. It was practically beckoning him to get closer, but he refrained for the moment. Levi sighed dreamily, feeling giddy and relaxed all at once, completely safe in Eren's home with, for once, very few worries. His voices were even blessedly quiet, his anxiety level so low at the moment that it was shutting the majority of them up. And plus just looking at Eren, at his beautiful, sweet face and all of that pretty skin, really helped to slow down his pulse. And then speed it up in just the right way as his eyes moved further down and watched Eren's middle contract and expand as he breathed, and then even further down as he saw the very base of his boyfriend's cock. He rolled to the side slightly, feeling blood begin to tingle its way through his veins and settle in between his legs, and he rubbed his thighs subtly together, trying to alleviate the dull ache of arousal. Or perhaps he was trying to stoke it further. He wanted to say something, but also wanted to let Eren work. Thankfully, the boy made the decision for him when he finally noticed he was there and spoke to him.

"So Levi," he began.

"So Eren," Levi retorted cheekily.

Grinning, he continued with, "You know I like seeing you in those thigh highs. I was just curious if there's any outfits you like seeing me in. I'll try wearing them for you more if I can?"

Without hesitation, the older man replied, "When you wear your jeans and have no shirt on and bare feet. That's…that's some really good stuff. Makes you look like one of those hot ranch hands."

Eren laughed, "But Levi that's what I'm in most of the time when we're just hanging around your place."

Levi said flatly, "Yes I know. Do you see my dilemma?"

"Aww, you poor darling." That brat, he didn't sound at all sincere. "I'll remember to do it more often for you then. Maybe I'll wear a cowboy hat too?"

He had only been joking, but Levi's response was anything but. "You do that and I don't care where we are, I'll rip off my pants and sit on your face and ride it until my spine aches."

Eren swallowed the dust that had suddenly gathered in his throat. "Is that right?"

Well shit, how was he going to get any work down now with that lovely image in his head? Nonetheless, he tried diligently to concentrate. Still, his cock was beginning to stir, also interested in Levi's proposal, and he crossed his legs, occasionally clenching his thighs to soothe the ache, but of course it only made it worse.

After a few beats of silence that were filled with so much sexual tension they could practically smell it, Levi finally dared to ask, "So Eren, did you say this paper wasn't due for a while?"

Eren slowed down minutely in his typing, barely daring to hope that this conversation was going in the direction that he thought it was, while his raging libido was on its knees and praying with everything it was worth. "Yes, but I'd still like to work on it anyway. You know, get it over with so I don't have to worry so much about it later."

"Oh." Levi paused, and added devilishly. "I see."

The boy didn't dare to look at Levi, for fear that he might disturb something delicate, might dissuade whatever wonderful, evil train of thought that was flitting through the other man's mind that might possibly make him speak in that tone of voice. He pretended to stare at his screen, to even type a few things, but he was sure he was only coming up with one word every few moments now. He pretended not to hear the rustling of his bed sheets, as well as seeing Levi getting up off the bed, before he padded over to stand beside him. He only started paying attention when the other man kneeled down and maneuvered himself under and between Eren's legs until he was under his desk, sitting on his feet and looking up at the boy with huge, innocent eyes.

The boy only had a moment to wonder what he was on about, before he felt that first tentative touch where Levi's fingers wrapped around the base of his cock. Eren's breath left him in a shuddering rush.

"Levi?" he asked, but he only half wanted an explanation. Anything that made the older man decide that this was a good time to be playing with Eren's poor neglected dick was splendid in his book.

"Don't mind me," he said airily, beginning to stroke up and down his shaft softly. "Just keep working. Pretend I'm not here."

"I-I, well um"-

"Eren, if I'm making you uncomfortable, I don't have to"-

"N-No! No you're not, I promise. It's okay."

"…Alright then."

With that, Eren sighed deeply, trying to calm his racing heart, but given the situation he knew that certainly wouldn't be happening any time soon. Especially not when Levi started stroking him again, slow and then fast, slow and then fast again, warming him up gently. Eren took another deep breath and let it out, his cheeks puffing with the effort. He had to admit, he may or may not have jokingly wished that Levi was here under his desk blowing him when he was stuck doing his boring homework, but he never thought in a million years that it might actually happen. He tried to ignore the quiet sounds of skin rubbing against skin, tried to ignore the already delicious sensations and play along with Levi's fantasy, instead kept working on his paper, though he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it up for long.

"My poor baby, you've been working so hard," Levi cooed. "You need to take time for yourself and relax every once in a while. No better way to relax than a nice hard orgasm you know."

"Oh fuck," Eren wheezed.

The chuckle he heard under the desk was deep and sinful, and he knew he was royally in for it. Eren scooted forward in his seat and spread his legs slightly, an invitation for Levi to do whatever he wished. He was the dancer's to play with however he saw fit, and the thought thrilled him far more than it should. He sucked in a breath when he felt Levi's hot palm massaging his sack, pressing it against his body. He then felt something silky soft gliding against his length, and he chanced a look down, seeing that Levi was rubbing his cheek against Eren's cock, offering teasing little licks to the flesh, eyes closed with a blissful expression on his face.

Just as Eren was about to explode from that alone however, Levi wrapped his lips around the tip.

The boy jolted in his seat, hissing through gritted teeth. When the older man began to slowly take as much of his length as he could into his mouth, Eren gave up all pretenses of trying to do his work. His back arched in his seat and his thighs began to twitch from the intense stimulation. His head tipped back, and when Levi started bobbing his head, he began panting. When he began whining the other man's name, Levi couldn't help it; he stroked himself, tugging at his own erection roughly. He moaned with delight, sending vibrations down Eren's shaft. Hearing how thoroughly he was pleasing his boyfriend made him feel wonderfully hot all over, and he could practically feel his partner's pleasure as his own.

That had certainly never happened before during any of his numerous previous experiences.

"Levi," Eren whimpered, gripping the arms of his chair so hard his knuckles were turning white, "Baby- you're so good, so good to me. So pretty, so perfect. Levi, Levi…so sweet and good, _shit._ Levi!"

He had heard all of this praise before from others. But the fact that it was coming from someone who he cared about it made it so much sweeter, made a hot wash of arousal flush between his leg, sped up his hand on his own erection and suck on Eren's more enthusiastically. The boy was hot and heavy on his tongue, was being as still as he could manage, so good. He didn't try to grab Levi's head and control his movements, kept his hips still though it had to be torture, and lavished praise on him in such a delicious, begging tone of voice. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears, and it was music to Levi's ears.

In almost no time at all, Eren was warning him of his impending release, but far from pulling off, Levi began to suck more enthusiastically, speeding up his free hand at the base of the boy's shaft. Eren happened to look down at him the moment Levi looked up, and the younger man moaned long and loud at the beautiful sight of Levi on his knees, between his legs, fisting his cock, cheeks red with effort and arousal…he was beyond gorgeous, and he wanted nothing more than to cherish this precious creature for as long as he could.

With a cry, he came, spine taut as a bow string, before he relaxed deeply, everything going lax all at once. He shook in his seat, head buzzing from the intensity of his release. He chanced a look down between his legs again and just caught the moment that Levi swallowed his mouthful, an oddly satisfied look on his face. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, before he quickly finished himself, using Eren's satiated face as fuel to get him off.

The two of them sat there, panting heavily, Levi eventually leaning forward to lay his head against one of Eren's legs, still close enough that he could smell his musky, intimate scent. If he had the ability, he would have been purring, he was so damn content and pleased with himself. Even more so when his boy reached down and ran his fingers through his hair. He leaned into it, giving a cute little mewl, and Eren laughed tiredly.

"Well you've certainly killed any desire I have to do anything but let you ravish me all weekend," he declared.

Levi positively preened, more pleased with himself than he remembered being in ages. "Then prepare yourself baby, because I plan to deliver."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was originally planning to make the smut last all one chapter, but I had so many ideas I decided to break it up into two, so more sexy good times for the kids in the next chapter! Also, thank Eveningstargazer for her idea for what Levi finds Eren most attractive in, I think we all need that mental image, lol.


	11. Pillow Princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I'm back! Just so as you know, there's more omorashi in this chapter, though this should be the last one it appears in. Enjoy!

When Levi returned back to Eren's apartment after his shift at work was over, he was quite surprised to see that his boy was in fact still awake, though just barely. It was nearing two in the morning, and while thankfully he had been allowed to leave on time that night because he didn't have any Porcelain Package appointments, it was still quite late. Something Eren only proved on the grounds that while he was still upright in his chair in front of his glowing computer screen, his head was being propped up by his palm, he was slumped forward slightly, and his eyes were closed. Levi rolled his eyes even as his chest filled with fondness. Why did this idiot constantly push himself so hard?

Once he had deposited the keys and taken off his shoes, Levi padded over to him and gently took hold of his shoulders, giving him a little shake. He said lowly near his ear, "Alright you, that's enough work. Time for bed."

Eren was holding onto consciousness by a thread, so he only half heard what the other was saying. His reply was a series of grumpy, protesting whines that he sounded like he only half meant them. Levi's response was to lean forward and kiss his cheek, before saying, "I know, I know. Come on baby doll, help me lug your fat ass into bed, I don't need my back giving out."

"M'not fat," Eren slurred, and he sounded so whiny that the older man couldn't help but snort at how cute he was being.

"You're only fat when I'm trying to get you away from your desk and into bed."

The boy grumbled some more, but didn't fight as Levi encouraged him into a standing position and helped him hobble stiffly over to the bed. Alastair was already passed out on the end of the bed, and didn't even lift his head at the sound of their approach.

"See, even your cat is smarter than you," Levi teased. He pulled back the blankets and then said, "Okay, in you go."

"You broke the rules," Eren mentioned groggily, doing as he was told and laying down.

"Rules?"

"Yeah. You're supposed to be without clothes all weekend."

The dancer rolled his eyes again, a tired smile on his face. He slipped off his shirt and pants as he said, "Sorry your highness, but I had to work, remember? Pretty sure the cops would arrest me if they saw me driving around naked. Now there, clothes are gone. I'm going to brush my teeth quick and I'll be right with you."

Eren settled down onto the mattress, calling after him, "Hurry up. I'll miss you."

Levi murmured to himself fondly, "Oh my God, fuck off, I can't handle how cute you're being right now."

Luckily brushing his teeth didn't take long, because the area behind his eyes was beginning to ache from his exhaustion. The minute he was done, he was hopping into bed beside Eren, finally comfortably naked again and beside his own blessedly naked boyfriend, right where he wanted to be. He threw an arm over Eren's waist, heard his boy sigh contentedly, and was asleep within a few minutes.

000

When he woke the next morning, they were almost in the same positions they had been in when they had fallen asleep, except that Levi's forehead was pressed in between Eren's shoulder blades. His arm was draped lower over his boyfriend's waist, and when he flexed his fingers, he felt in fact that his hand was gently cupping Eren's groin. Of course it was. He sluggishly pulled his hand back once his mind registered his predicament and instead began stroking Eren's side. His skin was soft and silken, and he smelled so good. Levi was so happy that Eren's smell, and the smell of his apartment, already felt comforting to him, like one's childhood home might be.

"I wish I could stay," he whispered out loud, hugging himself a little closer to larger body in the bed. "I wish I didn't ever have to go back home."

 _Don't even start_ , one of his voices hissed.

 _You have no chance, you're already killing him,_ said another. _He's turning grey. Soon he'll be dead._

Levi whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut, though he knew it was true. He dared not look and see for himself, for Eren's skin was more frequently beginning to appear grey to him. But the warmth was so wonderfully solid under his fingers, not at all like the cold pallor of death his voices were trying to convince him was really there. Scrubbing viciously at one ear, he got out of bed, suddenly unable to stand being next to Eren anymore. He quickly strode out of the room, afraid if he looked at him, he'd looked like a corpse.

Not that he wouldn't deserve it if Eren did in fact pass on. He didn't deserve any semblance of happiness in his life. Not scum like him.

Eren deserved the world. He needed someone that could spoil him as much as he spoiled his partner. Levi continued to whine with distress, standing there in the middle of the kitchen, gripping at the sides of his head, eyes still squeezed shut and his teeth clenched. All he had to offer Eren was a few warm, wet orifices to fuck. Still, he was so, so selfish, for though he knew the boy deserved a better partner than him, he still wanted him to stay. He had become so important to Levi, and the thought of him with someone else devastated him.

 _So you want him dead,_ his voice observed.

"No," Levi insisted.

_You do. He'll die, it'll be your fault. Then the devil will get him._

"Please stop," he gasped. "I hear you, I hear you, please, enough."

_He'll die, you'll kill him, he's already dying, he's alre-_

"Enough!" Levi whispered desperately, loudly. "I know I'm killing him, now please, I don't want to listen to you, not while I'm here. Please stop."

He could hear the voice mumbling nonsense, and it was so disturbing that he could feel goose bumps rising along every inch of skin. He looked around rapidly for something to do; something busying his hands also busied his mind, and once in a while that eased the volume of the voices. His eyes fell on a frying pan sitting on the stove, and an idea bloomed in his mind. Levi then made his way over the fridge, opening the door, and to his relief saw a carton of eggs. He sighed, shoulders drooping with relief.

And when Eren woke a short while later, it was the sound of something sizzling, and the smell of something amazing. Moving his legs back, he could feel that the space behind him on the bed was empty, and therefore deduced that Levi was the one creating the lovely smell. At first, he didn't want to move, so comfortable was he. But the longer he laid there, the hollower his stomach felt, until he finally relented and got up, figuring it was about time. It was nearing one in the afternoon, it was more than time to wake up.

After a quick trip into the bathroom, he finally ambled into the kitchen, and after he finished rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he was greeted with the most endearing sight. There was Levi, wearing nothing but one of Eren's cloth aprons, the ribbon tied around his lower back and the ribbon strips hanging down over his pert behind appealingly. His thighs flexed as he danced around the counter slightly, singing quietly to himself. Eren saw eggshells in a used bowl on the counter, and since there were eggs involved, naturally Alastair was right there, on the counter beside the dancer, leaning as far forward as he dared and sniffing the pan. Levi pushed at his chest gently.

"No you little idiot, you want your whiskers to catch fire?" he admonished.

Alastair sat back, doing as he was told, but it was clear from the curious, slightly psychotic tilt of his head and his rock solid stare with the eggs in the pan that he just looking for another angle to come at them from. Eren couldn't help it; he covered up his mouth to try and hide his uncouth snort, overcome with the adorableness of this ridiculously domestic scene. He briefly wondered what he would have to do in order to be able to wake up to this every morning.

He made sure to make enough noise in order to alert Levi of his presence as he made his way over to him, figuring that startling someone near an open flame would not be a wise idea. The other man's head tilted slightly in his direction, indicating that he indeed heard him, and the resulting smile on his face gave Eren all the invitation he needed to wrap his arms around his waist and set his chin on top of his head.

"Look at you, my cute little house wife," he teased. "What did I do to deserve having breakfast made for me?"

 _What didn't you do?_ Levi thought to himself, and turned his head slightly in Eren's direction with a smirk. "You gave me an awesome weekend, that's what. I'm going to hate putting clothes back on full time again."

"Aw, well any time you come over here, you're welcome to rip off all your clothes the minute you walk through the door," the boy said, stroking up and down Levi's sides.

The dancer felt his stomach heat right up in the best way at the feeling of Eren's warm palms on his skin, even more so when he felt his flaccid cock press in the cleft of his rear when he came to stand behind him. Deciding that his omelet was done, he turned off the oven and set his spatula aside, before pressing his behind more firmly against Eren's groin. He heard the boy's breath leave him in a rush, and he grinned in triumph. He then leaned his entire body back a bit further so that he could look the other in the eye, before he said, "Has anyone ever told you that your bedhead is adorable and your five o' clock shadow makes them want to fuck you through a mattress?"

Eren snorted, color already forming in his cheeks. "No, you're the first."

Their eyes locked, and something passed through their bodies, something that made heat wash down both of their bellies to pool in between their legs. One corner of Levi's mouth quirked upwards and he pointedly ground his pert little rear against Eren's cock again in slow, torturous circles, causing the boy's hands to tighten on his waist and for him to bare his teeth in a hiss. Pride swelled in the dancer.

"I hope you don't mind, but I don't think I'll be able to keep my hands off you again today either," Levi told him.

Eren laughed and said flatly, "Oh no, however shall I cope?"

The dancer laughed as well. "If you wanted, I had something I wanted to try with you. A little game."

"Is it a naughty game?"

Levi snorted. What a dweeb, and he was all his. "Yes Eren, a 'naughty game' because I have such a naughty baby. I had to put your ass into bed last night because you were too stupid to realize what time it was and that you need to get yourself a decent night's sleep once in a while."

"Ah, so that's how I ended up in bed. Well thank you, sugar, you're the best. And yes, I'd love to play whatever game you have up there in that filthy brain of yours."

"Fantastic." Levi turned around in his arms and gave him an overly loud smooch on the cheek. "Then I suggest you start drinking lots of water now."

The boy shivered, excitement already pooling in his belly. He opened his mouth to express it, but before he could say anything, he looked over Levi's shoulder and noticed to his horror that there was a black head in the cooling pan, who had noticed the moment they had turned their backs and began helping himself to their breakfast.

"Oh Alastair, get out of there! Go be a fat thief somewhere else!"

000

A few hours later, when Eren thought he was going to float away from how full of water he was, Levi deemed him ready. He asked Eren to lay on his back on the bed, while he sat beside him to explain what he was going to do. He had already mentioned something about playing a desperation game, which had intrigued the boy immediately; it sounded quite interesting.

"Alright," Levi began, "so a desperation game is basically, I'm going to try and make you piss yourself, and your goal is to hold it. If I win, you have to do what I ask. If you win, I have to do what you ask. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in doing?"

Eren brightened right up. "Yes please. I already know what I want you to do to me when I win."

The dancer laughed softly. "Cocky little thing."

His lopsided grin that he flashed was so cute that Levi almost fell over while clutching his chest. He stroked the side of his face and continued, "I'd like to tie you up if that's alright."

"Sounds exciting," his boy answered with a happy wiggle of his hips.

Levi smiled and nodded, before getting up and rifling through Eren's closets, looking for something soft to tie his wrists with. Guessing what he was looking for, the boy said, "I have some robe ties if you want to use those."

"Perfect." Levi located them, pulled them off his robes, and made his way back over to the bed. He then set to tying Eren's wrists very carefully to the headboard, but tight enough that they weren't going to come loose with the smallest motion. After checking to make sure that they were comfortable, he continued explaining himself while he sat next to Eren, stroking one of his biceps.

"So just remember, at any point you want, you can use the safe words we established before. And if it gets to be too much and you feel like you're going to wet yourself, please tell me, I don't want you to piss on your bed, please."

"Yeah I don't want to do that either," the boy agreed.

"I have a towel here next to the bed just in case, and the knots can be pulled loose in one motion if you need it."

"Aw, thank you sweetie," Eren said, grinning up at him. He wiggled his hips impatiently. "Now can we please start?"

Levi rolled his eyes and got on all fours, hovering over his body. The boy felt pinned in the best way, his stomach already tingling in anticipation. The look in his boyfriend's eyes was so intense, so focused, and yet so teasing. The shift he made as he changed headspaces and the fact that he was able to see it before him almost immediately put him under the dancer's spell. Without any prompting, he spread his legs, knees falling open, and Levi felt the brush of the other's knees against the back of his thighs.

"I suppose, since you clearly seem to be ready for me," Levi replied, tilting his head like Alastair had earlier when regarding the delicious food on the counter. Now Eren knew how that omelet had felt.

The older man wasted no time, leaning down and capturing his lips in a deep, languid kiss, moving his lips slowly. Eren responded in kind, the soft, high pitched sounds of their kissing filling the room. The boy hummed into it when he felt Levi's hand slowly skim down his belly, the skin flinching back from the tickling sensation and his breath leaving him in a rush when he realized where his hand was travelling. He canted his hips toward Levi's questing fingers, as if trying to meet them halfway on their journey. But instead of going for his cock, the tips of his fingers brushed over his lower stomach until they found what they were looking for. They pressed his bladder gingerly, and even just from that slight touch, Eren gasped. Levi pulled back and regarded his face, seeing that color had begun to flood his cheeks.

"Really, just from that?" he teased, moving away and down the length of his body until he was sitting in between the boy's thighs.

"Yes," Eren said, "I had like, five cups of water in three hours. I started having to pee an hour ago. But I didn't go because I figured you wouldn't want me to."

"Good boy," Levi purred, "I'm proud of you. Proud of my pretty baby."

The younger man shivered noticeably, both at his praise and his low tone of voice. He could also practically feel his warm breath fanning over his groin area from how close he was. Goosebumps exploded over his skin when Levi leaned down and rubbed his cheek against one of Eren's thighs.

"Such a pretty baby," Levi breathed, eyes heavy lidded as his own lust began heat his body up deliciously. He planted a wet, open mouthed kiss against Eren's thigh, and then ran his tongue over the clenched muscles. "All mine."

The dancer watched as he tried to bring his thighs together, crossing them and squirming in place as he tried to ride out a pang in his bladder. Levi made a sharp sound, as if admonishing a dog, and instantly Eren uncrossed his thighs, letting his knees fall open again, though his face was pinched with discomfort.

"No crossing your legs," Levi told him firmly. "That's cheating."

Eren whined, squirming his hips some more. "Leviiii"-

"You heard me." His face softened just a bit. "Your color, Eren?"

"Green," the boy grumbled, not at all happy about this rule, but he'd abide by it. He'd do anything to keep Levi looking at him with that intense, dark gaze, and truthfully, the rule didn't bother him that much. It just added another level of difficulty and intrigue to the game.

Levi nodded. "Good. Now be a good boy?"

Lord, why did that simple phrase seem to hold so much power over Eren? Hearing that he was a good boy, or that he was Levi's pretty baby sent a warm punch of arousal straight to his gut, and he answered genuinely, "Yes Levi."

The dancer smiled at him lovingly, before situating himself again, fixing his gaze on the object of Eren's distress; his bladder. It was protruding between his hipbones as an overly full stomach might, subtly, but noticeably all the same. It made Levi's breath catch oddly in his chest, for it was evidence of his boy's desire to please him. He laid his palm over the hard, angry bump tenderly, being very careful not to apply any pressure.

Yet.

"Oh, look at you," he observed. "You've done an amazing job, doing exactly what I told you. I'm very proud of you."

He leaned down and kissed the bump, before applying wetter, more meaningful kisses there as well as around the area. He grazed his teeth over Eren's hip bones and up his stomach a ways, which jumped under his touch. After a moment, he leaned back, and gently began to jerk Eren off.

"This must be hard for you," he pointed out. "I know the moment my dick is exposed to the open air I have to piss. But look at you, holding it so nicely. Hmm…I wonder if you really have to go as bad as you say?"

Eren insisted, "Oh trust me I do."

"Really? Hmm, I think you're lying. I don't think it'll bother you at all if I do this."

There was a teasing but devious grin on the other man's face as he spoke to him, and before Eren could fully comprehend his words, he was pressing down on his bladder with the heel of his palm. It wasn't sharp, sudden pressure, however; it was slow, gradual, compressing the already limited space available in the poor, tortured organ. With his bladder feeling much smaller, his need to urinate increased tenfold, and he groaned and arched his back, trying desperately to keep his legs where they were. At the same time, the pain made a hot wash of arousal travel up his neck to settle into his cheeks, making them wonderfully pink. He hissed out a curse, and then let out a moan of pleasure.

Levi bit his lip, and when he glanced down at his own lap, he saw that he was well on his way to becoming just as hard as Eren was. He kept massaging that hard little bump, which was easily swelling to the size of a baseball under his hand. He then leaned down, taking Eren's length into his mouth, focusing on the tip, tickling the entrance to his urethra with his tongue. He stretched at the delicate entrance, creating a pleasant burn that was only magnified by the incredible pressure it was under to hold back his urine. Eren writhed and whimpered, his hips squirming as conflicting sensations assaulted his body. His bladder thrashed and pulsed, sphincter trembling and struggling to keep its contents inside his body. However, it was beginning to feel like trying to hold back all the water behind the Hoover Dam with a wet sheet of paper. Still, he tried, and the praise Levi lavished him with when he lifted his head again was worth it.

"Good boy, such a good boy," he breathed. "My perfect Eren, you're doing so well. Here, I'll let you rest for a minute, I'll be right back."

Eren watched helplessly from the bed, hips momentarily stilling as the pressure lessened ever so slightly and the pangs in his bladder eased. However, that all went away a moment later when Levi turned and the boy saw that he was carrying a couple of ice cubes in his palm.

"Oh sweet Jesus," Eren wheezed, half frightened, half aroused at the thought of what Levi might do with those.

Levi laughed lowly and kneeled back down on the bed, sitting on Eren's lap in such a way that his cock was situated right against the cleft of the older man's rear. He gave it a wiggle, and Eren's breathed picked right up, not only from that motion, but for the fact that he was sitting almost right on top of his bladder.

"You okay with this?" the dancer asked.

Eren nodded eagerly, and with a grin, Levi placed the two ice cubes on his chest. His partner hissed, giving a little shiver at the cold sensation. The older man moved the ice around each nipple, ghosting the tips with the pads of his fingers, before sliding them down his belly. He got off of Eren's lap so that he could also slide them up his cock, which at this point had turned a lovely dark red, so flushed with arousal it was. He let one ice cube stay in his belly button, and then let the other glide up his length. He then pulled it back and let a couple of cold drips of water land on the sensitive tip.

"Nng, Levi," Eren whimpered breathlessly. "God I have to pee so fucking bad."

"Your color?"

"Green, green. It's green."

He nodded and cooed, "My poor baby." Though his tone was sympathetic, the expression on his face was not. He let the ice skim over the stretched skin of his bladder. "I know you do. Just look at you, my little darling, you're so _full._ So full, and I know you just want to let go, don't you? But you won't, will you?"

The boy whined, a long, high sound full of distress, shaking his head. Levi wandered up towards his head and gave him one of the most melted ice cubes, and the minute it began to melt on his tongue, the pain in his bladder increased tremendously. It thrashed and throbbed to the point he could practically feel his heart beating in it. The urine it was trying so desperately to contain felt unbearably hot, practically steaming, and when he tried arch his back, he could feel the pain all the way up his belly. He swore it swelled the tiniest bit more with the added drops of water as well. The heavy, pulsing feeling in turn made his cock feel hotter and heavier, everything between his legs burning and feeling deliciously, deliriously _full._

The sensation was only exacerbated when Levi backed up so that he was position between the boy's legs again and began to rub at his perineum, massaging the taut bit of skin with his pointer and middle finger. He rubbed it in little circular motions, and the deep, heavy feeling increased tenfold; his cock felt harder, the inside of his bladder felt hotter and tighter, and though the urge to urinate was stupendous, he kept his legs spread, just as Levi wanted him to.

"My baby, oh Eren…what a good baby you're being," Levi soothed, kissing one of Eren's knees.

"Levi, _Levi!_ " the younger man cried out. The dancer laughed.

"Just a little more sweetie, you're doing so well. You look gorgeous like this, you have no idea how fucking turned on I am right now. Just a little more, a little more…"

He kept rubbing at Eren's perineum with one hand, but then with the other, he placed his palm back on his bladder with the other, to feel the tempest raging underneath. Blood pounded between his legs as he watched Eren press into his touch, his desperate squirming, panting and whining absolutely killing him; it was becoming torture not to touch himself, to give himself some relief. He massaged the piss filled bump with the heel of his palm, trying to coax the urine down and out, to push him to the brink. His own breathing rate increased as he listened to Eren's begging.

"Levi!" he cried again, tears beading up in the corners of his eyes. "Oh God, oh shit Levi, I can't, I c _an't_ …I'm going to piss, please, I've been good, I've been good for you…"

The boy sincerely swore he felt urine tickling its way up his cock, and at that moment, Levi finally said, "Alright love, you're done, I'll untie you now."

He whined in relief, squirming and wriggling the entire time it took for the dancer to make his way up to the head of the bed and finally untie him. Eren didn't waste a minute, launching up from the bed and making his way to the bathroom at the speed of light. Levi watched him go, part of him wanting to follow, but he also figured perhaps the boy could use a break; the session had seemed a bit much for him, and Levi wondered if maybe he had pushed him too hard. So, he sat on the edge of the bed awkwardly, trying to ignore the throbbing of his raging erection, not helped at all by the fact that Eren had left the bathroom door open and he could hear the sound of him urinating and his whimpers of relief clear as day. He groaned low in his throat and absently began to stroke himself, almost not hearing Eren's phone going off on the nightstand. He leaned over just enough to see who had sent the text.

When Eren entered the room again, looking extremely sated and his knees practically wobbling with relief, he told him, "You have a text from Jean." The phone dinged again, and then again. "Make that three."

The boy moaned as he flopped on the bed next to him, reaching lazily for his phone. "My thighs feel like rubber and I swear I can't feel my toes," he slurred.

Worried, the dancer asked, "It wasn't too much for you, was it?"

"No," Eren hurriedly assured him. "No, that wasn't it at all. It was perfect, just what I wanted. We'll have to do it again sometime." He sounded genuine, to Levi's relief, but said soon after, "Eh, Jean is just ranting about a new game that came out, not interested in playing it really. I'll reply to him later."

He put his phone back on the night stand and rolled over onto his side, regarding Levi with a flirtatious grin. "For now, I believe you said if I won the game, I could ask you to do anything I wanted."

Happy that he got to keep Eren's attention, Levi smiled back, running a down his boy's thigh. "That's right, darling. Anything you want. So what have you decided?"

"Well, I was going to be a smartass at first and ask you to do my dishes for me or something," he teased, "but then I decided I'd much rather you plow me into the mattress."

Levi cleared his throat, momentarily taken aback. "I…I think I can manage that."

"Fantastic. Already lubed myself up in the bathroom. That's why I took kinda long."

"Well damn," Levi laughed. "Someone's eager."

"Can you blame me?" He handed the older man the lube he kept in his nightstand.

Methodically, Levi slicked up his cock, telling him, "You know, I can't remember the last time I topped. This will be nice for a change. Not that I minded when I bottomed for you and I'm absolutely willing to do it again, but yeah."

Eren suddenly wondered how many times Levi had been forced to bottom without his consent; probably most of the time, and he felt a pang go through his chest. "Well, you can top me whenever you feel like it. I should consider myself so lucky that someone as gorgeous as you wants to fuck me."

Levi had no idea how to respond to that, too overcome, as usual. So instead, when he was finished, he wiped off his hand with the towel by the bed and crawled up towards where Eren was laying near the head of the bed, kissing him deeply but briefly.

"You're too good to me," he said huskily.

"Nah, if anything you deserve far better," Eren insisted.

Levi rolled his eyes and sighed, frustrated. "Just move so I can lay on your pillows."

The boy kissed him on the cheek before doing as he was told. "Yes my cute little pillow princess."

Levi smiled up at him as he plopped down on his back right between his pillows, looking far too delicious for his own good. His cock, now flushed a dark, angry red, laid against his belly, looking terribly neglected. Well, Eren would just have to fix that wouldn't he? He crawled up the bed, stopping once he was hovering over Levi's lap. He took his cock and lined himself up, Levi also gripping himself at the base to help.

"Take it slow," Levi cautioned him. "It'll probably be uncomfortable, but if you are careful enough, it won't hurt, and you'll adjust after a minute. Just don't think too much, and keep the tension in your upper body. Let your lower body relax."

Eren took a deep breath and steeled himself, trying to keep his eyes on Levi. He slowly began to sink down onto his length, shivering as his tip breached his entrance. The dancer was right, it was profoundly uncomfortable, not even from the stretch, but from the fact that something was going in where things normally came out.

"Keep taking deep breaths, sweetheart," Levi told him, rubbing at his thighs soothingly. "I'm right here."

The boy did as he was told; he could do this. He let the other man talk him through it, sinking down, slowly down, until he was fully seated in his lap. It burned for a while, and Eren forced himself to keep breathing, to keep the tension in his upper body like he was told and keep his lower body nice and loose. He listened to Levi's low murmurs of encouragement and praise, telling him that he was doing well, that everything was alright. However, those murmurs were drowned out a second later when his phone began ringing. He groaned in frustration when he leaned forward slightly and saw who it was.

"Fucking Jean," he growled. "He's getting mad that I'm not answering his texts so now he's calling me."

"Does he know I'm here?" Levi wanted to know.

"Yes, but I don't think he cares. I'm still going to ignore him. Maybe he'll go away."

Levi laughed at that. "Alright then, you ready?"

Eren paused, and then nodded. "Yeah, move slowly though please."

"Well, here, how about you move first. Control the pace, whatever you're comfortable with. Don't worry about me."

Another deep breath. _Don't think, don't think,_ he told himself. He could do this. The discomfort was dying down the longer he sat there for. Men came from this sort of stuff all the time. All he had to do was let go, and it would feel good. It already felt sort of good, at least in his mind, knowing that Levi was in fact inside of him, that their bodies were connected. That mere months ago, this was something he could have only dreamed about, and now it was really happening. He raised himself up, and then lowered himself down again, placing steadying hands on Levi's chest. The older man was supporting him by holding him around the waist, guiding his movement, which made things easier. That hadn't been too bad, Eren decided, so he did it again. And again, and then again, until he was building up a slow but definite rhythm.

"Good job Eren," Levi praised, his eyes heavy lidded and color rising in his cheeks. "God you look beautiful like this."

That made the boy smile proudly, happy that even though he felt so unconfident, Levi thought he looked good and that he was doing well. He kept going, picking up the pace, and to his delight felt his boyfriend begin to thrust as well. Now that felt pretty good, the mutual friction building up a delicious heat. Eren's insides were flexing and fluttering around him, warm muscles gripping his cock perfectly. The slick sounds and the sounds of skin slapping against skin was making both of them lose their heads. Levi's grip tightened around the boy's waist, and Eren's head began to tip back, moist breaths panted between his glistening, parted lips.

"Just like that, that's beautiful," Levi gasped. "You're so fucking gorgeous, Eren."

The boy was losing himself, barely paying attention to what he was saying. He barely even heard the phone ring again, blocking it out and instead focusing on Levi's thumbs circling over both of his nipples.

"Come here, baby, come here," the dancer asked breathlessly, and Eren obliged, leaning forward, letting Levi pull him closer until he was embracing him around his waist and Eren's hands were braced against the headboard, panting right next each other's ears.

The sounds spurred Levi on, and for the first time in a long time, he felt himself begin to sweat during sex. It was glorious, the amount of heat Eren inspired in him, a genuine flame, rather than one he had to fake because his partner expected him to. He moved to grip the boy's rear, guiding his movements that way, marveling over how plush and exquisite it felt in his hands. Cheekily, he spanked him, as Eren had done to him so many times, and the slap made his partner gasp with delight. Encouraged, he spanked him with his other hand, biting his lip when the boy arched his back.

"Shit…oh shit, Levi!" Eren panted and cursed. "I-I'm sorry, my back is aching. Do you think we could…?"

"Yeah, yeah hold on, lay on your back," he suggested.

The boy obliged, Levi slipping out and then slipping back in once Eren was situated. The younger man spread his legs obediently, urging Levi to hurry up and move again without words, and he needed no encouraging, slipping one of Eren's legs up and over his shoulder. His gripped his thigh with both hands, stroking it, before resuming his thrusting.

Just then, at this new angle, Eren felt him hit something that caused a deep, delicious burning within him, something just as delightful as when his bladder had been so full. It burned a heated a path right up his belly into his chest, and he cried out, gripping at the sheets.

"Right there!" he begged, "Do that again, please!"

Levi grinned. "Found your sweet spot. Don't worry baby, I've got you, I'll take care of you."

He began to thrust in earnest, helpless to do anything but what Eren asked of him, especially when he sounded like _that,_ and was making the prettiest "o" face Levi had ever seen in his life. This boy was going to be the death of him, he was sure of it. He started to reach down for Eren's cock, to increase his pleasure even more, when that blasted phone rang yet again. And despite how good he felt, he was angry enough to want to toss it out the window. He looked at the caller I.D, and it was Jean again, the idiot. He didn't know enough to take a hint when his calls weren't being returned, did he? Well fine. Levi would be happy to teach him a lesson.

Eren was so far gone, especially when the dancer took hold of his cock and began to stroke him, that he barely even registered Levi picking up his phone and answering it with an irritated, "Can I help you?"

"Levi?" Jean began on the other end of the phone. "Is Eren there? I need to talk to him about- wait what the fuck is going on over there?"

The older man smirked. He had no doubt Jean could hear Eren's loud, lewd moans carrying through the receiver. Without breaking his rhythm, he answered, "Did you ever stop to think there's a reason Eren wasn't picking up his phone? He's in the process of getting his brains fucked out, so he'll call you back when he's finished, capiche?"

"Levi what the fuck"-

"Bye."

The dancer hung up the phone and tossed it on the pillow next to them, before proceeding to finish the poor boy off. He then thrusted into his helpless, satiated body until he himself finally came a moment later, calm washing over him like he hadn't known in ages.

Shaking, he pulled out, letting Eren's leg fall limply off his shoulder, before he crawled to the bottom of the bed where Eren's head was and collapsed next to him, both of them letting out little whimpers and moans, each one shaking with weakness, and both of their foreheads shining with sweat. Eren turned his head to look at Levi, and broke into delighted, breathless laughter.

"You ass," he said. "You probably scarred Jean for life."

Levi shrugged, and replied nonchalantly. "I just built up his character, and taught him a valuable lesson. He'll never try that again now."

"I hope so."

Levi was indeed right. In his home, Jean hung up the phone and shakily put it back down on his table, before deciding he needed to fix himself a drink. Of bleach. It was the only thing that would be able to erase the sound of his best friend's moans and pleas of "Oh Levi, fuck me harder!" from his brain forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So school is almost done for me, so I'm going to try my best to start weekly updates for this fic! I'm also participating in the Ereri minibang event, and am therefore writing a fic for that, so keep a look out for it! Writing that may slow down updates for this story, but I'll try not to let that happen. I hope you all enjoyed!


	12. Longing

The entire ride in Eren's car over, Levi had somehow managed to avoid puking all over the dashboard. It had truly been nothing short of a miracle. However, he was hanging onto his self-control by a thread, his stomach rolling and his voices threatening to explode and start screaming in his ear. In fact, to make things even worse, he could feel another depressive episode trying to creep up on him, and it only made his heart pound harder.

"Levi, seriously, my parents aren't that bad," Eren reassured him from the driver's seat, reaching over and placing a warm hand over Levi's clammy one laying on the armrest.

"I know, but…" he trailed off, "I just…this is new to me. I've never gotten close enough to someone to warrant meeting their parents. This is one cherry I haven't popped yet."

The boy laughed. "Aw babe, you don't have anything to worry about. I already told you, they know what you do for a living, so there's no surprise there. I even mentioned how we met, and they took it better than I thought. They trust me to make good decisions on who I date, and if it makes you feel better, my 'meet the parents' cherry is un-popped too. I haven't gotten involved enough with anyone to meet their parents, or for them to meet mine. So we can be nervous together, okay? And remember, I'll be there with you for the entirety of dinner if you need me."

He squeezed his hand comfortingly, and it gave Levi enough courage to take deep breaths and calm his thoughts just the tiniest bit, no small feat considering how badly they were trying to become chaotic, and not just from his own fear of course.

The moment they began pulling up the long, winding driveway, Levi felt his heart jump into his throat. Even just the white, perfectly paved driveway contrasting with the beautifully manicured lawn made him feel like there was no place for him there. Eren had told him that both of his parents were doctors and it was evident from the fact that all of their money had practically thrown up all over the lawn; there was practically a parking lot outside of their mansion, there were sprawling gardens for as far as Levi could see that he knew for a fact they didn't maintain on their own, the garage was bigger than his entire apartment complex, and their house rivaled The Dollhouse in size. It was crazy, and he was ready to jump ship. No way would Eren's parents approve of a little piece of shit hooker like him, ever.

When Eren stopped the car in the massive parking lot, he reassured him one more time, "I'll be fine. They already know what you do for a living, and they trust me to make good judgements on who I date. If I chose you, to them, it means you must be a good person."

Well, that made Levi feel the tiniest bit better. But there was one more thought nagging him. "Are they going to care that I'm a guy?"

The boy burst out laughing at that one, full on belly laugh that had him practically slapping his steering wheel in his mirth, before he finally calmed down enough to answer, "Levi, babe, we cross that bridge a long time ago with my parents. They don't care who I bring home as long as I'm happy at this point, they're just desperate for me to find someone because they don't want me ending up as a crazy old man who lives with a hundred cats by himself."

The dancer snorted. "Did it ever occur to them that you might find someone who wants to be crazy and old and surrounded by a hundred cats with you instead of trying to talk you out of it?"

A surge of affection swelled up in Eren, and he leaned over the console to peck Levi on the lips. "You're an angel."

Levi's answering shy smile in turn made him feel all giddy inside as he pushed his door open and got out of the car. He then made his way over to Levi's side, and was greeted with the odd sight of the older man with the car door open but not getting out, instead choosing to stare at the pavement.

"What's wrong?" Eren asked.

"I'm afraid to step on it, it's so clean," the dancer explained, and Eren relaxed. "Won't my dirty pleb feet soil the purity of Zeus' marble driveway?"

That sent the boy into another fit of laughter. Levi lit up; one of his favorite things was being able to make Eren laugh. Too many people found his sense of humor odd, either awkward or in bad taste, and he was glad Eren wasn't one of those.

Eren took his hand, still grinning ear to ear, and said, "Come on babydoll, it's all good. It might look like Zeus' house, but my parents act more like Demeter and Hades. My mom even has three little Chihuahuas. I think for Halloween this year I'll tell her to duck tape them together and tell everyone their costume is Cerberus."

Levi cracked up at that one. He then allowed him to lead him out of the car like he was a nineteenth century socialite being guided out of her horse drawn carriage. They walked up the driveway hand in hand, the dancer just trying to focus on breathing for the entire time. It seemed like in no time at all he was standing in front of the massive wooden doors, each one as tall as two of Levi stacked on top of each other, and Eren was ringing the doorbell that was so loud the dancer could feel it vibrating through his feet. They glanced at each other once again, Eren telling him that it was going to be alright and they'd love him, before the doors were finally flung open.

Standing there in the doorway with three small, yapping dogs running around her feet like wind-up toys set at maximum velocity and their tails wagging at a million miles an hour was a woman who surprisingly wore some of the tasteful clothes and jewelry Levi had ever seen on a wealthy person. Most women wore god awful designer clothes for the label, not for whether or not they looked good, and the same rules applied to their jewelry; they wore gaudy, over large earrings and necklaces that hurt Levi's ears and neck to look at. Yet Carla Jaeger, though she looked very nice, and it was clear those were real diamonds in her ears, she still appeared to be like any suburban housewife next door. Even though there was grey in her hair, she was still pretty, and she greeted them with an equally pretty blinding smile, Eren's exact smile. She reached up and hugged her taller son, greeting him with delight.

When she backed away, Eren gestured towards Levi and said, "So, yeah mom, this is Levi."

"Of course it is!" she declared with delight, and turned to him with the exuberance of a kindergartener.

"Pleased to meet you Mrs. Jaeger," Levi replied, and he held out a polite hand for her to shake.

"Aww!" his mother cooed. "What a polite, darling boy."

She then proceeded to bypass his hand entirely and wrap her around him, squeezing him so hard Levi knew he felt his spine crack. His breath left him in a pained groan he tried to suppress. Mercifully she didn't hold onto him for long, but before he could recover, she placed both hands on his cheeks and cupped his face rather firmly, enough that she was smushing his cheeks a little.

"What a little cutie pie you are, where have you been hiding?" she said. "Hmm, you have a good bone structure, your lymph nodes feel good too, you're a bit clammy though, are you feeling alright dear?"

From behind her, Eren rolled his eyes, saying, "Mom, we talked about this, he's not here for an appointment. Let him breathe please, he's already nervous enough."

Levi had completely frozen when Eren's mom took his face in her hands, having no idea what she was going to do. But he had to admit as she backed away, he found the whole thing rather amusing. At least so far she seemed to approve of him…or at least of his bone structure.

"Yes of course," she said. "Come on in you two, your dad is just finishing up dinner. So good to have you home for a bit, Eren. We all missed you, and so did the babies."

She shut the door behind them, and speaking of, suddenly all three Chihuahuas were hopping up their legs, bouncing on their hind feet and yipping for all they were worth. Naturally, they were all wearing little shirts and adorned with jewel studded collars; sapphires for Dexter and diamonds for Ruby and Bella. Of course they were. It made Levi thankful that all Eren put on Allastair was a simple store bought collar with a bell. Naturally, being the softy he was, Eren bent down and picked up one of them, cooing over the wriggling ball of fluff and letting it smother his face with kisses. To the ones on the floor still barking at Levi, he admonished them.

"Oh stop your yapping," he said. "Ugh, you guys are cute to visit but I'm so glad I don't have to put up with that noise at home."

Levi decided it might be wiser not to pet the barking ones and instead opted to pet Dexter, the one Eren was holding. To his relief, the dog let him pet him and even licked the tips of his fingers. He had to admit, their big eyes and big heads were kind of cute.

"In here!" they heard Eren's mom call from the kitchen

The boy set the dog on the floor and then turned his head towards Levi, before he gave him a comforting smile. "Ready?"

Levi took a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves and failing. He moved closer to Eren, their bodies gently touching, before the two of them walked into the adjacent room, the three dogs trotting in after them happily. Naturally, as nervous as he was, his voices were whispering in his ear, and he swore he heard an alarm going off somewhere. It was quiet now, but he had no idea that it would get louder as the evening on, and it was already making his anxiety spike. It was only made worse by the fact that he couldn't reach up and scrub his ears. Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut rapidly several times, lowering his head and trying to conceal his actions from Eren. However, he practically felt the boy's eyes burning holes in the side of his head. Or maybe they weren't; maybe it was just his paranoia that only seemed to be getting worse the longer he spent in this house.

However, when he actually got in the kitchen, some of his anxiety released when he saw the spread of food on the table; the Jaegers certainly spared no expense. Everything looked delicious and beautiful, and he was almost afraid to eat it. Carla was standing and speaking to the man Levi assumed was Eren's father. They both stopped and turned towards them with welcoming smiles on their faces when the two of them entered the kitchen.

"Here baby, help me put the last few dishes on the table?" Carla asked.

"Yeah, sure." Eren kissed Levi on the temple before going and helping his mom.

Grisha Jaeger then approached the younger man, and though he was as tall as Eren, Levi felt much smaller in front of him than he ever did in front of his son. He subconsciously brought his shoulders closer to his ears, shrinking in on himself, even more so when the other man said, "Levi, right?"

Automatically, the dancer answered, "Yes sir."

"You're a bit short, aren't you?" he pointed out.

Normally, a crack at his height would have made Levi bristle, but at the moment he was more likely to wet his pants than lash out. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would somehow silence the voices and the alarm growing louder in his head.

"Dad," Eren said warningly, a plate in each hand.

For some reason, Levi felt the need to apologize. "Yes sir, I'm sorry sir. My mom told me the reason I'm short is because of my dad. Or her. I don't know sir, I'm sorry."

At his response, Grisha snorted, and then broke out into laughter, throwing his head back and getting close enough to Levi to slap him on the back. He then wheezed, "That's a good one, oh Lord. Never heard someone apologize for their height before."

Levi joined in his laughter uncomfortably, though he felt the tiniest bit of relief. At least the danger seemed to have passed. Grisha then added, "Carla was right, your face does have good bone structure"-

"Dad!" Eren hissed, cutting him off. "Unnecessary, he's already ready to shit his pants, he doesn't need you freaking him out for no reason."

The dancer smirked at his words. And now that he was less nervous, he could actually get a good look at his boyfriend's father. If Eren had his mom's smile, it looked like he had inherited everything else from Grisha, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The other doctor was a good looking man, and if this was what Eren was going to look like in thirty years, then Levi was in for a treat.

"Well Levi, it's nice to meet you," Grisha told him, his expression easy and more comforting now. He placed a hand on his shoulder, and said, "Well I hope you're hungry kid, because we went overboard. The second Eren told us he wanted to bring you over Carla and I went to the store and pretty much cleared the shelves on the grocery stores. We're probably going to have to roll you out of the house by the time the evening is out."

"Um…s-sure?" Levi replied, a little louder than he meant to, speaking over the voices subconsciously.

This, to his horror, gave Grisha pause. He placed his hand back on Levi's shoulder, regarding him carefully. "You alright?"

Unknown to the dancer, Eren was also looking at him with concern. Sure, Levi had spoken loudly sometimes when he was with him, but that was different; he was still tense, his face still doing little strange ticks as he fought the volume of the voices, trying so hard to appear like nothing was wrong in a place where he most certainly could not afford to let his illness show. Yet, in the home of two doctors and psychiatrist in training, he had never felt more exposed. When Levi assured his dad that he was fine, Eren believed him though, because he sounded very sincere. At the same time, he still felt somewhat uneasy.

Dinner was as good as could be expected, both the food and the company. Levi decided that despite how his voices were acting up, he could focus around that on occasion and enjoy the atmosphere of the Jaeger's home. He found that it gave him a feeling similar to the one when he stayed in Eren's apartment in that he felt very comfortable and safe, welcomed and wanted. The boy's parents cracked jokes with him and teased Eren relentlessly when they saw that it made Levi smile. The dogs circled around the chairs like sharks, hopping up on everyone's legs and fixing them with those huge, dark eyes, asking for a bite of steak. Naturally, Carla always seemed to give in and slip them a piece, and Levi couldn't help but follow along. The whole experience was topped off by Eren, who was sitting beside him, reaching under the table and laying his free hand over Levi's, squeezing it gently and once in a while fixing him with a proud look, like he was just happy over the fact that he seemed to be getting along with his parents. And the whole warm atmosphere made a warmth bloom in Levi's chest that quickly faded to a longing so strong that it took his breath away.

He wanted to belong to Eren's family.

He hadn't told his boyfriend yet, and thankfully Eren hadn't really asked, about what his life had been like before he was employed at The Dollhouse. All the boy knew was that his mother died when he had been a child. Therefore, he had never gotten the privilege to belong to a family, and more than anything, in that moment, he wanted to be part of this one. Perhaps he was looking at their life through a rosy lens, but he couldn't help it. After knowing darkness and despair for his entire life and thinking things would never get any better, he couldn't help but romanticize and cling to any bit of joy that came his way. This was no different. He knew he was being selfish, as being part of their lives meant he would only taint it, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he stayed for just a little while?

No, he could never. They were innocent, as Eren was. He was tainting all of them. He could see it in front of him, Eren and his parents, their skin turning grey, flesh shriveling up and threatening to fall off. The remaining food began to bubble, and the sound of the alarm in his head grew shrill. He felt nauseous, the fear beginning to rise in him so harshly and so abruptly that he couldn't hope to stop it.

"I-I'm sorry," he said hastily, rising from his chair, "I'll be back."

"Levi?" Eren immediately got up. "Are you alright?"

The dancer didn't reply, knowing that no matter what he said, or especially if he said he wasn't feeling good, all of them would most likely want to follow him. And yes, while he felt extremely nauseous and would be able to explain that away, he wouldn't be able to explain why he was scrubbing his ears so hard, why he was muttering to the voices on his way to the bathroom, or at least where he hoped the bathroom was. Luckily, there was one on the ground floor, and he made a beeline towards it, barely able to shut the door before he made it to the toilet.

Levi couldn't remember being this scared in a long time. He had been terrified before during when his hallucinations grew especially bad, but the added fear this time was from being found out. He couldn't believe that his head was acting up here, and all he could find himself begging in reply to the growls and snarls in his head was, _Please not here and please not now,_ but of course they paid him no heed. They continued their taunts about what a horrible person he was, a murderer and a demon that deserved death. He swore he smelled the stench of decay somewhere, a sure sign that his mere presence in this house was causing something or someone to rot. Was Eren succumbing at last?

He sat there with his head hanging over the toilet for a minute or two, spitting into the bowl before the corpse smell eventually did him in, causing him to retch painfully. He gripped the bowl, wanting to be alone but at the same time internally begging for someone to come in and comfort him. He was so sick of being alone when he was in pain, and yet he knew it was all he was ever going to know.

"Please stop, please stop," he wheezed when the vomit stopped burning its way up for a moment. Tears were welling up in his eyes, eventually spilling over and running hot tracks down his cheeks. "I don't want this, I don't want this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. God, please just let me die, I've had enough…"

_You deserve to stay alive and suffer…death is too good for you. You're a terrible person, the lowest of the low._

_You're going to send that boy to Hell._

"I know, I know I'm a demon…I know- the static is filling my head, it's all dead, and God is coming for me, just please"-

He was cut off by another wave of nausea and again he was spilling his guts into the toilet, wasting all the perfectly good food. He felt horrible, because Eren's parents had worked so hard on that. His tears spilled and spilled, and for some reason he just could not stop crying, and despite the voices taunting him wretchedly, he wanted Eren. Despite the fact that the alarm was practically splitting his head open and giving him a migraine, he wanted Eren's wrapped around him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. He wanted his balm for the terrible pain, his baby to shush and cuddle him while he could, before Levi destroyed him. And that selfish thought just reinforced what a terrible person he really was.

"Levi? You okay? Do you need some help?"

The dancer's entire body froze and a cold chill went down his spine. No, Eren could not come in here and see him like this, though he craved him at the same time. He couldn't, or it would all be over, and he wanted to hang onto the boy for as long as he could. He didn't trust himself to open his mouth and speak, though he had to. He heard the knob jiggling, and hastily forced himself to lie, hoping it would come out coherent.

"I'm o"- he cleared his throat, trying to cover up gibberish word that wanted to escape. He shook with the effort. "It's alright. The de- the sickness it's…I'm sick. I walk-working towards, um, I'm resting. Might have gotten it from work. Be out soon."

Eren paused, hand stopping on the handle. He was slightly confused by Levi's choice of words, but he supposed that made sense. Sometimes throwing up like that made one confused and their words came out jumbled. And he knew if he were in Levi's position, he knew he wouldn't want anyone seeing him either. He found himself nodding along, saying haltingly, "O-Okay. If you need me, I'll be out in the kitchen helping to clean up. There's cups up on the sink if you want to rinse out your mouth, and I know there's stuff to help settle your stomach in the medicine cabinet. When you come out we can go home, okay? And then I'll put you to bed?"

Levi's crying picked up, but he couldn't let Eren hear it. He held his hand against his mouth, trying to muffle the sounds. He only trusted himself to hum in acknowledgement, and when he heard Eren walk away, only then did he let himself go, holding his head in his hands, crying and begging the taunting to stop, and all the while praying his heart would spontaneously burst so that he could leave Eren and his beautiful, perfect family in peace at last.

000

When they finally made it home, Eren did exactly as he promised. Though Levi said he was feeling much better, the younger man still hovered around him, ready to assist him if needed. His head had calmed down considerably, but now it was left with a residual ache, and a niggling at the base of his skull that the attack wasn't over. This was merely the vanguard to something much worse, his gut told him, but he couldn't afford to dwell on that now. All he knew was that all of his limbs felt like rubber and his head was pounding, as if he had gotten drunk rather than sick. Therefore, he let Eren help him change his clothes into pajamas and brush his teeth before helping him into bed. He even got an ice pack for his head, the darling.

"Thank you baby," Levi murmured thickly, taking it and putting it on his forehead. And because he was already being terribly selfish that evening anyway, he added, "Can you stay for a bit please? I'm sorry, I know it's late"-

"Oh shush you," Eren waved him off. "It's fine. I'll stay."

He then lowered himself so that he was sitting on the bed, and Levi didn't hesitate to adjust himself so that his head was in his lap, trying to keep the ice pack from touching the boy's thighs. A surge of affection welled up in Eren's chest, and he began gently stroking down Levi's shoulder and side.

Levi whimpered quietly, not just from the panging in his head, but from the ache he felt in his heart. He told himself time and time again he didn't deserve Eren, but at that moment, as he had before, he just wanted to die. That was definitely something he deserved.

"Oh sweetie," Eren whispered. "I'm so sorry this happened."

Levi hastily assured him, "No, it's fine. I had a good time. Your parents are amazing…I just hoped they liked me."

He breathed a laugh. "Yes, they most certainly did. Not only are they over the moon over the fact that I found someone who makes me happy, but they're blown out of their asses that you're super cool, which of course you are."

Beneath the ice pack, though most of his face was obscured, Eren saw Levi smile.

The both of them were quiet for a bit, Eren just stroking his boyfriend's side, a loyal ray of light that quieted Lev's head at long last. He felt another wave of longing, and had to stifle another whimper. Instead, he snuggled down into the boy's lap a little more, wanting to cry from just how safe he felt, and how desperately he never wanted this feeling to go away.

"Thank you Eren," he murmured, "I don't remember the last time I felt this safe. And it's because of you and your family. I appreciate it more than I can say."

The boy paused, feeling like there was something more in Levi's words than he was letting on. He couldn't remember the last time they had felt this safe? What had happened before he had been employed by The Dollhouse? All he knew was that his mother was no longer alive, but that was it. So, he tentatively asked, "Levi, what do you mean? What happened before you met me?"

Levi took a deep breath, tightening his grip on the ice pack and he settled down a bit more. He had never told anyone the full story, and it wasn't a nice one to be sure. But he figured the events couldn't hurt him anymore, especially not with Eren by his side. So, after a few more beats of silence, he began.

"A lot of shit happened to me, Eren. I started off at pretty much the lowest point one can. I'm the kid of a prostitute, never knew who my dad was, because of course my mom doesn't either. She thinks it was one of her customers, but it could have been one of her boyfriends too. She loved me though, as much as a mom could. She was so different from the other prostitutes I'd see that had kids where they acted like burdens. She would have given me anything that was in her power to give, and tried to make everything magical and fun for me. No, we never had a lot of money, we moved around a lot, but she always tried to keep me in the same school for as long as she could. I made some friends sometimes, but she was my only constant friend. The only constant in my life at all was my mom, and I loved her more than anything. She had her own issues though. I know she did some drugs, and looking back on it now, I think she had some kind of bipolar disorder, but I don't know for sure. But we got through it when she'd go through her highs and lows, and she never hurt me on purpose. I was so lucky to have her…

"Then when I was still in elementary school, she got really sick, maybe from a disease she caught on the job. I never found out from what for sure though because we were too poor to afford a hospital stay, and we had no insurance or anything. So all I could do was take care of her as best I was able. But even though I sat by her day and night, there was nothing I could do, and she passed away in a bed in a hotel room.

"When the hotel staff found us, they called the police, and they picked me up. Put me into foster care after that. It was so miserable though, I got stuck with a couple of lawyers for foster parents, but they had some really rigid religious beliefs, and the instant I started showing signs of being gay, the care they had been showing before disappeared. They started ignoring me, though I preferred that to when they'd slap me or spew some really bigoted shit at me. It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, and I knew they didn't want me there, so I booked it out of there. I was only eleven, and I guess they didn't really care enough to report me missing, because no cops ever came after me. I was really on my own from then on.

"After that, I mostly just lived on the streets. Went in and out of shelters and stuff. Spent a lot of nights cold and hungry, or scared, definitely not a part of my life I'd like to relive, since I almost died more than once. The only food I'd get was either out of garbage cans, or I'd trade sex for it. That was pretty much the only way I made money was with my body. You wouldn't believe the number of people that are willing to fuck a kid, it's so gross, but I got so used to it that it doesn't bother me anymore. And being a prostitute never bothered me either, because to me it was just another job, and it suited me just fine. I made it by like that for years, until I actually solicited Damien one night. It was a lucky break for me, because I guess he decided I had the right look for his club, and he invited me down for an interview.

"Been there for ten years now, and though I've had ups and downs, it's the only steady, legal job I've ever had. It's been as nice as it can be, because now I have a roof over my head and a steady supply of food. Petra was hired not too long after I was, and we became pretty good friends. I had someone that cared about me, and it was wonderful. And then I met you, and my life got infinitely better after that. I don't know, before then, I was just kinda going through life, but you gave me a purpose. I have something to look forward to every day, and I can't thank you enough for that. You mean so much to me Eren, and compared to what I went through, I never want to go back to those days again. I'd like to be a part of your life as long as you'll have me."

Eren was reeling after he finally went quiet. He couldn't believe the things Levi had said, and had said so matter of factly, as if he had been talking about the weather rather than some of the vilest things the boy had ever heard another person say. He couldn't help it; his eyes began to sting and tears welled up to spill over his cheeks. Levi looked up at him when he heard quiet, pitiful sobs coming from him, and his eyes widened with concern.

"No, oh God Eren no," he soothed, reaching up to place the backs of his fingers against his cheek. "I didn't tell you that to make you cry; I told you because you deserved to know, especially since I want to be with you for as long as I can, like I said."

Eren shook his head, and held his boyfriend's hand against his cheek. "No it's- I've never….Levi, you're so kind, so sweet, and I care about you so much, and I had no idea. I would have never guessed and- shit, you didn't deserve any of that. I'm so sorry. I- don't worry, you'll never have to live like that again. I won't let it happen. You're safe from now on, okay? You're okay now…"

The boy wanted to embrace him, but didn't want to jostle his head, so he just sat there, squeezing his hand. Levi rubbed his cheekbone with his thumb, murmuring that everything was alright, that he cared about Eren and he was right, everything was okay now.

However, Eren didn't give voice to one crucial worry of his. Levi had mentioned that his mother had some form of mental illness, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was rare that the children of those born with mental illness rarely came through unscathed. Combined with his odd behavior tonight, it got Eren to thinking. And the thoughts that he was having worried him terribly.


	13. Save Yourself

Levi knew immediately that Eren was suspicious that something was going on with him. And the instant he became aware of this, a fear as potent as the one he had felt on the streets, when he had been a small boy at the mercy of those big heavy men, gripped him and refused to let go. He had always been afraid that Eren might leave him out of disgust; disgust that he was dating someone with such a severe mental illness, disgust that he didn't just tell him up front, disgust that he had been touched by so many other people. Though he had proved he didn't mind touching him even though he was damaged goods, there was still a small, vulnerable part of him that believed one day he would wake up and see just what kind of disgusting creature he had decided to attach to himself.

Levi couldn't let that happen.

He knew he was being selfish. He knew he was being ridiculous, and that in the end, it was all hopeless. But when he thought about losing Eren, it stole his breath and left him paralyzed with terror. He knew above all else he couldn't show any further signs that he was slipping, even if it killed him.

In the days that followed his visit with Eren's parents, Levi worked as hard as he possibly could to distract his boyfriend. Every moment they had together, the dancer be asking to go out and to have some fun. He and Eren would even get a little tipsy, drinking at home before falling into bed together. And more than anything, Levi would lay on the charm and expose his body as much as possible for Eren's pleasure. Every moment that seemed appropriate, he was seducing his boy in ways he knew he wouldn't be able to resist. He would be waiting for Eren in his apartment for when he came home, sometimes completely naked, sometimes wearing the thigh highs and garters he knew he loved so much, expression vulnerable and begging Eren in a soft voice to make a mess out of him. Thankfully for him, Eren's libido always seemed to be running and running hot, his baby weak for Levi's soft, pretty begging. At least when Eren was buried deep in his body and letting the dancer ride him so desperately, or had those thigh high clad legs wrapped around his waist, Levi knew he wasn't thinking about whether or not his boyfriend was sick in the head or not.

He didn't have many options, he didn't think. Levi had so little that would make someone want to stay with him, so he would use the most potent weapons he had at his disposal: his body, and his charm.

It was after one of these couplings when the two of them collapsed into Levi's bedsheets that the dancer began working his charm again. They had barely caught their breath, Levi lying his entire length on top of Eren and sweating as they were, before Levi was nibbling at Eren's neck again rubbing his body subtly against the length of his. Eren rolled his eyes teasingly.

"Levi, really?" he said with a smile, rubbing his hand up and down the dancer's silky back. "Did someone slip something in your tea recently? Not that I mind, but you've been really horny lately."

Levi's heart pounded with a rush of anxiety, but he didn't dare to let anything show. He just replied smoothly, "Mmm, that must be it. My beautiful baby is very good at getting me hot and bothered."

Eren opened his mouth to question him further, but it was turned into a soft sigh when the dancer found a place on his neck that he knew he particularly liked, and sucked on it. And once more, the boy was putty in his hands, still completely blown away that Levi was interested in him at all and wasn't going to protest if he wanted to get amorous. Even if it was for the third time that night.

But still…

"You sure you're okay?" he asked. "Because"-

Before he could say anything else that might scare Levi into a stupor, he slotted his lips over the other man's, working his jaw and kissing him deeply. The words on the tip of Eren's tongue dissolved into a pleased hum, and his eyes slipped shut, wrapping his arms around his neck to hold him close.

When Levi did finally pull away, he reassured him with a bright smile, "More than okay. Just very happy that I have you in my life and I want to appreciate you. You've been working very hard on school, and you're just about to start your next semester. Thought we'd get all of our sex in while we had the chance, yeah?"

Eren snorted. "You're so smart." He leaned up and started kissing down Levi's neck, leaving lots of pretty red marks so that everyone knew he was taken. The dancer leaned into it, heat pooling in his lower belly once more, and he practically purred when Eren gently ran his nails down his warm, silky back, still unable to believe how smooth and soft his skin was. When the boy's hands reached his plush behind, he cupped and groped the smooth globes, before he gave one cheek a light spank, enough to sting deliciously. Levi gasped and arched his back, lips parting into a pretty "o" shape.

"Pretty kitten," Eren murmured huskily, "My perfect kitten. You smell so sweet and sound so amazing when you're getting fucked. So kind to me and helpful and considerate in everything. Like you were made for me. I care about you so much it scares me sometimes."

Oh, it was hard for his face not to betray him, as all Levi wanted to do when he heard those gorgeous words was curl up in a ball and cry. He did however let a whimper escape him, and ignoring the fact that his throat was beginning to ache from emotion, he ground his pelvis against Eren's, making the boy hiss and dig his nails into his back.

"I might have time to come to one of your shows before school starts again," the boy pointed out, still massaging the other man's behind. "Would you like that?"

He whined, "I do love it when you watch me. I- _fuck_ that's good- I want to look at you the whole time I dance so that everyone knows who I'm really performing for. Yes, now please, fuck me again?"

The boy grinned and flipped them so that he was laying on top of him, growling teasingly, "Naughty, insatiable kitten. Yes, I can fuck you, if you'd like that. Just relax, baby. I'll take care of you."

Levi let those wonderful words wash over him, trying to let them drown out the voices growling in his head. However, they didn't quite succeed, and even though Eren was busy passionately making a wreck of Levi's vulnerable body and the older man was more than open to him doing so, he couldn't drown them out no matter how loudly he moaned or how intense the pleasure was.

_You're a liar, a dirty demon._

_Manipulator, abuser, going to hell, tainting that poor angel._

_Killing him, killing him…_

_Just die. Kill yourself, end it. For once in your life, do something kind for that boy and kill yourself._

000

The instant Levi woke up the morning of his show, he knew something was very, _very_ wrong.

His head was quiet for all of three seconds after he woke up, and then several different sounds and smells assaulted him at once. He swore he smelled feces all throughout his apartment, though he could find none. Even a search of his hallway revealed nothing. He also swore he heard a phone ringing over and over again, for hours during the day. And when that stopped, the demonic, growling whispers started, thoroughly frightening him and making him panic so badly that he didn't want an inch of his apartment being dark for even second. He turned on all of his lights even in the middle of the day, as well as placed flashlights in every dark corner, knowing the demons lived in the shadows and could manifest from the dark spots. He spent almost the entire day sitting at his kitchen table with his hands folded on top of it, keeping an extra flashlight near him, preparing to shine it on anything that looked demonic in shape. His phone was also sitting near his hands, and he had to resist calling Eren all day; he knew if he talked to him at all, the boy would be able to hear the insanity in his voice.

When dusk approached, things became even worse as the visual hallucinations began to take hold. He swore he saw bugs crawling out of cracks in the plaster of his walls, cockroaches that hissed at him and began making their way towards him. Soon after, hands began reaching through the walls and a quiet roaring began to fill his ears, and he curled in on himself in the chair, whimpering, partially hoping they'd kill him quickly, and partially terrified of dying at all. He couldn't help it, though he desired it; it was just instinct, he supposed, to want to live. He shook in the chair, praying it would all stop.

Luckily, around that time, his door rang. He jumped, a voice deep in his mind telling him it was the devil coming for him at last. Part of him was scared, but part of him was also rejoicing that his suffering was over. Figuring that sitting there at the table would only put off the inevitable, he eventually got out of the chair and nearly collapsed, weak with hunger, aching with the need to use the bathroom, and stiff from not moving all day. Still, if he was going to Hell, those things were of little consequence, so he steeled himself and made his way to the door, not even hesitating to open it.

However, far better than the sweet release of death was his boy, standing there in his tux and smiling brightly at him. But that smile faded the instant he took in Levi's appearance.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" he exclaimed, immediately concerned.

Levi ducked his head when Eren tried to study his face, but froze in place otherwise. The younger man observed, "You look pale, and really tired. And…have you showered today? Or eaten something? Your legs are shaking."

The dancer didn't even bother to look down at himself; he knew what he was saying was true. He just shrugged, unable to offer up an explanation and just said in a rough voice, "Had a bad day. I um, I'll get changed and eat on the way over. I can shower when I get there. Just give me five minutes."

He walked back into his apartment, and Eren followed him in, suggesting, "Maybe you should stay home today? If you don't feel well?"

Levi laughed humorlessly and replied on his way to his room. "Can't. I'll be fired, remember? I've missed too many days already. If I miss one more I'll be kicked out with Damien's boot print on my ass."

Eren wanted to say something else, but refrained, seeing the utterly empty look in his eyes before he shut the door to his room. That was definitely new, as Levi was usually so expressive with him, but to see no emotion at all frightened the boy deeply. Something was definitely not right, something beyond simple lethargy, but all Eren could think was that Levi had been sick all day and simply hadn't called him to let him know, choosing instead to suffer alone. It was certainly stupid and worried him a great deal, but wasn't necessarily a cause for great alarm. Eren was hurt that he didn't call him, but it was in his boyfriend's nature, and he'd get over it. He figured he would help Levi in subtle ways throughout the evening then, letting him know in his own way that he could ask for help whenever he needed it. He wasn't that poor lost little boy on the street anymore that had to fend for himself.

Eren waited patiently for Levi to finish dressing, and when he emerged, he supposed he looked a bit better. More alert perhaps. And when he grabbed something to eat and nibbled on it on their way out of the apartment and even when they got into the car, he perked up even further, sitting up straighter and engaging Eren in more conversation. He had looked rigid and frightened when Eren had first appeared, but he seemed to grow more at ease and even relieved the longer he spent in his presence, as if his voice was a balm that was slowly washing over him and curing whatever had been ailing him all day.

When they finally pulled into the parking lot and the car was stopped, Eren barely opened his mouth to wish him luck for the evening before Levi was leaning over the console, pulling his face toward his and kissing him briefly but meaningfully. When he pulled back, the boy was smiling gently at him, and he said, "You're going to do amazing. I'll be right there in front if you need me, okay? And after you're done we'll go home, change into some pajamas and crash into bed, okay?"

The offer sounded amazing and Levi already couldn't wait. He couldn't help but add, "Can I wear one of your shirts to bed?"

Eren leaned forward and rubbed his nose against the other man's in an Eskimo kiss before saying sweetly, "Yes you can baby. Whatever you'd like."

Before the boy could pull his face away, Levi couldn't help but ask, "Will I always be your little kitten Eren? Always be your baby? I'd really like that."

Eren tilted his head, slightly confused by where these questions were coming from. Caught off guard, he answered, "Y…Yes? Of course. I told you, Levi, I care about you more than I ever thought I could care about someone. No matter what that won't change." He paused, a lingering thought niggling in the back of his mind, and then asked hesitantly, "Why? Is there something wrong?"

Levi bit his lip. The admission was on the tip of his tongue, desperately trying to escape. He wanted so badly to just let it out in the open, and his expression looked pained to Eren. The boy began to reach up to stroke his cheek, but before he could touch him Levi shook his head, murmured something unintelligible, and then exited the car, slamming the door behind him. He waved at Eren with a gentle smile, and was happy to see that while he still looked a bit worried, he waved as well and attempted to smile back.

The minute he turned around began to head into the building, he squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, the voices rushing into his ears again once his boyfriend was gone, all of them calling him a liar, a horrible person, hissing at him with all the venom they could muster, growling and snarling. He froze in place with a gasp when he saw several snakes crawl out of the sidewalk and slither across his feet, but the minute he felt their cold scales on his toes, he shook them off with a panicked cry and raced through the door, catching his breath when he was on the other side.

Thankfully, no one seemed to see him once he finally checked, opening his eyes and scanning his surroundings. He took a couple of minutes to catch his breath, the dark doorway frightening but the distant sound of the pounding music slightly comforting. It was normal, almost more home than his own home was.

No. That was no longer the case. Eren's apartment felt more like home now. Or rather, Eren himself was Levi's home. And nothing had ever felt so right and comfortable to him before.

Yet, part of him wished his boy had indeed heard what he had muttered in his car before he left it. Then perhaps things might be easier for both of them.

000

Eren shifted uncomfortably in his seat. True to his word he sat right next to the stage, and he felt more than ever that tonight Levi needed him, though he couldn't be exactly sure why. Without him even registering it, his leg began jiggling as he grew more anxious, mulling Levi's odd behavior over and over in his head, from when he picked him up to when he had walked out of his car. It was obvious to Eren that something was going on, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what. There was a missing puzzle piece and his head was practically hurting trying to insert that last piece into place. And then there was how he had acted at his parent's house, all twitchy and wanting to be left alone. But he had just been sick that evening. Was it possible that that illness was still lingering?

He sighed heavily. It was clear Levi was sick, but it seemed different than a normal sickness. After all, he had told him about how his mother had a mental illness. Was it something like that? Was something finally manifesting in his mind that was causing him to act strange? If that was the case, it might explain his behavior, but not why he was acting so jumpy. He wondered if maybe if he was embarrassed about telling Eren about it. That could be the case, since mental illnesses were often a source of shame for many people and they hated admitting them. He supposed he could understand that, but he also wondered if that was the case, then why didn't Levi trust him enough to tell him? What had he done to make him not trust him?

Eren let out a groan of frustration, feeling pathetic. Why couldn't he be what Levi clearly needed him to be? Why wasn't he good enough? He had been trying, really. And it only made him feel worse when he thought back on all of their interactions that he could remember and thought of a million little ways he could have improved his behavior so that he could have been more appealing to Levi. No wonder the dancer didn't trust him.

The boy gripped at his hair with one hand, pulling it, terribly angry with himself. He began turning what Levi had said to him before he left the car over and over in his mind again, wondering if there was some kind of clue hidden there as to whether he was on the verge of breaking up with him or not. The very thought devastated Eren terribly, but if that's what Levi wanted, he would respect his wishes. And the very moment the voice backstage spoke into the microphone announced the next dancer, Eren's eyes widened and he sucked in a breath of air when he finally realized what it was. He saw the velvet red curtains part to reveal Levi, the devastatingly beautiful pearl of The Dollhouse, as pristine as he had been when the boy had first laid eyes on him, save for one factor, and that was the fact that the seductive, charming expression on his face was gone, replaced by one of fright he was obviously trying to conceal. Those eyes met Eren's the moment he found him in the crowd, and silently begged him with everything they had the same sentiment Levi had in the car.

_Save yourself._

Reeling, Eren barely had time to collect his thoughts before the music started pounding through his body. He sat on the edge of his seat, wracked with tension, knowing immediately that this performance was not going to end well. He had to physically stop himself from leaping up and pulling Levi off the stage to prevent what he was sure was going to happen, but of course he couldn't do so without causing a scene. And besides, he could be wrong. He prayed fervently that he was wrong.

Sadly, he wasn't, and he could only watch as his beautiful Levi fell apart in front of him.

The dancer made his way out onto a stage he had hundreds of times before, a place that was so familiar to his feet that he could do these routines blind folded, complete with all the splits and twirls and spins, even his flips off the stage, and he'd always know where he was in time and space. It was the only thing Levi had confidence in besides his ability to give a man the best night of his life. But tonight, it was completely foreign to him, growing and darkening, coming to life in all the wrong ways, a wild, evil thing rising up. A pit was opening up in the middle of the stage, smoldering and burning from below. Sulphur was being belched into the air, filling his nose, making him nauseous and pounding a migraine into his head instantly. The audience and their leering faces were instantly replaced with goat-headed demons, each of them sporting wicked teeth and curled, black horns. Others had hollow pits for eyes, all of them snarling and spitting, dark blood leaking from their mouths like clotted molasses, baying for him. For his blood, his body, his soul. They had come for him at last.

And yet, though he knew he deserved it, he didn't want to go.

His illness had really started to take hold of him around the time when he was first hired by The Dollhouse. And when he began working there, he found that in a strange way that only made sense to him that working at this awful place actually helped his sickness. As soon as the music started up for his performances, it was often so loud that it made him unable to hear anything else; not his own thoughts and not the voices. It was all blessedly quiet, and that was the main reason he had stayed here, because he lived for those moments of sweet relief. It was the only amount of time he could be himself and forget what was wrong with him. However, even in those moments, sometimes, only once in a great while, some of his illness would leak through and produce images for him. However, these images weren't scary, though they were still unsettling. They were almost beautiful, in a way. It was as if his voices would extend past him into wavelengths that were colored by the neon lights that would flash in time to the music. They would twist into little shapes that resembled sprites, white figures with arms and legs and floated and danced around him, his only companions on the stage.

Before Eren and Petra fell into his life, it was always just him, the music, the little white dancers, and his voices colored by neon lights. Piloting him. Fueling his fears, pushing him onto the precipice of death with nothing to pull him back. Him, the voices, and his fear against a world that had written him off the moment his mother died. And an illness that was determined to kill him as surely and utterly as any terminal disease. And every night, everything would fade until all that was left were the neon lights and the voices.

But tonight, those neon voices had decided they were sick of seeing him bathing in the light, and that it was time for him to be taken over by the darkness of his fears for good.

The boy that had bathing him in his light for so long watched as Levi faltered, a little bit at first, and the more noticeably as he kept trying to dance. He could see that he was trying pretend nothing was wrong, and the more he tried to pretend, the more obvious it was that something was wrong, until Levi had given up all pretenses of acting like he was okay. He was staring at the audience with a look of absolute horror on his face, and one of his hands slowly drifted up to his face until it was covering his nose and mouth. His face pinched as well, and Eren couldn't tell if he was smelling something bad, or if he was about to be sick. He suddenly froze in place, as if he was afraid of the floor under his feet, and Eren had no doubt that he was. Under the flashing of the lights, he looked sickly, sweat shining on his forehead, hand trembling over his mouth. He took a few hesitant step backwards, before he fell to his knees.

Eren gasped, shooting to his feet, a cold rush of fear washing over him when he saw tears begin to glisten in Levi's eyes. But before he could do anything, he saw a couple of men in another table near the stage where Levi had collapsed get to their feet, jeering and scoffing, complaining about how this wasn't what they paid for. As if to force him into doing what they wanted, they reached up onto the stage and pulled him off, dragging him down and onto the tables, forcing him onto his back. Eren began racing over, his body moving before he was consciously aware of it, just as he saw Levi's legs flailing as his fragile little dancer began to fight back. By now the music had been shut off so all of the little sounds of the scuffle became more pronounced. He didn't see it, but he heard the sound of something cracking and saw the man that was looming over Levi's head snap to the side. Levi had punched him, and then kicked him the rest of the way off. Other men moved in to take his place, which caused Levi to not only fight back harder, but to start screaming, and screaming absolute bloody murder. The hair on the back of Eren's neck stood up; that scream was so full of terror that it made him nauseous, and he knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Another sound Eren knew would haunt him was the shattering of one of the champagne glasses on the table, followed by more of Levi's wretched cries as he grabbed a shard and began to slash at anyone that was too close. Some blood spattered outwards and one man clutched at his hand, groaned. Another fell to his knees, holding his cheek while blood seeped through his fingers. The rest backed away from the raging little beast, and to Eren's horror he saw that the hand holding the glass shard was bleeding, though he didn't seem to notice. His teeth were bared, and he was making awful, guttural sounds that Eren didn't even know a person was capable of making; they were animalistic verging on demonic, his eyes little black pits of fury as he crouched on the table, holding up his weapon at anyone that came close. However, upon looking closer, Eren could see the overwhelming fear that the anger was barely masking.

"You're not taking me!" he screeched, his whole frame trembling. "I'm not- you're…you're not God! _I_ am! The fire- the static is full of, no, I have nothing. Stay away, demons. Demons, all of you! I'm nothing, nothing…"

Levi slowly stepped off the table to gently fall to his knees again to the floor, still clutching the glass. The wild look was still in his eyes, though his eyes were now glazing over with tears, and his shivering had picked up. He looked like he was about to vomit, his back heaving, and for a moment, all Eren could do was stare in shock, frozen in place. He was like a bird caught in the gaze of a snake, all of his training on how to handle people in this situation flying out of his mind in lieu of seeing his beloved Levi bleeding, crying, and spewing nonsense that made his blood run cold. He had barely begun to suspect, to even figure out that something might be wrong, and then this was thrown in front of him. He simply couldn't process it, that things were _this wrong_ with Levi. How in the world could he have been so blind?

At the moment, it didn't matter. He could regret all he wanted later. Nothing else mattered other than calming Levi down and getting him out of here.

Eren was pulled violently out of his stupor when Levi placed the glass against the underside of his wrist, whimpering something about how tired he was, that the shapeshifters were on the horizon, and then more nonsense that made him feel sick. Acting on instinct honed by hours of training for this exact situation, the words he needed to say entered his head again. He got on his knees and shuffled closer to Levi, trying to put himself in his line of sight, and speaking hastily, but quickly, knowing that one poorly timed word or breath could mean disaster.

"Levi, hey wait a minute," he said, trying not to sound as panicked as he felt, "Levi, baby, look at me. I'm over here, just look at me, just for a second, okay?"

The older man tensed up when he heard Eren speak, much to the worry of the crowd that had gathered around him. All eyes were on the two of them, waiting to see what both of them would do. At that moment, some of the dancers from the back had learned of the commotion that was going on around the stage and they came out to watch. Petra shoved her way to the front of the crowd, and when she took in the sight of her friend crumpled on the floor with a piece of glass against his wrist and the man she assumed was his boyfriend reaching beseechingly for him, she felt tears spring to her eyes. She dearly wanted to call out to Levi, but knew how unpredictable he could be when he got like this. So she watched with bated breath, terrified to move, to speak, to do anything but take it all in.

Eventually however, Levi did roll his eyes over into Eren's direction, and the strange lighting gave them the "whale eye" effect that dogs and horses' eyes had when they were frightened, completely rimmed in white, far too much white. He was so scared he could barely stand it, and probably thought the only way out was to end his own life. He had given up hope of getting away from it, and Eren figured he had to restore his hope. He had no idea what Levi was seeing, or what he looked like to the other right now, but he just had to hope he didn't come across as threatening. So, he spoke again.

"That's good, that's so good, Levi," he praised. "I'm proud of you, always proud of you. Thank you for looking at me when I asked. Now I understand you're probably really scared right now, right? You're scared and think you're trapped here. But you're not trapped, okay? We can work through this together, you and me."

Just talk about neutral topics, Eren told himself. Talk about neutral topics, like how he understood his feelings and wanted to help. The object first and foremost was to get Levi to drop his weapon, and perhaps if he got him feeling safe enough, he could encourage him to drop it. Or, if he could get close enough, he could take it from him.

He chanced a couple steps closer, and luckily Levi didn't spook; he just kept watching him warily. Eren hyper-focused on every nuance of his body language, waiting for a sign that he should get back, and eventually it came when Levi pressed the glass a little harder against his wrist. Eren backed up and held his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"Okay, okay, shhh, Levi," he tried again, "I know, I know it's scary. I know everything is freaking you out. But it's me, yeah? It's your Eren. You know your Eren, don't you?"

"My"- Levi began in a shredded voice, raw from his screaming, "no, I- I don't deserve…I'm trapped, the trees are gone, there's blood, and you…light, no light, neon light. Shapeshifters and demons, moths on rocks, ashes on babies- stop it, I want to go home!"

Eren suppressed a shiver, but just barely. As tempting as it was to play into his hallucination and tell him that his visions weren't real, he knew that was the worst thing he could do. Levi absolutely believe that whatever he was seeing, it was really there, and nothing Eren could say would convince him otherwise. Still, he had to try something.

"Then let me take you home," Eren tried. "Come on baby, I won't let anything hurt you. You've always been safe with me, and you always will be. I'll make everything safe again. I'll make the fear go away. You have to let me though, okay? Can you let me do that?"

Levi was seeing a bright ball of light amidst the darkness. For some reason, the demons parted from it; perhaps it was an angel, and they were scared from it. They would touch it, didn't dare to, and the light was coming towards him, speaking in a voice he knew very well and saying words that made him feel warm and at home. But what if it was a trick? What if it was just another demon trying to deceive him? But no, then the other demons wouldn't look as frightened as they did. But he didn't deserve saving, did he? He deserved to die. He deserved to plunge that glass into his wrist and just be done with his suffering. He couldn't though; that voice was compelling him not too. It was so warm, so sweet, the light so familiar he wanted to cry. It was home, a sweet embrace in the crushing blackness, and he wanted to run towards it. He knew what he should do, but his instinct to live and his desire for comfort was too strong. He relaxed, keeping his eyes fixed on the ball of light, and once he relaxed, he could hear the voice a little more and instantly knew who it belonged to. The humid veil of fear began to give way, and he knew indeed that he was safe.

"Light…" he whispered, "Angels and…help me. Help me, _please_."

"I'll help you," Eren promised, heart twisting over how desperate his "please" had sounded. He moved a little closer, barely a breath away now from him. "I'm going to help you, Levi. Your Eren is going to help you. Shh, it's okay."

He very, very carefully brushed his fingers against his shoulder, everyone holding their breath. When the dancer didn't react, he chanced wrapping his hand loosely around his bicep, and then touching the hand holding the glass with the other. Levi didn't resist, barely even looking at him, staring blankly at the ground in front of him instead. His fingers loosened around the glass shard, and his hand lowered just slightly. The moment Eren saw that, he didn't hesitate to gently pry his fingers apart even more, and then take the glass as carefully as he possibly could. He set it as far away as he could, before taking his tie off and wrapping it gently around Levi's bleeding palm as a makeshift bandage. When that was finished, he wrapped his arms around the small, fragile dancer, who, the minute he felt Eren's arms tighten around him, began to shake as if he had been thrown outside soaking wet in the middle of a freezing winter. He was whimpering more nonsense that Eren paid no attention to. What did get his attention were the tears that were slipping down his boyfriend's face, gleaming in the mellow light of the club. The boy held him tight, pulling his face down against his chest, and Levi didn't hesitate to turn himself further into the embrace, hiding his face against his chest and squeezing him as hard as he possibly could, smearing his tux with his blood. He pushed as much of himself into Eren's lap as he could, making his body as small as possible, trying to hide himself in the ball of light so that the demons couldn't see him.

"Okay, okay," Eren soothed, nodding, "alright sweetheart. I know. Come on, we're going to go home and take care of you. It's all going to be okay. You're safe. Let's get up, okay? Slowly, come on baby."

As gently as he could manage, as if handling a newborn lamb, he helped Levi to his feet, looping an arm around his shoulders. They made their way across the floor slowly, the normally graceful dancer that inspired lust in so many men with his sinuous movements now tottering along like a foal, legs shaking, adrenaline having left his body and leaving him weak. He leaned heavily against Eren, now silent, keeping himself pressed tightly against the boy's larger, warmer body. He groped for Eren's free hand, and the boy took it, squeezing his smaller hand gently. The crowd of onlookers parted for them, allowing them through.

However, it seemed like the excitement for the night was over yet, because suddenly Levi's manager pushed his way to the front of the crowd, having seen the whole thing and about to call security until Eren had intervened. He called out behind them, "That fucking does it, Jouet! I'm through giving you chances, you hear me? Don't bother showing up tomorrow night. If I see you anywhere near this club again, I'm calling the cops."

The two of them paused only long enough to finish hearing his statement, before they kept going without a word. Eren had figured that would be the case, and even if Damien hadn't said anything, he was going to suggest to Levi that he not come back. After the manager stormed off into the crowd, Petra finally figured it was safe to approach them, and as others began to leave, guessing the show was over. She trotted out of the crowd until she was standing beside Eren and regarded him sternly.

"Hold on," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Eren, right? You're the boyfriend?"

"That would be me," the boy replied easily, smiling politely, "And you're Petra?"

"Indeed. Look, Eren, I'm coming with you. No offense but I'm not leaving Levi alone with someone I don't know very well."

He nodded and said sincerely, "Yes of course. I'd actually really like your help with him, if you can. But first, finish your shift, okay? Then come over?" She looked like she wanted to argue, but before she could, he insisted, "It won't do you any good to get fired too because you walked out before your shift was finished. You know Levi wouldn't want that."

Petra hesitated a moment more, before sighing and relenting, knowing he was right. Eren then said, "Put my number in your phone, and I'll text you my address, and any other info you want. I promise, everything is going to be okay with our boy. I'll make it okay."

Though she had never met him before, looking into his eyes and seeing the sincerity there, seeing the tender way he was holding him, she believed him, and she couldn't believe that she did so soon after meeting him. She wished it had been under better circumstances.

She nodded, and promised him she'd follow him soon. Eren then told her his number, and thanked her. Petra then hung back, stopping a few feet before the door, watching as Eren led Levi out, the two of them disappearing out through the lavish doors. No one stopped to help them, and soon, there was no sign they had been there at all save the blood drops on the polished, shining floor and the judgmental whispers being passed through the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prince-rivailles introduced me to Save Yourself by My Darkest Days and it fits this fic way too well, go check it out!


	14. Into the Unknown

The ride back home to Eren's apartment was less eventful than the boy thought it would be, thankfully. After loading Levi into the passenger's seat and buckling him in, they took off, neither of them looking back at The Dollhouse. Eren kept glancing over the older man over and over, making sure that he wasn't in distress, that he wasn't going to make any moves that would indicate he'd need to pull over. But Levi seemed to fall into a sort of stupor, though he was still mumbling to himself. Occasionally, he'd say something at a slightly higher volume where Eren could make out what he was saying, but none of it held any relevance or made any sense to him, so he ignored it. However, a few sentences he said almost sounded like he was entering the realm of reality again, moments where he asked if they were home yet, but then he'd repeat the question over and over in a flat tone, his eyes empty, and asking the question whether or not Eren answered. He also made grasping motions at the air in front of him, as if he was seeing something tangible in the air, and perhaps that was true. The boy sighed; it was going to be a long night.

First thing was first. He had to get Levi cleaned up and treat his wound. Also, considering it was nearing one in the morning, it would probably be wise to get him into bed. Maybe if he slept, his mental state might improve when he woke up. The two of them arrived at Eren's complex in no time at all, and after they parked, he led him out, guiding him gently into the building, into the elevator and down the hallway, holding him the whole time. The boy murmured into his ear, trying to keep an upbeat tone despite how nervous he felt and how exhausted he was. It wouldn't do any good if he panicked or got frustrated, and he knew he could take anything Levi said personally. He was just thanking every higher power out there that he had gotten the dancer to trust him enough to get him out of there without any further injuries to anyone.

Well, he supposed he was a former dancer now.

"Okay sweet pea," he soothed, rubbing Levi's shoulders as he led him into his apartment. He shut the door behind them and left it unlocked, knowing Petra would be by soon at some point that night. "Let's get you in the bathroom so I can check your hand out."

The older man didn't reply verbally. Rather, he leaned his head against Eren's shoulder, sighing, eyes heavy. Poor thing, the boy thought. He was probably ready to drop, having exhausted himself from his exertions. He was still shaking, probably from a combination of cold and weakness. Carefully, he led him into the bathroom and guided him down onto the closed toilet seat. Levi sat there obediently, eyes still vacant, and he was swaying slightly. When he was sure he wasn't going to move, Eren went over and dug around under his sink for some alcohol, bandages, and anything else he thought he might need. He then brought it all over and sat it down by the toilet, before he crouched down beside the older man, sitting back on his heels so he didn't have to lean all of his weight onto his knees on the hard tiled floor.

"Alright baby, give me your hand," he asked.

Levi didn't obey, choosing instead to stare over Eren's head. The boy sighed; he really should stop expecting responses out of him, but he couldn't help himself. He was so used to Levi responding to him. This was something he was going to have to adjust to.

He took his hand, turning it over so that his palm was facing upwards, and as gently as he possibly could, took off his ruined tie and dropped it to the floor, before he began cleaning his hand with a wet washcloth. His hand was drenched in blood, but luckily, the blood wasn't very dark, and as more blood was washed away, he could see that it was already trying to dry up.

Eren sighed in relief. "Oh good. It's not as deep as I thought, so we won't have to take you to the hospital." He took a closer look, prodding at the wound and turning his hand in so he could see his palm in different light, and finally concluded, "It doesn't look like there's any glass in there either. Good, so all we have to do is clean it. It's still bleeding though…alright, we'll clean it, then stick you in the shower, and then we can bandage it when you come out."

"Clean," Levi repeated in a raspy voice.

Eren nodded, smiling sweetly. "That's right. We're going to clean all those club germs off you. Come on sweetie, up you get."

"Clean," he said again in an apathetic tone, "Clean, clean, blood. Their blood- ashes, blood, clean."

The younger man ignored him, though his gut continued to twist with unease. Once he had Levi standing, he undressed him, heart hurting the entire time. He kissed his cheek, wishing he could take the pain and fear Levi was feeling as his visions tormented him. For now though, while he remained unresponsive, all he could offer was physical comfort and hope that would be enough. When he was all finished being undressed, he turned on the shower and guided him in, prompting him to lift one foot over the rim and then the other. However, when he made no moves to wash himself, Eren sighed again, and kept the shower curtain open enough to grab the shampoo, lather up his hands, and set to washing him himself.

The shower went as smoothly as could be expected, though Levi still remained eerily apathetic and quiet, still not reacting to his surroundings except when Eren asked him to do so, and that was only doing over half the work of the activity for him. The boy was at least happy that the other man was humming appreciatively as he washed his hair, scrubbing at his scalp. His eyes closed at the action, and he started to sway, obviously being relaxed to the point where he was beginning to fall asleep.

When they finished, Levi was more asleep than awake, and Eren supposed he was very grateful for that. It must have meant that things in his head were calming down enough for him to rest. He shut off the water and helped him step out of the tub, saying, "Alright my poor tired baby, let's get you dressed, your teeth brushed and put you to bed."

He dried Levi off and bandaged his hand, before sitting him on the toilet again. He then went and grabbed him some pajamas were just some old, worn clothes of Eren's. He came back and dressed the older man tenderly, kissing his forehead after slipping the shirt over his head.

"There, is that comfortable?" he asked. "You're dressed in my clothes, just like you wanted. They should be nice and soft."

Levi made a few soft guttural sounds in response, but they didn't sound distressed. More like he wanted to express himself but had no idea how at the moment. Instead, he leaned forward and placed his forehead against the boy's shoulder, sighing and pushing his nose against his neck. Eren cupped his neck and gave him a soft squeeze.

"I know. My poor tired kitten," he said. "Come on, teeth next."

Eren helped him with his teeth, Levi leaning heavily against him the entire time, barely conscious at this point. Once that was finished, he led him to his bed, pulling back the blankets and helping him sit down onto the soft mattress. Luckily after that, he needed no further encouraging from his boyfriend to lay down and get comfortable. He curled up on his side as Eren pulled the blankets over him up to his shoulders, the boy noting with aching eyes that it was close to two in the morning now. He glanced over at the other pillow and saw that Alastair was already curled up on it, his eyes cracking open as the bed was jostled.

"Lucky," Eren grumbled. "I'd like to be able to sleep whenever I want too, you spoiled thing."

Alastair answered him with a yawn, and then a stretch, back arching into what Eren called his Halloween cat pose. His cat then picked his way over towards the occupant in the bed, leaning down to sniff at Levi's face. The boy held his breath; he had no idea what the other man would do in his current state, and while he didn't think he'd hurt Alastair, he was still tense. But of course, he had nothing to worry about. When Levi felt the damp nose against his own, he smiled and pulled a hand out from underneath the blankets, before beginning to stroke the cat from his head all the way down his back, Alastair's butt rising into the air to meet his hand.

"Kitty kitty kitty," he sighed sleepily, and it made Eren smile to hear it. At least he was connecting to reality a little bit.

Alastair then walked up to Levi's pillow and laid down, curling up around his head. Then, to Eren's amusement, after purring happily for a moment or two, he began licking his wet hair, his purring not ceasing, as if trying to dry the wet fur of an adventurous, unruly kitten. The entire time Eren got himself ready for bed as well, Alastair didn't leave his boyfriend, as if he could sense that there was something very wrong, that there was fear crackling all over Levi that shouldn't be there. So he pulled out all the tricks that a cat could to calm him down, and it seemed to work. Between Alastair's warmth, his purring, and the familiar smell of Eren in the bed, Levi was asleep long before the boy actually finished getting ready for bed.

It was actually just as he was about to crawl into bed that Petra ended up texting him saying that she was waiting outside to come in. Eren sighed heavily, but knew he would like her input before he passed a night alone with this "new" Levi, and replied to come right up, what his apartment number was, and that the door was unlocked. And truthfully he almost fell asleep in the short amount of time it took her to make her way up to his apartment, but the sound of his door opening jolted him to full awareness because he in no way wanted to disturb Levi now that he was asleep. Lord knew if Levi was startled in his current state that it would not end well for any of them. So, he quickly left the bedroom clad in his pajamas and met Petra in his kitchen before she could make it in any further.

"Thanks for coming," Eren whispered, "especially at this hour. I really appreciate it."

He happened to look down and see that she was carrying a duffle bag, and before he could ask as to why she had brought that along, she said, "No problem. Well, you know I'm worried about him. I brought some things so that I could stay the night, and I stopped to his apartment too to grab some of his clothes too. I hope that's alright."

She didn't phrase it like a question, like she didn't care one way or the other if he was okay with her staying the night. The corner of his mouth quirked up in an amused half smile. "No, I don't mind at all, and I really appreciate you grabbing some of his things too, for some reason I hadn't even thought of that."

Her tone softened when she said, "Well, to be fair you had more important things to worry about."

Petra moved past him, dropped the bag on the living room floor and asking him, "Where is he? _How_ is he?"

"Asleep, doing better now, though he grew more out of it and catatonic as the night wore on."

"Sounds about right. He's done that with me too."

They were both quiet for a minute as they wrestled with their inner thoughts. Eren very much wanted to know more, and Petra wanted to see Levi for herself. Luckily, the boy could practically read her mind, and said, "My room is straight back that way if you want to check on him."

He saw her shoulders droop with relief and he could practically hear her let out a breath. She gave him a grateful look, before she headed in the direction he had pointed. Once she stood in front of the closed door, she very carefully opened it, letting the light spill into the room, and to her relief, there was Levi, sound asleep in a very comfortable looking bed bountiful in fluffy quilts. There was also a pair of green eyes seemingly floating near his head that regarded her for a moment, but then went back to licking Levi's hair a moment later, loud purr reaching even her ears. Satisfied that he was breathing, clean and seemed content, she closed the door carefully.

"Thank you," Petra told Eren as she stepped away from the door, "I know you're a good person, knew you were before too. Levi always talked about you at work and from the way he talked he was always over the moon about you, never said a bad word. I just…he always told me how scared he was of you finding out, scared you'd reject him. Though I kept telling him over and over that if you were a good person like he kept saying then he wouldn't and I'm so happy I was proved right."

The boy sighed heavily, sitting down on his couch. She sat next to him, turning herself towards him. He looked terribly guilty, but also like he was bursting with questions, and she prepared herself to answer what she knew.

"It kills me that he thought that," he said thickly. "I would have never- not in a million years…I care about him too much to even think of turning him away over something like that. I mean, did he even stop to think about what I want to do for a living? Levi, my God…"

"I know, that's what I told him," she insisted.

"I...I mean, it doesn't bother me that he didn't tell me. I can understand. Lots of people with mental illnesses are ashamed of the fact that they have them. What bothers me is that I wasn't more observant, because if I was, I could have been helping him, but at the same time I know he probably wouldn't want my help because I know he was so independent. But it's so hard to be independent with disorder as severe as this. I just…how long has he been like this?"

"As long as I've known him. He told me he started hearing voices when he was around twenty."

Eren found himself nodding along, looking very pensive. "Okay, and what are his symptoms?"

Petra paused, thinking how best she could describe things. Here at last was a person in a position to help Levi, and she wasn't going to squander the chance, nor ruin it because she was inadequate in her description or missed out on vital details.

"Well," she finally began, "like I said, he hears voices. Sometimes he sees scary things too. He talks about demons a lot and how he's a demon and deserves to die. Sometimes he talks about wanting to die when he's fine, but it gets really bad when he flares up. His hallucinations get worse when he gets anxious, or really angry, or becomes terrified. Oh, he also goes through these cycles where he'll get…I have no idea how to explain it, he'll just get so energized. Like, he'll go without sleeping for three days, clean his apartment from top to bottom, and act like he's invincible. Like he's convinced nothing can hurt him. I've had to pull him back off of his balcony a couple times because he thought he could fly. I know that's also the time where he'd hit up this club that hosts these huge group orgies, and he'd just hang out there until security would throw him out. He'd be covered in bodily fluids and sometimes bruises when he came home and I'd have to clean him up. Never acted like he was in any pain though and I'd have to prevent him from going back.

"Then a few days later this crazy high would wear off and he'd just fall into these insane depressions. Like, crushing, black depressions. I've heard that phrase before but I've never seen it in person before, and it's awful. He'd go from running around a mile a minute and accomplishing all of these things to not even getting out of bed for days on end. Some days he wouldn't even get up to use the bathroom, and if I wasn't there to remind him to use it, he'd just make a mess in his bed. He wouldn't even have the energy to do that and it would break my heart. He would be unable to function at any level and I'd have to do everything for him, or he wouldn't wash or eat. This is when his desire to die would really go up too, and I'd have to stay with him all the time because I was so scared he would try and hurt himself, or worse. It was…"

She sighed, shaking her head. Petra then placed her head in her hands and sat her elbows on her knees. "I feel so guilty because I'd get so sick of his mood swings and the fact that nothing I did seemed to help. I couldn't get through to him, and I almost resented him for being like this, and then I'd resent myself for resenting him because he couldn't help it and I knew that. I just- I didn't sign up for this when I became his friend you know? And I wanted to help him, but he needed more care than I could give him, and I had so little time for him. It became overwhelming."

She then lifted her head, slowly, her eyes rimmed in red, and whether that was from exhaustion or the threat of tears, Eren couldn't tell, but either way, it broke his heart, because the weight of what she had had to endure second hand as Levi's only caregiver was finally laid out plainly for him to see. He placed a hand on her back, rubbing between her shoulder blades as he said, "It's alright. You don't need to blame yourself. I can tell you cared for him a lot, and it's normal to once in a while get frustrated with or even mad at the people we care about, especially when they put us under that amount of stress. It's hard for an entire family to deal with one person that has a mental illness, and you've been doing it for years all by yourself. You never once gave up and left him though Petra, and you have my respect for that."

Petra wiped at her eyes and shrugged. "If I didn't help him no one would have. That's what I kept telling myself so that I didn't up and leave him. I don't deserve respect."

"It doesn't matter why you stayed, the fact is you did. Don't sell yourself short, alright?"

She let out a huge sigh, still appearing as if she didn't want to take the praise, but she also didn't want to argue any further. So, she changed the subject. "So, um, what kind of mental illness do you think he has?"

Eren scrubbed a hand over his face. "Well, I mean, I can't properly diagnose him because I don't have my license yet, and even if I did I'd have to properly evaluate him. But off the top of my head, in my as professional-as-it-can-get opinion, I'd say he either has schizophrenia or schizoaffective. You said his hallucinations get worse as his mood shifts and he goes through manic and depressive episodes though, so I'm leaning more towards schizoaffective."

He patted her back reassuringly. "Listen, I'll take him to work on Monday with me. One of my coworkers has become a good friend of mine. He's a psychiatrist, and I can see if he can squeeze him in. I'll tell him it's a special case. Besides, everyone there knows about Levi since I can't seem to talk about anything but him at work."

Petra couldn't help but snort a little at that. "Just like Levi. You two are ridiculous in how over the moon you are for each other. It's…" she shook her head fondly, smiling at him, "I'm so glad you found each other. Levi's going to get better now."

The boy sat up straighter, and despite his exhaustion, the look in his eyes was completely lucid, fiery, and left no room for argument. He nodded seriously and declared, "Absolutely. I won't allow for any other option. We're going to make him happy and help him live a normal life, Petra. You and me both. I promise."

000

Petra ended up staying over the following two nights and the following days, helping Eren take care of Levi from the minute he woke up to the moment he went back to bed. She was a blessing in that she knew exactly what to expect, whereas Eren was out of his depth. She knew what would soothe Levi and what would trigger him. She had been Eren's guardian, both of them making sure that their boy ate, made it to the bathroom, and they supported each other through his sickening rants over how much he wanted to die, that they should both just kill him. That if they really cared about him so much they would end his suffering right there and then and that would be it.

Eren had been around plenty of mentally ill people during his career, but even he knew that cases as severe as Levi's were rare, and he had yet to encounter one like this. He had read many books on it and heard many anecdotes, but see it in person was an entirely different animal, especially when that person was his beloved. It was taxing on his mind and heart, and when Petra finally left for work after helping him get Levi to sleep again, he knew he wouldn't be able to stand the silence for long or he was afraid he'd break down. So, that Sunday night, he called his mother, and nearly cried in relief when she picked up.

In fact, the moment he heard her voice, he really did start tearing up, and had to leave his bedroom and sit on the couch.

"Baby what's the matter?" she gasped. "Are you alright?"

He quickly wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry mom, it's been a tough couple of days. I haven't had time to call." He had texted them a brief summary of what had happened that Friday night so they at least knew why he hadn't been talking to them.

"I understand," she told him. "You sure you don't need me and your dad to come over?"

He sniffed a bit, and hastily told her, "No, we'll be fine. If I need you I'll tell you, I promise. I just…mom, what is wrong with me? Why didn't I see the signs? This is my profession, and I blew it so badly. I should have seen from day one or two that there was something going on and yet I didn't. I was so infatuated with him that it left me blind, or just not wanting to see it. I'd always explain away his behavior and…how could I have been so stupid, I'm the worst psychologist and boyfriend in history."

"No, now stop that right now," Carla said firmly. "Don't you dare start blaming yourself. I understand the temptation, but it's not practical. Listen to me young man. You know as a future psychiatrist that if someone has a mental illness and they don't want others to find out, they're going to do everything in their power to hide it, and they usually do a very good job. You didn't blow it, because you were able to put your emotions aside in a crisis situation and stop Levi from hurting other people and himself. You also got him to safety, and you were able to think logically and put together a good solid game plan as to how you're going to help him recover. You're not abandoning him, and thanks to you, he has a chance at a better future. Now tell me again how that's failing him?"

"But mom"-

"Eren, listen to me. Do you think your dad and I constantly make the correct calls at work? Do you think our diagnoses are always the right ones the first time? The answer is no, absolutely not. Sometimes we miss something, sometimes our patients hide things from us. With you, I think it just goes back to that old saying that the closer you are to something, the harder it is to see it. You thought you knew Levi so you tried to explain away his odd behavior. That's perfectly normal. There's a big difference between having a patient in front of you knowing that you're looking for a disorder to treat and having someone in front of you that presents themselves as normal and gives you no indication otherwise that there's something wrong. Because then you don't know to look for a disorder. So please sweetie, stop blaming yourself."

Eren heaved a big sigh, still hunched over, shoulders rising and falling with the motion. He paused for a minute, still battling with himself, still wanting to deny what his mom said, but he knew if he did they'd be there all night, and he very much wanted to go to bed. Besides, his mom's voice always calmed him down, and her affirmations that he was doing the right thing helped a little. So he finally replied, "Alright. I'll try. Thanks, mom."

"You're doing your best, pumpkin. That's all you can do."

They bid each other goodbye after that, and once Eren hung up his phone, he put it on the couch beside him and gathered his wits. He only had to pass through one more evening, and then they could start helping Levi. Everything was going to be okay from here on out. The past was in the past, and he couldn't keep blaming himself for not knowing. Though, of course he knew he would. He'd certainly feel better once they got him on the road to recovery though.

He was thinking too much and he knew it. So, he got up, put his phone on the charger, before making his way into bed. Thankfully Levi, though turned away from him, was still in a dead sleep, sides rising and falling evenly, and as carefully as he could manage, he crawled into bed beside him.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered. "From here on out, everything is going to be alright. It has to be. I came so close to losing you and I"- he paused, swallowing hard. He found himself scooting closer to the other man, before he whispered into the thick blackness, his breath tickling the back of Levi's neck, "I love you. Love you so much that it's getting to the point where I can't imagine a future without you. So we're going to make sure we have a future together. You, me and Alastair, yeah? Both of you are my babies, and I'll take care of you. So don't worry. We'll have to go back to those woods sometime when things settle down. Our woods, where I kissed you that first time. We'll go back…"

He trailed off, mumbling nonsense until his breathing eventually evened out, more declarations of love still on his lips.

000

Levi didn't sleep the entire night, his mind racing and racing as he turned option after option over in his head. Something was building in him, something that was now poised on the brink. For unknown to Eren, Levi had been awake and heard everything, from his conversation with his mother in the dead silence of the apartment, to Eren's sweet words whispered against his neck, and the instant he finished processing them, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

This wasn't supposed to happen. None of it. And now he was faced with a horrible choice.

He knew he had to make it before Eren woke, and truthfully, he had thought about this sort of thing before. But that was usually when he was at his most depressed, alone in his apartment, not here where he felt the safest. To make things worse, Eren had snuggled up behind him during the night to press himself along his back and drape an arm over his waist, holding him securely against his body, before laying nose against the back of Levi's neck. His breaths were moist and even, comforting, an indicator that he wasn't alone. Yet, if he did went through with his plan, he would be every night for the rest of his life. There would be no more Eren to comfort him through the worst of his pain, no soft hands to soothe him and no arms to shield him from all the evil in the world. It was a gift he hadn't expected to fall into his life and now had come to depend on utterly to the point where he found it impossible to function without Eren anymore. His boy was his life, and without him, he knew he wouldn't want to live anymore.

But that was exactly why he had to let him go.

He was poisoning him with his very presence, the black vapors that constantly oozed from beneath his skin killing him more and more every day. He witnessed it all weekend, his beloved Eren more dead than alive now, practically a corpse at this point. The hand that held him was warm, but Levi could see the flesh falling away from it, could swear he smelled the stench of decay, and it made him nauseous. The only way Eren would recover was if he left him. After all, one had to get away from the source of the disease if they stood any chance of getting better.

Levi heaved a huge sigh, staring despondently at the sliver of sky visible through the curtains, dawn beginning to creep up over the horizon. It was still hours before Eren had to get up though, he discovered, glancing over at his bedside clock. The sky was only the slightest shade of violet, but he knew it would be turning pink soon. And then Eren would be getting up for work, and his chance to slip away unnoticed would be gone. He had to do this, he told himself. Had to go now, because he shared Eren's feelings; he loved him so much that it scared him. But he knew he couldn't love him. Things had gone too far now, and this was the tipping point. The fact that they loved each other meant that Eren would die, that the vapors that rose and fell with Levi's emotions would consume him whole.

So, he would leave him to save him. He loved him so much that he would make this sacrifice, because he would rather see Eren alive and without him than dead with Levi by his side.

Slowly, Levi finally got up out of bed, dragging his feet as if he had lead weights attached to them. He very carefully slid out of Eren's arms, holding his hands and placing them close to his chest so that they wouldn't fall harshly against the bed. He then slunk around the apartment, getting dressed as quietly as he could, watched only by the gaze of Alastair, who was curled up at the end of Eren's bed. The cat followed his movements back and forth across the room as he washed up and dressed, grabbed a bit of breakfast before he brushed his teeth, taking his time to savor the simple amenities, not knowing when he'd be able to experience them again. Because if he was going to disappear, it would be best if he left town altogether, if he vanished off the face of the Earth, which meant he would have to go back to the streets again. He knew Eren would search for him, not understanding why Levi had to leave, and he couldn't give Eren a way to find him again, not if he wanted him cured. So this was how things had to be. He would make him better by erasing any semblance of the fact that he had been in the boy's life at all.

He stood there in Eren's room for a moment, savoring the feeling of being clean, warm and well fed, before he turned his attention to the boy who made it all possible for him. He was still asleep, breaths deep and even, and he was so unaware of what Levi was about to do, his face relaxed and calm. Guilt ripped through him like a blade, and the former dancer couldn't help but get a little closer, before he leaned down and pushed some stray hair out of Eren's face, trying to keep his touch as light as possible. His skin was so soft, his hair so warm…and he'd never to get feel it ever again, never get to kiss his lips again or tangle their bodies together in sweet passion. Never hear one of Eren's silly jokes or see his brilliant smile. He'd be so heartbroken when he'd wake up, so frantic, in so much pain wondering where Levi went, and for that the older man wanted to just kill himself right there and then. Maybe it'd be easier that way. But he knew he still have the strength to do so, and instead he took the coward's way out again, just as he usually did. He'd survive, just as he did before. Everything would turn out alright in the end he told himself.

Thought somehow he highly doubted that this time around.

"I love you too," he whispered. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you last night. And I'm so sorry for what I'm going to do. I'd rather stay here with you and get help but- oh Eren. I want to stay with you so badly. I don't want to do this. I love you and I don't want to leave you…"

He bowed his head, not knowing what else to say. It wasn't that he couldn't think of anything. He had too many things he wanted to say, and he knew if he sat here and babbled them all, he'd lose his nerve. So, before he could, he just told Eren one last time that he loved him, and that he was sorry, before he tucked his hair behind his boy's ear and backed up, hand lingering on the other's cheek before his fingers left that warm skin for the last time. He then picked up his bag, and with one last scan to make sure he hadn't left anything behind, he left the room.

Well, he supposed he had left something behind: his heart with Eren in that bed.

Levi made his way into the front hall, and left his key to the apartment on the counter, grief welling up in his chest. It was only made worse when he heard a quiet tinkling of a bell and a series of "mrrow"s following him into the front hall. Alastair was staring up at him curiously, tail swishing, as if he was wondering where Levi was going at such an odd hour. Levi smiled down at him before he knelt down to pet him, scratching between his ears. Alastair stood up into his hand, purring immediately.

"I know, I hate to leave you," he commented. "You're guilt tripping me, aren't you? Aw handsome boy, you'll have to take care of Eren for me, okay? Make sure he gets to bed a decent hour on work nights, make sure he eats. Keep him warm at night, because fall's coming, it's going to get cold. And if I could, I'd tell you to tell him not to worry about me. Everything will be alright; it was before I met him, and it will be now. Be a good boy. I'll see you around."

He stood up and opened the door, closing it before he could look back and see Alastair's sad little face staring up him. He did hear his questioning trills on the other side of the door, and he swore he could hear that cat asking where he was going and to come back. Tears welled up in his eyes and his throat closed as he took off down the hallway. He didn't stop when he got out of the building and powered down the sidewalk away in the early dawn light, going until he broke into a jog, then a run. Running away from Eren, from his cozy safe life, and into the unknown.

And he was determined to never be seen by any of the people he loved again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scene where Levi and Eren are in bed together at the end was inspired by this art: https://littleskrib.tumblr.com/post/179209969499/another-commission-i-did-for-stalrua-if-you


	15. Fairytales Aren't Real

Eren awoke slowly that morning, despite knowing he had to go to work. It was going to be a long but fulfilling day, he knew, so it was best to savor all the rest he could get while he could get it. They were going to start getting Levi the help he needed, but all the steps they had to go through in order to make his recovery a reality were numerous, and just thinking about them all made his mind race. So, he tried to ignore it for now, instead focusing on the warmth of Levi's body next to him, the calmness of his breathing, knowing that he was safe with him. He couldn't wait to tell his boyfriend that morning "I love you" for the first time to his face, couldn't wait to see how happy he would be to hear it. He hugged him a little tighter, a small smile forming on his lips.

Except, when he went to tighten his arm around his waist, there was nothing solid underneath it.

The boy cracked his eyes open, and when they focused he saw that yes, he was alone in the bed. Feeling the sheets briefly, he also noticed that they were cold. So Levi had been up for a while. Still sleepy, he could feel himself drifting off again, figuring that his boyfriend had gotten up to eat breakfast already. However, when he laid there and listened, he found that he could hear nothing; no sounds of something sizzling on the stove, no shuffling, no t.v on in the other room. Alastair was trilling as he usually did when in the kitchen with Levi, but the meows were not ones to entice the older man to give him food. Instead, they were more frantic, higher pitched and rapid. Like he was hurt.

That immediately woke Eren up, and without glancing at his clock to see what time it was, he leaped out of bed stiffly, searching for his cat. He found Alastair rather quickly, as he was pacing around in the kitchen, trilling, tail lashing with anxiety. The boy kneeled down on the floor in front of him, petting him with one hand and checking his body over with another hand, looking for injuries.

"Hey handsome boy, what's the matter?" he asked. "Did you hurt yourself jumping off the counter?"

The cat purred harder, rubbing against Eren's legs, before he trotted away, still crying, his bell jingling with every step. He followed him right to his front door, where Alastair stopped, before looking back over his shoulder at him, mouth open in a loud meow.

"What, is there someone out there?" he said. Eren looked through the peephole, but saw no one outside, and didn't dare open the door in case Alastair tried to run out.

He sighed heavily, looking up from his cat, who was still crying loudly and staring at the door. It was then that he noticed that the front hall was empty, and for that matter so was the living room and kitchen beyond. There was no Levi sitting at the table eating breakfast, or sitting on the couch reading. His heart skipped a few beats as he made his way through his apartment with increasing desperation, poking his nose in every room, every closet, every nook and cranny that Levi could possibly be hiding in. He checked the bathroom, even pulled back the curtain in case Levi was in the tub. But no, he was nowhere to be found.

"Levi?" he tried calling. "Come on, stop messing around, we don't have time for this. We have to get going."

When he received no answer, his heart began to beat double time, threatening to lodge itself in his throat. He ran to the front door and flung it open, looking down each end of the hallway, but found nothing. Then, not caring that he was in his pajamas still, he ran out, running up the stairs to the upper floors. He checked each floor and then ventured outside when he couldn't find him on any of the other floors. However, surveying outside yielded nothing either, each side of the street empty save for a few cars driving back in the early dawn light.

Eren stood there for a minute, staring helplessly at his surroundings, before he decided to go back inside and check his apartment one more time. Once there, he also kept an eye out for Levi's belongings, as well as any indication as to where he might have gone. But he found neither; not a note, not a hint, not a thing out of place. Everything of his was gone, as if he had never been there to begin with. By now, Eren was shaking, adrenaline filling his body, making it hard to think, but he forced himself to. His sanity depended on it. Going to the next logical step, he strode over to his cell phone and picked it up, calling Levi while barely seeing the phone in front of him.

Nothing.

When it went to voicemail, Eren immediately called him again, and again, until he was sure that he wasn't going to pick up. That was when he really began to panic, pacing back and forth in his room. He swore at himself, feeling sick with worry, knowing what kind of state he had left Levi in the night before. Yes, the other man was getting better, but he was still in no shape to be left on his own. It was then that his cat trotted back into the room, sensing Eren's distress, and began meowing worriedly. That got Eren to stop long enough to look down at him and see that he was looking at him in a way that indicated he wanted to be petted, his eyes all big and his head tilting while he purred. So, with a heavy sigh, he bent over and began scratching behind the cat's ears, which in turn helped him lower his blood pressure enough to think coherently for a few minutes.

"Thanks my fat little thief," he said affectionately. "You're a good boy. And you probably saw Levi leave, didn't you? If only you could tell me where he said he was going."

Alastair gave another trilling meow, pushing his head further into Eren's hand. The boy smiled.

"You know, you're right. I'll bet he just went home. After all he took all of his stuff with him, didn't he? I'll go look for him there."

With that, he quickly dressed, not bothering to do anything else in the way of getting ready at the moment; he felt like if he put off going over to Levi's for too long he would go insane with worry, and his stomach was already a mess of knots to the point where if he tried to eat, he knew he would become sick. So, he only dressed in what he had to in order to look decent before he was in his car and speeding over to his boyfriend's apartment complex. Once there, he raced up the stairs and used his key to get in.

However, what he found inside only made his anxiety skyrocket.

Upon snooping through what he was able to, Eren observed that the only things that were missing from the apartment were the things that Petra had dropped off for Levi at his place. Everything else was as it had been left the last time he had set foot in here, meaning that whenever Levi had left, he hadn't returned here at all; he had disappeared straight from Eren's place.

That was when Eren really began to panic, his chest feeling tight and it suddenly became hard to breathe. If Levi wasn't home or at Eren's place, he had no idea where he would be; he was now banned from The Dollhouse and the other clubs he was told he frequented were all closed this early in the morning. His mind, while doing better, was still not in a good place the night before, meaning he could be wandering around disoriented on some city street. But there were so many of those that Eren would have no idea where to start searching, and the thought of searching on his own seemed like such a daunting task. He placed a hand on his chest and began massaging it, before grabbing his phone without thinking as he stood there panting in the middle of Levi's bedroom. He must have dialed his mother without him realizing, because her voice was the one that answered him on the other line.

"Morning Eren," she greeted, and then added more seriously, "It's not like you to call this early. Are you alright?"

The boy felt his throat tighten up as tears stung his eyes harshly. He whimpered after moment, his breath coming out in a panicked wheeze, "No. No, nothing's alright. Levi's gone, mom. He's gone and I have no idea where he is."

000

As soon as he had told his mother what had been wrong, she had advised him to take the day off from work, and that she and his father would do the same. Then, he would call up Petra and the four of them would get together and search for Levi in every place Eren could possibly think he might be. Petra of course had been just as alarmed that Levi was missing, and she explained that she hadn't seen him at all that day, nor had he contacted her. So, she would run around town with them for as long as she could until she had to go to work.

Eren had wanted to call the police right away, but his parents insisted that he wait and see if they could find Levi first themselves. The hope was perhaps since his mind wasn't all there at the moment, he couldn't have gotten far, and he would be around somewhere nearby. As far as Eren and Petra knew, he had lived in this town for all of his life as well and didn't know others that well, so he would unlikely to go somewhere that far. So, Petra checked the clubs, his parents checked the stores that Levi would visit, and Eren himself traveled to his and Levi's woods, searching through them as thoroughly as he dared, hoping Levi had come there just to calm down and would be sitting somewhere nearby, waiting to be found. Every tree could be hiding him, but alas, none of them were. Finally, after a couple of hours passed, they all had to meet up again and admit defeat; Levi had simply vanished without a trace.

"Alright, now might be a good time to call the police," Grisha said. "Eren, it would be best if you did it since you were the one that saw him last."

The boy's heart immediately began to pound, but he did as he was told, calling the non-emergency line to report Levi missing. With a trembling, frantic voice, he told the operator everything he knew, from the approximate time he thought Levi had left, to where he think he might go, even saying they had tried searching for him but couldn't find him.

"Please," he added, throat very tight with emotion, "he has an undiagnosed mental illness. I'm really worried about him getting himself or someone else hurt. He's not competent to be out there alone and I think that's part of what made him leave, his illness acting up. We have to find him as soon as we can."

The operator then informed him that she understood, and someone would be coming out to talk to him about the case as well as do what they could to start searching for Levi. The first seventy two hours were the most critical, after all, and they assured him that they would do everything they could. However, their words didn't do anything to ease the frantic beating in Eren's heart, the boy harshly aware that every second Levi wasn't with him, something terrible could be happening to him and he wouldn't be there to protect him. Worst still, fall was coming. The weather was going to get colder, and if Levi was out on the streets again, he risked hypothermia even in the middle of the day. Eren practically shook with the urge to keep searching for him, as there were only so many daylight hours left, and he wanted Levi back in his arms again before dark, before the cold and monsters could get him.

However, when the police showed up at Eren's apartment to collect information and evidence, unfortunately, it seemed that there was very little they could find. Even worse, when they did begin searching for Levi using scent dogs, they couldn't seem to follow Levi's scent very well, as the wet evening had washed a good deal of it away. Yet, there was one item that the dogs had managed to lead the group to, and when Eren saw the police officer pick it up out of a puddle in the sidewalk, the boy's heart dropped out of his chest and straight down to the center of the Earth.

It was Levi's cell phone.

"Well," the officer said to Eren, "we'll take this back and have it looked at. But from what I can tell, this was put here pretty purposefully, so I'd think it unlikely that someone else besides Levi put this here. If he did, I think it's a clear indicator that he didn't want to be found. Not by the cops, and not by his friends."

Seeing that poor, dead cell phone in the officer's hand made Eren's eyes sting and he bit his lip against the urge to burst into tears. Levi's phone protector had been a cute little kitty one Eren had gotten him when he noticed he didn't have one; now it was smudged with dirt, bedraggled, and looked so bereft without its owner. His boyfriend had lit up when Eren had given it to him too. And now…for some reason, it reminded him of how he was imagining Levi right now. Was he too feeling abandoned, cold and alone? His poor, precious Levi. He had a strange urge to take that phone and hold it close, for it was the same phone that Levi called and texted him on, the same phone they had taken selfies with together. Such a little thing, and yet it made Eren want to collapse on the sidewalk right there.

They searched on and on all day, Eren barely stopping for a meal or a rest, bent on finding Levi, and searching with a zeal that if the former dancer was going to be found, Eren was most definitely going to find him before the cops did. However, not a single trace of him could be found all over town that day; not by Eren, or his friends, or by police. However, even after being assured by the police that they would keep searching and that it would be fine if he went home, Eren refused. Even long after night fell and it was coming up on midnight that night, the boy insisted they keep looking. He had to be pulled away from the search almost physically by his parents and told that he had to go home and rest.

But he didn't.

Not then, and not for days after, Eren was out every day, running on almost no sleep and very little to eat, dedicating every free moment he had to searching for his beloved, feeling as though that moments he wasted in taking care of himself were moments he could be looking for Levi. Besides, he was too wound up with panic to even try to get something down, as he knew he'd just throw it up anyway. And he knew he couldn't even try and sleep, because his bed felt too empty and cold without Levi there. Very soon, the seventy two hour window that usually marked the end of most missing person cases ended, and Levi was still missing. The boy felt terribly guilty for sleeping in his own warm bed knowing that somewhere out there Levi was sleeping on the hard, desolate streets. On nights it would rain, he would double his efforts, so scared he was going to find his love dead from hypothermia on the streets as the nights grew colder. Or nights he heard about a crime on the news, he would struggle to breathe thinking that Levi was the victim of the crime. There were so many things that could happen to him…his Levi, his beautiful, fragile Levi. He may have been able to survive on the streets before, but with his illness, he stood almost no chance now.

Days turned into weeks of pushing himself, and it was after almost a month of pushing himself and running on so little food, sleep, and barely taking care of his own health at all that Eren's body could take no more. He fainted one morning at work, standing up too fast and collapsing on the floor in front of one of his horrified coworkers. They immediately called an ambulance for him and had him admitted, the boy drifting in and out of consciousness the whole trip to the hospital, ears ringing.

During his moments of unconsciousness, he felt like he was trapped in a dark, heavy dream of which there was no escape from. In it, he could see Levi's terrified face, see his tears, hear the desperation in his voice as he called out for Eren. He could see so many wounds and bruises on his body, could see where he had been abused by all of those filthy men. Their hands were reaching for him, grabbing the older man's ankles and arms and holding him down, violating him, making him bleeding, making him choke and cry and Eren could never seem to get close enough to stop it. No matter how much he cried out his name or sobbed or begged for mercy for his beloved, he couldn't do anything.

"Eren!" he'd scream, "They're hurting me! I don't want to belong to them, I belong to you! Help me please! Don't let them take me!"

But before he could move towards him, Eren was waking up in the hospital, bright lights blinding him, his worried father sitting next to him and holding his hand in both of his own. When he saw the boy's eyes flicker open, he asked hesitantly, "You awake for real this time kid? Or are you going to conk back out on me?"

"Mmmnnooo," the boy answered sluggishly, ears still ringing.

"I've heard that before," his dad said teasingly.

"I'm gonna wake up, gi' me a min' old man," he groused. He even managed to lift one of his hands up and wave it around, intending to show how alert he was. However, all he managed to do was smack his dad in the forearm and make him wince.

"Okay, okay then, easy there with the heavy hands, Hulk," Grisha cautioned. "Let me tell your mother you're up, she's up in her wing still."

Eren must have drifted off again, because when he opened his eyes back up, his mother was also beside his bed, looking beyond relieved when he focused on her.

"What time is it?" he mumbled. "Can I leave? I'm feeling better now."

"Like hell you are," Carla admonished. "You lost twenty pounds in three weeks, Eren, and you've been running on I'd say less than ten hours of sleep in all that time. You fainted because you were too weak and exhausted and your body basically said 'screw you I'm taking my sleep whether you want to or not.' You know better than that. Now because you neglected yourself so much, they had to hook you up to an I.V to pump you full of all the essentials you should have been providing yourself with to begin with."

Eren felt terribly ashamed when hearing that, knowing how much he had made everyone worry, and she was right, he did know better. Of course he did, having two doctors for parents, but still, he just couldn't help himself. While he was being fussed over and doted on at the hospital, Levi was still out there suffering, and the guilt tore him apart. Shaking himself, not caring that he was in fact hooked up to the I.V, he began to sit up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. His parents both reacted at once, placing their hands on him and working to push him back down.

"Let me go," he demanded, trying to sound firm, but the request came out more as a groan as his head spun, "I have to- Levi is still- he needs you guys more than I do. We need to be looking for him. We're his only hope."

"Eren," his mother explained, "you know that's not true. The police are doing everything they"-

"No they're not!" he exclaimed, "If they were they would have found him by now!"

"If someone doesn't want to be found, then they won't be found," Grisha said patiently.

"That's not true! He's not being found because he's a low priority. He's a prostitute, and no one cares about them, and they said as an adult he has a right to disappear if he wants to. They don't give a damn that he's sick. I just"- he stopped, throat closing up, tears stinging his eyes, and suddenly his short burst of strength ran out. He gave in to his parent's pressing hands and fell back over on the bed, curling up into a feeble, shivering ball.

"It's my fault," he whimpered, reaching up and scrubbing at his face harshly. "If only I had held him tighter that morning, or woken up to stop him from going. If only I had done more for him, taken care of him better, told him I loved him sooner. Then he wouldn't have left. He'd still be here. I drove him away because I wasn't good enough…it's my fault…"

His parents both looked at each other, sharing twin expressions of concern as their son broke down there in front of them. They knew they could reassure him all they wanted that that simply wasn't true, that he had done all he could and more for Levi and that his illness probably influenced him to leave. However, if that was the case, then why hadn't he returned? Either way, it was pointless to say anything to the contrary, knowing that Eren wouldn't believe them. So, his mom bent over to hug him while his dad squeezed his hand, telling him that everything was going to be alright in the end.

Of course, trapped in the darkness of his thoughts, Eren didn't see how their words could be anywhere remotely true, and he continued to cry, despair taking over him as he wished for something that seemed, at the moment, impossible.

For if he knew that that morning was going to be his last with Levi in his, he wouldn't have slept that night at all.

000

Not surprisingly, the month that he had been gone had been no kinder to Levi than it had been for his other half, and he was already beginning to regret it.

Of course, it was a little too late for that now, wasn't it? He couldn't go back, even if he wanted to, which just a few days after he had left, he very much began to desire to. He was sure Eren hated him for leaving and never wanted to see him again. Why would he after Levi had betrayed him so harshly? Not that Eren could have known that he heard him say that he loved him, but to him it was as if he was spitting in the face of that declaration, rejecting it by leaving. Of course the opposite was true; he left him _because_ he loved him.

More than that, he knew Eren would die if he went back, as the poison that Levi had left behind in his body surely wasn't finished flushing out yet. Still, as he stood there, shivering in the autumn chill wearing as revealing of an outfit as he dared, braced against the wall of some closed office building to help block some of the chilly wind, he couldn't help but miss Eren. He missed his warm body, his warm bed, his warm smile…he was like the sun ripping through the clouds of Levi's perpetual January to heat up his cold body and withering mind.

_Maybe it would be alright if I went back now?_ he thought. _Maybe the poison has had enough time to leave his body. I could go right now, leave this alley and beg for him to take me back home. If I hadn't left, I could be in his apartment right now, laying in his bed, able to feel my toes._

If he was home with Eren, he knew he'd also be feeling clean; showers were hard to come by. After his money had run out, he had been forced to start selling himself once more, and the only times he had been able to shower was in the houses of his clients. Food had also been hard to come by, and the only times he had really been able to eat was when he actually managed to make money and buy it himself, or more often, when someone took him home and instead of asking for money, he would just ask for a shower and breakfast the next morning. He was getting used to feeling hungry by now, though he hated it, hated the pain and the perpetual weakness. Some nights it was harder to stand up and look appealing to potential customers than others, but he knew he absolutely had to if he wanted to eat at all that evening.

_You can't go back, not ever,_ one of his voices hissed in his ear. _He hates you. You're back to where you belong, just a piece of meat with a few wet holes someone can use for an hour or so before they get tired of you and toss you aside._

_You never deserved his love or his care,_ another taunted, _He was too good for you. Just a fairytale. But fairytales aren't real._

"Fairytales aren't real," he repeated out loud under his breath. "But death is. Can I die?"

_Well you do deserve that, don't you? Maybe someone will be kind enough to put you out of your misery one of these nights._

"No," Levi breathed, "I don't- I want Eren."

_Too bad. He belongs in the light, and you belong in the dark. He gets to stay in heaven, and you're going to Hell. You'll never see him again, and you should never see him again. Stop hurting him and just let him be free._

Levi hugged his arms around himself. He knew the voices were right, but that didn't mean he had to like what they were saying. Still, they made him feel even colder, or maybe that was just this ridiculous shirt that revealed his deprived middle. Either way, he refused to wear thigh highs anymore, because those reminded him too much of Eren, and for some reason, the thought of anyone but his boy seeing him in those felt wrong. They were for Eren's viewing pleasure only, even if he would never see Levi again.

Just then he heard the telltale crunching of a car rolling to a stop, and immediately pulled himself out of his own head, though the voices continued to whisper. He ignored them, scrubbing at his ear absently, before stepping out of the shadows and making himself more visible to the car. He knew he had immediately just had an incredible stroke of luck, as the car was a Jaguar, meaning the owner of it had to be loaded with money. Well, he had seduced wealthy men before. This would be no different. At least it would mean he would have access to decent food tonight, even if he didn't make any money. That was fine with him.

As he approached the car, putting a practiced swing in his hips reminiscent of when he'd walk down the catwalk in The Dollhouse, he approached the car, the driver rolling down his window when he got close enough. Once he reached the window, he leaned in, sticking his elbows on the door and pushing his behind out enticingly, despite the fact that he felt weak and tired enough to collapse.

"Hey sexy," he said sweetly to the middle aged driver. "Want to add me to your list of plans for the evening?"

The driver stared him up and down, gazing at him critically, before finally saying, "Well, as tempting as that sounds, it's not me who would like the pleasure of your company, but my boss. He said he's heard about you and it seems that your reputation for giving a man the best night of his life proceeds you. He's willing to pay you handsomely for such an experience."

Levi laughed lowly. "Whatever he'd like. Your boss is a generous, kind man."

He got no response for that, except for an invitation to get in the car. He did so, sitting in the passenger's side, eager to get to this house. Once he performed his services, he knew he would be set for quite a while, and perhaps he could stop doing this for a week or so. Maybe he could even use that time to go back home to Eren, to grovel and beg and do whatever he had to do to be forgiven. Even if he wasn't, if the boy would just let him sleep on his doorstep so he could be closer to him that way, it would be enough, and with a door separating them, his poison shouldn't be able to touch him.

The entire trip over to his destination, Levi kept getting an odd sense of déjà vu that was bothering him immensely. He swore he recognized part of this route they were taking. Maybe he had been this way for a Porcelain Package before? Most likely, and he didn't tend to remember his way to and from those houses, and he was often on his way to succumbing to the drugs by that point. However, when they eventually pulled up to the small house, Levi didn't recognize it. Even when they parked in the driveway and he got out of the car, taking in the pretty park-like surroundings of the isolated little house, he still didn't know where this was.

"This is not my employer's regular home, but his private one," the driver explained as he walked him to the front door. "Very few know of its existence, and he goes here when he wants to escape for a while. You won't be bothered by anyone here, rest assured."

He then opened the door for Levi and once the slender man walked through the threshold, the driver shut the door behind him, the knob clicking behind him, feeling way more ominous than it should have been considering that the house was brightly lit on the inside. He soon heard footsteps approaching, followed by a greeting that, once the voice registered and the face came into view in the entry way, sent an icy chill down Levi's spine.

"Well, well little doll. Never thought I'd get to meet you again after the little fiasco you made at The Dollhouse, and certainly not like this."

It was Elijah, plain as day, in front of Levi, like a nightmare come to life, his voice and face far more terrifying than anything his mind had conjured up to scare him with. He found himself taking a step towards the door, before Elijah stopped him by holding up a placating hand.

"Oh no Levi, you just got here, you can't go yet," he said. "It's been so long since I've seen you, and I found myself missing you terribly."


	16. Black and White

He didn't care about anything that man had to say, Levi decided. He was going to get out of here. He fumbled for the doorknob again, memories of the last time they had met flashing through his mind; the pain, the tears, the numbness in his body while his mind screamed and jeered. The terror that had been so potent he could practically taste it. He wanted nothing to do with Elijah, prospective money be damned. No amount of money was worth whatever he might have in mind for Levi. He was going to get out of here and make his way back to Eren, tonight, this very instant in fact-

"Levi, hey calm down," Elijah told him, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. "There's no need to panic. I'm not going to touch you. I just want to help you."

He replied sharply, "Help? I don't want any help from you."

"I know, I know. But not even a hot meal?"

Levi paused, nearly flinching from those words. But why? Had he become that pitiful, that obvious at how much he was suffering? How different he must have looked from the glorious, tempting dancer Elijah once fawned and lusted over at The Dollhouse, a withered shadow of his former self. He couldn't dance now for anything, more likely to collapse from how weak he had become. It was only those words and nothing else the other man could have said that would have made Levi stop and listen for even that brief moment.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. "What game are you playing? I know you, you would never just…" he couldn't find the words to describe it, his head too scrambled with his illness and weakness. He placed a hand on the side of his head, rubbing at his ear.

"No game," Elijah explained. "I've heard you've hit hard times. Seen you a few times on the street myself. Thought I'd have you brought here so you can take a break from the streets. I'm sure you'd love nothing more than some food and a shower."

Levi narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You don't do charity. What do you want in exchange?"

"Nothing. You think I'm a fool? I know that since you're not working for The Dollhouse anymore, you're under no obligation to lay back and let me do whatever I want to you. You can fight back, and I know you won't hold back, will you? I value my life. So I thought I'd start to apologize for my past behavior by starting with a peace offering."

The former dancer still didn't believe him, not for a second. He didn't believe that Elijah was sorry for jack shit, but unfortunately there was nothing he could do to prove that. And even worse, he could clearly smell something very, very good coming from the kitchen, something that made his stomach feel emptier than ever. It churned, groaning loudly with desire for the meal that was already laid out on the table for the two of them. He must have put it out when he heard Levi was going to be coming. To someone that wasn't hungry it looked appetizing, but to someone who was starving, like Levi, it was practically agony to see that lovely looking meal just sitting there on the table, oh God why wasn't he already eating it-

Eliah smiled sympathetically, hearing the former dancer's stomach growl and seeing the look of pain cross his face. He nodded towards the kitchen. "Come. Before you collapse."

Levi hesitated by the door for a moment more. He suddenly felt so weak he could barely stand it, and he was so sick of feeling hungry at night, couldn't stand the agony of being kept awake at night because his stomach was so terribly empty, and being so hungry often made the voices worse. He knew if he had to go through that again, had to do it for one more night, he might well and truly lose it.

The thought of leaving anyway and going to Eren and begging for food instead in that moment never even occurred to him because when that food appeared in his vision and he started walking towards it, all other rational thoughts were wiped from his mind. He moved in a daze, half of the voices urging him forward towards the table and the other half screaming that he had to run away. Primal instinct to take advantage of the easy meal, to feed himself and live, blocked out the half telling him to leave. Slowly, he sat down at the table, placing himself in the chair Elijah pulled out for him, and barely pushed himself in before he was practically inhaling the food in front of him, thinking of nothing but filling his stomach as quickly as possible. He barely even tasted it; Elijah could have been poisoning him for all he knew, but he didn't care at that moment. All that mattered was that the more he ate, the more the empty feeling went away and the better he felt.

He had to hold himself back from moaning at the sheer relief that washed over him, his body trembling with the effort. Elijah smiled at him fondly, also sitting down to eat, although eating much slower of course. All too soon, Levi had finished with his helping and was reaching for more to pile onto his plate. His host laughed softly as he heaped more out for himself, before he dug into it again.

"I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner so I could have helped you," he said. "But you are a hard man to track down."

Levi didn't even hear him, so caught up with the food in front of him. He didn't even begin to slow down for several minutes, not until he began to register that his stomach was in fact filling. He shivered with pleasure, feeling the energy return to his body.

In fact, he was so focused on the fact that he was feeling better that he didn't notice the dizziness.

Levi blinked hard a few times, yes feeling a bit woozy, but the wooziness was also driving away the voices, and that part he certainly didn't mind. He ignored it for a little while, continuing to eat, but when his head began to feel heavy, he found he couldn't ignore it anymore. He paused for a bit, breathing deeply, trying to wake himself up with the extra oxygen, but it didn't help at all. He put an arm down on the table to brace himself, feeling his body sway and a ringing began in his ears. For a brief moment, he was reminded of the time he had been put under anesthesia when he had been a child for a surgery. But why…

"Are you feeling alright, Levi?" Elijah asked him from across the table. "You look a little pale."

Now, Levi was beginning to get scared. He began shaking, limbs tingling and his hands feeling cold and clammy. He shook his head. "I'm not- I don't understand…Tired, so…"

He tried to stand up, knowing now that something was seriously wrong. He needed to get out of here and call someone or- no, he was too tired for that. Maybe he could lay down for a bit and nap for a couple of minutes. To get rid of the tiredness, but where did it even come from? His sluggish mind struggled to piece it all together. Levi looked up, seeing the other man at the other end of the table and seeing the look on his face. It was in that moment that he knew, as he had seen that look before, that predatory look he wore right as he was about to do something nasty during one of their Porcelain Packages.

Oh God, he had made a dreadful mistake.

He realized it too late though, for as soon as he finally managed to get his feet under him, his knees buckled and he felt himself drop down gradually to the floor. His body felt boneless, and though he managed to break his fall with the chair, it didn't help to keep him on his feet. He wanted to scream for help from the fear that welled up in him, but all that escaped him was a weak moan. His eyes shut heavily, and then opened again, and when they did he saw that he was crumpled by the chair. He made one last effort to get up and make it to the front door, which was in his blurry line of sight, but all he could manage was a slight twitch in his legs. His body was too heavy, his head too heavy. Everything was too heavy.

Whimpering, he felt his eyes open and shut several times, before they closed and remained so, before being dragged screaming and crying into the abyss of unconsciousness, his demonic voices leaping for him and digging their claws into him. They pulled him down, down, down, drowning him in blackness.

Little did Levi know that the blackness would soon become his entire world, inside his mind and out.

000

Eren jolted awake in his hospital bed that same evening, heart hammering and gasping, a horrible dream throwing him back into the waking world. He could have sworn he heard a familiar scream in the depths of his mind, though as the moments passed, he remembered less and less about his dream. All he recalled as he lay there panting and staring out his window at the night sky with adrenaline fizzling through his body was that he was almost sure the person that had screamed was Levi.

Terribly uneasy, barely conscious and for a moment forgetting where he was, he tried to get out of bed, his first thought of course being of Levi and reminding him that he was missing. He was wasting time by sleeping, and honestly he hadn't meant to fall asleep. He had tried to stay awake as long as possible, but eventually his body had forced him asleep. Groaning with frustration and exhaustion, he sat up and placed his feet on the cold floor, trying to heft himself up.

"Oh no you don't, get your ass back down on that bed."

The voice came from behind him, and just a moment later, someone appeared beside him. But from the voice Eren knew in a second that it was Jean, though what confused him was the fact that he was there so late at night.

"What are you guys watching me in shifts now?" Eren grumbled, too weak to resist as Jean pushed him back down onto the bed by his shoulders.

"Yes," Jean said flatly. "For this exact reason. Your parents and I aren't stupid, we know you're dumb enough to pull out your IV and take off in the middle of the night to roam the streets in this freezing ass weather looking for Levi. And we're not in the mood to be searching for you as well as him."

He wanted to argue, but Eren knew he was right. That was exactly what he was going to do, as illogical as it was, and as much of a mess as his body still was. He didn't care if he had to rip himself apart, as long as it got Levi back in his arms again. He flopped back down on the bed again, chained there by his IV, groaning with frustration. Jean shook his head.

"I know man," he said, sitting on the bed beside him, "I know you're frustrated. But you're not any good to Levi like this, you know? You're not going to be very successful in finding him if you can barely walk across your hospital room. You have to get better first."

"And what's Levi meant to do while I'm dicking around here 'getting better?' Is he supposed to starve out there or freeze to death while I regain my strength in this warm bed?" Eren snapped at him.

Jean pinched the bridge of his nose. "We're doing everything we can in the meantime. We know he means a lot to you, we really do"-

"No you don't!" the other boy burst out, thoroughly startling Jean. "You have no idea how much he means to me, don't you dare insinuate that you do!"

"Then make me understand, Eren," he asked. He wasn't put off by his outburst at all, already being so used to them. "Because I don't understand why you would risk your own life for-for"-

Eren's eyes burned with fury, and that look pierced right through him. His friend ground out between gritted teeth, "Go on. Say it."

"For a prostitute. He's a prostitute with mental problems. Why are you putting so much energy into him when you know it probably won't end well? I'm sorry for phrasing it like that, your parents and I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Eren began to tremble with repressed anger, and if he'd had the energy Jean would have been on the floor with Eren's hand around his neck. He was just so full of rage that even irrational, violent thoughts like that were entering his head and he hated it, but at the moment all he wanted to do was take out all of his frustrations on Jean, the only one who had the balls to voice his and what he knew to be his parents' opinions, even though they'd never voice it in a million years. But to his shock, the rage faded away when Levi's smiling face flashed in his mind. If he was here, he knew he'd be telling Eren to calm down and that he wasn't worth choking out his friend over. And that for some reason cooled the fire burning in his gut and instead replaced it with grief once more. Tears sprung up in his eyes and he curled up into the fetal position, as if trying to protect his vulnerable self from the pain inside of him, but of course there was no getting away from it.

Jean was once again startled by this sudden change of emotion, unsure of how he should react to it. Should he comfort him? Would Eren try to rip his arm off if he tried? However, he got his answer a moment later when a broken sob pushed its way out of him, his friend hiding his face in his arm.

"I love him, Jean," Eren confessed, his words slightly muffled by his blankets. "I love him so much that it scares me, because I've never felt this way about anyone before. He's everything to me, and I'd do anything for him, just like I know he'd do anything in his power for me."

"He left you, Eren."

"He's not well!" he said harshly. "If he was he would never…he just wouldn't. He gives me something to work towards, and more than that, I was so depressed before Levi came along. That's a big part of the reason I never left my apartment. I mean I always said it was because of studying, and part of it was, but it was mostly because I felt so lethargic and didn't see the point of getting out of bed most days. But then Levi appeared in my life and gave me a reason to go outside again. He had me floating on clouds and I haven't had that feeling in so long. I had someone to take care of and someone that cared about me and I loved it. I loved being needed, became addicted to it, and I just…I don't want to give that up. Levi means everything to me, like anyone's loved one means to them, and if something happens to him, it'll just- I don't know what I'll do, Jean. I won't make it through that."

After he finished speaking, Eren pursed his lips tightly, his body still trembling. He felt sick, bile rising up his throat, but he swallowed it down. Jean sighed tiredly and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, stroking it gently before he murmured, "Alright. Alright I get it. It's- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. And I didn't know you were so depressed back then. Ah Eren, you know you could have told me?"

The boy shook his head. "I was ashamed. I'm studying to be a fucking psychiatrist, what kind of psychiatrist number one has a mental disorder, and number two can't cure their own mental disorder? I'm useless. Can't help myself or Levi. Why do I bother, Jean? Maybe giving up will be easier, I don't know."

When he heard those words, a sudden hot rage welled up in Jean, and without thinking, he slapped Eren upside the head, causing the other boy to yelp and cradle the side of his face that had been struck. He glanced up at Jean, and when he saw his eyes burning with anger, he was shocked. He and Jean bickered quite a bit as a rule, but genuine anger was something that was almost never between them.

"Don't you dare," Jean hissed, "give me that shit. Don't you even think about giving up, because that's not the Eren I know. You don't give up for jack shit. You just keep going and going and going until you get what you want, and when you apply yourself to something, you give one hundred percent. It didn't surprise me when you did that in your relationship with Levi too, or your search for him. I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner. I did notice how much more happy you seemed lately though, and that it was easier to get you to get out and do stuff with either me or your family. He's…yeah, he's been good for you. God I feel like such a judgmental asshole now. I'm so sorry Eren."

The boy drew in a shuddering sigh and let it out slowly, still rubbing his cheek. He then took that hand and waved Jean off, saying, "It's alright. Really. If our positions were switched, I might have felt the same way. Don't worry, I'm too tired to be really mad at you."

Jean squeezed his shoulder, feeling the anger seep all the way out of himself now. "I'm sorry I slapped you. You can slap me back if you want."

Eren laughed softly, and hearing that, his friend felt a little better, the guilt lessening slightly. He then said, "Not now. When I feel better, so I can really make it hurt."

"Oh joy."

They sat there in silence for a moment, simply letting the apology hang in the air, Eren taking in his words. He had always felt that Jean had been holding back a bit on really searching for Levi and he had no idea why. Now it was clear, and his apology only meant all the more to him.

"Besides," Jean grumbled, "I suppose we have to have more days where my stupid ass calls at the wrong time and is subjected to one of you picking up and me having to listen to you two fucking. Lord there's not enough bleach in the world to make me forget that."

Eren snorted, and then his shoulders began to shake on a laugh. His friend rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah, laugh it up," he said, though of course there was no heat behind it. He was happy that Eren was laughing instead of worrying, even if it was at his expense.

He shook his head fondly, and squeezing the boy's shoulder, told him seriously, "We're going to find him, Eren. No one just disappears into thin air. He's around somewhere, and no matter what we're going to bring him home to you."

Eren curled in on himself slightly, wanting nothing more than to believe what he was saying, yet of course his own dark thoughts produced doubt after doubt. Yet, Jean was ever rarely serious when he talked to him, and when he was, it was always for a good reason. He supposed this was as good a reason as any. Jean was a lot of things, but when it mattered, he wasn't a liar, or insincere. If he said he was going to help, or that they were going to find Levi, then Eren felt like he had no choice but to listen and take those words to heart. He nodded stiffly and clenched the sheets tightly, finally daring to meet Jean's eyes.

"Yes," Eren breathed. "You're right. You're right, because we don't have another option. I'll find Levi even if it kills me."

000

….

…Wake up. Wake up, you little slut. You have some pain waiting for you just on the other side. Can't you feel it?

You deserve it. It means you're still alive. Are you thankful?

He's coming. He's on the horizon. He's coming to play, to play chess, play with your body.

You're just a toy-

-a plaything-

-a doll. For your master.

Levi snapped awake, eyes opening in an instant, but he regretted the motion a moment later when a throbbing headache cut through the core of his brain. He groaned and arched his back, trying to get away from the unbearable pain, but discovered very quickly that he couldn't. His head was muddled and thick and his stomach rolled with nausea from both his migraine and the lingering effects of whatever it had been that Elijah had spiked his food with, for he knew for certain at that moment that he had been drugged.

"Dammit," he hissed, a hint of a whine creeping into his voice. How could he have been so stupid? Elijah was very crafty. He probably knew Levi was out on the street for some time, but instead of swooping in to grab him right away, he waited until he was growing desperate, starving, knowing that he wouldn't be able to resist the allure of a meal and would eat anything Elijah offered him without hesitation, ingesting large quantities of whatever sedative he could give him too. A sedative that apparently left the person with hangover-like symptoms. Levi reached up to rub at his temples, hoping to soothe the ache, his eyes tightly shut against the agony. But when he went to lift his arms, they didn't move. Couldn't move, because something was holding his wrists in place.

Groaning feebly, Levi opened his eyes into slits. The room was dimly lit, but it was still too much for his sensitive eyes at the moment. Still, he fought through the pain to take in his surroundings. He saw that he was in what looked like a bedroom. However, it had no windows, and the only source of light at the moment was a lamp on the bedside table. He registered that he was lying on the bed itself, which was pushed up against the wall so that the headboard was touching the wall. There was a canopy surrounding the bed too, creating a dark, mesh-like wall all around Levi, blurring the outline of whatever it laid in front of, but for now most of it was pulled back. Everything looked very elegant in here, but what disturbed Levi oddly was the fact that everything in the room was black and white; the floor was tiled black and white, the pillows were white while the canopy and comforter was black, the bedside table was black while the ceiling was white with a black chandelier hanging above him, and so on. It was terribly strange and off-putting, making anxiety fizzle through Levi's veins.

Yet, the color of the room wasn't what really made him nervous, but the fact that the reason he couldn't move his hands was that they were both handcuffed together and chained to one of the bedposts.

Just as he processed that horror though, Levi's eyes happened to travel down the length of his body to see that, not only had he been completely stripped of all of his clothes, but his legs had also been bound, but not with chains, oh no. He whimpered in terror when he saw that a long, sleek, black metal bar had been tied with straps between his thighs, forcing his legs wide open with no hope of him being able to close them. They were also being held up by another piece of metal lower down on his body that he could only barely see in the gaps between his thighs and limp cock. His knees were being held up almost to his shoulders, and the ache in his lower body was almost as tremendous as the one in his head, which meant his legs had been stuck in this position for quite some time. Even when he tried to lay on his side, it didn't do much to relieve the pain. Sighing shakily, he tried to lower his thighs down, to straight his legs out as best as he could.

And immediately regretted it when a second, sharp pain radiated up from between his legs.

Levi yelped, yanking his legs back into their previous position. What the hell had that been? Confused, but still determined to get comfortable, he tried lowering his legs again, more slowly this time, watching to see if he could figure out what was causing him the pain. It soon became obvious that the more he tried to lower his thighs, the more they pushed against the metal bar he could barely see, and that was when he registered that the metal bar was holding the base of his scrotum in a vise grip, so that when he tried to move his legs from their bent position, it pulled at his scrotum as a punishment.

His breaths quickened in his chest, the beginnings of a panic attack threatening to close up his throat. This couldn't be happening. This had to be some terrible dream he was having. He must have passed out on the streets, or his hallucinations were acting up, producing this waking nightmare for him. That had to be it. He had to believe in that with his entire being, because the alternative of this being real was too much for him to bear.

The only door to the room suddenly opened, clicking open innocently to reveal the malevolent figure of Elijah in the doorway. Levi's back was turned towards the door, and he froze while glancing over his shoulder at him, a bird caught in the gaze of a snake. His deeper instincts told him uselessly that if he held completely still, the predator might pass him by. But of course there was no escaping this predator, who looked terribly benign with that kind smile on his face as he crossed the room to stand next to Levi beside the bed, his shoes clicking on the polished floor menacingly. The former dancer refused to look at him when he put himself in his line of sight, keeping his eyes locked on the wall behind him, trying to quell his trembling.

As if he knew exactly what he was trying to do, Elijah shook his head, tutting like he might to a small, misbehaving child and cupped Levi's chin in his palm, turning his head towards him and lifting his chin so that he was forced to look him in the eye. "Don't bother, Levi, yeah? We both know you're afraid. You don't have to hide it from me, you know. Shake if you want, cry if you must. I won't be offended. Actually, I'd find it pretty enjoyable. You've always been the prettiest when you cry."

A sudden rage welled up in Levi, hearing him speak like that. Telling him what he'd enjoy and what he preferred. Telling Levi what he was allowed to do. Like he owned him. At another time in his life he might have been compliant, but after Eren had showed him that he was worth so much more than that, that he was his equal and deserved the utmost respect and care, he wasn't going to buy Elijah's shit. Not this time. His bared his teeth, upper lip curling back and trembling, and without thinking, without any other weapons available to him, he wrenched his head back and bit Elijah's thumb as hard as he possibly could, even shaking his head like an angry dog, trying to make the wound deeper. The cry of pain he drew from the other man left him feeling very satisfied, even more so when he ripped his hand out of Levi's mouth and cradled his hand against his chest.

"Well now," Elijah said evenly, looking down at his hand, "you drew blood. What a little savage you are. I thought I tamed you a long time ago, but it looks like that boy turned you into a wild beast. I'm feeling generous tonight though, so I'll give a chance to apologize. Otherwise I'm afraid you'll have to be punished. What do you think, Levi?"

Shoulders rising and falling with his heavy, angry breaths, Levi glared at Elijah for a moment. He had handled the worst this man could throw at him before, and he could do it again. He would never submit to him, never. And the reason why he wouldn't flashed through his mind clear as day, his beautiful green eyes and kind face already having a claim on Levi's heart that was so much stronger than Elijah's would ever be, because it had been earned and not forced. He spat the blood left from his hand onto his perfectly white trouser leg, and hissed, "Burn in Hell. You can do whatever you want to me, but I'll never be yours. I'll never submit to you. You can't own what already belongs to someone else."

Elijah's expression didn't change, and he didn't do anything but murmur a quiet, "Oh," almost as an afterthought. He cocked his head, and then approached Levi again, circling him around the bed, watching him like he was a wounded deer, and he a wolf, trying to decide the best angle to come at his prey in order to deliver the killing bite. It was highly unsettling, and it made Levi swallow hard.

"I do enjoy a challenge," the other man commented, before he left the room.

Levi was left there on the bed for several minutes, his heart pounding, before he came back, this time a black cloth and two small foam pieces in his hand. Before he could figure out what he was going to do with those, Elijah approached him and tied the cloth around his eyes very tightly so that there wouldn't be a hope of him getting it off. Levi twisted his head, fighting him, jaws even snapping shut as he attempted to bite him again. In fact, he was fighting him so much that Elijah sighed tiredly, as if he was a parent fed up with the antics of a rebellious child. This time, very purposefully, he placed his fingers near Levi's mouth, wrenching his jaw open with one hand before quickly shoving his fingers down the other man's throat. So swiftly did he move that Levi didn't have a chance to back away, and before he knew it, he was dry heaving, and then vomiting the lovely meal he had eaten all over the mattress.

The wet, disgusting sounds of him heaving echoed in Levi's ears, and his stomach hurt horrendously as it pumped up everything until it was completely empty, tears forming in his eyes. When he was finished, he laid there, panting and shaking, his body having broken out in a cold sweat. He didn't resist when Elijah stroked his cheek with a kind palm, the same hand he had used to make him vomit.

"Good boy, thank you for calming down," he praised. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to put these in your ears as well. You'll be completely blind and deaf, you see. Unable to tell when I'm leaving the room or entering it, or where I am in the house. Your legs will be kept spread and your arms will be chained like this, and you'll be left in your own filth until I say so. During that time, I will be coming in and fucking you as many times as I see fit that day, and I'm not going to care if you scream and cry that it hurts. In fact, please do. Like I said before, you're adorable when you cry, Levi. It's very arousing."

Levi gave a little cry of fear, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and alone, all of his earlier bravado washed away in the wake of his weakness. The acid was bitter on his tongue, his entire body hurt, and he was suddenly more frightened than ever. If his ears were plugged, he would have no outside voices to distract him from the ones in his head, and that was his worst nightmare. He would be completely at their mercy. He shook his head, breathing high pitched and panicked, lips trembling around pleas. But instead of eliciting sympathy, they just served to arouse his captor even more.

"Save your begging, pet," Elijah told him, smiling, though Levi of course couldn't see it. But he could certainly hear it in his voice, and it sent an icy chill down his back. "You'll be doing plenty more of it in the coming days."

Levi's own whimpers were cut off to him as the ear plugs were inserted, as well as any other sound in the room. He had no idea when or even if Elijah left after that. All he knew was that the moment it was quiet, the voices returned, hissing and spitting, taunting and jeering, and as he fruitlessly tugged at his chains, Levi found himself softly calling for his boy, his name the only spot of light in his now endlessly dark world.

"Eren…help me. Help me….I love you, please help me…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this took so long to get out, but I was finishing up the Ereri minibang fic I've been working on! That should be posted in a couple of weeks, along with artwork for the fic, so look forward to it! It's a very long, very dark oneshot because I don't know how to write anything happy I guess xD So yes, anyway, this chapter, especially the last scene, were inspired by a lot of elements from Dramatical Murder, and I listened to the "Dyeing Music" track over and over from the show for the last scene, as it's appropriately very menacing haha. Thank you Eveningstargazer for the idea of putting the Humbler on Levi, I can't wait to exploit it more lol. I hope you guys enjoy!


	17. Aphrodite

Levi ended up enduring having the blindfold and earplugs in for three days. Three days of not being able to see or hear anything besides the voices in his head and the sparks of hallucinations in the blackness. Three days of food he was forced to vomit up again if he rebelled or made any sounds that Elijah found unnecessary, meaning if he screamed in fear or cursed him out, he'd lose his meal, and wouldn't be fed until the next day. Three days of never knowing when his captor was going to show up and rape him, the tension keeping him so on edge that he barely slept during the entire time, his remaining senses on high alert as they tried to compensate for his lost ones. His skin felt sticky as it was left in the vomit Elijah never cleaned and the smell made him feel sick every time he breathed in. The lack of food, water, and overall paranoia made his illness flare worse than he could ever remember it being, and that was counting when he had lost it in The Dollhouse and attacked everyone.

The difference was this time, there was no Eren there to save him, no balm to ease the by now almost physical pain his fear was bringing him. No Eren to fight for him when Elijah did finally come in at one point and nearly tore Levi open with his dry cock, fucking him until he screamed and cried, before nearly choking him with his erection and coming down his throat. This of course made Levi dry heave as his gag reflex was triggered over and over again, but by now his stomach was so empty that nothing came up but a bit of bile and the semen he expelled.

But he wasn't raped every single time Elijah entered his room. No, what the other man enjoyed the most was the sense of tension and terror he could inflict upon Levi. He would run a light hand up his thigh, over his chest, or between his legs, skirting his palm over his sensitive sack before squeezing it sharply and tightly just because he liked to see the pain on Levi's face and the tears wet his blindfold.

When the three days were finally up, Elijah unchained Levi, deciding he was weak enough and wouldn't be a threat, but kept the handcuffs around his wrist. He also removed the spreader bar and what Levi learned was called a Humbler, or the device that had kept his legs in an awkward sitting position, tugging painfully on his scrotum if he tried to lower them at all. When he helped him get up and off the bed, at first, the smaller man just collapsed in a heap the minute he tried to make his legs bare his weight. Pins and needles attacked his thighs and calves and even his genitals so harshly that for a moment all he could do was curl up and grit his teeth through the pain.

"Come on love, get up," Elijah prompted, "or I'm going to leave you here on the floor and we can try a bath in another three days."

Shuddering at the thought of being stuck in his filth for that long, Levi forced his legs underneath himself, flinching from the pain, his legs trembling. Everything hurt so badly as his blood flowed into places it was finally allowed to after days of being unable to. He limped the whole way, still blind and deaf, being led like a helpless child, Elijah keeping an arm around his shoulders.

In no time they made it to the bath, and once he felt the floor change from wood to tile beneath his feet, Levi was made to halt. After a moment of silence in which Elijah checked the temperature of the water in the tub, he straightened up again and removed the shorter man's earplugs, but kept the blindfold on.

"You've been a good boy," he praised softly, stroking the side of his face with his warm palm. "You've been taking my cock very well, so I think you deserve a reward. But just know I'll put these back in if you displease me again, alright?"

The moment the earplugs were taken out, a rush of sound entered Levi's ears, a ringing silence that made him shudder. His voices quieted briefly, but a few of them chuckled and jeered, laughing at how just a simple change frightened their host so badly. How weak he was, what a simple minded, useless fool. How he'd be better off dead.

Not for the first time, he thought they were right. But this time, he didn't have the option to kill himself; he had nothing on hand to use, and had no way to off himself. Elijah made sure of that. Not only that, but he was under constant surveillance, so even if he wanted to, he would never get the chance.

He was well and truly trapped with no chance of escape.

Levi finally nodded at Elijah's words, and in return, received a kiss on his forehead. "Let's get you washed. You have some burns we need to treat as well, I'm sure you've noticed. Then I have something very special planned for you today. We're going to have a wonderful afternoon, you and I."

He barely heard what was being said, didn't want to hear it. He simply let himself be guided into the tub and lowered into the warm water. It felt good on his stiff joints, but not so much on his burns which he knew had been caused by both the vomit he was forced to lay in and the fact that he was forced to lay down for three days. Some of them were most likely urine burns as well he was sure, as he was given no access to a bathroom in that time. He felt disgusting, and the warm water, despite it hurting him, felt heavenly. He couldn't help the sigh of relief when the water washed over him. Elijah chuckled at his reaction.

"Does that feel good love?" he asked. "I'm sure it does. See what happens when you obey me? You get a nice bath. I'm going to wash you so you don't need to lift a finger. Just relax and enjoy."

Levi had to grit his teeth against the urge to snap and say he could do it himself. But somehow, he found the strength to keep his mouth shut and let him do it. At that moment, all he could think of was how Eren had fought to make sure he had as much independence as possible, knowing how much it meant to him, despite knowing that he had a mental illness. He could have forced him to live with him, insist he take care of him over Levi's protests, but he didn't. He talked about a plan instead to make him well again so that he could live on his own successfully. But this…when he heard Elijah whispering smooth words in his ear about how lovely his body was, how they were going to get him fixed up so they could all of their fun that day, feeling his breath on the back of his wet neck, it was just all too much. It was too much of a contrast from the man he loved and how he treated him.

Elijah indeed acted like all of those horrible men he had encountered before, treating him like a possession rather than a person. Eren was the first man who had treated him like an equal with thoughts and feelings, and he had no idea how much he had gotten used to it, nor how much he had come to crave it. As Elijah ran the soft cloth over his body, over every crack and crevice, he felt like he was betraying his boy by letting another man see him naked like this, by letting him touch him like this. He wasn't moving, too scared as to what would happen if he acted out. Did that mean he was consenting to this? Did he want it? No, of course not. No…

…right?

His hair was soaped up tenderly, the fingers even massaging the back of his neck, and Levi squeezed his eyes shut under the blindfold. Eren had done that for him a few times too, deciding to spoil him after a particularly rough weekend at work, had massaged his neck and shoulders in the bath, placing soft kisses in his warm, wet hair, Levi's head lolling back against him, sighing into the comfort of it.

What he wouldn't give to get those nights back.

When his hair was rinsed, Levi heard something clink off to his left, before Elijah was running a thumb over his bottom lip and saying into his ear, "I have something for you to drink, pet. It'll make our afternoon more exciting."

He had to resist shuddering at these nicknames. He wanted to scream how they were for Eren to use and Eren alone, but of course he couldn't. He pressed his lips closed for a moment, turning his head away when he felt the cool glass touch them. It was only when Elijah said evenly behind him, "Come now sweetheart, you need to drink. Otherwise you're essentially telling me you'd rather vomit again. Make your decision quickly now."

Lower lip trembling, Levi quickly decided he didn't want to go through the pain of throwing up again, so he loosened his lips and let him carefully pour the liquid into his mouth. He swallowed it down without a fuss, the drink tasting slightly sweet, and though he knew that whatever Elijah was trying to give him couldn't be could, the liquid in his dry mouth was still heavenly, especially when it tasted rather good. His obedience earned him another kiss to his temple, but there was no genuine affectionate in it. It was more of an afterthought, like Elijah knew what affection was supposed to look like but had no idea how to put the proper feeling into it.

Not like Eren did.

He tried so hard not to think of his boy as he was hefted up from the tub, the water falling from his body loudly in the dead silence of the room, but it was nearly impossible. Along with the hallucinations during his three days of darkness and silence, his boy was all that filled his head, as well as Levi's guilt over the fact that he kept betraying him over and over. Even crueler, sometimes he swore he heard Eren's voice among the hallucinations, heard his voice calling his name, and he would lift his head and call back, praying against all logic that Eren had found him and was there to get him out of there. And no matter how many times it happened, he still fell for it, clinging to that hope that Eren was trying his hardest to find him.

As Elijah helped him out of the tub, dried him off and placed a salve on his burns, he began to feel strange. A tingle began deep in his belly and spread outwards to his limbs, right down to the tips of his fingers and toes. The warmth was so sudden, so potent, that it frightened him. His skin felt too tight, his veins too hot, as if a fever was starting under his skin. Blood was rushing hard just under the surface, coloring his cheeks and making his skin suddenly feel extremely sensitive to every time Elijah touched him. Sweat began to prickle along his hairline and his spine, despite having just been washed. Curious by the sudden flush in the shorter man's face, Elijah ran a curious couple of fingers down his back, and was very pleased when he gasped and flinched away in response.

"Hmm, it works faster than I thought," he said, almost to himself. "Maybe I gave you too much. Oh well, too late now I suppose. Guess we just need to ride the wave it gives you as long as we can."

Things only became worse as Elijah led him back to his room. His body became a livewire, his skin sensitive to the very air around him, blood pooling heavily between his legs, every step he took made him shiver because his thighs kept rubbing against crotch. It was scaring him to death. By the time they made it back to the bed, Levi was well on his way to being painfully aroused, and he resented it. He tried to fight against it, gritting his teeth and clamping his throat against the whimpers that were trying to rise up. He didn't want to feel this way around a man like Elijah, not in a million years. As he was laid on the freshly laundered mattress and sheets, courtesy of the maid, and chained back up, he clamped his thighs together, determined not to make this easy for his captor.

Elijah stood back for a moment, admiring his work. He murmured appreciatively, "What a lovely picture you are. So pale, so pretty. And look at the flush in your skin, how nice you look in chains with your hands tucked up so close to your chest. Yes, that's it sweetheart, rub your thighs together for me. Work yourself up, get yourself all hot and bothered."

Levi bit his lip. He crossed his legs, trying his best to hide himself from view, and ceased his movements. He hated this; he knew why Elijah had given him these drugs. It had to be some kind of aphrodisiac, and he wanted to make it appear as though Levi was indeed desperate for Elijah to take his body. He was going to make him frantic for anyone to touch him, because he knew he wouldn't be begging for him any other way. And with how these drugs were making him feel, Levi was afraid he would get his wish. He shivered again, shaking his head.

Elijah hummed curiously, "No? Well the way I see it, you don't have a choice. You must be growing very aroused by now. Hmm…"

He circled the bed, watching as Levi's breathing grew heavier, driven both by arousal and fear that was only amped up every time the other man ran soft fingers over his bare skin, caressing it like it was some kind of fine silk. It was only made worse by the fact that he couldn't see any of it with the blindfold still on his face. But in a way, he was kind of glad, because at least he couldn't see the other man's intensely focused expression. He smirked, brushing Levi's bare shoulder with the backs of his fingers.

"I know how I can make you even more beautiful," he said, half to himself, "and how to make this even more fun. Give me a moment, love."

Levi listened to his shoes clacking against the polished floor, his heart pounding hard. He hated this so much, hated how afraid and weak he was. Hated how his body was betraying him and responding to the drugs that he had been given. He did have a passing thought as to how different and nice this would be if Eren was here with him instead, if he was the one that he was going to explore the effects of this medicine with. Then again, he really didn't need to be on drugs when he was with Eren; their sex was the best sex he had ever had, even when he had been high with other people in the past. It was cheesy, but true, that there was no better drug to be on when you were having sex with someone than love, for it made the situation that much more intense and pleasurable.

Soon, Elijah returned, very quietly, as if he didn't want Levi to know that he had in fact returned. But with his heightened hearing thanks to the taking away of his sight, the shorter man did in fact hear his footsteps approach him right until they stopped right next to the bed.

"You're mine now," the other man said firmly, "and even when I'm not here, I want you to be reminded of that. So here we go, lift your chin for me."

Slowly, Levi did as he was told, too afraid of what would happen if he didn't, and he felt something being tied around his neck, something wide and made of leather. Was it a collar? It certainly felt like it. It was kept loose enough so that he could swallow and breathe, but the pain came from what it meant; he was no better than a dog to Elijah, if that.

"A collar for your neck," he explained. "And one for your cock. So you never forget who you belong to, in every way."

As he said that, he reached down and the shorter man felt something cool and tight being slid over his cock, and in his sensitive state, it nearly made him leap from the bed, his back arching harshly and a sharp gasp escaping him.

"So sensitive already," Elijah chuckled lowly. "Just wait until you see what that ring can do. I had it custom made for you."

Levi did not like the sound of that, not one bit. He laid there on the bed, completely exposed, shivering, frightened out of his mind and yet that terror was battling with heady arousal that he had no control over. His mind and body felt hot and humid, but a cold sweat was still prickling along his back. He could feel Elijah's eyes burning into him, and he squirmed, turning his face away from his instinctively, thighs still clamped together as he tried in vain to cover himself. Elijah tutted, coming up to him and taking off his blindfold. Levi blinked as his eyes adjusted to the low light of the black and white room, before they landed on his captor, who was still leaning over him, one arm on either side of him, their faces just a few inches apart.

"I wanted to see your face as your feeling every sensation I gift you with," he explained in a low voice.

It was then that another wash of heat rushed through Levi's body, blood filling his cock, heart pounding, skin becoming so sensitive that even the sheets under his bare skin was making him tremble. His back arched as his body sought relief, thighs rubbing together and his hands clenching into fists. He bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed and ashamed that he was acting like this. It was like his body had a mind of its own, like it no longer belonged to him under the sway of the drugs. Elijah just breathed a laugh and caressed the side of his face lovingly.

"Poor pet, so desperate already," he observed. "Don't worry, I'm here to help. I'll pleasure you so thoroughly I'll ruin you for anyone else."

_No you won't,_ Levi thought angrily. _I've already been ruined for anyone else._

He rubbed a thumb over his lower lip, and Levi had to resist biting him again, his teeth itching with the urge. He then ran his hand down to his chest, the other man's skin jumping at the contact, sweat prickling along his hairline, before he reached down and began pinching lightly at his nipples.

Levi just about jumped off the bed, his spine nearly bowing in half as his head tipped back, lips parted on a cry. God, he loathed himself for his reaction. His nipples were never this sensitive, but because of the drugs, every touch felt horribly amazing, whether he wanted it to or not. Elijah even dug his nails into them at one point, and all he did was squirm, nearly biting his lip until it bled to stop more noises from spilling past his lips.

"Well that won't do," Elijah told him evenly. "I'd like to hear your voice, if you don't mind. And see your eyes, please. Open them for me?"

The shorter man clammed up, seeing Eren's face in his mind and refusing to yield. For some reason, he naively felt that if he made noise, it meant that he was consenting to what was happening. So if he kept quiet and kept his eyes shut, it meant that it wasn't really happening. He didn't want it, didn't want any of it. Yet his body did, and he was so scared he wanted to throw up.

"Hmm," came a contemplative hum above him. "Well, I suppose I can force you to open them."

Before he could react or protest, a horrendous, blinding pain exploded in his groin, making him scream so loudly that it hurt his throat. He arched his back, nearly bending in half, his ribs pressing against his skin so hard it looked like they might break through. Levi yanked on his chains with everything he had, writhing and trying to get away from the pain. But Elijah did indeed get his wish, because his eyes were now wide open and filling with tears, as it felt like someone had wrapped a live, electrical wire around his cock and stuck it in wire, the pain radiating through his core rendering him blind and deaf to everything around him.

"Stop!" he pleaded, not even knowing where the pain was coming from but knowing that Elijah was the one that had control over whether or not he felt it, "Please! Oh God please make it stop!"

"I'll stop it when you look at me, Levi. That's all you have to do. Open your eyes and look at me."

The words barely filtered through, but once they registered, he found that, despite his earlier determination, it was far too easy to do what Elijah said. Anything to stop the unbearable agony. Eren's face still in his mind, he finally did as he was asked, forcing his eyes open with a massive effort and glaring down at the other man, whose self-satisfied smirk made him feel sick. He was standing at the end of the bed, and when he saw the glimmer of Levi's eyes, he touched a few buttons on his watch, and then the pain died down to almost nothing, making the former dancer gasp and feel devastatingly weak. Every muscle in his body relaxed at once from their tensed states, legs falling open without his consent. Elijah hummed appreciatively at the sight.

"State of the art disciplinary penis ring," he explained. "I've used this for a few of my partners in BDSM settings before, and they seemed to enjoy it. It certainly helped to make them more obedient. When I decided I wanted you here as my permanent guest, I went out and had this custom made one for you. That ring will stay on you at all times. If you don't do what I say, well, you just felt what will happen."

Levi shivered with the implication of his words. So any time he disobeyed him, all he had to do was press a button his watch again and the pain would come back? But how was he supposed to know what was allowed and what wasn't? Would Elijah even tell him? Probably not, because he knew from past experience that he liked seeing Levi in pain. He gritted his teeth, scared of saying anything and too exhausted to anyway. He simply kept his eyes on the other man, not wanting to risk arousing his anger again. To his relief, a softer expression came over Elijah's face, one of fondness perhaps.

"You're being a good boy, Levi," he said. "Don't worry, you'll learn what I expect of you soon enough. As a reward, I'll show you the other feature of this ring."

Before he could protest or prepare himself, Elijah pressed another button on his watch, and the shorter man tensed up, preparing for the pain to come back. But instead of pain, the exact opposite sensation washed over his body. A deep, perfect, vibration penetrated his hips, stimulating everything in the general area, from the tip of his cock to his prostate to his anus, everything burning deeply, perfectly, drawing a sweet moan from Levi without his consent. He writhed around on the bed once more but this time because his body simply couldn't handle the pleasure that was carving its way through him almost painfully. His toes curled without even being touched, and his cock was as hard as it ever had been when Eren touched him, clear pearls of pre-come beading on the tip, suspended for a minute before they rolled down his shaft like tears. Levi dug his heels into the mattress, his entire body flushed and begging, his body being brought closer and closer to the precipice of an orgasm before he knew it.

No, he absolutely could not allow himself to come. Above all else, he wouldn't let that happen. His orgasms, his vulnerable, open expression, his sweet, soft noises, they were all for Eren. He'd be damned if he let Elijah have the privilege of hearing them too. But from the focused expression on the other man's face, he had a feeling that this was yet another fight that he was not going to be able to win.

"Now that won't do," his captor chided him gently. "Come on baby, make noise for me."

At that, Levi sucked in a breath. He wanted to scream, very nearly did, except for the fact that he was gritting his teeth so tightly. Tears were wetting his waterline, because how dare Elijah call him these pet names, ones Eren had called him in his sweet, soft voice in the darkness and warmth of his bed. How he'd touch him so carefully, very often talking Levi into an orgasm, simply making him come by the love and care he'd show him. His tears welled up and slid down his cheeks when his captor turned up the intensity of the pleasure on the ring. He tugged on his chains, feeling his arms strain in their sockets, hips thrusting in the air as they searched for friction but found none. His mouth was open in a silent cry, saliva slipping out of the corner of his mouth, but he stubbornly kept his voice contained.

_I'm Eren's,_ he told himself, over and over. _I'm Eren's, only Eren's. God Eren I'm so sorry for letting him see me like this. I hate it, it hurts. Please help me…_

"Levi, I'm losing my patience. I can make it so it hurts again if you'd like? Make your choice as to what you prefer."

The smaller man only just barely heard him, drowning under waves of grief as he was. He hated his body for betraying him, for reacting to the drugs and this awful ring Elijah had given him, for forcing him to behave like the slut he knew himself to be. As if to add insult to injury, his captor ordered, "Let me see your true nature, Jouet. I want to see that whore I came to love in The Dollhouse."

Feeling sick and scared, overwhelmed, hot, desperate and wishing his heart would spontaneously stopped beating, Levi finally gave Elijah what he wanted, unable to stand it any longer. He didn't want to be hurt again either, so he moaned in a way that he hoped would seem tantalizing. His entire body was on fire, thrumming, cock desperately hard and leaking freely. It was dark red and sitting on his lower belly, the ring sitting snugly at the base, a cruel glint of silver. Elijah nodded in approval, slowly approaching him when Levi began to cry out at more regular intervals. The other man sat down on the bed next to his pelvis, caressing down Levi's chest, his stomach, before stopping just short of his raging erection.

"Poor baby," he said, teasingly rubbing Levi's lower belly, right above where the tip of his member lay. "You'd love for me to touch your cock wouldn't you? To give you that last little bit of stimulation so you could come? My sweet Jouet, I know you'd love nothing more than for me to touch you here, wouldn't you. To jerk you off hard and fast and unmercifully. You wouldn't even care if I hurt you, just as long as it made you come."

Levi had a feeling that the right answer would be to agree with him, and as much as it disgusted him, made him want to vomit, he nodded in response, still writhing from all of the stimulation. No matter what, he decided, he had to survive. He had to survive until he could figure out a way to get out of here. If he became too hurt, it would only be harder for him to get away successfully.

Besides, if Eren was looking for him, he didn't want to worry him any longer than he had to.

So Levi swallowed his pride and said breathily, "Make me come."

Elijah answered with a growl that the former dancer had heard many times over the course of his career, and even many times with this very man. It was a growl of lust, a visceral response to Levi's words, meaning that they had become just as turned on as he was. The shorter man watched him reach down and begin stroking him, rough and fast, just as he said he would. His grip was far too tight, painful, his nails practically scratching the thin skin of his cock. He whimpered, the tears continuing to well up in his eyes.

"That's right," Elijah told him, his eyes blown. "Only I can make you feel like this. You belong to me, Jouet. Today and forever. That ring on your dick is as good as a wedding ring in my eyes, as binding as the chains on your wrists. And don't pretend you don't revel in that fact. Look how wet you are for me, how your body responds to me. I know your body better than anyone, don't I? I'm going to make you into my little Aphrodite, my perfect beauty."

Such awful, ugly lies. Levi wanted to scream. This wasn't who he really was. Maybe once he believed that, but Eren had showed him otherwise. He wasn't a whore that belonged to Elijah, nor one that belonged to The Dollhouse. He was Eren's, his _baby,_ the one who cheered him up and gave him a purpose. The one who made him smile and made his life worth living. He swore that if- _when_ , he got out of here, he'd promise to do that for Eren for the rest of his days. He refused to accept the chains Elijah had placed on his body when Eren had already claimed Levi's willing heart.

"You better come for me soon," Elijah said. "Otherwise I'm changing the settings on the cock ring. Maybe you'll get off to pain rather than pleasure? We can find out."

A rush of fear went through him. The stroking was too intense, too painful, yet he squirmed like he enjoyed it, thighs shaking, pulling at his chains, a thin sheen of sweat on his skin. He squeezed his eyes shut again, praying that Elijah would think that he was doing so because the pleasure was simply too much for him to handle, and not to try and imagine another face looking down on him instead. He had to come, was ashamed to admit that he wanted to at this point. His body was straining, under far too much stress, and he just wanted it all to stop. So he pictured Eren above him instead, and the minute his kind green eyes came into his mind's eye, the heat in his veins became genuine, the lust sweeter, and his moans came easier.

"Good boy," his captor praised, speeding up his stroking. "Very good."

_Good boy,_ Eren repeated in his mind. _My good kitten. You're doing wonderfully, Levi. You can come whenever you want to. I'm right here._

He could almost feel his boy holding him with one arm while he jerked him off with the other, and he spread his legs more willingly, let the pleasure wash over him instead of trying to fight it. Eren was breathing on his neck, kissing him gently there, practically cuddling him to comfort him through the pleasure that raged through his body. Levi keened, his broken mind only making the hallucination more vivid, until he could practically smell Eren's warm, sweet scent. He turned his face to bury his against his boy's skin, imagined feeling his ribs expand and contract against him. Eren was covering his body with his own, shielding him from the harsh world as always.

_You make me so happy, baby. I love you more than anything, and I'll keep you safe from everything that would hurt you. Go on sweetheart, go ahead and come, deep breaths for me, easy love…_

Levi sobbed; more than anything, Eren promising that he'd always be there for him, his words of comfort and praise, always got him off faster than anything else, because the words made him feel so secure. Those warm arms holding him, his scent, his voice, they all worked together to finally have Levi crying out, throwing his head back and feeling that rush of euphoria as he came, spilling and spilling until he was utterly spent. He trembled in the aftermath, breaths shuddering and sounding strained as he panted, and he sought the darkness of the area between Eren's neck and shoulder to calm him, sought out his boy's hand to hold for comfort so that he didn't disassociate from his surroundings.

But they weren't there.

Levi opened his eyes, harshly brought back to reality. His eyes felt sticky with tears, and his body felt raw and pained. The cock ring still vibrated, and the aphrodisiac still raged in his veins, trying to make his cock fill with blood once more even though he felt painfully sensitive all over. But that wasn't what utterly terrified him. The thing that turned his veins into ice and practically paralyzed him was looking into Elijah's eyes and seeing the fury in them. He froze, eyes wide, wondering what he had done to earn such a look. Then, the fog cleared a bit from his mind and he remembered with agonizing clarity.

He had called out Eren's name when he came.

Not daring to say a word, he simply gaped at the other man, expression begging him to forgive him, even shaking his head a little, as though he was trying to deny what he had done. He hadn't meant to…he had just gotten so caught up in the moment, fallen so deep into his comfortable fantasy, was so used to calling out that name when in the throes of ecstasy…wanted nothing more than to be calling out that name again, and yet…

"So," Elijah ground out icily, "already forgotten who you belong to, do you?"

"I-I," Levi stuttered, but was cut off.

He held up a hand to silence him, and Levi indeed went quiet.

"Let me make one thing very clear. You are not to ever say that boy's name in this house ever again. If I even suspect you're thinking about him, you'll be punished, do you understand?"

"Elijah…"

"I think you need another lesson. That medicine should be good for another few hours or so. So don't worry, my little whore. We have plenty of time to teach you what's expected of you in my home."

And with that, he pressed a button on his watch, and Levi was screaming once more, pleading for mercy to a person who had none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those that are into Ai no Kusabi...may have drawn inspiration from that for this chapter xD Also song that I listened to over and over as I wrote this was Dark Horse, the Katy Perry song.


	18. Fire

His punishment for calling out Eren's name lasted for days.

Levi knew what his captor was doing. He was trying to reinforce over and over what would happen if made that mistake again, trying to wipe away the memory of his boy's kind touch and replace forcibly brand Elijah's cruel touch in him forever. He even told him that one time while raping him, saying loudly over the sound of Levi's sobs, "If you ever get out of here, I hope every time that brat fucks you, you see my face and feel my hands on you. In fact, he'll probably never want you again, not when I'm done. I'm going to fuck every hole in your body, Jouet. You'll remember me no matter where he shoves his dick in you."

Levi had sincerely tried to block out his words. He had tried to disassociate, but of course his illness couldn't kick in now, could it? He would even take the images of the bowels of Hell that he often saw over Elijah's leering face. Many times he wished he could hallucinate something harming his captor, but of course that never happened either. Perhaps his mind had concluded that this was in fact Hell, and there was no reason for it to make him believe he was there.

Either way, every moment he could spare a thought, he prayed for it all to stop.

His words, the abuse, it was all beginning to get to him. Elijah was slowly undoing all of the love and care Eren had worked so hard to instill in Levi. It was all too easy for him to forget that he was worthy, that he didn't deserve the pain being inflicted on him, and that he could lead a gentle, fulfilled existence as the love of someone's life. All of those things seemed lightyears away as he laid there chained up in Elijah's house, forced to either perform or lay there obediently for the other man's sick pleasure.

Now, he was once again trussed up on his hands and knees, the Humbler clamped on his scrotum, forcing his legs forward. His head was forcibly pushed down onto the bed by his captor's massive hand to the point that he could hardly breathe as Elijah was in the midst of his latest torture. He said above his back, "Oh, look how you're shaking…are the ice cubes that cold, inside?"

Levi's eyes were closed tightly and he was shivering violently. This time, his wrists were chained to his ankles, body contorted into a deeply uncomfortable position. Elijah had cuffed him, of course, before taking the ice cubes out of the ice tray he was carrying and beginning to insert them into his rectum, one at a time, teasing him with them by rubbing them along his skin, chilling it, before making them disappear inside of him. His body was so open, so vulnerable, and he of course had no way to close his legs or get away. He was completely at his mercy. The whole thing was terribly stimulating for Elijah, of course, and his aroused groans made him want to throw up.

"Tell me it hurts," he whispered harshly. "Tell me it hurts and I'll end it quickly for you."

With a whimper, the other man finally admitted, "It hurts. It hurts so damn bad, it's so _cold"-_

"Mmm, I'm sure it is. Good boy for telling me, I appreciate it."

Hearing that filled him with relief, and he whined, shoulders drooping in relaxation. However, he only got a moment of thinking that he was in fact done before he could feel several ice cubes being shoved in all at once. At feeling the terrible, painful numbness seep in, he arched his back, crying out, and trying in vain to get away from the source of the agony. Of course, this was impossible when not only was he was restrained the way he was, but also the fact that the pain was coming from inside his own body. He shivered horrendously, trying to expel the ice, but at the same time knowing if he did he'd be punished even more. So, all he could do was bury his face further into the blankets and endure it, wishing he was somewhere warm and safe.

Even after the ice melted, he then had to deal with the uncomfortable bloating that came with being filled with water like that. Still, the pain was minor in comparison with the rest of his body; his stomach was gnawing at his ribs with hunger, his insides felt raw and brutalized, and every orifice he had had been violated already by this man.

He tried to let his mind drift, tried to think of Eren to put distance between himself and this situation, but when Elijah saw his eyes begin to glaze over, he gripped his hair and harshly pulled his head up, wrenching his neck into a position it wasn't meant to be in. Levi cried out, nerves already wrung taught. Tears sprung up in his eyes as he met the other man's, Elijah bringing his face down closer to his level.

"You were trying to divide your mind, weren't you?" he suspected. "Listen to me well, you slut. Happy thoughts about that brat aren't going to save you."

"I wasn't"- Levi tried to defend himself, but a sharp jerk of his hair quieted him immediately, transforming his words into a gasp.

"Clearly you haven't learned your lesson. So stay still. I'll be right back."

The smaller man laid there on the bed, heart racing with dread for several minutes as he wondered what kind of hellish new punishment Elijah was going to bestow upon him now. Would he kill him? As tempting as that sounded, Levi knew at the moment that he couldn't die. Even if his body was shredded to the point that he could hardly move anymore without feeling pain, somehow, some way, he had to make it back to Eren. He had to lay eyes upon him at least one more time so that he knew he was truly safe. That would be his last wish, if whatever higher power was kind enough to grant it. He was pretty sure he was going to die, either by staying in this place for long enough, or if he tried to escape. So if that was the case, then he wished he could survive long enough to drag his tattered body to Eren's apartment so that he could die in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and scent, and not by the cold, black and white colors of this room.

He would do it. He had to.

All too soon Elijah's footsteps clicked menacingly back into the room, and Levi craned his head over his shoulder as best he could, trying to see what, if anything, the other man was carrying. However he couldn't lift his head high enough to see. It turned out he didn't have to though, because soon enough Elijah was putting the object in his field of view. Levi's eyes widened and he gasped, drawing back automatically, for it was the most evil looking thing he had seen in all of his years.

"See this bitch?" Elijah said evenly, though Levi could hear the barely concealed heat underlying his tone. "This is a custom made dildo. I'm sure you've noticed the nails all along the base. All of them have been filed into extra fine points, and they've been specially molded so that they curve upwards. So every time I pound this thing into you, it's going to slice the shit out of your ass. I can also control the temperature of this thing so that it's either freezing cold or scorching hot. And since you've already had ice in your ass today, how about we melt it with some heat?"

Levi began to struggle, though he knew it was useless. Just the sight of the awful instrument had him fighting against all reason. Those nails looked so sharp, and he had already been in so much pain. It was just instinct to fight to get away, but of course he couldn't loosen the cuffs or get his hands free in any way, and even when he jostled his legs, he pushed back on the Humbler, which made a sharp pain radiate throughout his entire lower half as his scrotum was pulled and pinched. His rear was completely vulnerable, and all he could do was beg and plead as the dildo was pulled out of his vision and placed behind him. Elijah stopped it a few inches from his skin, teasing him, building up the fear, and already Levi could feel the unbearable heat radiated from it. It would definitely leave permanent scars, scars that would remind him of this day forever.

And when the dildo was plunged into his body, his screams rang out into the room, screams for his boy to pull him out of Hell. For he had to be there now. All the delusions and fears he had of becoming the devil's whore, of being fucked until he was split open by him, this had to be what it was going to be like, just unending millennia of this. When he opened his eyes, to his relief, he no longer saw the room he was trapped in. However, now he saw a place similar to the one that had made him break down on stage in The Dollhouse, a pit full of flames and demons, several goat-faced, long tongues caressing each inch of his body, one tongue stuffing itself down his throat until he couldn't breathe, more of them drooling poisonous ichor over his vulnerable pale skin. Another gripped his hips like an unrelenting vise and fucked him with his burning cock, fucked him until he smelled burnt flesh. And all the while Levi screamed for Eren, reaching his hand out in the gap between the bodies of the demons, searching for him.

"He can't hear you here," one of the voices growled.

Of course he couldn't, Levi thought, but that didn't stop him from trying to reach him somehow anyway. Eren was up in heaven, where none of the poison and fire could touch him. Was that not why Levi had left him in the first place? So that the deadly smoke that leaked from his skin would no longer harm him? Even now it floated from his pores, touching the skin of the demons that surrounded him, causing their flesh to rot, but they paid it no mind, far too focused on him. Some of that same smoke leaked from their mouths, spilling out the sides in purple, wafting tendrils. It only served to prove that he was just like them, a demon that the light of the heavens would never touch.

Someone Eren would, and never should touch again.

Still, Levi cried and cried, for himself or for his love he had no idea, but all he knew was he couldn't stop.

000

Later that evening, Levi was left on the hard tile floor of the room, his wrists and ankles still cuffed together, but the Humbler removed. His entire body throbbed with pain so intense that he shook with it, tears still flowing down his face. He was surprised he still had enough water left in him for them at all. Little whines and whimpers kept escaping him, and he very desperately wished his pain could be lessened by being laid on the bed, for it was making him dizzy.

 _If Eren was here, he'd put me on the bed,_ Lev couldn't help but think. He couldn't help it, despite the torture he had just endured. Thoughts of his boy always helped to keep him grounded, kept him from panicking too badly. _He'd fuss over me and hold me close. He'd be so horrified at how I'd been hurt. He'd beat the shit out of Elijah for me if I asked. Then he'd take care of me, treat my wounds, wouldn't let me lift a finger. He'd hold me and never let me go, would keep me in his arms and stay by my side. He'd keep everyone away if I asked. I just want to hear his voice again…please let me hear his voice, just one more time…_

He curled up further on the floor, body aching with his desperation and his wounds. He felt his head tingling, and whispers in his ears. He wished he could scrub at his ears, but of course as his hands were bound, he couldn't. The floor was wavering and bubbling in front of him, as if it was boiling. He could feel the heat from it trying to sear his flesh, and he whined, too weak to move away. His skin heated up further and further, and he could feel it burning the longer he laid there, and he bit his lip, trying to keep his cries stifled, knowing that if he made any noise, Elijah would come right back in, perhaps with that awful dildo, or that cock ring. Either way, he knew his body wouldn't be able to take anymore.

Suddenly, a new voice filtered in, softly at first, and then more clearly the longer he focused on it. It was coming from far away, and Levi honestly thought he was dreaming, or that it was part of his delusion. But no, the voice was definitely there, floating up from under the crack in the door. Was it coming from outside? From the front foyer? Or was it really just in his head?

There was a sudden shout from the strange voice that had Levi gasping, struggling to sit up, but not because it startled him.

Because he recognized it.

Tears sprang to his eyes.

Indeed, while Levi had been laying there on the floor in utter agony, Elijah had been wiping off the dildo he had just used on his captive, scrubbing off the blood and bits of skin that had melted onto it. He smiled, satisfied with himself. The dildo could get as hot as a curling iron, and oh the screams it drove from his little whore were absolutely delicious. He had wanted to hear Levi's full, unadulterated screams ever since he had laid eyes on him when The Dollhouse first opened. When he saw those hips sway and thrust, saw that pouty, plush bottom lip and heard that deep, smooth voice, he knew he wanted to break that body and make that voice shred itself it agony. The Porcelain Packages had tided him over for a bit, allowed him to explore some of his most deviant fantasies. But Levi had always been drugged during those appointments, meaning he didn't scream as often as Elijah would have liked, or as loudly. He didn't sound like he was really in pain, and that was unacceptable. Plus, there was the whole business of sharing him with the other patrons of the club, and that too infuriated him. Levi was his, and his alone, and he wasn't good at sharing what was his.

But now, locked in a room in his private home, Levi could be his and no one else could touch him. Especially…

Elijah couldn't even say his name, not even in his own head. How dare that boy steal his dancer away from him? Sure, he still danced on stage just as beautifully, but he no longer danced for Elijah, at least in his mind. Just acknowledging that Eren existed made his blood boil. He was able to take Levi away so easily with little more than a few kind words, weaving a spell over him. He was like a witch, and thus had to be treated like one. He was to be despised, hated, and shunned, hence why Elijah reacted so badly when he heard the other man utter his name; it was a reminder that he didn't have full control over the former dancer. Hearing the boy's name made him feel like a failure, and also inspired a jealous rage in him. Levi didn't know it, but he had been stolen from him. He was just taking back what was his.

Because no one knew about his private home, he was surprised when he received a knock on the door. Well, not really a knock, more like a loud, repetitive banging, like the person behind it was quite furious. No matter, he decided. Whoever was there, he could handle whatever they threw at him. He looked through the peephole in the door, and felt his rage boil over when he saw the person standing there was the very boy he was just thinking about. And oh boy, did he not look happy. He was probably searching for his precious dancer, Elijah surmised.

He had to make a decision, and quickly. On the one hand, if he ignored him, it would appear that he was hiding from him, and if Eren was indeed searching for Levi here, then he would seem guilty for hiding. So then he had to answer the door.

But before he did that…

Elijah quickly sprinted down the hall, before sliding back the false wall that kept Levi's room hidden from the rest of the house. He opened the door to his room, finding the other man laying on the floor in the exact same position he had left him in, handcuffed and listless save for the silent tears that tracked down his face.

"Jouet," he said quickly, "Your boyfriend is at the door. He's probably looking for you. Aren't you excited about that?"

He expected Levi to perk up, to immediately burst further into tears and begin begging for Elijah to take him to Eren. But he didn't. Didn't even react, or flinch, or make any sign that he had heard him speak at all. Normally this would have angered Elijah, but all he could feel was overwhelming apprehension at the possibility of being discovered, so he ignored it, decidedly creeped out as well by the fact that even at the mention of Eren, Levi had no reaction. So instead, he continued with a warning.

"Now you listen to me and you listen good," he hissed. "You're not going to make a sound while you're back here. You're not going to alert him to your presence in any way. I do have several guns that I keep in various places around the house, guns I can easily get to whenever I want. You understand what I'm saying? Or better yet, if you let him know you're back here, he'll end up in the same position you're in. Except I'll make what he goes through far more agonizing than anything you've endured thus far. I'll fuck every hole he's got, then I'll tear some more into his flesh and fuck those too. Maybe I'll even take out one of his pretty eyes and fuck the hole that's left behind. It all depends on your behavior."

Still, Levi didn't move, didn't even make any noise at all. It was as if Elijah wasn't even there. His captor hated when he did things like this, when something went wrong in the former dancer's head and he either screamed nonsense or went completely catatonic. It was downright unsettling, and sometimes it made him beat the other man harder just to make him stop. Shaking his head and growling in frustration, he left the room, firmly shutting the door behind him and then eventually sliding the secret wall back into place. Only then did he school his features into something completely cool, calm and collected, flipping the switch, before answering the door for his guest.

"Ah, Eren Jaeger," he greeted with a perfectly executed smile. He completely ignored the not so subtly burning rage in the other man's eyes and continued. "Not too many people know about my private home. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

At seeing the smile on Elijah's face, Eren had to fight hard to swallow down his anger and collect himself. How dare he smile like that, like he didn't have a care in the world when Eren's world was falling apart? But of course he shouldn't be surprised. He clenched his hands into fists by his side. The last thing he needed was to get into a fight with this man and be sent right back to the hospital; he had only just gotten out not too long ago.

"I have friends in high places," Eren said by way of explaining how he had come to find this house.

"I must say, that does surprise me a bit," Elijah admitted.

The boy took another deep breath, shoulders rising and falling with the motion. Don't kill him, he kept telling himself, don't throttle him. He needed information out of him that he couldn't give him if he was dead. When he felt calmer, he said to him, "Regardless, I don't know when the last time you went to The Dollhouse was, but not only does Levi no longer work there, but he's been missing for a couple months now. The police have been notified that he's gone and have been searching for him. However as they are dragging their asses, I'm also doing my own searching, talking to anyone who even had the smallest contact with Levi before he disappeared. And my search led me to your door. So do you have a few minutes for me to ask you some questions?"

The older man paused, pursing his lips. It was risky letting him in, but if he didn't, that would only make him more suspicious. Besides, he wouldn't be able to see Levi thanks to the false wall. All he had to do was hope that his captive didn't make any noise because if he did, well he would definitely need that gun in order to keep Eren from getting to him.

"Of course," he replied easily, "please come in. It's quite cold out here, isn't it?"

Eren didn't bother to thank him; he'd sooner cut out his own tongue than do that. He simply followed him inside, stopping in front of the grand fireplace just beyond the entryway, crossing his arms and waiting for Elijah to close the door. Once he did that, he walked over to stand in front of Eren.

"You could have removed your shoes," he pointed out. "The water will stain the hardwood."

 _You better hope I don't stain them with your blood instead,_ Eren thought to himself. "I'm not planning on staying long."

Elijah shrugged one shoulder. "Well, to answer your question, yes I had heard Levi was fired from The Dollhouse. But no, I had no idea he was missing. I can promise you that I'll keep an eye out for him though."

"Hmm," Eren hummed, eyeing him carefully, before sweeping his gaze around the room. Unable to find anything upon first glance, he let his eyes focus back on the other man, undisguised rage still burning in them. "Listen Elijah, I'll be honest with you. I hate your fucking guts, and I don't trust you for a damn second. Not ever since Levi told me what he went through at your hands due to those Porcelain Packages."

Elijah raised an eyebrow at him, still nonplussed. "It's a good thing he was fired because he certainly he could get fired for disclosing such a thing. What happens during those Packages is strictly confidential."

The boy visibly swelled with anger, eyes narrowing further. "Fuck the confidentiality. After I find Levi I have half a mind to get that club shut down, because those Packages are human trafficking and no one should be objected to something that horrible. It doesn't matter how much money they earn, it's not worth it if it costs them their mental stability."

He took a few steps towards Elijah, only stopping when he was an inch or two in front of him, nearly nose to nose as he glared at him, teeth bare in a snarl. "Listen. The only reason why you're not on the ground right now with my hands wrapped around your neck is because I can't look for Levi if I'm in jail for murder. The minute he told me what you did to him during the last Porcelain Package you had with him, I was ready to fly out of my house and kill you, and only Levi stopped me because of the confidentially agreement that you mentioned. None of you filthy perverts deserve that kind of protection if you ask me. I want to blame you, you know. I'm almost positive that you know something about where Levi is, but unfortunately I don't see around here anything that gives you away. And if I call the cops and send them over here to investigate you, they're probably not going to find anything either. Hell it'll probably take them forever to get over here, if they even do at all. All I can say is for your sake you better not have anything to do with the reason I can't find Levi, because if that's the case you'll be praying the cops find you before I do. Understand?"

Elijah didn't flinch at his words. In fact, he didn't react beyond blinking slowly, like a bored cat. When he did reply, it was a quiet, "Is that a threat, Mr. Jaeger? Because if it is I can have the police called over here." A total bluff of course. He wouldn't risk the police coming anywhere near his residence.

But he should have known someone as brazen as Eren would rise to meet his bluff. The boy puffed up to his full height, which was indeed impressive, and growled, "You wish it was a threat. No, Mr. Rushford, that was a _promise._ And go ahead, tell the police. While they're here I'll tell them all about you and your friends raping and torturing my boyfriend and we'll see who they decide to throw in jail that night."

Well, he had him there. He gave a slight nod, impressed by the kid's ability to blackmail. He was far more ruthless than he looked, with a pretty face like that. Still, Elijah refused to be intimidated. "Then it appears we're at an impasse. I can't call the police on you and you can't call them on me. So I believe it's time we bid each other good day."

"I believe it is," Eren agreed reluctantly. "But remember what I said, Elijah."

He not so subtly began to guide the boy to the door by walking forwards and practically pushing him towards the door with his body, blocking him from going any further into the house. "Yes, yes. If I hear anything or see your precious anywhere you'll be the first one I call."

Eren didn't like being shepherded out the door like this, but he supposed he didn't have much of a choice. However, just as he opened the door, he froze, swearing he heard a sound over the door clicking. A high pitched noise. A cry? He paused, waiting to see if he'd hear the noise again, but it was deathly silent.

"Sorry, that old door creaks," Elijah explained.

After another couple of beats of silence, Eren finally conceded defeat, and left without another word, letting the door shut behind him. Yet even as he stood there in the snow, he couldn't help but feel drawn to the house, as if something was holding him there. He was being ridiculous though. Levi wasn't here, obviously. Didn't look like he had ever been there, actually. Just another dead end, and another blow to Eren's heart.

So, without another word and one final glance to the little house, he left, getting into his car, trying to ignore the tears stinging in his eyes.

Meanwhile, during Eren's entire visit, Levi kept his ear pressed against the door, hanging onto his boy's every word. He felt desperation he hadn't known in days rise up in him with an overwhelming force. His boy was here, against all odds. He had found him. He was here to rescue him, pull him out of Hell, just like he had wished for! All he had to do was call for him. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath-

-and then stopped.

Elijah's warning suddenly flashed through his mind. Had he been bluffing? Did he really have guns throughout the house? He had no doubt that if he did, he'd use them, and he'd use them long before he could get to Levi and get him out of here.

He trembled in place by the door, whole body pressed against it, drinking in Eren's voice, closing his eyes. He couldn't take it. His boy, his baby, was right there. For a few precious moments, even though he couldn't reach him, or see him, he felt safe. He felt his boy's voice wrapping around him and it reminded him of those sweet, quiet days where Eren's arms were wrapped around him, protecting him from the world, praising him, promising him that things were going to be okay. And now things were so very far from okay, as there were so many doors separating the two of them, literally. He ran his nails down the hardwood floor in frustration, and let his forehead knock against the door quietly. He heard Eren come near his wall, heard his voice _right there_ , and he pressed his whole body against the wall where he heard it, lower lip trembling, tears streaming down his face and dripping onto the floor.

"Eren," he whispered, "please help me. Get me out of here. I'm here, I'm right next to you. Please, you have to know I'm here somehow. Take me home, take me _home."_

As if he could somehow grasp for Eren's hand, Levi pressed his hand against the wall and flexed his fingers. In his mind, he was holding onto him, holding onto his voice and therefore holding Eren's body here. But all too soon, that voice was fading away, and so were his footsteps. Levi's heart lodged itself in his throat, choking him.

No, oh God _no!_ Eren couldn't be going! He pressed himself harder against the wall, his breaths becoming high pitched and rapid. How could his boy not know he was here? He couldn't leave him here with this man, he wouldn't survive! Levi couldn't help it, he let out a sob of despair, and then when he registered how loud it had been, he clamped his jaws shut. Oh no, had they heard him? On one hand, he was praying that he did, because he knew Eren would fight to the death for him. But that was also the problem, because he didn't want Eren dying for any reason whatsoever, especially not for someone as worthless as him. So, he kept quiet, his whole body shaking so hard it was practically vibrating against the door.

The door to the house finally clicked shut.

Levi burst into tears, his world crashing down around him as his last bit of hope and security was ripped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this fic is winding down, I'd say maybe three chapters left, but maybe more maybe less, so we'll see! Thanks for sticking with me this long!


	19. His Last Wish

In the days following Eren's visit to the house, Levi's illness became worse than ever, as if the sound of his voice and him leaving had been the trigger. The good news was that he no longer was of aware of Elijah's abuse. He always seemed to disappear inside of his own head whenever it happened, completely unaware of the pain in his own body most of the time, or the horrible words being whispered in his ear.

However, this meant that he was at the mercy of the words the demons growling in his ear, and he wasn't sure what was worse.

No matter how much Elijah beat him, or how horribly he tortured him, no matter what hideous instruments he used to try and make him scream, Levi would ignore him. Or rather, he didn't react in the way his captive expected. He wouldn't scream at the moments Elijah expected him to, or cry when he expected either. Even more eerily, sometimes he would speak utter nonsense during the rapes.

One example had been when Elijah had taken him out of the black and white room for a change and chained his wrists to a radiator in his own room. The radiator had been running quite warm of course because of the cold weather. And that wasn't to say he needed it exactly; he had a fire place in his bedroom as well that was always going. He had just turned on the radiator when he wanted to tie Levi to it and see what damage he could inflict on the delicate former dancer. The chains heated up and scalded his wrists, though Elijah made it worse by forcing his hands against the metal, holding them there while he bent over his back and took him hard and raw from behind, uncaring of the fact that it was still agony for Levi after his rear had been burned so severely by the dildo. But instead of crying out in order to express his pain, he kept oddly silent, allowing his body to be pummeled by the punishing blows of Elijah's hips, his cock feeling like a red hot branding iron because of his wounds. Yet still, he did not make any noise, his head lowering until his forehead almost joined his hands on the radiator.

"Come on bitch, what do I have to do to make you make noise?" Elijah growled, slamming into Levi even harder. "Do you want me to pull the nails off that dildo and stick them in your balls? I can do that, you know. I could even just sever them and castrate you, how about that? I'll bet your boyfriend wouldn't ever want you again if you lost those. You wouldn't really be a man anymore after that, and he isn't going to want a woman I'll bet."

 _He said he's dated women too though, so maybe,_ said one of his voices, oddly calm despite the situation.

Growing angry that he wasn't responding, Elijah reached down and yanked at Levi's cock hard, as if he was trying to tear it off his body. But instead of tensing up and arching his back as his captor wanted him to, he did something quite odd.

He began  _singing._

"Bang bang into the room," he murmured to himself, smiling. "Bang bang all over you.

Wait a minute let me take you there…wait a minute- heh, stole your heart that night, love. Bang bang there goes your heart. Shot it out. Still have it, all warm in my hands. Hands…in the dark, what a world, yeah?"

That made Elijah falter in his thrusts, but he didn't stop. "What is your problem? Are you fucking crazy or something?"

"Bang bang there goes your heart…there goes your heart, there goes your heart." And then, Levi burst out laughing, shaking his head. Tears formed in his eyes, before they dripped down his cheeks, laughing and crying, sobbing with mirth. "He just- the bones scattered, the lights are dancing, the neon lights, with their neon voices. They're with me, even now!" He turned his head back towards Elijah, looking him straight in the eye as he kept laughing, his cheeks red with the effort. "The neon voices! Bright dancers…the snow is cold and it's difficult to kill the static. I'm God but I'm dead so- the demons are here."

A slight chill went through Elijah at those words. Sure, Levi had mumbled a few nonsense words here and there before, but that was the longest string of them he had heard thus far. His upper lip curled back in a snarl, and he grabbed a handful of the other man's hair, yanking back his head.

"You better shut the hell up," he hissed, pulling on his hair in such a way that he knew it had to hurt, forcing his neck to bow in a way that also looked painful. "You hear me? I'm not going to put up with your crazy shit. I'll bash it out of your head if I have to, but you're going to stop it."

Levi ignored him, trying to pull his hands away from the hot radiator, his laughter dissolving into giggles that bubbled out of him every once in a while. Trapped inside of his illness as he was mercifully all of numbed his body to outside pain, as it always did, whether it was pain he sustained during group sex or pain he inflicted on himself, and this was no exception. Giddy as he was with endorphins, Levi began to sing again, but this song wasn't one Elijah knew. In fact, there were hardly any words that made any sense; it sounded like he was just putting his ramblings to a tune only the former dancer knew. It was beyond eerie, sounding more like howls in an insane asylum, punctuated by Elijah's thrusts. He squeezed at the other man's waist with a bruising grip with one hand. With the other, he tightened his fingers even harder in his hair, before he forced his face down sharply against his chains.

At that, Levi cried out wretchedly, the hot chains scalding his cheek. The smell of burning flesh filled the room, and the pain seemed to pull him back to himself slightly for just a moment.

But not in a way that Elijah wanted.

"Eren!" he screamed, "Eren, Eren! Come back, don't leave me! Kill him,  _kill him!_ "

Enraged, Elijah pulled his face away from the chains. He held his head in place by his hair and punched him in the temple three times in rapid succession. When Levi continued to cry out the boy's name, he kept going, not stopping until he went silent.

However, his silence was, as his captor found, even more eerie, than his screaming. Because no matter what he did after that, he couldn't get him to make noise again.

Thoroughly unsettled, when he eventually finished, Elijah dragged Levi into his basement, not bothering to cuff him or chain him up this time, so scared of him at that point and so determined to just get away from him for a bit that he practically tossed him onto the hard floor before getting out of there as quickly as possible and locking the door behind him.

But anymore, Levi relished in the silence. In fact, he often found himself looking forward to it.

It was hilarious to him, and he couldn't help but laugh there on the polished, tile floor like the madman he was. The silence used to be his biggest fear, as it allowed his illness to come out in full. There was nothing to stop the voices from filling his head full force, nor for the visions to wreak havoc on him in whichever way they wished.

Yet, ever since Eren had come to Elijah's house and he got to hear his voice afresh, a new kind of vision had been part of his delusions as of late. And he would argue that these visions were the cruelest he'd ever had, even worse than the visions of demons or the warping of reality around him. His body broken, soul destroyed, he welcomed the delusions, desperate for comfort in whatever meager amount it would come to him in.

"There's my poor baby," Eren breathed, his warmth suddenly manifesting beside him. "Oh God, what did he do to you? Oh Levi…"

Levi felt his defenses breaking down rapidly, as they often did when he was with his boy. His voice was like a balm to his wounded heart and mind, convincing him without direct words to unburden himself, to tell him everything that was troubling him. Was his mind so broken now, so desperate for contact that wasn't abusive, that it was inventing Eren's presence to comfort him? Most likely. But the warmth, whether it was there for real or not, was far too wonderful for him to question anymore. His head was in Eren's lap, fingers in his hair. One hand stroked the new wounds on his cheek, the burns in the shape of the chains.

"My baby doll," Eren breathed in horror. "My poor, precious kitten. God, I'm going to kill him for hurting you. How dare he put his hands on you like that? How dare he make you cry?"

Levi sniffed, tears welling up in his eyes. He curled up as close as he could to Eren's lap, wishing he was strong enough to pull himself up and embrace him. But this was nice as well. He was saying all the things he had longed not just for Eren to say, but for anyone to say. He just wanted someone to stick up for him, but it felt like in this place, everyone was against him. Elijah was destroying his body and mind, and his voices were destroying the rest. These visions of Eren were the only thing pulling him back from the brink, he figured. Without them, the last of his hope would be gone. So he cherished them like the precious escape that they were.

"It hurts, Eren," he rasped.

"Tell me what happened, sweetheart," he prompted gently. "Only if you want to. I don't want to push you."

He was so happy that Eren asked him that that it made him cry even harder. He was so relieved that he didn't have to keep all of those horrible images in his head, and he couldn't wait to get them all out in the open. Gripping Eren's knee tightly and turning his face into his thigh so that his words came out slightly muffled, he told him.

"He raped me again. He doesn't care that I'm already hurting, that it hurts for me to so much as take a shit, or move at all. He burned my face and my hands…I think these are going to scar. He kept hitting the back of my head when the demons came back and started telling me to sing. I don't know why…maybe he was trying to push them out of my head? He probably thinks I'm evil, that I'm going infect him. I wish I could. I wish my vapor would kill him, but I think he's already too evil for it to have any effect on him."

"My sweet baby," Eren murmured, leaning over him and pulling him into his arms. He held him close, placing soft kisses over his ear, his temple, and his shoulder. "I wish I could kiss away the pain. You don't deserve it. You deserve to be happy and safe."

Levi snuggled in deeper, pressing the top of his head against the other man's stomach. The motion hurt, but it was worth it, because he no longer had to look at or smell the basement. Everything was Eren. He sighed shakily, "It's alright. Everything is okay now. I'm safe with you. I'm safe with my Eren. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you before I left."

"Shh, don't apologize. I could never be mad at you, baby. None of this is your fault. Come on, breathe love. I'm here, Elijah's not, there's no reason to panic right now."

Levi's breaths were beginning to wheeze and he could feel unease burning between his ribs, unease he recognized as the start of a panic attack. Eren rocked him as best he could, squeezing his body against him. The former dancer's body shook.

"Let's get out of here," he begged. "Please Eren, let's just leave right now. Before the demons come back. I don't want them to hurt you. It's alright if they get me, but they can't touch you."

"I'll protect you from them. Don't worry, we'll get out of here, before he can hurt you anymore. Now calm down. We'll leave when you stop crying."

"I can't get up and walk though."

"I'll carry you. I don't care what we have to do, but I'm not going to leave you here in the home of this monster anymore."

Eren had never stuck around this long before. He usually disappeared by now, leaving Levi alone and frightened, and he had never said such wonderful words of promise before. Oh God they sounded amazing, just what he wanted to hear. He didn't have to fight anymore; Eren would fight for him. He was going to help him get out of here, was going to protect him. It was everything Levi ever wanted, and despite Eren's request he couldn't stop crying. He nuzzled him harder, squeezing him as hard as he possibly could. His boy kissed his hair, shushing him and cuddling him, stroking his arm to calm him down.

"When we leave, do you want to snuggle in my bed with me?" Eren whispered.

Levi nodded eagerly. "I don't ever want to leave the bed," he said emphatically, "I just want to hide away with you forever. I know you'll protect me, and I'll never be hurt again."

"I'll take care of you until you're well again. Alastair will help too. He misses you too, you know? Whatever is in my power to give you, Levi, it's yours. It'll be okay from now. Trust me."

"I trust you. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone."

They went silent for a minute, Levi simply drinking in the sound of his boy's breathing, loving its rhythm. It helped to slow his heart rate and his tears, and for the longest time, Levi lost his sense of time and place. It did wonders for his mental state, allowing him to forget where he was, and instead imagine that he was home with Eren, that if he wished hard enough, he would wake up on his living room floor with him telling him that it was all just a nightmare. It had all been a symptom of his illness, he would tell him.

Anything Levi wanted to hear, Eren would tell him. That was all he wanted.

He didn't know when it happened, but somewhere in the midst of his crying, he felt Eren gradually disappear from underneath his fingers. It only registered when he felt the cold floor instead of the heat of his body under his cheek and palms. The sound of his calming breaths and his soothing voice sounded further away, and then finally stopped.

No, he couldn't be gone, Levi thought, horribly nervous. He squeezed his eyes shut, afraid to open them again, for if he opened them and saw that his boy was indeed gone, he didn't know what he would do. But he knew he couldn't stay like this forever. So, steeling himself for several minutes, finally, he opened his eyes.

And what met them was worse than anything he could have ever imagined.

The entire room had turned red, as if it were awash with a thin film of blood. The hallway in the distance meanwhile had been turned pitch black, with Eren's voice coming faintly from it. Levi couldn't even make out what he was saying, as it was mostly just indiscriminate shouting, but it sounded like he was in trouble. Levi gasped, sitting up sharply and immediately regretting it, all of the blood rushing from his head. He felt terribly faint and his whole body screamed with pain, but at the same time all of his instincts were shouting at him that he had to help Eren, had to save him from whatever was hurting him. He got his feet under his body with great difficulty, legs shaking horribly, but before he could make his way forward, as he looked down the black maw of the hallway, a demonic chanting started drowning out Eren's cries. It steadily grew in volume, before much to Levi's horror, glowing eyes appeared in the blackness and began coming towards him.

Fear like he had never known flooded through him, so hard and so fast that it temporarily made him blind and deaf, unable to think beyond the fact that he had to get away from the danger. He scrambled backwards, his breathing high pitched and panicked, trying to get to the door, but not having the strength to do so, only managing to fumble a few steps before he collapsed, his deprived body simply too weak to carry him. This only increased the panic, and against all logic, he began crying out for his boy.

"Eren! Oh God, Eren help me! Eren, EREN!"

The low, warped voice from down the hall growled back, "God isn't down here."

And all at once, a cacophony of screaming, yelling, giggling, and snarling voices exploded all around Levi, consuming him as he curled up there on the floor, covering his head with his arms in a feeble attempt to protect himself.

But of all the screams down there in that cellar, Levi's one of pure hysterical fear was the loudest.

000

"Eren, this is a stupid idea," Jean said emphatically from the passenger's seat of the car.

"If you telling me that the first million times didn't make me turn around, what makes you think telling it to me again would?" Eren grumbled, eyes set on the road in a deadlocked, determined stare, gripping the wheel so hard that his knuckles were white.

"You're going to get us arrested for trespassing, and when that happens I'm going to pretend I've never bet you before."

"Do what you want."

"…Dammit Eren, I know you love him, but is he really worth going to jail over?"

"To me, he's worth that and more. I'd die for him if that's what it took."

Jean sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Fine, fuck. I guess if you get arrested I'll bail your stupid ass out of jail, but you'll pay me back every cent if I do."

Eren didn't say anything back, clearly too focused on what was ahead. He wasn't joking around like he usually did, and his intense silence disturbed his friend. He shook himself, finally giving up on making any more conversation, figuring it would be pointless considering. Instead, he asked, "Are we almost there?"

His friend turned the wheel, face highlighted by the street lights as he looked down the road they were turning on. "It's just up ahead. It'll be the one that looks the most homey, ironically."

Jean clenched his seat in a white knuckled grip. He had felt terribly uncomfortable ever since Eren had told him he was going to go back to Elijah's house and that he wanted Jean to come just in case he needed help. The atmosphere was only made tenser from the fact that they were doing this at night, and that Elijah, though Jean had never met him personally, scared the shit out of him. From what Eren told him, he would not take kindly to them skulking around his home. Did the guy have a gun? Oh God why had he agreed to do this?

Because he cared about Eren, that was why. And he hated seeing him so miserable without Levi. All Jean had to do when he doubted his resolve was think about how weak and frail his friend looked in that hospital bed, and then he found the strength to keep going.

Far too soon for Jean's taste, they were slowing down in front of one of the houses. Eren then killed the engine and cut the lights as soon as he could, hoping the owner of the house wouldn't see them.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Jean sighed, shivering from the cold as the heat was also turned off. "I'd definitely like to avoid jail if I can."

They left the doors to the car open, figuring if they closed them the loud noise would only attract attention, and if the doors were already open, just in case they were caught, it would mean they could get back in the car faster. Eren had parked a couple houses down from Elijah's in another effort to appear less conspicuous as well. They walked down the sidewalk side by side, hands in their pockets, Jean shivering like crazy while Eren remained stone face. He absolutely did not like this version of his friend; it was like he was a robot that had been set to accomplish only one goal, and that was to find his missing love. However, that façade broke when they became closer to what Jean assumed was their target house, because suddenly Eren's face opened up into shock, and he ran the rest of the way, Jean trying harder than he should have to in order to keep up. But his friend looked like a man possessed, and he dared not question why they were suddenly running like the devil was at their heels.

It became pretty clear a moment later anyway.

Eren had come to skidding halt in front of the house, looking up at the closed and padlocked gate that sat coldly in front of it with a devastated expression. Jean came to a stop beside him in time to see him shaking his head, mumbling a few frustrated phrases of denial.

"No, no!" he exclaimed. "They can't be locked! Shit, no, it- this can't be happening!"

Gazing at the cold iron gates, Jean tried hard not to become upset like his friend. It wouldn't do them any good anyway. Hastily, he put his hand on his shoulder, trying to placate him.

"Hey, listen," he said quickly. Eren looked over at him, face open and raw, looking horribly lost. "So we're not going to be able to walk through the front door. But there's got to be something else out here that might give us clues as to whether or not Elijah knows where Levi is, right? Come on, help me look."

Eren looked dubious, but at least he wasn't looking so hopeless anymore, Jean noted with relief. The two of them looked around helplessly for a moment, unsure of where they should be looking or what they should really be doing. However, a minute later Jean caught sight of some trashcans sitting on the corner of the driveway outside of the gate, and he lit up.

"Eren, over here," he said.

To his relief, his friend perked up as well, but only for a second. "What the hell are we going to find in his garbage though, Jean?"

"Well, we could find lots of stuff," he answered, already heading over to the cans. "You never know. It's worth a shot, since it looks like our options on what we can search are pretty limited."

Without another word, Eren joined him, the two of them carefully opening the lids and beginning to pilfer through what was there, Jean lifting his head every once in a while to make sure they weren't being watched, as they didn't really have a good excuse as to why they were there in case someone caught them. Neither of them said anything to each other, far too focused on what they were doing and too afraid of being caught to chance speaking aloud.

That is, until Eren opened up one of the smaller bags near the bottom of the can.

Jean's head jerked up sharply when he heard him gasp and was surprised to see that he had frozen completely, as if he had turned to stone right then and there. He quickly sidled up next to him, asking worriedly, "What's the matter?"

Eren didn't answer him, so Jean looked down towards where he his gaze was fixed. He didn't understand at first what had made him react in such a way, and still didn't when Eren lifted a small, beaded object from the rubbish. It was a bracelet, the beads being made of wood with a small charm on it that Jean couldn't make out. It didn't look like it was worth that much, at least monetarily. His friend however was staring at it like he had seen a ghost, his face pale, appearing as if he had aged ten years in just ten seconds. His whole frame began to tremble, and he was letting out little distressed sounds, breathing becoming choppy.

Eventually, he explained in a soft, dismayed voice, "This is Levi's. I gave it to him when we first started dating…he never took it off for anything…"

He was shaking his head, throat becoming too choked up for him to utter anything else. Luckily, he didn't need to; the grief on his face was enough of an explanation. Jean place his hand over Eren's, curling his friend's fingers over until they were clutching the bracelet, and then squeezed his hand in both of his. When Eren began sniffling, that was when he tipped the other man's chin up carefully until he was looking him in the eyes.

"I think now it's time to call the police and have them sent over here," Jean told him seriously.

Without hesitation, Eren nodded determinedly, the fire burning in his eyes even through the tears. He slipped Levi's bracelet over his wrist so that it sat right next to his own, the fox and otter charms dangling beside each other, glinting in the moonlight.

000

Levi had no idea how long he had lingered in that basement for, but it was long enough that time had ceased to have all meaning for him.

Seconds were measured in the throbs of pain throughout his body. He had no idea what it was like to be free of it anymore, and the memories he had of being comfortable and happy were so distant that it was like they had happened to someone else. Besides, his memories of hurting, of being used, hurt, and discarded like he was nothing, those were much stronger. More  _normal._

He hated how much he didn't care anymore.

Minutes were measured in the pulses of terrible weakness through his deprived muscles. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten, or had a drink. He was certain some of his wounds were festering at this point, as a horrible smell constantly surrounded him. However that could have been a number of things. He was too weak to move to use the bathroom, and he hadn't washed in a long time. If he moved an inch off of that tile floor, agony ripped through his every cell, and he was forced to hold still again.

He wondered why Elijah had abandoned him down there, but at the same time, he had an idea. He was most likely afraid of him, afraid of his broken mind, and had no clue how to handle Levi's frightening outbursts. So he had locked him away down there, leaving him at the mercy of his mind, most likely waiting for him to die so that he could dispose of him. It would be as if he had never existed in the first place. And someone as rich and well connected as Elijah could make it so that no one would ever find out what had happened to him.

He would never see anyone he loved ever again.

Levi let out a small noise of grief, the whimper of a dying, vulnerable creature, clenching one of his fists. The thought of Petra never finding out what had become of him, of  _Eren,_ his darling, his  _everything_ , never getting closure, grieving for him forever, shattered his very soul. Of course, even through all of his suffering, though his mind and body were shutting down and what was left of his mind had been consumed by his illness, thoughts of Eren still threaded themselves through his consciousness. Like slats of sunlight through dark curtains, he saw happy memories of his love between the arms and legs of the demons that devoured him.

He knew he wasn't going to last much longer down there. He was sick yes, but he wasn't a fool. Yet, selfishly, he wished he could see Eren one last time. If he was going to die, he wanted his boy's face to be the last thing he saw and not the snarling faces of the demons that currently surrounded him.

"You stupid cunt," one of them growled. "If you want to see him so badly, drag your half dead carcass out of here and go to him."

"That's a good one!" another cackled. "I like that. Give him the hope when we all know he'd never make it."

"Repeat it back to us, bitch," a demon snarled close to his ear. "I'm nothing. I'd never make it. My demons are my gods and they own me."

Levi groaned. The ground was burning and boiling all around him, and he could smell sulfur. He was frightened out of his mind, but couldn't react, far too weak to do so, and it was as terrifying as when he had been paralyzed by the drugs included in the Porcelain Package. He wanted to get up, to scream, to run away, to react somehow, but of course it was impossible.

He barely had the energy to speak.

Still, he tried. Perhaps if he did, they would leave him alone for good. He just wanted the pain to stop once and for all. So, he opened his dry, cracked lips, voice coming out raspy and barely intelligible. "I-I…I'm noth- n…"

He stopped, coughing, throat too dry to produce any more words. He tried again, but he couldn't make them come out. Couldn't…or wouldn't. He knew the words were true, but they still tasted wrong on his tongue. Why? They wouldn't have in the past. So what made them so hard to get out now?

No, he knew why. He knew  _exactly_ why. He bit his lip, those sparkling green eyes preventing him from saying anything else. His demons used to own him maybe, but not anymore. Eren was his everything, but not because he owned him or was his god.

Because he  _loved_ him. And the collar that love held around his neck was far stronger than Elijah's, or even his demons' collar, because that one was forged in terror and manipulation. He wanted to break free from their collar, but he never wanted to break free from Eren's.

And at that moment, a fire he thought had long been quenched sparked to life in him. He gritted his teeth, grunting in frustration.

"N-Not…yours," he growled.

The demons stared down at him with barely concealed shock. "What was that?"

"Not yours," Levi repeated firmly, more clearly. "Not yours! I'm…"

"Don't you dare," they tried to stop him, but it was futile. Their host looked them in the eye, lifting his head ever so slightly off the floor and smiling, dried blood staining his nose and teeth. His eyes were narrowed with determination.

"I'm Eren's."

The words were quiet, but they resonated around the room as if he had shouted them at the top of his lungs. And suddenly, the demons let go of him as if they had been burned. And in a way, they had. Levi imagined that they simply couldn't handle the heat of his passion and care for his boy, the shield against them. With him in his life, they couldn't control him. That's what they had always been afraid of, and now Levi was exerting his own power over them for the first time. For months he had been forced to choose between them and his beloved.

Now, he was choosing Eren.

Using all of his strength available in his depleted body, he forced himself up onto his hands and knees, faltering several times, collapsing because his muscles didn't have the strength to hold him up. But with a surge of adrenaline and a mighty heave, Levi finally pushed himself up, even managing to get his feet under his body. He swayed for a minute, teetering dangerously, so much so that he was certain he was going to collapse again. But he didn't, and when he finally chanced raising his head, he saw that the demons had disappeared completely, and that for once, the room looked normal.

Yes, there were still voices hissing and whispering in his ears, but he ignored them, far too focused on his new goal: to get out so that he could die in Eren's arms. He knew within in a few moments of being on his feet that if he fell down now, he was not going to get up again, so therefore he had to get out of here as soon as possible with the little time he had left.

Levi began searching the room, blurry eyes flickering around a mile minute. There had to be something he was missing, some way to get out of this room that he just wasn't seeing. Elijah had failed to bind his wrists and ankles because he assumed he'd be too weak to move, or perhaps was so disgusted with him that he didn't want to touch him anymore. Either way, at least he didn't have to worry about that. Perhaps that also meant that he didn't secure the room like he should have. He could try going through the door, but he was sure he'd be spotted. But what other way was there?

Just when he was about to give up, Levi looked up and spotted a window just a few feet above him. It was very small, but with his diminished body, he wondered if he'd be able to squeeze through it? It was worth a shot, he supposed. He just hoped his strength held out.

Wasting no time, he hobbled over to the window, but upon looking up he saw that he was too short to reach it. So, he began looking around, praying that there was something he could use to help boost him up those extra couple of inches. He found his saving grace in the form of a couple of cinderblocks, but oh God how was he going to find the strength to move those? Well, he had to give it a shot, he figured, and that was all there was to it. Luckily the blocks weren't too far away from where he intended to place them, but still, moving them took every ounce of strength he possessed and more. He had to take several breaks, the cinderblocks moving it seemed only a couple of centimeters at a time, his muscles screaming at him in protest, but at last, he made it. Placing them where he wanted them, he then steeled himself for the next hurdle; getting on top of the blocks. Luckily, this wasn't so hard, but he still do so very carefully, and once he was standing atop the cinderblocks, even if he was only a few inches off the ground, in his weakened state, it felt like miles away. From here thankfully he saw that he was very easily able to reach the window.

That was the good news. The bad news was now came the next obstacle, and it was an even bigger one: getting the window open and climbing through it. But all he had to do was think of Eren and how badly he wanted to be in his arms, how wonderful and cozy that would be, and it helped him to work up the determination to keep going. Taking a deep breath, he looked for the latch, or any other mechanism that would help release the lock on the window and open it. He fumbled around, panicking when he didn't see it at first, hands growing shaky and sweaty. But just when he was about to really start freaking out, he saw the latch. Relieved, he quickly pulled it open and elation filled him when it slid open.

But the opening wasn't large enough.

Levi began panicking again, chest constricting. There was glass paneling on the side that made the opening smaller, too small for him to fit even his tiny frame through. But just as he was about to give up hope, a thought occurred to him. It was a crazy thought, but even that was better than nothing. He wondered if he could possibly break the glass, but if he did that, if he even had the strength to do so, then he would have to worry about the broken shards.

Screw it, he thought. He was going to die anyway. So what was some glass embedded in his flesh if it meant he could see Eren again?

Yes, he thought. He would tear himself to pieces if it meant he could see his boy again. So, in order to give himself the strength, he pictured Eren's happy face, his smile beneath the trees in their woods, his sleep mussed hair, his flushed cheeks when they made love, and all of those things allowed him to push through and break both the glass and the paneling. He paused, letting himself pant and regain his strength when it was over, before he steeled himself to pull himself up and through the window.

He stood there for several minutes, still thinking about his boy's face. He could do this, he told himself. "I'm coming, Eren. I'm coming for you. Just wait for me a little longer."

Taking a deep breath, he held it, and then let it out with a grunt of effort as he hauled his body up. His muscles burned, his head spun, and his stomach threatened to start sending him into dry heaves. His entire body broke out into a cold sweat, and he could feel tears stinging his eyes. Everything hurt so  _much_ , so much that he wanted to scream and cry, to just stop what he was doing and lay back down. The urge to lay down and never get up again was so strong that it was painful, everything was pain, his every nerve ending was on fire as he hauled himself up and through, wriggling through the window. The glass dug into his flesh and ripped on the way through, causing Levi to cry out. He quickly pressed his lips together, trying to muffle the sound so as not to give himself away, and it was almost impossible but he managed it. He had to, he thought. There was simply no other option other than getting away.

Finally,  _finally_ , after what seemed like years, Levi hauled himself out through the window, collapsing into the snow. He laid there for several minutes, the cold biting and burning his bare skin, shaking, dry heaving. He felt absolutely sick and miserable, even more dead than he had than when he had been laying on that tile floor. At least for a moment.

Because then it sunk in; the freezing cold of the snow, the sting of the air. The smell of the winter, the sound of cars roaring past on a distant street, and of the falling snow landing on his body. That was when it registered.

He was free.

Levi slowly lifted his head, the images sliding around in front of his eyes, but he felt the snow permeating his skin very sharply. It was proof that he was outside, and oh God the last time he had been outside, leaves had been covering the ground, but now they were deep into winter. He had survived all that time. He had made it.

_He had made it._

A hysterical, giddy laugh welled up in him, bubbling to the surface. He must have looked deranged in that moment, covered in wounds, bleeding, bones trying to poke through his thin skin while he laughed and shivered violently in the snow, but he couldn't help it. That happiness gave him the energy to push himself back to his feet again. The empty, quiet streets were beckoning him, and beyond was Eren's home. He could do this. Oh, he could do this.

Once he was on his feet, he didn't allow himself to stop, not for a moment. He knew if he stopped to rest, he wouldn't be able to convince himself to keep going again. Levi thought of all of those stories of men stranded in the cold wilderness and how they would struggle to find their way home again, battling elements, enemies, and ignoring the horrendous pain that throbbed through their bodies. Levi knew how they felt. He was undertaking the biggest odyssey of his life. He knew there was a good chance he wouldn't make it, but he would rather die on the side of the road in the open air trying to get to Eren than down in that basement.

The entire time he walked, his illness produced his boy walking beside him, holding his elbow and helping him along, whispering words of encouragement into his ear, telling him one more step, you can do it Levi,  _I know it hurts, I know you want to rest, but you can do it. I'm waiting for you, darling. I want nothing more than to hold you again. You're so close, my love._

Levi ignored his tears, ignored his shaking limbs and the blinding pain in his bare feet as the snow and frost attacked them, frostbite setting in immediately. He ignored all of it, crying through it as he trudged through the slush on the side of the streets. It was dark out, mostly likely so late at night that it was early in the morning, so no one was around to help him. It was all up to him to make it to his destination, Eren's voice and his touch the only thing keeping him going.

The journey was a massive undertaking, but Levi didn't stop, didn't falter. He kept putting one foot in front of the other, muscles burning and legs trembling. He could do this, he kept telling himself. He could do this. Shockingly, the thought of Elijah following him and trying to recapture him never crossed his mind. He was so singularly focused on his goal that he just couldn't afford to think about it. He kept going, and going, voices silent except for the one that mattered. A wonderful figment of his imagination, and his only connection to sanity that he had left.

Until finally,  _oh God finally_ , he could see Eren's apartment complex. The sun was coming up over the horizon now, and he could no longer feel any part of his body. But just the sight of Eren's home, of a place that he had come to call home, was enough of a boost to push him forward those last few yards, even if he was by now dragging his feet. His knees had all but buckled, and though he was holding his arms in a pitiful attempt to ward off the cold, he felt like he was walking on air. He was going to get his wish.

Against all odds, he made it to the front steps of the building. Against all odds, the door was unlocked. Perhaps someone had recently gone through here and it was still open? Levi didn't care. He pushed his way through, hoping no one would see him before he made it to Eren's door. So close, he was so close now.

After he made it up the stairs and saw Eren's door, that was when he could feel his strength well and truly giving out. And this time, there was no convincing himself to keep going. It was as if the mere sight of it was enough to drain all of his energy, because he had accomplished his goal. His tears came back full force, and he burst into sobs, practically feeling the warmth of Eren's embrace already, not as something his mind produced to comfort him with, but as something real, and he could barely wait to feel it.

Mostly because he wasn't sure how much longer he was going to last.

He stumbled the last few steps to Eren's door, before his legs finally gave out just a foot or two away. He tumbled down into a heap of deprived, skeletal limbs with a thud, before dragging himself those last couple of feet to rest on the door step. But at this point, he didn't have the strength to knock on the door. All he could do was curl up in the entryway, trying to conserve what little body heat he could as he felt himself fading away. But this was fine, he decided. He had made his way home again, made his way back to his boy.

He was a bloody, sick mess on the brink of death, but he had never felt more elated in his life.

"M' here, Eren," he whispered in a raspy voice to the quiet air, as if he could somehow hear it. "Home. I love you. Made my way back to you. Love you…"

He curled up a little tighter, and decided it was alright to fall asleep now. He was so tired he could barely stand it, and this was a nice, perfect place to close his eyes. He was safe here, protected. Free.

Free from Elijah. Free from his voices. Forever.

Levi felt himself drift further and further, the blackness roaring up to meet him. However, before it did, he might have heard the door open, felt it fall away from him like everything else did. He might have heard his name being uttered in shock above him, might have heard his name being said again, this time soaked with tears. And, though he was certain he was dreaming it, certain his mind had produced it as a cruel or comforting final figment, a last white dancer for him to curl around and guide him down into the abyss, he could have sworn he felt himself being pulled into a pair of strong, safe arms and held against a familiar chest.

And that heartbeat against his ear was the last thing he registered as his own began to fade away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you guys liked this chapter, only one more to go! I'll try and make the ending of this fic something you all will enjoy! See you in the next and final chapter!


	20. Sunrise

**Five Years Later**

"Alright, well looks like your session is up for today," Eren said, checking the timer on the table beside him. He turned back to his patient and smiled gently. "We definitely went over some good stuff. So for your homework I want you to keep track of all the instances you have those self-deprecating thoughts, and write down responses that are to the contrary. You start doing that enough and I promise you're going to see a difference in how you view yourself. So make sure you do it because I'll be checking your journal next time you come in here, okay?"

"Got it," the young man sat across from him replied shyly, averting his eyes as he stood up from his seat. Eren even swore he could see him blushing.

"See you next week," he said with a wave, and the young man nodded before he ducked out of the room, saying goodbye to the receptionist on the way out.

Eren sighed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. That had been his last appointment for the day, so he began to pack up, having gotten all of his work done earlier in the day in anticipation for the weekend. Once his bag was filled, he picked up his coat, and headed into the waiting room.

"I'm clocking out," he said to his receptionist as he put down his bag and pulled his coat over his shoulders. He then glanced up at said receptionist, eyes sparkling eagerly and added, "You coming?"

"Right behind you Dr. Jaeger," Levi replied, one arm already in his coat while he juggled his bag with the other. He smiled teasingly as he came out of his windowed office. "You know, I think Aiden there has quite the crush on you. Can't say as I blame him though. You are the cutest psychiatrist in this practice. Or any practice."

"Ah, compliments will get you everywhere," he said, opening the door to the hallway and holding it open for him to pass through.

"I'm hoping they'll get me into your pants," Levi replied, following him out.

Eren laughed at that. "Well, it's too bad for Aiden then that I'm promised to another, isn't it."

Levi smiled warmly, pressing his body briefly against the other man's as they walked out of the building, glancing down at his ring finger on his left hand. The small diamonds sparkled up at him, and the ring seemed to warm him right down to his toes.

"That's right," he said firmly, but there was a teasing lilt to his voice.

"Oh God, I just realized, I've become the stereotypical affair scenario. I'm a doctor that's fucking my hot receptionist."

Levi, for some reason, burst out laughing at that. "To be fair, you were fucking me long before I became your receptionist. Besides, it goes both ways. In this case, sometimes the receptionist is fucking the hot doctor."

The other man blushed, and it never ceased to make Levi giddy that he could still embarrass him so easily. He was still so cute that it made him want to keel over sometimes.

When they reached his car, Levi asked, "So you still up for visiting The Dollhouse tonight?"

Eren paused in loading his bag into the back seat, looking up at him with concern. "Are _you?_ "

There was a weight to those words that Levi recognized, had heard from many times from his love in the past few years. He knew he was just being cautious, and it was part of the way he showed he cared. He nodded.

"Yes, of course," he replied with certainty. "I promise I'm sure. I haven't seen Petra in a while, and I miss her. Plus, I'm sure you miss Jean, and I'll bet you anything he'll be there tonight too."

Eren shook his head and laughed softly. "Yeah, it would be easier to count the nights Jean _hasn't_ been there. He's such a slut. I think he's become even worse since the club got a new manager."

Levi snorted and hopped into the passenger's side, still preferring to let Eren drive…just in case.

"Alright then, I promise I don't want to stay long," he told the other man.

Eren got into the car as well, and upon putting it in drive, he told him, "Whatever you'd like, darling. I'm sure Petra is going to be so jazzed to see you."

Levi flashed him a big smile, bright as the sun, the excitement welling up in him in anticipation of seeing his friend after going so long without seeing her. It hadn't been for lack of trying though. Petra had just been extremely busy as of late.

Being The Dollhouse's new manager was extremely trying, after all.

As they drove down the highway, Eren holding Levi's hand atop the console, the older man stared out the window, watching the city flash by and reminiscing. So much had happened in the past five years…

Squeezing his hand, Levi thought about how after he had collapsed in front of Eren's door, the next thing he had known, he was waking up in the hospital with his love sitting next to his bed, asleep, practically draped over Levi's legs. Machines were beeping all around him, and through his fuzzy vision he could see that he was hooked up to many different wires. He felt as weak, sick and sore as he had been when he had fallen asleep. And as his thoughts began to pick up and become less sluggish, another very simple, profound thought entered his mind.

He wasn't dead.

It seemed to be a ridiculously obvious statement, and yet to Levi, who had dodged death all of his life in one way or another, it was fantastic in what it meant. It was beyond divine, perfect, and tasted like ambrosia. His heart was beating, he was breathing, and there was warm blood flowing through his body. He was safe in a bed, being protected by his Eren. Elijah could no longer hurt him here. No one could, not if Eren had anything to say about it.

And when Eren had woken up just a short time later, Levi not having the heart to disturb him of course, he had been greeted with tears of joy and a hug as tight as the older man's injuries would allow.

"You're okay," he had sobbed, covering Levi's face and hair with kisses. "Oh thank God, you're alive, you had me so worried, I missed you so much. Levi, my Levi, I love you, I love you, I love you…"

And after the first he said it to him in person where he was sure he could hear him, he hadn't been unable to stop. The first time Levi had gazed up into his eyes tiredly, looking gaunt and wretched but his eyes sparkling all the same and repeated it back, he swore that he had broken Eren all over again but this time in the best way possible, for his boy burst into tears anew, covering him in even more kisses and blubbering over him about how it was the best thing he had ever heard. With all of the strength available in his weak body, Levi wrapped his arms around him and hugged him.

Once they had both calmed down a little, Levi wasted no time in telling him all about what had happened to him, saying that Elijah had kidnapped him and that was where he had been all of this time. Yes, he had run away at first because he was scared of poisoning Eren any further and killing him with the vapor that leaked from him constantly, but just as he had made the decision to go back, Elijah had taken away that choice for him and locked him up. He didn't mention the torture just yet, deciding that Eren looked pained and guilty enough at his confession. So, after he gave the other man a chance to process what he said, Eren then began telling his side of the story, holding Levi's hand in both of his. He was of course careful of the I.V that had been placed in his boyfriend's hand, one of the main things that had allowed Levi to regain consciousness at all.

"I don't blame you for leaving," Eren said sincerely, looking into his eyes. "I don't. I didn't then and I don't now. But I was so worried…I started searching for you the minute I knew you were gone and haven't stopped since then. I went everywhere, I've been badgering the cops for months. You've been gone for six months, you know, and I haven't left them alone in all that time. Heh, I think every time they saw my face at the door of the station they must have drawn straws as to who would have to deal with the hysterical, pissed off boyfriend of the missing dancer this time. I didn't feel like they were doing enough, and I suppose they weren't, because I suspected Elijah long before they did. Even when I told them this, they questioned him, but never found anything, or even suspected him. But I didn't believe that for a second, so I paid Elijah a visit myself."

Levi nodded. "I know, I heard you there. I wanted you to find me so badly…"

Eren squeezed his hands even more tightly. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I should have known."

"You- he, no Eren. You couldn't have. But hearing your voice made me want to get out. So I climbed out of the basement window one night and made my way back home. I just wanted to go home so much that it helped me get all the way there even though I was hurting. You saved me Eren…again."

"Levi…" he paused, bowing his head, trying to fight off another bout of tears. Eren took a deep breath, and then looked up again, smiling gently. "I'm glad. Whatever got you through, I'm glad it brought you back to me."

Levi watched him expectantly, knowing that there had to be more to his boy's story about what happened while he wasn't there. Eren of course wasn't going to tell him about how he had been hospitalized because of how sick he had become. The older man didn't actually find out about that until many years later, and it had been Eren's parents that had told him. The guilt that had filled him had been immense, but the news didn't surprise him at all. Of course Eren would tear himself apart like that worrying about him.

"I knew something wasn't right," he told him. "So I had Jean come back to with me to Elijah's place. It was Jean actually who suggested we look through his garbage when we found out the gates were locked, and when we did, we found your bracelet."

He flinched a little, looking down at the ground, as if the memory still disturbed him, and Levi had no doubt that it did. Levi said softly, "I don't even remember him taking that away from me."

Eren lifted up his wrist to show him where it was at the moment, still sitting on his wrist next to his own matching bracelet. He then took it off and carefully slid it onto Levi's too thin wrist. The thankful look his boyfriend gave him warmed his heart and made him beyond happy that he had come across it.

"After that," he continued, "we called the police, figured we had enough grounds now for them to come out and take a look. They must have showed up after you escaped, because obviously they didn't find you in the house and you never saw them. But they definitely had the grounds to arrest Elijah because not only did we show them your bracelet, but they found pictures of you that he had taken in that house. And um…it hasn't been confirmed, but they found blood in the house that they think is yours."

Lev paused, taking a deep breath, before he nodded. "It's mine. I'm guessing the cops want to talk to me too?"

"When you're a little better, yeah. But we're going to be in this together. And honestly, I think this whole thing is going to be bigger than just your kidnapping case. If we can, I'd like to expose what The Dollhouse has been doing to its dancers and put a stop to that. They've been exploiting their employees in a form of sex trafficking, and I can't sleep at night knowing that people like you and Petra have been are being subjected to that."

There was a determined look in his eyes, one that was matched by Levi's a moment later. Then, the former dancer said, "Then I'm with you. As soon as I'm well enough, I'll help you in any way I can."

And he had. Once Levi had gained a bit of strength, the police had come in to speak to him, and he had answered every question they had asked of him and more. He had sent Eren from the room because he didn't want him to hear what he was going to say, and he was quite proud of himself, not only for being brave enough to tell them everything, but staying lucid and clear enough to do so. He supposed his illness was in a phase where it was waning for a bit, and he was grateful for that.

Thanks to many good meals and careful rehydration, as well as some physical therapy meant to help him regain muscle mass, he quickly began to heal. Eren of course was there with him every step of the way, often encouraging him with his exercises and helping to keep him warm when his thin body had trouble producing heat by cuddling him. Levi lived for those moments, something he had fought for ever since he had been trapped in Elijah's basement, and savored the times he could crawl into his boy's arms and nap, listening to his heart. Understandably, except for when he had spoken to the police, Levi didn't like it when Eren left his side, and unable to help himself, often panicked when he'd wake up and his boy would be gone. It was as if something inside of him was transported back to Elijah's black and white room when he didn't have Eren's presence to ground him and remind him that he wasn't there anymore, or that he was irrationally afraid that Elijah would somehow break into the hospital and steal him again, despite knowing that he was in police custody. He hated how weak and scared he was, and yet he couldn't find the strength to stop himself from crying out for Eren in a hysterical voice and begging to hide in his arms.

That was when Eren told him that as soon as he recovered physically, it was time for him to start recovering mentally. Levi was so wrecked inside and trusted his boy so implicitly that he offered no resistance and agreed to go for an evaluation at Eren's practice as soon as possible.

It had worked out, in the end. Even when Levi was discharged to go home from the hospital, he found himself too afraid to leave Eren's side. When he would go to a different room, Levi got up and followed him like a lost puppy. He could barely even stand to let either of them go to the bathroom alone, often either asking Eren to come and stand outside the door, or he'd stand outside the door himself, trying to keep his breathing under control because his boy was out of his sight. Almost as bad, the first day Eren had gone back to work, Levi had been unable to cope, calling him within the first couple of hours, an absolute mess of snot and tears, pleading with Eren to come home and apologizing over and over again in the next breath. So, Eren had suggested that he come to work with him so that not only he could be evaluated, but so that he could receive treatment in a much more intense, rapid fashion as well. Eren hated to feed into his delusion that something was going to happen to either of them that would separate them forever, but he also hated seeing his love suffer, and if this gave him comfort and brought his scrambled mind some peace, then he was more than willing to do so.

Not surprisingly, the psychiatrist that Eren had suggested Levi see and luckily had agreed to take him on, diagnosed Levi as being schizoaffective. Hearing the diagnosis out loud was immensely comforting to the man, for now he had a name for what had afflicted him for so long, and reassurances that he wasn't broken; just sick, sick like anyone who was afflicted with a physical illness. And like them, he could take medicine to help keep his condition under control. And the thought of being able to take medicine that would suppress the voices, the hallucinations and help to regulate his moods made him weep with relief. He had raced from the session to tell Eren the good news, and oh of course Eren must have known that his condition could be controlled with medicine, but still, the idea was so wonderful that he couldn't help but throw his arms around him and lift him up in his excitement.

Things progressed rather smoothly from there. Once Levi was put on medication and put through regular, intense therapy sessions, he began to turn over a new leaf. He smiled more, had more good days, and overall became more stable. He began to act so much happier, freer, able to act like the person he had always wanted to be, speaking more clearly and able to focus on things he wanted to now that his raging emotions and hallucinations weren't constantly trying to beg for his attention or cloud his mind. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt like this, able to just _be_ , and it was exhilarating beyond comprehension.

The downside to the meds however was that sometimes they made Levi's head feel fuzzy and heavy. Sometimes his vision was warped, and in his mind, he felt like he was being poisoned. Convinced of it even, and it made Eren feel like the worst person in the world when he had to practically shove it down his throat, ignoring Levi's begging and crying to not do this to him, and Eren having to convince him that he wasn't hurting him, but helping him. Those days they both dreaded, and it only made them appreciate the good days more.

Once Levi was deemed mentally stable, the trial of Elijah and the manager of The Dollhouse commenced. It was long and grueling, Eren and Levi pushed to their limits of endurance, and Levi more than a few times crying that he wanted to give up, didn't want to relive the horrible things he had endured. But Eren kept him grounded, telling him over and over again that it would be worth it in the end, that this was the only way to make sure that Elijah would never come after either of them ever again, and that the remaining dancers at the club would no longer be abused anymore. He was the only thing that kept Levi going, his savior, and his rock, and for that the smaller man owed him more than he'd ever be able to repay him. It was all worth it of course when both Elijah and Damien were tossed in jail, both of them getting lengthy sentences.

But of course Eren didn't see it that way. When he saw how anxious Levi's boredom made him at home or even when he'd accompany him to work, he suggested that he finish school, perhaps even go to college if he really wanted. The idea sounded wonderful to the older man, especially since he had never really been able to finish high school, and once he accomplished that, he surprised himself by finding that yes he did want to go to college. So, while he kept Eren company at work and at home, he threw himself into his studies, loving how much school kept his mind stimulated and marveling at how well he was able to focus on it now that his medicine kept his once fractured mind under control. Eren and his family, much to Levi's chagrin, paid for his degree, and though he knew he didn't have to pay them back, he insisted on paying back every cent once he got his job. And Eren understood completely, and loved him for it. His love was so proud, so hardworking, and his independence came out more than ever once he had recovered. He too wanted his Levi to be financially independent, thinking that once he was, he'd want to move out. He told him of course that he'd always have a place at his home if he wanted and that ultimately it was up to him, but he didn't want him to think he was trapped. He even let Levi know that they had a receptionist position open at his office that he thought he'd enjoy.

The ecstatic look on Levi's face when he came home after his interview telling Eren that he got the job was one that his boy would remember forever. It was his first mainstream, truly legal and normal job that he'd had, and he was so happy that all of his hard work had paid off that he had cried, squeezing Eren in a spine-cracking hug. And even better, Levi let him know that he in fact wouldn't mind continuing to live with him for as long as he'd have him. Eren responded then he'd have to live with him forever, as that was how long he'd like to have him.

The younger man smiled softly, glancing down at Levi's hand with its sparkling ring. He had had that ring specially made for his love, meticulously picking out the bands and the design, and on the day of his graduation, he was finally able to present it to his love. Once he had received his doctorate, he walked off the stage, seeing both Levi and his parents standing there waiting for him, all of them hugging him once he had made his way down the stairs. But even though this was supposed to be Eren's day, of course Levi had gotten the biggest surprise and best present when his boy had pulled out that ring from his robes, gotten down on one knee and asked him to marry him.

Completely shocked and overcome, Levi had stood there stupidly for a few moments, mouth agape. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, and it was actually Eren's parents that had to nudge him and remind him that he was supposed to say yes, and that was when Levi had collapsed to his knees, hands over his mouth as he teared up, before he nodded rapidly and leaned forward to hug his boy as tightly as he possibly could. He heard cheers and clapping rise up from Eren's classmates as well as a few members of the audience, and his crying only picked up when the boy put the ring on his finger.

So far, that was Eren's happiest memory with his lover, and he could only imagine that when they were eventually married, his wedding day would then replace that. He knew that Levi still felt he was unworthy of being the husband of someone like Eren, but to the new doctor, it was just another challenge, one he was more than ready to take on. If he had to spend the rest of their lives showing him that he was more than worthy of standing by his side, that he was loved and cherished beyond a reasonable doubt, then Eren would gladly take on that burden.

When they finally pulled into the parking lot of The Dollhouse, Levi was somewhat surprised that it didn't look any different from the outside. He didn't know why he expected it to though. Upon getting out of the car, he groped for Eren's hand, holding it for support, because though he knew he wasn't there to work anymore and no longer banned thanks to the new management, the place still intimidated him. But with a comforting squeeze to his hand and a gentle smile from his love, Levi knew he'd be alright. So, with that, the two of them walked confidently through the back doors so that they wouldn't have to deal with the long line of customers forming out front.

The club had flourished under Petra's management, they could clearly see, and over and over again, she said she was thankful she had obtained that business degree. Once they made their way through hallways familiar to Levi, they came upon the manager's office, and when Petra looked up from her desk and saw who it was, she raced over with a brilliant smile on her face and pulled them both into a huge hug.

"My babies!" she cooed. "I've missed you guys, and I know you've both been so busy, but oh it's been so long."

They both just laughed, and the minute they pulled out of the embrace, Petra's eyes grew wide and started to sparkle as she turned to Levi and demanded, "Now let me see the ring! Eren sent me the pictures of his ceremony but I need to see this ring in person!"

Snorting in amusement, Levi obliged, lifting his hand for her to see, Eren smiling as she cooed and fussed over it, going on and on about how beautiful it was and how she couldn't wait to see the wedding ring as well when that day came.

"I'm so happy for you both," she said, a hand on each of their shoulders. "I just can't believe my baby is all grown up and getting married, and engaged to someone so wonderful. I just…" she paused, tears welling up in her eyes. She looked at Eren meaningfully, before telling him, "I can't thank you enough for what you've done for him. You just- you saved him, and now he's so happy, and that makes _me_ happy, ugh, I could just kiss you. But I won't."

The two of them laughed at her, Levi pulling her into a tight hug. He then asked over her shoulder, "So you like being the manager here? Everything is working out for you?"

She pulled out of the embrace and clasped her hands in front of her. "Oh my God yes. I love it so much. I mean, I liked dancing too, but it's nice to have the option of not dancing if I don't want to. And since I used to be a performer and interacted with the patrons first hand, I know what both they and the dancers want, and I've been able to kind of marry those two wants into something that makes everyone happy. The Porcelain Packages have obviously stopped, and I don't force the dancers to do anything on stage that they don't want to do. I've also ramped up security so no one touches my girls if they don't want to be touched. Weeds out the more unsavory characters for sure."

"Jean wouldn't happen to be one of those characters would he?" Eren joked.

Petra waved him off. "Not yet. Honestly he's much more scared of the girls than they are of him. All they have to do is give him a look and he snatches his hands back so fast you'd think he'd been burned. But nah, he's a regular but good patron. Behaves himself and has a good time."

Eren nodded in approval, and Levi leaned into him. The boy then said lowly, looping an arm around his fiancé's waist, "I'll have to thank him sometime. If it hadn't been for him I would have never gone into this club into the first place, and I would have never met you."

"And God only knows where I'd be if that had been the case," Levi added with a shudder.

There was a moment of silence as they all dwelled on that thought, before Eren couldn't take it anymore and shook them out of it. "Well, we don't ever have to worry about that, or think about it. Because you're safe now, and you'll be safe from now on. We're not going to let anything happen to you. And not just me, but Petra, Jean, and my parents, and all of our other friends, they're all going to work to keep us all happy and safe."

"That's right," Petra added, taking his hand in hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Besides," Eren told him, "we can thank Jean and Petra by making them our best man and maid of honor. How does that sound?" He looked up at her with a bright, blinding smile.

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes, and she threw her arms around the both of them again, holding them tightly.

"It would be an honor," she said wetly. "And I'm sure Jean will cry too when he ask him."

Levi turned his head towards Eren, holding onto his friend with one hand and hugging her around the waist, beaming up at him. Eren smiled back, a warm, gentle smile. And when he looked into his eyes, felt Petra's and his arms around his body, once again, Levi felt safer than he ever had in his life. Protected. Loved.

Home.

000

Early in the morning a couple of months later, Levi was being poked awake by Eren, while also being kissed softly on several places on his face and temple.

"Come on baby doll," he whispered. "Sun rise is in a couple hours. We have to get going now if we want to see it."

The older man groaned, scrunching his face up adorably. Eren snorted, kissing his forehead again. "Levi, let's go. Come on kitten."

"M'up, shush," he grumbled, reaching for the blankets and trying to throwing them off, though in his half-awake state he was failing miserably. Instead he ended up finding the warm, fluffy back of a cat, and judging by the short hair, it was Gypsy. He opened his eyes to see another pair of green eyes blinking from the void at him by his knees, not otherwise complaining about having been disturbed. When he moved his head to sit up, of course there was Alastair on his pillow, chirping as he was startled awake. But oh dear, where was the third one?

A sharp sting of claws to his moving feet as he went to swing his legs over the edge of the bed told him, thoroughly waking him up the rest of the way. He hissed with pain, glaring down at the little offender chewing on his toes through the blanket as she chased them.

"Speaking of kittens," Eren spoke from the bathroom, "have you seen Marnie? I'm going to string her up by her tail, the little shit unrolled half of the toilet paper last night."

"Yeah, she's right here, trying to tear my toes off," Levi answered, finally pulling his feet away, before getting out of bed. He turned around and watched as she pounced on Gypsy, the only other cat willing to play with her, Alastair being far too cool and regal for such a trivial thing, judging by the amount of times he had rejected the energetic kitten.

"Whose idea was it to get the little psycho anyway?" Eren sighed.

The shorter man snorted as he stretched. "Yours. I do believe you withheld sex as a matter of fact until I agreed to go back to the shelter to get her."

"I couldn't live with myself if we didn't! She looked so sad in the cage!"

"Well, she's definitely not sad anymore."

He looked fondly at the tabby ball of fluff, currently pulling on Gypsy's scruff and shaking it while the other black cat bared her teeth playfully, trying to reach up for her and failing. At this rate, Levi was indeed going to help Eren turn into a crazy old cat man, and it appeared that neither of them had any issues with that.

"Alright well, I'm up," Levi finally conceded, yawning. "I'll be done getting ready in a bit and we can go."

"You don't have to be a hundred percent ready," the other man reassured him. "You can even go back to sleep once we get home if you want."

He breathed a laugh. There was no way he was going to go back to sleep; he had been looking forward to this for weeks.

Instead of a bachelor party, Levi had asked Eren to take him to see the sunrise at the park where they had first kissed. They had been back many times to visit it since Levi had escaped and Elijah had been put in jail, but today felt special, for some reason. He couldn't explain it, but it was as if a feeling was rising in him, as big, grand and inevitable as the sunrise they were about to see. It made him antsy as he tried to identify what it was, but couldn't put his finger on.

In no time at all, Eren was packing them into the car after they bid goodbye to their cats. They hit the road a little afterwards, Levi gazing up at the stars still present in the sky. When they eventually reached the park, they were still there of course, and they helped to make him feel incredibly small in a wonderful way.

Eren had parked the car so that the back end was facing the tree line, making it so that the two of them could sit in the open trunk comfortably. They did so all bundled up in a thick blanket that they had brought with them while also sitting close together for warmth. Levi continued to gaze up at the stars, smiling to himself.

"This is going to sound odd," he said, "but when I was stuck in Elijah's basement and had a window to look through, I found myself looking up at the stars a lot. Actually, whenever I felt like giving up throughout my life, I would look up the stars, or the moon. They always comforted me because they made me feel really insignificant."

Confused, Eren asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, it reminded me that in the grand scheme of things, my suffering doesn't really have any lasting impact on the world, and it helped it feel less severe. It reminded me that it would pass, like everyone's suffering does. I mean, what does schizoaffective mean to something as distant and important as a star? I don't know if any of this makes any sense, but that's how I feel."

Eren paused, processing what he said, before he smiled. He then wrapped an arm around him and pulled him even closer until their bodies were touching from shoulder to thigh. Levi leaned into the touch, laying his head on the boy's shoulder. "That makes sense," he replied. "It helped take away your worries by reassuring you in a way that eventually everything would work out."

He sighed contentedly, snuggling into his boy. After a few beats of silence in which they observed the sky slowly begin to turn from black to deep purple and blue, he murmured, "You're kinda like those stars."

The younger man blinked, looking down at him. Levi then explained, "You helped make my worries disappear. You still do. You always shine so brightly, and back then it helped to scare the darkness in me away. Helped to keep the voices away too. Even in my bad days now, you still do that."

Eren just stared at him, feeling the weight of what he was saying, and it pressed on his chest quite hard, squeezing the breath out of him. He had no idea in all the years he had known him that Levi had felt that way about him.

"Levi, I…" but he trailed off, unable to find the words.

Silently, the older man took his hand, squeezing it gently, letting him know he understood.

They watched the sun rise further and further up on the horizon, turning the sky from red to orange, painting the clouds in their warm colors. It was so quiet that all they could hear was a light breeze and their hearts beating, all Levi smell was the pine trees and Eren.

All he could _feel_ was Eren.

He breathed him in as the sun grew brighter, the very top of it peeking over the pine trees, once again feeling that big emotion rise in him again. The closest name he could come up with for it was love, but a love that was steadfast and eternal, unbreakable. And it would remain strong even when Levi's mind wasn't. He wanted to put the feeling into words so that Eren understood, even if he couldn't articulate himself very well.

"You saved my life, Eren," he whispered meaningfully. "In so many different ways, you saved me. You gave me hope, a reason to wake up every day, and happiness. That's no small feat for someone who's been through what I've been through. I know we have a lot of hard days ahead of us, but good or bad, I can't wait to spend them with you as your husband, you know? I can't wait to see lots more sunrises together, because they're all new beginnings for you and me."

Eren couldn't help himself; he burst into tears, the drops sliding down his cheeks and falling into the other man's hair. He hugged him even tighter, burying his nose into his hair.

"God," he said hoarsely, choked with emotion. "It goes both ways, you know. You make my life worth living too, Levi. I've never been happier in my life than the days you've been in it. I'm looking forward to a long and happy journey with you."

With a breathy laugh, the former dancer leaned up and kissed him, and Eren kissed him back sweetly. The sun finally showed its face over the horizon, promising a warm, clear day, as well as yet another reason for Levi to be thankful for his new life and new health.

It was the beginning of another day in which he could celebrate the fact that those neon voices were no longer troubling him. In their place instead was the voice of an indomitable star that would light his path for the rest of his days, and a path the two of them would walk down hand in hand into each new sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God guys I can't believe it's done, I want to cry lol. What an absolute ride! Thanks so much to everyone who followed me on this journey, you're all the best. I have another fic that I plan to start very soon, either this month or next month, a Victorian, forbidden love AU with Ereri that I've been planning for a very long time and am super proud of. So when that comes out, give it a read if you'd like!
> 
> So here's the final playlist for this fic for anyone interested in listening to these songs.
> 
> Bang Bang- Jessie J
> 
> U Got That- Halogen
> 
> Devil, Devil- Milck
> 
> Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy- Tata Young
> 
> Scarborough Fair- Cover by the Hound and the Fox
> 
> Marionette- Male Nightcore version
> 
> Turn Me On- David Guetta
> 
> No Light No Light- Florence and the Machine
> 
> River- Bishop
> 
> Save Yourself- My Darkest Days
> 
> Dark Horse- Male Version

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Puppet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262362) by [Eveningstargazer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eveningstargazer/pseuds/Eveningstargazer)




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